


Practice Run

by geekymoviemom



Series: Pastor!Peeta [1]
Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christian Character, Christian Music, Christianity, F/M, Marvel References, POV Peeta Mellark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 14:38:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 130,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11038224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geekymoviemom/pseuds/geekymoviemom
Summary: Practice run.  Otherwise known as: rehearsal, pretend, not real.  But there are no practice runs in life.Bible college student Peeta Mellark thought he knew God's plan for his life.  He was to finish school and become a Teen Pastor.  Meeting Katniss Everdeen seemed like the final piece of the puzzle.  But things are never that simple.  Not even if it's God's plan.





	1. Bring a Friend Weekend

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm back with the first chapter of my new story! I got this idea in my head when I was about halfway through Where We Can Be Safe, and since I hadn't seen this idea done before, I decided to go for it. :)
> 
> Right now I'm planning on weekly updates, so you won't have to wait long between chapters. I need to thank my excellent mentor and beta hpfanonezillion for her wonderful help, both with the story itself, and with soothing my frazzled nerves over posting a story like this. 
> 
> This story will contain references to the Bible, God, Jesus, and prayer. There will be a lot of music lyrics and some prayers and Bible verses sprinkled throughout, as well as mentions of Christian holidays. If any of that troubles you, I'll suggest that you look elsewhere. But if you enjoy the music of TobyMac, or other Contemporary Christian music artists, then I think you'll really enjoy this story. There will also be plenty of references to Marvel movies, cheese buns, and football. ;)

 

 

"I hate to say this, because I don't want it to look like I think this isn't a good cause," my friend Delly Cartwright says as we unpack the boxes of bright green t-shirts. She points to the beautifully lettered sign tacked up over one of the doorways. The sign that says, 'Bring a Friend, Give a Chicken'. "But that line is really funny."

I can't help but laugh. "Yeah, it does sound a little odd," I say as I lift another pile of shirts out of the box and brush them free of cardboard residue. I shake one of the shirts out and show it to her. "But at least the shirts don't say that."

We're sitting on the floor of the church atrium early Saturday afternoon, where in just a few hours people will be lining up to claim their new shirt, along with the friend they invited to qualify for the prize in the first place.

Delly picks one up and looks at it closely. Written across the front in that large, semi-cursive font that's so popular lately, are the words 'Love God, Feed People', directly above a picture of a chicken. And for every person who brings a new friend to one of the three church services this weekend, both the bringer and the friend will get one of these lovely t-shirts, and our church will donate a live chicken to a poor family living in El Salvador.

"At least it looks like an actual chicken," Delly says. "The last time we did something like this I think they had one of the three-year old kids draw the picture. This time it almost looks like a five- or six-year old drew it." Then she glances at me and winks.

"Gee thanks," I say as I grab the shirt from her hands and fold it back up. "You know I drew the picture this time!"

Delly giggles. She knows darn well that I drew the chicken picture, and lettered the sign hanging on the wall. Just like I design all of the other logos and such for the church. I'm one of the small group leaders for the Young Adults ministry here at Mountainside Church, which is located near the top of one of the smaller peaks in the Blue Ridge Mountains in Virginia.

"So," Delly says as we start arranging the various piles by size. "Are you bringing a friend this weekend, Peeta?"

I sigh. "No," I say sheepishly. As group leaders we're supposed to set a good example, but lately my circle of friends has tightened enough that pretty much everyone I know is either already a member of Mountainside Church or attends a different church in the area. "I've really been too busy to meet any new people lately."

Delly scoffs. "You work at the coffee shop, Peeta!" she exclaims. "It should be easy for you to meet new people."

"I'm a pastry chef, Delly," I say, a little too harshly. Delly's eyes widen and I quickly apologize. "I'm sorry, Dells. But it's not that easy to meet people when I'm in the back baking all the time."

Delly nods sympathetically. She knows how busy I am, trying to put myself through Bible college. One of the many ways our church makes its mark in our community is through the coffee shop that we own, where I work as the only full-time pastry chef. There's another girl who bakes there part-time, but chances are if you come into our Mountainside Coffee Shop on any given day and order a croissant or cookie, it's one that I've baked. I attend my Bible college classes in the afternoons and evenings, with the occasional class completed online. I'm in the beginning of my fourth year now, having started a year late because I couldn't scrape together my first tuition payment until then.

"Well," Delly says as we finish arranging the shirts behind the counter. "I'm bringing someone."

"Oh?" I'm not surprised in the least. Delly and Thom, her fiancé, are always finding people to invite to church. Thom is the production designer and director at our church and also attends the same Bible college as me. "And who might that be?"

Delly winks at me. "Remember that girl I told you about? From the Community Center? I'm bringing her."

Delly recently started taking archery lessons at the Community Center, which is next to the Kroger grocery store about twenty minutes down the mountain. Delly doesn't own a car, so most days after her kindergarten class is dismissed she walks the ten minutes or so to the Community Center, where Thom works part-time, to wait for him to finish his workday. One day while she was waiting she decided she was bored and signed up for some archery lessons. Her instructor, Delly told me, is a young woman who moved to the area about six months ago.

"Really?" I say in surprise as I awkwardly stand back up. "She finally gave into your badgering, huh?"

"Oh Peeta, if anyone needs to know about the love of Jesus, it's her," Delly says. "I've tried opening up to her about myself a few times, trying to get her to talk to me, but she's still very closed off, almost like she's suspicious. I do know that she's twenty-one years old and lives with her uncle, but that's about it."

"Hmm," I reply as I head over towards the little cafe area to start arranging the food trays there. I spent most of yesterday's shift at the coffee shop baking the treats that will be sold at the services this weekend. There's doughnuts, croissants, brownies, frosted cookies in the shape of mountains, and a personal favorite, cheese buns.

"You guys!!" I hear from behind me once I'm about halfway to the cafe. "You'll never guess what's just happened!!"

I turn around with an amused smile on my face. Cassandra Hanson, the wife of our music leader Pastor Thresh, is waving a letter in her hand, trying to keep it out of reach of her husband who's playfully trying to get it back from her.

"What is it?" Delly asks. "Tell us, tell us!!"

Cassandra stops right in front of us, smirking as she hands the letter back to Thresh. "TobyMac is coming in concert down in Richmond the Thursday after Easter," she begins.

"Oh, oh, oh!" Delly exclaims. "Does that mean Mandisa is coming too? They usually tour together!"

"Um, yeah," Cassandra continues, sounding distracted. "But that's not the best part. This letter is an invitation to all the music pastors in the greater Virginia area to come and audition to sing with him onstage! Specifically, they're looking for someone to sing the rap parts in his collaborative songs!!"

My eyes widen. Thresh has several original songs written that I know he's been eager to have recorded, but our church has told him that he needs to raise at least half the funds himself, or find a recording studio willing to record them. But if he's invited to sing with TobyMac, wow. The doors that could open are too many to count!

"Well, of course you're going to audition, aren't you Thresh?" Delly asks. "I mean, this is the opportunity of a lifetime!"

"Ya'll, I don't know!" Thresh says in his deep voice. "I just don't know if I have what it takes to sing Lecrae's parts. I mean, he's Lecrae! And for TobyMac?? I just don't know."

"But you already know all the songs," I say. "You wouldn't even have to practice. We do most of those songs for Sunday Night service, and you know how much the kids love you!"

"See, I told you!" Cassandra says, linking her arm through her husband's, her pale skin and light brown hair such a sharp contrast to Thresh's dark skin and hair. "I think you should!"

"Pastor Thresh, I can't even understand why you're hesitating!" Delly says. "You might even be able to get your album recorded! I mean, what if TobyMac's record producer is there? He'll hear you and probably trip over himself wanting to record your album!"

Thresh's deep brown eyes skim over the letter again, his brow furrowing as he reads. "All right, I'll do it."

"Yay!!" Cassandra squeals, throwing her arms around his neck. "That's wonderful!"

"Yeah, like I had a choice!" Thresh mumbles. He's smiling though.

"When's the audition?" I ask.

Thresh glances back at the letter. "It's in six weeks, from today," he says. His eyes widen. "I better get practicing!" Then he kisses his wife quickly on the cheek and heads directly for the auditorium.

"Wow, what an opportunity!" Delly says. "That would be so wonderful for Thresh!"

"Yes," Cassandra says. "If we can get his album recorded, then all we need to do is find Peeta a wife and I'd say my work is done for a while."

She winks at me, and I try to smile, but her comment digs deeper than I'd like to admit. My dream job once I graduate from Bible college is to be a Teen Pastor, preferably here at Mountainside Church. But we don't even have a specific teen ministry, and I don't even have a girlfriend. It wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't for the fact that the vast majority of churches are reluctant to hire pastors who aren't married, or at the very least engaged. The risk of something being misunderstood is just far too high with an unmarried pastor. Especially an almost twenty-three year old, unmarried pastor who's in charge of a bunch of teenagers. And really. What self-respecting girl would want me? I don't even have all of my limbs anymore.

Delly helps me stock the cafe after Cassandra heads back to her office. Once we're done I tell her I'll see her later and walk the mile back to my studio apartment over the coffee shop to take a quick nap. I'm awake before 5am every morning except Sunday since the coffee shop opens at 6am, and I worked extra hours yesterday baking the items for this weekend's services. Then the two nights before that I stayed up late studying for an exam I have to take on Monday, so a nap sounds really nice right now. I let myself into the tiny apartment and flop down on my futon, barely getting my shoes off before falling asleep.

I must've been more tired than I thought, because it's already 5pm by the time I wake up, and service starts at 6pm. I guess I forgot to set an alarm. I bolt up on the futon, quickly changing into a clean shirt before brushing my teeth and jamming my shoes back on. I grab my wallet and my old orange iPhone 5c and race out the back door. I debate driving my moped down instead of walking, but my leg's not too sore and it's such a nice evening that I decide to save the gas and just walk. By the time I step through the front doors of the church it's almost 5:45. I hear Delly calling my name over the din of conversation filling the atrium, and I find her waving to me over by the t-shirt line. She's standing with an absolutely beautiful, dark-haired young lady who's looking around with trepidation.

As I approach the two ladies I notice that Delly's friend has the most striking coloring that I've ever seen. Her hair is mahogany brown, with strands of auburn flashing in the evening natural light in the atrium, and woven into a single braid that reaches most of the way down her back. She's shorter than Delly by several inches, but she has a presence about her that is proud. I've never seen anyone else like her before.

"Peeta!" Delly says excitedly as I reach them. "This is my friend and archery teacher, Katniss Everdeen. Katniss, this is Peeta Mellark."

I stand there for a few seconds, gaping at her eye color, which is the perfect combination of silver and grey. "Peeta," I blurt out. I feel the blush creeping up my neck as I gulp and hold out my hand. "My name is Peeta. It's wonderful to meet you, Katniss."

She eyes my hand suspiciously before grasping it in her own. "Hello," she says. Even in that one word of greeting, I can hear how beautifully musical her voice is. I feel my heart skip a beat as I clear my throat, which has suddenly gone dry.

I can see Delly grinning as her eyes flick between Katniss and me a few times. "So Katniss," she says. "Are you hungry? Peeta here makes most of the goodies that we sell in the cafe."

A slight flush creeps its way up Katniss's cheeks. "I didn't bring any money," she mumbles.

"Oh no, let me get it for you!" Delly exclaims. "Do you like hot chocolate? The hot chocolate here is better than any Starbucks you'll ever have!"

"Um, I've never had it before, but-" Katniss starts to say, but Delly interrupts her.

"Then you're in for a treat!" Delly says. "I'll be right back!"

Katniss and I watch awkwardly as Delly practically skips across the atrium to the cafe. "Um, I'm sorry if Delly seems a little pushy," I say. "She's really a lovely person, she's just a bit much for some people when they first meet her."

Katniss looks up at me. Her eyes have flecks of hazel in them, and her intricate braid is twisted around her head and tied with a piece of leather string. She's wearing a fitted green top with a plaid shirt over it, the sleeves rolled up to her elbows and the bottom tied in a knot around her slender waist. Her fitted jeans have holes in both knees and are tucked into a pair of brown leather hiking boots. She is breathtaking.

"She also doesn't ever take no for an answer, either," Katniss replies. "She's been bugging me about coming to church with her since I first met her." She takes a long look around the atrium. "But I will say, this is unlike any church that I've ever seen."

Delly returns then, holding two cheese buns and two paper cups of hot chocolate, which she hands to Katniss and me. "You didn't need to get me anything," I try to protest, but Delly cuts me off.

"It's an apology of sorts," she says, wincing. "Thom came up to me when I was waiting in line and said that one of his camera operators just texted to say he was sick and couldn't make it tonight, so I need to cover for him." She turns to Katniss. "Do you mind sitting with Peeta during the service? I'm so sorry, but we really need both cameras covered."

Katniss shakes her head after a few seconds. "No, that's fine. But why do you need cameras during a church service?"

"I'm sure Peeta would be happy to answer any of your questions, and I'll meet you again after the service," Delly says. "I'm sorry, I really need to get on the camera, we have less than five minutes till service starts."

I take a bite of the cheese bun. Delly even remembered to have them heated a little, since they're always better warm. Katniss takes a bite of hers as well, and I swear I see her eyes close and hear her sigh as she chews.

"This is good!" Katniss says once she's swallowed her bite. Her eyes narrow as she looks at me. "You made this?"

"Y- yeah," I say. I'm never at a loss for words, so why can't I seem to have a normal conversation with this girl? I clear my throat. "Yes, I make a lot of the items that we sell in the cafe. I work at the coffee shop that the church owns. I also lead a small group there on Friday evenings."

I hear the two minute countdown clock start in the auditorium, so I stuff the rest of the cheese bun into my mouth and indicate to Katniss that we should make our way inside. I let her choose the seats, and she settles into a row about four rows up from the back, in front of the sound booth.

Katniss takes another bite of her cheese bun and looks around the auditorium, her eyes landing on the stage where the band members are ready to begin the worship time. "You guys have a drum set on the stage?" she asks. "And an electric guitar?"

"Yeah," I say. I'm starting to regain a little of my confidence now that I've eaten something. "We have a band for our worship time. We have lights and a sound board too. It's sort of like a concert."

"I've never been to a concert," she says under her breath, her eyes still with a deer-in-the-headlights sort of look.

"Then you're in for a real treat," I say proudly. "Our band is excellent, and our Music Pastor even writes some of his own songs."

"Good evening Mountainside Church!!" Cassandra calls into her microphone from the stage. "And an extra special welcome to all of our guests here this evening! We're so happy you're here! Now, who's ready to worship??"

A chorus of cheers erupts from the audience as the opening bars of _Turn It Up_ fill the auditorium. Thresh is sitting behind his piano on the stage, with his younger sister Rue on the keyboards. Shannon Leeg is in her usual spot on the drum set, with Jackson Boggs on the bass and Darius Bernard on electric guitar.

Thresh begins to sing.  
_You are here as we lift you up_  
_You are riding on our praise_  
_Be enthroned over everything_  
_You are seated in our praise_

Then Cassandra takes over the melody.  
_This is prophetic I can feel it in the air_  
_We lift our praise and you change our atmosphere_  
_With hearts open now, everybody's singing out_  
_Oh, I am free!_

Then tiny Rue joins her voice in for the chorus.  
_Turn it up this sound of praise_  
_Make it louder, than any other_  
_Lift Him up, and shout His name_  
_Over all_

Usually I sing along with the rest the congregation, as the words to the songs are displayed on the two ten-foot screens above the stage. But tonight I don't, both because I don't want Katniss to feel uncomfortable, and I really don't want her to hear how off-key I tend to sing.

"How many songs do you usually do?" she asks me once the song ends. Her silvery eyes haven't lost their deer-in-the-headlights look yet. If anything, they've gotten even wider since the music started.

"We usually do three," I reply as the initial bars of _This Is Living Now_ sound throughout the auditorium. I instinctively start tapping my foot. "And this is one of my favorites!"

Rue's small but clear voice opens the song.  
_Waking up I know there's a reason_  
_All my dreams come alive_  
_Life is for living with you_  
_I've made my decision_

Cassandra takes over her part of the melody for the bridge and their voices join for the chorus. I can't help but sing quietly along, waiting for Thresh's part of the song which is my favorite. The band is definitely showing off for the guests here tonight. Even Katniss is tapping her foot to the music now.

Then Thresh steps to the front of the stage with his microphone in hand. The audience starts to cheer as he begins, drowning out almost half of his part.  
_I'm like what's the dream of? What's the hope in? What's the doubt for? Live to no end_  
_This is living, the life I've been given's a gift_  
_If I'm a live it, I'm a live it to death_  
_So what's the dream of? What's the hope in? What's the doubt for? And live to no end_  
_This is living, the life I've been given's a gift_  
_If I'm a live it, I'm a live it to death_

"This is living now!" I call, forgetting for a second that I wasn't going to sing out loud tonight. I quickly glance down at Katniss. She's still tapping her foot, and there's the slightest hint of a smile on her pink lips.

"I didn't know that you rapped in church," she exclaims. "That guy's a pastor?"

"Yeah, he's our Music Pastor," I reply. "He can play pretty much all the instruments, and he can sing pretty much any part. But he really loves to rap. His favorite songs are by Lecrae and TobyMac, both of whom are Christian hip hop and rap recording artists."

Katniss nods her head and claps once the song is over. I think I even see her singing along softly to _Awake My Soul_ , the third and final song which also features a rap solo by Pastor Thresh.

Pastor Dale Hammond appears on the stage as the last notes of the music fade away. He thanks the band for the amazing worship and leads us in the opening prayer. He's dressed in his usual outfit of dark, fitted jeans, a button-down shirt, and jacket.

"Your pastor looks like the guy in that show, Arrow, don't you think?" Katniss asks me.

I chuckle a little. Pastor Dale does look a lot like an older version of Stephen Amell from Arrow. "Yeah, he gets that a lot," I tell her. "Do you like that show? I try to watch it when I get the chance."

Katniss nods. I guess it shouldn't surprise me, given that she's an archer herself.

Katniss listens politely through the rest of the opening prayers and Pastor Dale's message for the evening. We're right in the middle of a Women of the Old Testament series, and tonight Pastor Dale discusses the book of Ruth. I listen intently, taking notes in my journal since I'll be leading the small group discussion on Ruth next Friday.

Delly runs over to us as soon as the service ends and she's able to lock her camera. "I'm so sorry again Katniss, for having to leave you," she says. "But I hope you enjoyed yourself with Peeta!"

Katniss nods. "I really liked the music," she says. "I didn't realize you had music like that."

"Oh?" Delly says. "Do you like to sing? I know Pastor Thresh is always looking for more singers. Cassandra has been wanting to start a new Prayer Team, but Thresh can't spare her from the band yet."

Katniss blushes and looks at her feet. "I do like to sing," she says quietly. "But I've never sang in front of anyone besides my parents and sister."

"You should come back tomorrow night," I blurt out. Katniss's eyes snap up to meet mine. "Um, that is, if you want to. We have a service tomorrow morning which is just like this one, but the services on Sunday evenings are geared more towards teens and young adults. The music's even better then!"

Katniss stares at me for a few seconds, her face twisted into some sort of scowl. "All right," she says. "I'll ask my uncle if I can borrow his car."

"Oh no," Delly says. "Thom and I will pick you up, just like we did tonight. Then you don't even have to bother your uncle."

"Um, okay," Katniss mumbles. Then she looks up at me. "It was nice to meet you, Peeta."

I can't hide the smile from my face. "It was wonderful to meet you too, Katniss. And I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow evening as well."

Katniss nods and turns towards the door, her green chicken t-shirt dangling from her small hand. Delly follows her for a few feet before turning back to wink at me. I watch them disappear before exhaling a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

"Oh Lord," I mumble to myself. Did Delly bring Katniss here just so I could meet her? Could she be the answer to my prayers?

I pull my phone from my pocket as I head for the doors, opening the texting app. I'm so absorbed in what I'm doing that I almost try to exit out through the window next to the door instead of the door itself.

_**[Peeta] Hey. Can I call you tonight? I need to tell you something.** _

I stare anxiously at my phone as I walk unevenly back up the hill to the coffee shop. After a couple of minutes the three little dots appear, and I wait impatiently for his reply.

_**[Finnick] Sure, but give us a couple hours, yeah? The little one is cutting molars and having a heck of a time getting to sleep lately.** _

I smile. It's still hard for me to imagine Finnick as a daddy, even if his son is almost a carbon copy of him.

_**[Peeta] Sounds fine. Text when you're ready, and say hi to Annie for me.** _

I shove my phone back into my pocket. I arrive back at the coffee shop about twenty minutes later, climbing up the back steps to my apartment. I pull off my shoes and take out my phone, checking it before dropping it down onto the futon. I pull a bottle of orange juice out the mini fridge and take a big swig before grabbing my laptop and opening up one of my class assignments. I should study some more for that exam on Monday, but my mind keeps wandering back to Katniss Everdeen. I feel my heart speed up as I remember how her small hand felt in mine when I shook it. The way her green top flattered her beautiful coloring. The way her eyes sparkled during worship time with the lights flashing. After a few more minutes I close my laptop and set it aside.

I check my phone. Finnick said he needed a couple of hours, so there's at least an hour left before I can talk to him. Sighing, I pull myself off the futon and make a peanut butter and banana sandwich for a snack, washing it down with some more orange juice. I check my phone again and decide to take a shower. I go to the dresser for some clean underwear and find I'm down to my last pair. Looks like I need to make a laundromat run tomorrow, which is always fun on a Sunday. Yay.

I open my laptop back up after my shower and try to concentrate on studying, but again it's a hopeless cause. I'm just picking up my phone to check it for the millionth time when it beeps with an incoming iMessage.

_**[Finnick] Kid is asleep for the time being, are you free now?** _

_**[Peeta] Yep. Wanna FaceTime? I'd like Annie to hear this too.** _

_**[Finnick] Sure thing.** _

A few seconds later my phone beeps again with the incoming FaceTime alert. As the screen clears I can see Finnick and Annie sitting on the ugly flowered couch in their living room. Annie's grandmother, a woman they call Mags and who they live with, has very questionable taste in furnishings.

"Hey Peeta," Annie says in her soft, slightly accented voice. "How're things up there in the mountains?"

"Great!" I say. "The weather's beautiful up here this time of year. You remember, don't you?"

"Yes," Finnick says with a trace of melancholy. "The gorgeous mountain weather is one of the things I sure miss about that place. It's gonna be hot and humid down here for at least another six weeks! But I don't really think you wanted to talk to us about the weather. So what is it? Worried about an exam again?"

I swallow thickly and shake my head. "No. Well, yeah, I actually do have another exam on Monday. But... but tonight, I um...". I take a deep breath and run my fingers through my hair. "Tonight I think I met the girl I'm gonna marry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song references:  
> Turn It Up by the Planetshakers  
> This is Living Now by Hillsong Young and Free feat. Lecrae  
> Awake My Soul by Chris Tomlin feat. Lecrae
> 
> All the songs in my story are available in iTunes and on YouTube.
> 
> Whew! Please let me know what you think, I really appreciate comments! ❤️


	2. The Path to Choose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I'm overwhelmed with the response this story has received, thank you all so much for all of the kind reviews and messages! I very much hope that you all continue to enjoy the story!
> 
> Once again, thank you to my beta hpfanonezillion! :)

 

There's a pause for several seconds. Annie's face is frozen into a sort of smile and Finnick's jaw drops. "Um," Finnick finally says. "Come again?"

I smile widely, remembering the uniquely gorgeous color of Katniss's eyes. "You heard me," I say. "We had another one of those 'bring a friend' events at church tonight, and Delly brought this girl with her, she works at the Community Center. And you guys, I swear that God brought her to church so I could meet her! She's beautiful, and funny, and she likes my cheese buns, and...". My voice trails off at the look on Finnick's face. "What? I thought you'd be happy for me?"

Finnick clears his throat before replying. "We are happy for you, Peeta. But I will admit I'm a little surprised. I mean, you just met her tonight? Do you even know anything about her?"

I feel my brow furrowing. "I know she likes Arrow. And hot chocolate and cheese buns. And she's an archery teacher at the Community Center and she lives with her uncle." My voice speeds up as frustration mounts. "But why does any of that matter? I really think that God planned for me to meet her tonight!"

There's another few seconds of pause as Finnick narrows his eyes. "Did Cassandra say something to you again today?" The look on my face must give me away. "You know how she is, Peeta! How many times have I told you not to pay attention when she says stuff like that?"

I shake my head, causing the phone in my hand to jiggle. "She would've come to church regardless if Cassandra had said anything or not, so that doesn't matter. Finnick, I really like this girl. I think... I think I could love her."

Finnick holds his hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay buddy. But please, please, please! Please be careful, okay? I mean, have you even had a date since you started school?"

I glare at him through my phone screen. "Why does that matter?" I snap. "And if you must know, I have been on a few dates-"

"No," Finnick interrupts. "Study groups, and seeing superhero movies with said study groups don't count. Have you been on a single date, meaning alone with a girl, since you started school?"

"No," I grumble. "You know how busy I am."

"Yes, I know how busy you are," Finnick says. "And I also know that you haven't let go of what Glimmer did to you. You haven't yet forgiven her, or yourself, for what happened."

"How do you know?" I say, the frustration boiling over. "You can't read my mind. And you're hundreds of miles away!"

Finnick sighs. "Because I know you, Peeta. I know you're still carrying around that bitterness within you. And I don't like having to be the one to tell you stuff like this, you know that. But if I don't, then who will? And what kind of mentor would I be if I didn't?"

In the background I can hear the sound of their son crying. Annie sighs and starts to get up from the couch. "We are happy for you, Peeta. But please, guard your heart until you know for sure about her. Okay? It's never a good idea to rush God's plan for yourself."

I wait until Annie's gone before continuing. "I'm not trying to rush anything," I say to Finnick. "But you know no one will hire me if I don't at least have a girlfriend, and I only have this school year left."

Finnick looks down, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "But you can't let that consume you," he says quietly. "I mean, what if this girl turns out to be just like Glimmer? What if she breaks your heart? Are you at least sure that she doesn't already have a boyfriend?"

I feel my lower lip start to shake. "She doesn't look anything like Glimmer," I say petulantly. "She couldn't be more opposite of Glimmer if she tried. And I'm almost certain that she doesn't have a boyfriend already."

"All right," Finnick says. "When are you planning on seeing her again?"

"She's coming to the evening service tomorrow," I say, running my hand though my hair. "After that, I'm not sure."

Finnick smiles. "Well, you work in a coffee shop. Invite her for coffee! If she enjoys the service tomorrow, ask her if she'd like to come and check out your small group next Friday. Just please, don't try to rush things, okay? Don't go proposing to her after your first kiss."

I lean back on the futon and scrub at my eyes. "You know me better than that, Finnick. You know I don't even like coffee. That stuff is vile."

Just then Annie reappears in the picture, holding their son Finn. "Finn wanted to say hi to you," she says, pointing at the screen. Then she turns to look at her husband. "And you get the next shift."

"Hi Peeeeeeta," Finn says, curling his little hand into a wave at the screen. "My mouf hurst."

"Aww, I'm sorry 'bout that, little guy," I say. He really is a cute little thing. "I'm sure your mommy and daddy will help you though, okay? You just try and be brave."

"My will," Finn says, rubbing his eyes.

"We'd better go then," Finnick says. "But Peeta, please know that Annie and I are both praying for you. And if this girl..."

"Katniss," I say, enjoying the way her name rolls off my tongue. "Katniss Everdeen."

"If this girl Katniss is meant for you, then it will happen as it should," Finnick finishes. "So try and remember that."

"I will."

"Okay. Then we'll talk again soon. And good luck on your exam Monday."

"Thanks. Goodbye," I say as the screen fades to black.

I lay back with my eyes closed for a few minutes before getting up and plugging my phone into the charger. I pick up my laptop again, but find after a few useless minutes that I still can't concentrate on my class work, so I decide to watch a movie. Even though I'm not really on speaking terms with my family, I still use my parents' Amazon Prime account to watch TV sometimes, and Delly and Thom have given me digital copies of most of the Marvel movies. I double click on The Avengers and try to lose myself in the movie. But not even the smart-talking Tony Stark or the cool shot of Hawkeye jumping backwards off that building can distract me from thinking about how in the world Katniss managed to weave her hair into the complicated-looking braid that she wore.

I have to admit. I'm a goner.

I wake up stiff and sore the next morning after a fitful sleep. Maybe I should've taken the moped back to church yesterday evening. I massage the stump of my left leg a little before attaching my prosthesis and throwing on my clothes. After a couple pieces of bread with some strawberry jam, I stuff all my dirty clothes into my huge backpack along with my computer and grab my helmet, double-checking to make sure I have some dollar bills to change for quarters once I get to the laundromat.

Luckily the laundromat isn't too busy when I arrive. Delly and Thom invite me over to Thom's house sometimes on Sunday afternoons to watch football, and they always insist that I bring my laundry along, so I really only use the laundromat about once a month or so. I manage to get some decent studying done while I'm waiting for my three loads to finish. Darn if the Aramaic language isn't difficult to memorize.

Once the clothes are done I take extra care folding everything, hoping to not have to wear a wrinkled shirt tonight for church since I don't own an iron. My mind wanders a bit to my conversation with Finnick and Annie while I fold. What does Finnick know about my situation? He and Annie were already married by the time they graduated from college, and they started their work as hospital chaplains only a week later. I was one of their first patients.

"But Katniss is nothing like Glimmer," I mumble to myself. "And Delly's never done anything athletic before, so why would she sign up for archery lessons if it wasn't so she could introduce me to Katniss?" No. The odds of Katniss and I meeting on our own are too astronomical to consider. This is God's plan. He meant for Katniss to come to church, to meet me.

Once all the folding's done I pack up my stuff and head back to my apartment, grabbing some hot chocolate from the coffee shop before putting my clothes away and queuing up the Ravens game on my computer. Delly and Thom are in town today, looking at florists for their wedding since the Redskins don't play until tonight. I wonder if Katniss likes football. Most people around here are Redskins fans, but there's a few of us who cheer for the Ravens. I personally can't stand the Redskins, but I never say that too loudly around Thom.

I'm pacing back and forth in the church atrium at 5:30 when Delly, Thom, and Katniss walk through the doors. Thom immediately veers off, heading for the control room to make sure everything's set up for tonight's service. Delly is carrying a massive bouquet of pink and white roses that she starts passing out to everyone, explaining that the florist she and Thom chose that afternoon gave them the flowers as a gift. Katniss is wearing what looks to be the same jeans and boots as last night with a dark red top, with her beautiful brown hair woven into its elaborate braid. She's carrying a small, brown leather messenger bag over her shoulder that matches her boots.

"Peeta!" Delly exclaims to me once they're close enough, before I can even say hello. "Would you like a rose? The florist gave us so many!"

"Nah, that's okay," I say. "But thank you anyway." I have no need for a rose, and I've never liked the smell of them anyway. Too cloy, too perfumey, or something like that. "Hello Katniss! It's so nice to see you again!"

Katniss looks up at me. "Hello, Peeta," she says politely. _She remembered my name!!_

"Katniss?" Delly asks, holding out the roses. "What color would you like?"

Katniss's hand fumbles with the strap of her bag. "Oh, no thank you. I don't need one."

"Oh. Okay," Delly says, taken a little aback. "Well, then I'll just pass the rest of these out and be right back." Katniss and I both watch her leave, then turn to look at each other.

I clear my throat nervously. "Um, would you like another cheese bun? I think there's a few left in the cafe."

Katniss pulls on her bag's strap. "I brought money with me so I could get another one tonight. It was good!"

I feel my face flush as I smile. "Oh, I'm so glad you liked them! I'd love to get you one-"

"I can get it," she says, moving away from me and towards the cafe line.

"Ah, okay," I mumble as I hurry to catch up with her. I stand behind her in the line, taking the time while waiting to study the graceful slope of her neck, and again trying to figure out her complicated braid. Katniss purchases the very last cheese bun, so I settle for one of the frosted mountain cookies and some peppermint tea, as the cafe has also sold out of hot chocolate.

We're standing off to the side of the cafe enjoying our snacks when I notice the band carrying their various instruments across the atrium. Delly comes rushing over to us, all but two of her roses gone and a look on panic on her face.

"Pastor Dale wants us to set up in the main auditorium," she says, gasping. "He says we're gonna run out of seats otherwise."

"Oh wow!" I exclaim. I've never heard of our Sunday night service being that busy. "Do you need any help setting up?"

"No, no," she says. "But I think Thom's gonna have a heart attack, and I'm gonna need to work the second camera again." She turns to Katniss. "I'm so sorry, Katniss! We've never had this many people for Sunday night service!"

Katniss nods. "It's okay."

"You're sure you don't mind sitting with Peeta again?" she asks.

Katniss looks at me with a soft smile that manages to make the toes on my good foot tingle. "No, I don't mind."

"Oh thank you!" Delly says as she rushes off.

"The Sunday evening service usually has a lower attendance, so it's held in the secondary auditorium," I tell her. "But I wish they wouldn't have waited until ten minutes before service time to make the decision to change auditoriums! Poor Thom!"

"Thom said he was the production designer for the church?" Katniss asks between bites of cheese bun. "What exactly does that mean?"

"Basically it means that he's in charge of the settings for the lights and sound, and he also calls for the camera angles. He sets up in the control room."

"Hmm," Katniss says. "So he never just watches the service? He's always in the control room?"

I take a gulp of my tea before responding, nearly scalding my tongue. "No," I wheeze as I clear my throat. "There's a couple of other people that rotate in the control room. But he's in charge of scheduling the serve team members, and pretty much hangs out by the sound booth on the weekends when he's not in the control room. He wants to work for a television studio after he graduates from college."

Katniss looks confused. "But he said he's going to the Bible college? Doesn't that mean you need to work at a church once you're done?"

I smile and shake my head. "No. That's actually a common misconception about Bible college. You can major in all sorts of things where Thom and I go. I'm majoring in Discipleship and Christian Ministries, but Thom's majoring in Computer Science, and learning Production Design in an additional certificate program."

"Oh," she says. "So what do you want to do once you graduate?"

I take another sip of my tea, relieved that it's cooled down a little. "I, um, I would love to be a Teen Pastor." Katniss raises her eyebrows. "There's so much junk that teens have to deal with nowadays, and so many of them are unhappy, or don't have the proper support system at home or at school. I want to help them. I want them to know that they aren't alone. I want to be someone that they can come to for help, not just with church, but with anything they need help with. And hopefully, teach them about the love of Jesus at the same time."

Katniss looks down, fidgeting with her bag. "That sounds nice," she says quietly.

Thom manages to get the cameras, sound booth, and lighting set up just as the two-minute countdown clock begins. Katniss takes the last bite of her cheese bun as we make our way into the auditorium, settling into seats a few rows up from where we sat last night. Red-headed Darius takes center stage as the band starts up with _You'll Never Be Alone._

_I'm the streetlights that guide you home_  
_I'll be the GPS when you've lost your phone_  
_I'll be the song that's rocking in your headphones_  
_I'll show you the signs, to let you know_  
_You'll never be alone_

Pastor Thresh steps forward, dressed in one of the green chicken t-shirts. The entire congregation whoops and yells as he raises his microphone to his lips. Katniss even joins in the clapping.

_Hey!_  
_Let me start it off by saying this_  
_You mean everything to me nothing I wouldn't risk_  
_Every single second and moment that passes by_  
_I think about ya and I really want you to know that_  
_There's something more out there_  
_Something that will hold you very tight when you're scared_  
_Cos I know when times get tough and it starts to feel rough_  
_It can feel like everything's crashin' down on ya._

_So when it seems like every road you're on has hit a dead end_  
_There is hope_  
_Let me show..._

"This is one of the first Christian songs I ever listened to," I say over the music. "My mentor gave me this CD the first time I met him."

Katniss nods, only a flicker of the look of shock on her face tonight.

_Sometimes the path to choose_  
_Is right in front of you_  
_You just have to let go_

The band works through _Speak Life_ and _Fix My Eyes_ before turning the stage back over to Pastor Dale. His message is similar to the one he gave last night, but more geared to teenagers and young adults. He uses more slang, more relatable examples, and in general holds the attention of the entire room like only he can. Having a teenage son himself helps with that. Mrs. Hammond homeschools their four children, ranging in age from six to fifteen, but on any given Sunday you'll find Jacob Hammond riding his skateboard up to the church from their house ten minutes away. He also serves in the church cafe on Sunday mornings, and their 12-year old daughter helps to lead worship in the Kids Church.

Delly makes a beeline for us once the service is over, asking Katniss if she enjoyed herself and making other idle small talk. I'm just standing there, enjoying the sound of Katniss's beautiful voice when I see Cassandra and Thresh walking towards us. _Oh no_ , I think. _Please don't let Cassandra say anything to embarrass Katniss!_

"Well, well!" Cassandra says as she and Thresh arrive. Cassandra turns directly to Katniss. "I recognize you from last night! I'm Cassandra, and this is my husband, Thresh. And you are?"

Katniss gulps before answering. "I'm Katniss," she says. "I came here with Delly last night."

"And tonight again, I see!" Cassandra says. "So, what did you think of the services? And did you know that Peeta here leads one of our small groups?"

"I only met Katniss last night," I break in, already annoyed with how pushy Cassandra is acting. "I haven't had a chance to tell her my life story yet."

"She really enjoyed the music though, right Katniss?" Delly pipes up, with Thresh immediately perking up. "She commented on the way home last night about it."

Katniss blushes and looks away. "Yes," she mumbles. "The music is nice. I'm not used to hearing church music like that."

"Katniss told us that she can sing!" Delly says. I inwardly cringe. Somehow I highly doubt Katniss wanted that information broadcasted.

"Well, you should try out for the band!" Cassandra exclaims. "We really need another singer! We've been trying to find another female lead so I can start up a Prayer Te-"

"Maybe we should just let Katniss visit a couple more times, hmm? Before we throw her into serving," Thresh cuts in, shooting a look at his wife. He turns to Katniss with a smile. "We don't want to scare her away, do we?"

I smile in relief at Thresh as he and Cassandra say a quick goodbye, with him practically dragging his wife out of the auditorium. He really does have the patience of a saint sometimes.

"Well," Thom says after a few seconds. "I need to double check that everything's shut down in the control room right quick, then we can be heading out."

"I'll come with you," Delly says, turning around and winking at me as she and Thom head back to the control room. I look at Katniss, who's picking at her fingernails, her face still bright pink.

"I'm really sorry if Cassandra embarrassed you," I say. "She's, um, a very interesting person, but sometimes she forgets to mind her own business."

Katniss looks up at me, her beautiful grey eyes searching my face. "That's okay," she says. Then she clears her throat. "What did she mean, about you leading a small group? I remember you mentioning that last night too."

Warmth immediately floods my body at the mere thought that she might be looking to spend more time with me. "Um," I stammer. "I lead a small group on Friday evenings, in the coffee shop where I work, and live." Katniss looks at me quizzically. "I mean, I live over the coffee shop. There's a little apartment above it. That's where I live." I rake my hand through my hair. "But anyway, the small groups meet once a week to discuss Pastor Dale's messages in more detail. Since he spoke on Ruth this weekend, we'll be discussing the book of Ruth during the small group."

"Oh," Katniss says, going back to picking at her fingernails.

"Do you, um, have a Bible?" I ask. "Cause if you don't, I have one I can give you. It's a study Bible, so there's notes and explanations of things next to the verses."

Katniss looks back at me. "Okay. Thank you."

I feel my face break out into a wide grin. "Great! So, would you want to come to my small group? I'm sure Delly and Thom could pick you up again."

Katniss shakes her head, causing a stab of pain to pierce my chest. "No, I don't need them to pick me up. My uncle told me this morning that I could use his truck when I need it, as long as I pay for the gas."

"Oh!" I squeak, feeling a sheen of sweat breaking out over my forehead. "That's great! Um, so then, will you come?"

Katniss smiles. "Yeah, I'll try it out."

I fight back the urge to jump up and down. "Wonderful! And maybe, I don't know, if you wanted to come a little early, we could maybe, um, get some hot chocolate before the group starts? Or, or coffee, if you like coffee better."

"I don't like coffee," Katniss says, sending another stab of pain through my chest. "But I did like the hot chocolate I had last night."

"Ah," I gasp. "So, then you'll come? I'd um, love to get to know you better, if you'll allow it."

Katniss stares at me for a few more seconds before smiling. "Okay," she says. "I'll allow it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song References:  
> You'll Never Be Alone by Capital Kings  
> Speak Life by TobyMac  
> Fix My Eyes by For King and Country
> 
> All of the songs in my story are available in iTunes and on YouTube.
> 
> And as always, I love comments! Please don't hesitate to let me know what you think!


	3. Movies and Football

Friday evening can't come fast enough. I pass my exam with a 93%, thanks to my over-studying. I get through my shifts in the coffee shop by daydreaming about Katniss's beautiful voice, and I manage to keep from texting her until Thursday. We exchanged numbers last Sunday before she left with Delly and Thom, and Finnick advised me to wait until the night before to text or let her text first. And while she didn't text me at all, I was thrilled to see a reply from her within a few minutes when I texted her, telling her how much I'm looking forward to seeing her again.

I'm sitting at a corner table of the coffee shop with two large cups of hot chocolate and four freshly baked cheese buns, staring at the verse from Jeremiah that's written up on the side wall, near the ceiling. _For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you hope and a future._ Katniss has to be part of the Lord's plans for me. I can't imagine it any other way anymore.

When I see her pull into the parking lot, driving an older model pickup truck, I'm suddenly grateful that the girl working the counter right now is newer, meaning she doesn't know me that well. I don't really need or want an audience tonight when I'm trying to get to know Katniss better.

"Katniss!" I say, getting to my feet as she walks through the door. She's wearing a different pair of jeans today, with a coral fitted t-shirt that compliments her eyes and her slender figure beautifully. I want to tell her how lovely she looks, but I'm afraid of sounding insincere. She probably has so many guys that tell her things like that. I don't want to lump myself in with the men out there who would be just trying to get into her pants. There are people in Bible college who are still jerks.

So I settle for the next best thing. "I love that color," I say, indicating her shirt. "It goes very well with your eyes."

She blinks a few times, like she's not used to hearing compliments. "Thank you," she says softly, eyeing me up and down. "You... look nice too." She looks around the coffee shop. There's a Tenth Avenue North song playing through the speakers, and the shop is outfitted in soothing colors of light grey and forest green, with a mural of a mountain surrounded by trees and capped with snow that I painted along one wall. The phrase "Faith Can Move Mountains" is written along the bottom. "This place is nice!"

I follow her gaze to the mural. "I, um, painted the mural. During my first year of school. It was just a blank wall with a few prints over it before."

Katniss walks up to the wall, running her hand from the side of the mountain down to the words. "It's beautiful!" she whispers, sniffing. "You painted this?"

_Is she crying?_ I clear my throat and chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. "Yeah. I also drew the picture on the chicken t-shirts from last weekend."

A single tear runs down Katniss's cheek, which she quickly swipes away before turning back to look at me. "You're very talented," she says, her voice throaty.

"Thank you," I say. I've never had anyone react like that over something I painted. "Do you like living up here in the mountains?"

Katniss sniffs again before answering. "Most of the time. I grew up over in Seam County, but Seam County isn't as elevated as this place. My father was a lumberjack."

Somehow I get the feeling that Katniss doesn't really want to talk about her family right now, so I try to change the subject. "That's nice of your uncle to let you use his truck. Does he have another car for himself?"

Katniss scoffs, rolling her eyes. "No, but he never goes anywhere anyway. Ever since I moved in he's been having me run all of his errands for him, which is mainly restocking his liquor. He was passed out on the couch when I left." _Way to go, Mellark! Every single thing you've asked her so far has made her upset!_

"Um, I got us something to eat," I say, pointing to the table. Katniss sits down and reaches for a cheese bun right away. "If you'd like something else, I can get it for you-"

"This is fine," she says, her mouth full. "I've been looking forward to more of these all week."

Her admission makes my heart flutter in my chest. _This is good. Keep the conversation on lighter topics, and feed her plenty of cheese buns._ I take a bite of my own cheese bun and sigh. Even if I'm still partial to cinnamon rolls, these really are the best things that I make.

It's quiet for a couple minutes while Katniss devours her cheese bun. Then she takes a sip of hot chocolate, looking at me awkwardly. "I'm sorry," she says. "I'm not really that great at small talk."

I want to tell her that I don't really care what we talk about, as long as I can listen to her ethereal voice. But I somehow know that would scare her. "That's okay," I say instead. "How 'bout I just ask you some questions, and you answer them?" I see her eyebrows raise. "Nothing too deep, I promise."

Her eyes drop to her cup before fluttering up to meet mine. "All right. Like what?"

"Like, what's your favorite color?"

She looks surprised. "Green," she says, running her finger around the rim of her cup. "Like the trees in the forest."

"Like the color of the shirt you were wearing last Saturday at church," I blurt without thinking. Her head snaps up and her eyes narrow. _Ugh! Way to make yourself looking like you were creeping her!_

But if what I said upsets her, she doesn't show it. "Yes, like that." Then she pauses for a few seconds. "What's yours?"

"Orange," I say. I pull out my phone to show her. "Not quite this orange though. Softer, more like the sunset."

"Oh," she says. "That's pretty." There's another stretch of silence while we both take bites of the cheese buns.

"Um, do you like movies?" I ask after swallowing my bite.

Katniss nods. "Yeah. Uncle Haymitch has the premium cable package with all the movie channels, so I've watched a bunch since I moved here."

"Oh? What kind do you like?"

She shrugs. "Mainly the superhero ones, or science fiction. Pretty much anything that's not real life."

"Really?" I say. "I love both of those!"

Katniss smiles, looking at me warily. "Do you like DC or Marvel?"

"DC for television, Marvel for movies. The MCU has the best superhero movies out there. Except for The Dark Knight trilogy of course." I take another sip of cocoa. "Are you Team Cap or Team Iron Man?"

Tilting her head, Katniss ponders for a moment. "Honestly I could see both sides, but I think in the end I was Team Cap. If only because he was correct to be suspicious of the umbrella organization. And because I just really like Hawkeye."

I don't tell her that I think the exact same way, because I'm concerned it'll sound too cheesy. "That's a really good point," I say instead. "And Hawkeye is one of my favorite characters too."

Katniss nods as she sips her cocoa. "Yeah, although I think anyone could shoot straight with that fancy bow he has. It practically shoots the arrows by itself! Same with Oliver Queen's bow. The bow that I use is a real hunting bow, handmade out of wood, and not that easy to shoot."

I grin at the look of pride on her face. "So, do you like any other sports besides archery?"

"I didn't play any in school, but I like watching football. I used to watch it with my dad growing up."

"Oh? Are you team Redskins or team Ravens?"

Katniss smirks, causing her silvery eyes to twinkle like the beam of early-evening sunlight stretching across our table. "Neither," she says.

"Oh really!" I exclaim. "Is it the Panthers then?" She shakes her head. "Steelers? Eagles? Titans?" Another shake. "Please don't tell me it's the Saints, because my friend Finnick would flip if he found another Saints fan. He and his wife and son live outside of New Orleans."

"Nope. None of those." She's full-out smiling now. She has such a glorious smile!

"Who then?" I ask

"The Vikings," she says, looking rather pleased with herself.

"The Vikings?! How'd your dad get to be a Vikings fan? Did he grow up in Minnesota or something? I've heard it gets really cold there!"

Katniss shakes her head, fiddling with a napkin. "No, but his grandfather did," she says. "He used to spend most weekends with his grandparents when he was little, while his parents worked. His grandpa was a huge Vikings fan, had a blanket and socks and a sweatshirt and everything. So my dad grew up cheering for them, and I guess he passed that onto me. I've never been to Minnesota though. My dad went there once and said it was the coldest place he'd ever seen. The lake was so frozen over, people were driving their cars on it."

"I can only imagine," I say, shivering. "It gets plenty cold enough here for my taste."

"Me too," she says, taking another bite of her cheese bun. "But he also said that the lake his grandfather grew up on was absolutely beautiful. He told me when I was little that he always wished he could take me there someday."

"Ah yes, there's what, ten thousand lakes in Minnesota?"

"Even more than that," Katniss says with a smirk. "His grandfather's lake was up in central Minnesota somewhere. Lake Minnewaska, I think it was called."

"Gotcha. That sounds peaceful. There aren't too many lakes around here."

"So," Katniss says. "Did you play football in high school?"

I shake my head. "No. I always wanted to try out, but my parents said the equipment fees were too expensive, and the games would've interfered with my work schedule."

Katniss raises an eyebrow. "What kind of work?"

I sigh, not really wanting to delve too deep into my family history on our first date. _Is this a date? Oh I hope it's a date!_ "My parents own a bakery, down in Victors County. My two older brothers and I had to work in it either before or after school and on weekends, so my parents didn't have to pay as many regular employees. I had enough time to be on the wrestling team, but nothing else."

Katniss holds up the remainder of her second cheese bun. "So that's where you learned to make these?"

"Yep," I say. "Although since I've been working here I've refined the recipe a little. My parents only used one kind of cheese, but this," and I hold up my last piece. "This has three different cheeses baked in."

"So is that why they're so good?" Katniss asks, popping the rest of hers into her mouth and sighing.

I smile, feeling that warmth creeping across my chest. "Well, partially," I say with a smirk. "I'd like to think that I'm pretty good at what I do, also."

Katniss glances back at the mountain mural. "You seem to be good at a lot of things," she says quietly.

The conversation flows freely after that, so freely that I'm surprised when Delly and Thom walk through the door, not realizing it was that close to 7pm. I quickly excuse myself to run upstairs, grabbing my laptop and the journal containing my notes for group, along with the study Bible I promised to give to Katniss. The shop manager is shutting down the registers as I come back downstairs, with the usual tray of snacks for group sitting on the counter. She wishes me good night and heads out the door, reminding me to lock up once group is over.

Thom gets my computer hooked up to the projector as I sit back down next to Katniss. "We'll do a couple of worship songs, then a short prayer before we start the lesson," I tell her. "Delly picked the songs for tonight."

There are eight people total in my group tonight. In addition to Thom and Delly, there's Leevy, another teacher at the school where Delly works, Thom's friend Bristel from school, and Cecelia and Patrick, an engaged couple that Delly knows from somewhere. After I quickly introduce Katniss to everyone we launch right into worship, with the first song being _By Your Side,_ the same Tenth Avenue North song that was playing when Katniss arrived here tonight.

"So," I say once the opening prayer is finished. "Tonight we're discussing the book of Ruth...". I see Katniss flipping open the Bible I gave her, searching for the correct chapter. Delly notices and helps her as I continue speaking. "So my first question is, why do you think Naomi wanted to send her daughters-in-law away while she was returning to her homeland?"

There's the usual period of silence that always accompanies any of my questions, before Delly clears her throat. "I think it's because, she felt like she'd lost everything. She'd lost her husband first, then her two sons. She didn't expect that her daughters-in-law would show any love or loyalty to her, and since their husbands were dead, they weren't required to stay with her anymore."

Murmurs of agreement flutter around the table. "Yes," Leevy says. "It sounds to me like Naomi was depressed. And really, who could blame her? She'd lost everyone that she loved. She thought she had nothing to show for her life."

"So you could say," Cecelia cuts in. "That Ruth was there for Naomi at the time in Naomi's life when she felt at her lowest. When she felt like she had no one left." Patrick smiles and wraps his arm around her shoulders.

The discussion continues, rather animated at times, for another ninety minutes. Katniss doesn't contribute at all but listens intently, and there are a few times where I see her lower lip start to quiver a little, like she's trying not to cry. My heart sinks, thinking that there's no way she'll ever want to come back.

But she shocks me by staying behind until everyone else is gone. She's standing, clutching the Bible to her chest, staring at the mountain painted on the wall. I walk up behind her, wanting badly to put my hand on her shoulder, or something, but not knowing if she would want me to.

"So, um, do you have any questions?" I ask quietly. "About what we talked about tonight, or anything else?"

Katniss turns to face me, shaking her head. "No," she whispers. "It was nice. I enjoyed it."

"Really?" I blurt out, a little too eagerly. "I mean, really? That's great!" I feel my cheeks burning as I reach behind me to scratch the back of my neck. "So, um, would-"

"What time is church tomorrow night?" Katniss interrupts.

I blush so hard I feel my vision go hazy. "Ah, the service starts at 6pm."

"Will you be there?" she asks.

I nod, feeling like a bobble-head doll. "Uh huh! Yep, I'll be there! Would you like to sit with me again?"

She nods, still hugging her Bible. "Yes, I'd like that."

"Oh that sounds good," I wheeze. "And, um, maybe after church, um, would you want to maybe get some pizza with me, and watch a movie? Maybe Iron Man, or, or Captain America, if you like him better. And if you like pizza, that is." Most people like pizza. _But she's not most people..._

Katniss smiles. "Yes, I do like pizza. And yes, I'd like that. But only if we go in order with the movies." She looks down, fiddling with the corner of the Bible. "I prefer to go in order."

I smile, probably like a fool but I don't care. "Okay! Iron Man it is."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Reference:  
> By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North  
> All of the songs in my story are available in iTunes and on YouTube.
> 
> Biblical Reference:  
> Jeremiah 29:11
> 
> How was that for a first date? Please leave me a comment and let me know what you think!


	4. Gain the Whole World

Once my shift in the coffee shop is over, I spend most of Saturday afternoon cleaning my apartment. I haven't dusted in who knows how long, and there are entire families of dust bunnies living underneath my futon and in the corner by my dresser. I replace the hand towels in the bathroom and put out the fancy hand soap that Delly gave me for Christmas last year. I also scrub about two years' worth of grime from the bathroom floor. My heart sinks as my eyes land on my shower chair, sitting there in the shower. The shower is made from frosted glass and has a door, so there's no curtain for my chair to hide behind. Katniss doesn't know about my fake leg yet. I guess tonight will be as good a time as any to tell her. In that regard, I leave my pair of crutches in their usual space next to my dresser.

Katniss meets me at the church in time for service, then drives us back to the coffee shop after picking up our sausage and mushroom pizza. My heart soars when she doesn't blink at all at the size of my tiny apartment, or at my absolute lack of decorating, and it swells even more when she sits down right next to me on my futon to eat and watch Iron Man. I find that I can hardly concentrate on the movie, however, because I'm so hyper aware of how close she is to me. That, and the millions of warm fuzzies that are released throughout my body every time our knees brush together.

After the movie is over Katniss gets up to use the bathroom. I'm busying myself with cleaning up our mess when she emerges with a funny look on her face.

"What's funny?" I ask, smiling.

"Oh it's nothing," she says. "Just that the people who designed this apartment had a strange sense of humor. I mean, there's no way a person in a wheelchair could easily get up here, there's no elevator or anything."

"Yeah...?" I say, confused. "Why would there be an elev-" and then my heart leaps into my throat. She saw the rails, lining the walls of my bathroom. I'm so used to them by now that I didn't even think that they would look out of place to someone else. I swallow hard against the giant lump in my throat. "You um... you saw the rails, on the walls?"

"Well, yeah. That's what I'm talking about. And it makes no sense, because there's no way-" and she breaks off, looking at me through narrowed eyes. "What is it?"

 _Please don't let her freak out, or be disgusted by me, or be upset that I haven't told her yet!_ "Um, the church had the rails installed there, when they converted this space into an apartment," I say, studying the pizza box in my hand. "They're for me."

Katniss's eyebrows knit together in confusion as she eyes me up and down. "You mean, you're-"

"A cripple?" I cut in. "Disabled? Handicapped?" I see a scowl forming on Katniss's face. "Yeah. I'm all of those things." I can't help but feel defensive. Years of seeing the pitying looks on people's faces once they find out about my leg will do that to you.

"Why are you being so defensive about it?" she demands. "I didn't even know! You didn't tell me."

I take a deep breath, trying to reign in my emotions. "I'm sorry. But it's not something I just like to announce. You know, out of the blue. Especially..." and my voice trails off. _Especially to a beautiful girl like yourself._

Katniss snatches the pizza box from me, dropping it onto the coffee table before taking my hand and pulling me to sit back down. "And you thought that would bother me somehow? Why?"

I look down at her small hand holding my own, large and calloused and littered with burn marks from baking. "I wa-" I get out before I have to stop and clear my throat. "I was afraid it would." I tighten my fingers around her hand. "I, um, really like you, Katniss."

Katniss studies our joined hands, a blush creeping up her neck. "I know," she whispers, so softly I can barely hear her. Then she looks at me, a soft smile on her face. "I, um, like you too."

"You do?" I blurt out.

"Yes," she says. "I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's something about you, that reminds me of my father." I must give her an odd look, because she rushes her next words. "I feel safe when I'm with you. Protected. Like nothing can hurt me."

Her words cause a surge of protectiveness to ripple through my body. "I'd never let anything hurt you, Katniss."

Her lower lip starts to quiver a little, and she shakes her head slightly. "Can I see it? Your leg?"

I only hesitate for a few seconds before pulling my pant leg up to my knee, revealing the plastic and metal contraption that substitutes for most of my lower leg. Katniss eyes it up and down before leaning over to trail her fingers over it. "What happened?"

"I, ah, had an accident," I say, my mouth gone dry. I'm not ready to tell her the whole ugly story yet. In my head I can hear Finnick's voice, telling me that I shouldn't be ashamed of what happened, that I'll never truly let it go if I don't learn to talk about it, but now isn't the time. Not when I haven't even worked up the courage to try and kiss her yet.

Katniss looks up at me, her grey eyes glinting in the soft light emanating from my laptop. "I've seen worse," she says, pulling my pant leg back down.

"Where?"

She takes my hand again. "My mom grew up working in her parents' pharmacy, so she knew a lot about medicines and things. After she married my dad and moved to Seam County, a lot of their friends and neighbors couldn't afford to see regular doctors when they got hurt or sick. My dad knew all about herbs and other plants that could be used for healing purposes, and my mom learned how to suture wounds and treat burns. At least once or twice a week, we had somebody in our kitchen who needed some sort of healing. So, I've seen quite a bit."

Just the feel of her hand holding mine, her thumb rubbing back and forth over my knuckles, and the fact that she didn't run out the door as soon as she saw my leg, has me so overwhelmed with sensation I can hardly think. I can form only one clear thought. "Katniss," I say, my breath catching. "Can I kiss you?"

She smiles that soft smile again, her cheeks turning pink. "You, um... you don't have to ask me."

"Okay," I stammer, cupping her angelic face in my hands and leaning towards her. She leans in to meet me halfway, and then our lips are touching. A shiver travels through my body as my fingers wrap around to the nape of her neck, holding her gently in place. Her lips are so soft, and mold so perfectly to my own it's as if God created them, and her, just for me. In the less than a handful of girls that I've ever kissed, I've never felt a connection like this before.

I lose track of how long our lips stay pressed together, but eventually the need for air becomes apparent and we reluctantly break apart. I lean my forehead against hers, running my thumbs along her cheekbones and breathing in the sweet scent of her skin, dreading the time I'll have to let her go.

"I should... I should get going," she finally whispers. "It's getting late."

"Okay." I get slowly to my feet and help her stand up, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her into a hug as soon as she's upright. Just like her lips, her body seems to mold itself perfectly to my own, her head resting right under my chin. "Will you text me when you get home? Let me know that you're safe?"

I feel her nod against my chest. "And I'll see you tomorrow night again, right? For Sunday night service?"

"Yes," I breathe out. "I'll definitely be there." Then I lean back and kiss her one more time before walking her down the stairs and out to her truck. "I'll see you tomorrow," I say, once she's unlocked and opened the door.

"See you tomorrow," she repeats. Then she stands up onto her tiptoes to kiss my cheek before climbing into the pickup and starting the engine.

I watch her truck until it's disappeared down the road. I slowly climb the steps back up to my apartment, sinking back down onto the futon as soon as I get inside. Rubbing my fingers lightly over my lips, I close my eyes and remember the feel of her body pressed against me, her lips against mine. Another sharp ripple of pleasure courses through me, causing me to shudder. _That's definitely new._

I've just cleared away the last of our mess from tonight when my phone beeps.

**_[Katniss] I'm back._ **

**_[Peeta] Thank you for letting me know. Do you have a busy day planned for tomorrow?_ **

**_[Katniss] Not really. Some yard work, and maybe a grocery run. Uncle Haymitch doesn't really eat that much unless I buy food and cook for him._ **

**_[Peeta] I'm sorry. I'll pray for him._ **

**_[Katniss] It's okay. And thank you. He needs all the prayers he can get._ **

**_[Peeta] What time should I meet you at church tomorrow?_ **

**_[Katniss] 5:30 sound good?_ **

**_[Peeta] Sounds great. Sweet dreams Katniss, and I'll see you tomorrow._ **

**_[Katniss] Goodnight Peeta._ **

Katniss is waiting for me next to the cafe when I walk into the church atrium on Sunday evening. My heart stutters with how beautiful she looks, wearing a forest green tunic over a fitted pair of jeans, her hair in its signature braid. She smiles when she sees me, greeting me with a quick hug. About three seconds later Delly and Thom are next to us, with Delly looking between Katniss and me and smirking.

"Katniss!" Delly exclaims. "You came back! That's wonderful!"

"She was here last night too," I say proudly. "You missed her."

"Oh yeah," Delly says. "My mother scheduled a wedding dress fitting for last night, so I wasn't here. I tried to tell her that we still have plenty of time, but she insisted that we should get it done now. But that just means I'll have to stay at the exact same size until the wedding, and goodness knows that's pretty much impossible!"

"I'm sure you'll be fine, Delly," I say.

"Oh, and Peeta," Delly continues, like she didn't even hear me. "Thom made an appointment for all of you groomsmen to get fitted for your tuxedos the week before the wedding. He'll email you the details."

"Sounds fine," I mumble, wondering how in the world I'll be able to afford a tuxedo rental that week. That's the week my final tuition payment is due.

"When is your wedding?" Katniss asks Delly.

"It's the Saturday before Easter weekend, since Thom has that week leading up to Easter off from school. I need to remember to get your name down on the invitation list." Then she pauses, looking at Katniss. "Oh, but then you'll probably just come with Peeta, right?"

I wince. "I'm sure we can talk more about that when it gets a little closer," I say, trying to verbally smooth the wide-eyed look from Katniss's face. "Who'd like a cheese bun?"

Delly ends up sitting with Katniss and me for the service, but thankfully doesn't make any more comments about her wedding, or anything else that Katniss and I might be doing around Easter time. Once the service is over I walk with Katniss out to the parking lot, where she offers to drive me home.

"I'm sorry if Delly made you uncomfortable," I say as we drive up the mountain towards the coffee shop. "She gets so excited talking sometimes that she doesn't always think things through."

Katniss raises her eyebrows. "I've never met anyone like Delly before. She is very sweet, but she never stops talking!"

I start to laugh. "That's why she and Thom make such a great couple. She does all the talking for both of them," I say with a wink, causing Katniss to smile. I love the way her eyes crinkle a little when she smiles.

Katniss pulls into the parking lot and eases the truck into park. "I can't see how Thom could get a word in edgewise anyway," she jokes.

I reach over the console to take her hand. "Will I see you again Friday night, for group?"

Katniss nods, blushing. "Yes," she murmurs, looking at me shyly. "And maybe I can bring some dinner for us, before group starts?"

"Oh that sounds great!" I exclaim, feeling that surge of warmth trickle through my chest. "And we could watch Iron Man 2 after group, if you'd like to."

"I'd like that," she says, squeezing my fingers. "Do you like Thai food?"

"Are you kidding? It's one of my favorites! There's a great place down there-"

"The one near the Community Center?" Katniss interrupts. "I love that one! It's so yummy!"

"I knew there was a good reason why I liked you," I blurt without thinking. I immediately clap my hand over my mouth as Katniss starts to laugh. "I mean, that's, oh geez-"

I'm silenced by Katniss's slender fingers covering my mouth. "It's okay," she says, the soft smile on her face.

Instinctively I reach my hand up to her fingers, pressing them against my lips. "You have no idea, the effect you have on me," I whisper. "I feel like a lovesick teenager when I'm around you."

"It's okay," she says, one of her fingers now tracing the dimple in my chin. "I like it."

"That's good," I whisper back, tugging on her hand. She leans in over the console towards me, her finger trailing across my chin. Our lips meet and it's even impossibly better than the kiss last night. That warm feeling in my chest expands outwards, down my arms and legs, until I feel the toes on my good foot start to curl. _I could sit here, right here in this truck, in this parking lot, and do this forever._

But that darn need to breathe rears its ugly head again, and we reluctantly break apart. I kiss the tip of her nose and then her forehead before pulling her as close as I can into an awkward hug. "Will you-?"

"I'll text when I get home," she says, finishing my sentence.

"Thank you," I murmur. "Goodnight Katniss."

"Goodnight, Peeta."

I squeeze her hand one more time before sliding out of the truck and watching her drive away.

The next couple of weeks fly by, thanks to work, classes, and plenty of time daydreaming about Katniss. I feel like I can't get enough of her. The color of her eyes. The scent of her hair. The softness of her lips. Finnick again advises me not to try and hover too much, as he calls it, so I text her around once a day, just asking how she's doing, with her usually replying within a half hour or so. Knowing how busy she is, with work and taking care of her uncle, I take the response time as a good thing. We spend most of the weekends together, and I'm even able to hold her hand while we watch the movies. And, we exchange a few more incredible, toe-curling kisses.

I'm surprised one evening while doing homework to find an email from Pastor Dale, asking if I'd be available to meet with him sometime this week. We set up the meeting for Thursday afternoon after my last class. Thursday is one of the days I ride to and from school with Thom, so he drops me off at the church on his way home.

I walk into the office section of the church nervously. I've been in here a couple of times to see Thresh about various things, but never to see the Senior Pastor. Mrs. Hammond is sitting at the desk outside Dale's office when I arrive, working on some math with their six-year old son.

"Hello Peeta," she says when she notices me. "Just knock and go on in, Dale's expecting you."

"Thanks," I tell her, knocking once and entering the room.

"Peeta!" Dale says. "So nice of you to come on such short notice." He gestures to the set of chairs opposite his desk. "Have a seat."

"So Peeta," Dale begins once I've sat down. "Pastor Thresh told me that you were interested in becoming a Teen Pastor once you graduate from school. Is that correct?"

"Yes, sir," I say, nodding eagerly.

Well," he continues. "The church elders just held our quarterly meeting last week, and from the growth we've seen in the church over the last several months, we're predicting that we'll need to start offering the teens their own service within the next year. We've been hearing from more and more parents of teens that they think their children ought to have their own service. With their own pastor."

My heart starts to pound. Oh my word, this is exactly what I want!! If I could stay and work here after graduation, then I wouldn't have to move away, I wouldn't have to leave the church and my friends, wouldn't have to worry about possibly taking Katniss away from her uncle... "That sounds really nice, sir," I say. "I would definitely be interested in applying for that position."

Pastor Dale smiles. "Now, you know, Peeta. It's very unusual for a church to hire an unmarried pastor-"

"Yes, I'm aware of that," I say, tapping my fingers against the arm of my chair.

"And, do you understand why that is typically the case?" he asks.

"Yes," I say. "Yes I do. And I do agree with it as well. It's best for the protection of both the pastor and those he is pastoring."

Dale clears his throat. "Thresh tells me that you've been, what's the word, seeing someone? A young lady who attends church here with you?"

I feel my cheeks burning. "Yes, for about a month now. She came here for the first time on our Give a Chicken weekend."

Dale chuckles. "Ah. That was quite the successful weekend for bringing in new visitors. It must've been those amazing t-shirts that we gave away, yeah?" and he smiles at me. "You really are a talented artist, Peeta. Have you thought about doing something with that once you graduate?"

I shake my head, shrugging my shoulders. "It's really more of a hobby, sir. But I do enjoy helping out here at the church when it's needed."

"Mmmhmm," Dale says, running his fingers over his salt-and-pepper whiskers. "You know I don't like to pry into the personal affairs of our group leaders, but... do you foresee this relationship that you have with..."

"Katniss," I say. "Katniss Everdeen. She works down at the Community Center."

"Ah," he says. "What a lovely name. Anyway, do you foresee your relationship with Miss Everdeen as one that might turn serious, eventually?"

"I certainly hope so, sir," I say proudly. "At least, that's my intention. I'm, ah, not really the type to play the field."

Dale pushes his chair back from his desk, getting to his feet and holding out his hand. "I'll keep you updated on the Teen Pastor position, then. And thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to meet with me."

"You're very welcome, sir!" I say, shaking his hand. "Anytime!" I practically run out of his office, shaking with excitement. First Katniss, now potentially a job lined up for when I graduate? And exactly the job I'm training for? _Oh dear Lord, this is everything I could've wanted! Thank you, thank you, thank you!_

I decide not to tell Katniss about my meeting with Pastor Dale. Seeing as our relationship is still very new, and me being not really brave enough to broach the subject of our future yet, I decide to wait until they either actually develop the Teen Pastor position and invite me for an interview, or I get ready to start talking to Katniss about our possible future together.

But I do text Finnick and Annie as I'm walking home, receiving an enthusiastic reply from them that boosts my confidence. This is the Lord's plan for me. Everything is falling into place!

Saturday afternoon Katniss and I arrive at the church a couple hours early, at the request of Pastor Thresh. We're surprised to find him practicing with the band when we get there, so we sit down in a row near the front to wait. But as soon as he sees us, he stops the practice, dismissing the band members.

"Thanks for coming, y'all," he says once he climbs down from the stage, wiping the perspiration from his forehead with a rag.

"What's going on?" I ask him.

"I need your help with something," he says. Then he takes a deep breath and looks right at Katniss. "Actually, I need your help with something."

"Me?" Katniss says, looking startled. "What do you need with me?"

"You said you like to sing, yes?" Thresh asks.

Katniss immediately shrinks back a little, causing me to wrap my arm around her waist. "Um," she mumbles. "I've never sang in front of anyone, except my parents, and my sister-"

"Yeah, I got the impression that you weren't used to singing for an audience," Thresh answers. "Which is why I dismissed all of the band members. Except for Rue," he adds, as Rue walks out from backstage and jumps down to join us. She looks at Katniss and smiles.

"Thresh needs help with a song," Rue says. "He's auditioning to sing with TobyMac soon, and one of the songs has a part that he has to sing against, and none of us girls can sing it correctly. My voice is still too high, and Cassandra's voice is just wro-"

"She doesn't have the correct pitch for the song," Thresh interrupts, shooting a glance at his smaller sister. "So, do you think you could help me?" he asks Katniss. "Just for this one song?"

"Pleeeese?" Rue begs, her doe-like brown eyes trained on my girlfriend. "He won't rest until he nails this song, and he's driving the rest of the band bonkers because of it."

Thresh rolls his eyes as Katniss gulps a couple of times. I tighten my arm around her, trying to give her the courage to do this, which obviously is difficult for some reason. Finally, she nods.

"Oh, thank you so much!" Thresh says, his shoulders sagging in relief. "Do you need sheet music, or chords, or-"

"Just play it for me," Katniss mumbles as Rue shoves a microphone into her hand and starts pulling her towards the stage.

"Can I stay and watch?" I ask her before she's dragged away.

"Don't you go anywhere," is her reply. _Okay then_ , I think as I sit down in the front row.

Plugging his iPad into a speaker, Thresh hands Katniss a paper containing song lyrics as _Lose My Soul_ starts to play. He plays the song twice while Katniss follows along, pointing to the paper at the parts he needs her to sing. Once she nods her head, Thresh switches to a music-only track and picks up his own microphone. Rue sings the initial verse, then Thresh nudges Katniss to join him for the chorus.

_I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,  
_ _Don't wanna walk away, let me hear the people say.  
_ _I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,  
_ _Don't wanna walk away, let me hear the people say._

Thresh takes over for the next verse, with both Rue and Katniss providing harmonizing background vocals.

_The paparazzi flashes, and that they think that it's you,  
_ _But they don't know that who you are is not what you do,  
_ _True, we get it twisted when we peak at the charts,  
_ _Yo before we part from the start,  
_ _Where's your heart?  
_ _You a pimp, hustler?  
_ _Tell me what's your title,  
_ _America has no more stars, now we call them idols,  
_ _You sit idle, While we teach prosperity,  
_ _The first thing to prosper should be inside of me.  
_ _We're free  
_ _Not because of 22's on the range,  
_ _But Christ came in range, we said yes now we changed,  
_ _Not the same, even though I made a fall,  
_ _Since I got that call, no more Saul, now I'm Paul._

Rue joins in with Thresh for the chorus again. And then, Thresh nods at Katniss to begin her part, with him providing the harmonizing background.

 _How do I sense the tide that's rising?_  
_De-sensitizing me from living in light of eternity,_  
_How do I sense the tide that's rising?_  
_It's hypnotizing me from living in light of eternity,_  
_How do I sense the tide that's rising?_  
_De-sensitizing me from living in light of eternity._

I don't realize that my jaw is hanging open until I feel a dribble of drool almost run down my chin. I knew Katniss had a beautiful voice; I could tell that just from hearing her speak. And, she'd started to sing along during our worship at church by now, although softly enough to mostly blend in with everyone else. But this... this is the first time I've really heard her sing. And oh my word, even with her being a little tentative and nervous, what a gift she has for it! If we were outside, I'd swear that even the birds would stop their own songs to listen to her.

_I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul._

Katniss's soul was definitely born to sing.

When the song ends the three of them run through it again. And then again. And then one more time before it's time to start setting up for service. I close my eyes during their last practice run, feeling like her voice is penetrating throughout my own soul. Even Thresh seems mesmerized by her.

"I can't tell you how much I appreciate ya'lls help today, Katniss," Thresh says as they turn off their equipment. "You were perfect, exactly what I needed for this song. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Katniss says, rather shyly.

"Yes, thank you!" Rue exclaims. "Maybe now he can stop whining about not getting that song perfect and concentrate on the services this weekend."

Katniss smiles widely at Rue. "It's all right, really. I didn't mind."

"I'm starving," Rue says. "I'm gonna go grab a cookie from the cafe. Katniss? Wanna come with me?"

"Um, sure?" Katniss says, looking at me, her eyebrow raised in question.

"You go ahead," I tell her, squeezing her shoulder briefly. "I'll stay here and find seats for us." _She's making friends here! This is wonderful!_

Thresh and I watch the two girls walk out of the auditorium and into the cafe line, Rue speaking animatedly to Katniss the entire time. I hear Katniss laugh at one point and my heart swells.

"I tell ya, Peeta," Thresh says. "Your girl Katniss really can sing. It's been a long time since I've heard someone with pipes like that."

I shake my head in awe. "It's really the first time I've heard her, and I think my heart almost stopped a couple of times."

"Really?" Thresh asks. "You mean to tell me that you've never heard her sing before today?"

I shrug. "She sings along during worship. But never really loud enough for me to hear only her."

"Hmm," Thresh mumbles, distracted. "I'd sure love to have her in the band. Cassandra really, really... did I say really? She really wants to start a Prayer Team, but I can't spare her from the band without someone to replace her. But wow, Katniss blows Cassandra's voice out of the water!" Then he glances at me sheepishly. "Just don't tell her I said that!"

"I won't," I assure him. "But I don't know about Katniss. She hasn't told me the whole story yet, but somehow I get the feeling that she doesn't like singing in front of people. I think it's painful for her in some way."

"Mmmhmm," Thresh says again. "That's too bad..."

"If you want, I can try to bring it up with her," I say. I don't add that in the couple of minutes since he's mentioned it, I've imagined Katniss up there on that stage, leading worship with the rest of the band, with the entire church just as enthralled with her beautiful voice as I am. "I can't guarantee when, but I'll do it."

"Really?" Thresh exclaims. "I'd really appreciate it, Peeta, thank you!"

"You're welc-"

"But wait," Thresh interrupts. "She's not baptized yet, is she?"

"Ah, I doubt it. I don't think she'd been in a church for a long time before our Give a Chicken weekend. Why?"

Thresh's face falls. "It won't work then. Dale says that all the band members have to be official members of the church, since they're so visible. And to become an official member..."

"You need to be baptized," I finish softly, sighing. "Yeah, I can understand why, but..."

"She's been coming here regularly with you since then, hasn't she?" Thresh asks.

"Yeah. Every week. She comes to my small group on Fridays too. Why?"

"Well, maybe it's time for you to initiate that conversation with her," Thresh says. "See where she is in her journey." He must see my pained look, because he continues quickly. "You're afraid to have that conversation, yes? I can tell from the look on your face."

"Yeah," I say, exhaling. "I don't want to push her. From what I understand, she's pretty delicate." I see Thresh raise an eyebrow in question. "What I mean is, she's the type of person who will run if she's pushed too hard. And I... I don't want her to run, from me."

Thresh claps his hand on my shoulder. "Maybe you can look at it more as guiding, then? Instead of pushing?" he says. "Like it or not, you're her guide on her spiritual journey right now. And guides don't usually let their people just wander around aimlessly, correct? Guides help people stay on the correct path."

I press my lips together, nodding. "Yeah," I say, as the sound of giggling tinkles into our earshot. Katniss and Rue have returned from the cafe line and are standing at the entrance to the auditorium. As I watch, I see Rue lean over to whisper something into Katniss's ear, leading to another round of giggles from them both.

"Looks like Rue's made a new friend," Thresh observes.

I nod again, smiling. "Yes," I say, almost to myself. "That's good. That's real good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Reference:  
> Lose My Soul by TobyMac, featuring Kirk Franklin and Mandisa
> 
> All of the songs in my story are available in iTunes and on YouTube.
> 
>  
> 
> So, things seem to be going well for our favorite couple. :). Please let me know what you think!


	5. Peeta's Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peeta finally opens up to Katniss and tells her his story. 
> 
> Thank you again to my wonderful beta hpfanonezillion for all of her help!
> 
> This chapter contains a trigger for possible dubious consent.

My conversation with Thresh reverberates through my mind for several days. He's absolutely right, of course. I'm going to school to disciple people like Katniss. My job as a pastor will be to guide people like Katniss. If she was anyone else, I wouldn't be afraid to ask those kinds of questions. In fact, I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't. But Katniss is different. As a Teen Pastor, I won't be discipling people that I'm in love with. And I am in love with Katniss, it's high time that I admit it. She's all I think about. When I'm baking at work, I'm thinking about her. When I'm in class, I'm daydreaming about her. When I'm with her, I can hardly concentrate on anything else except hearing her voice and the feel of her slender fingers interlaced with my own while we watch our movie or football game. Finnick says this is how it was with him and Annie in the beginning of their relationship too, although they were friends for many years beforehand.

"How long was it before you were able to concentrate on anything else?" I ask him during our weekly Thursday evening conversation. Bracing my phone against my shoulder, I clear enough dirty clothes from my futon so I can sit down. I've gotten really good at the frantic Friday afternoon clean up, in preparation for spending most of the weekend with Katniss, but my standards of living tend to fall back towards bachelorhood during the rest of the week.

"Well, if I tell you I almost flunked a semester of Advanced Old Testament Theory, would that frighten you?" Finnick asks with a chuckle.

"Yeah!" I exclaim as I finally sit down. I fumble with the release on my prosthesis, working it loose until it drops onto the floor with an unceremonious clunk. Leaning back with a grateful sigh, I start massaging my stump with my free hand. "This is my last year, Finnick! I can't afford to fail a class!"

"Calm down, baker boy," Finnick laughs. "Your GPA is so high it wouldn't even matter if you failed a class at this point."

"Hmph," I say petulantly. "It would still matter to me."

"C'mon Peeta, I'm just giving you a hard time," Finnick says, serious now. "I don't think you'll be flunking any classes. Not with your work ethic. You're a model student."

I wince. That's what I used to hear from my high school teachers also, and all it did then was cause a lot of my classmates to make fun of me. I had my fair share of friends in high school, but never anyone like Finnick. Or Katniss.

"So anyway," Finnick says, changing the subject. "I'm assuming you've told her about your leg, yeah?"

"Yeah, she knows about it."

"Uh huh," Finnick replies. "And exactly how much does she know?"

"She knows that I had an accident," I mumble. "I haven't told her the rest yet."

"Aaannnddd when do you plan on doing that?"

"I don't know!" I say, raking my hand through my hair. "Not yet. I'm... not ready yet."

"You mean, you're afraid of how she'll react?" Finnick asks.

"You know that I am!" I yell, almost dropping the phone. "Finnick, I love her! I'm in love with her, and I've never felt this way about anyone! And yeah, I'm scared! I'm scared of what she'll think of me if I tell her. I'm scared she'll be repulsed by me. She's so pure, and she's perfect for me. And I can't lose her. Just the thought of losing her terrifies me so much, I've had nightmares about it!"

Finnick is quiet for a few seconds. "And, how does she feel about you?"

I flop over sideways, right into the pile of dirty clothes. "She... ah... she told me that she feels safe with me. That she feels like I can protect her. She said that I remind her of her father that way."

"Okay. Am I correct in assuming that her father isn't alive, then?"

"She hasn't said that specifically, but the way she talks about him makes me think so. She speaks about her whole family that way."

"She hasn't told you about what happened to her family?"

"No. And I haven't pushed her to do so. It seems to be a very painful subject for her."

"Uh huh. And has it occurred to you that if you were to open up to her a bit, she might then do the same?"

"Yes, it has," I reply, balling up whatever pair of pants I'm lying on into a makeshift pillow. "Believe me, it has. But not yet. I don't know how I know this, but it's not time for that yet."

I hear Finnick make that clucking noise he always makes when he disagrees with me. "Well, you obviously know her better than I do. But please, don't wait too long. You're on a pretty delicate timeline here, between not wanting to be too forthcoming too early in the relationship, and out and out hiding things that are important. And no one wants to feel like their significant other is hiding things from them."

Exhaling shakily, I turn onto my side. "Yeah, that's easy for you to say. Annie already knew all about you, before you even got together."

"Yes, and the fact that she loves me anyway is a testament to how rare a woman she is. Don't you think Katniss is like that?"

"Yeah... but-"

"Peeta!" Finnick barks, frustrated. "You had an accident. You made a dumb mistake with one girl, and then had a freak accident. It could've happened to anyone!! And don't you think God has forgiven you?"

"Yeah, I know he has... but..."

"But what? Peeta, I slept with almost half the girls in New Orleans before Annie. She knew that, and she loved me anyway. From afar at first. She was my friend. My funny, beautiful friend who prayed for me. But then, it was like she just crept up on me. Slowly. And before I even realized it, I was in love with her too. And she forgave me, and I know the Lord forgave me. And, with her help, I finally forgave myself. And that right there, my friend, is where you're stuck. You still haven't forgiven yourself. And there's absolutely no way for you to move forward until you do."

I'm quiet for almost a full minute. "You're right," I finally choke out.

"I know I'm right," Finnick replies. I can hear the satisfied smile in his voice. "So, when will you tell her?"

"Soon. I'll tell her soon."

He sighs, defeated. "All right. But again, don't wait too long."

"I won't."

* * *

I cringe as I attach my prosthesis the next morning. I haven't replaced the protective sleeve that goes underneath it in probably close to six months. I'm supposed to replace them every month, according to what the physical therapist told me when I first got my fake leg. But the sleeves are expensive, so I had been replacing them only every couple months at first. That quickly stretched to every three months, until this last time when I realized I was down to my last one. I'd been meaning to head down the mountain to the medical supply store for a while now, but somehow always managed to find an excuse not to go. And especially since Katniss came into my life, I haven't wanted to waste any of my time driving down the mountain for medical supplies, when I could be spending it with her instead.

"I'll get some new ones tomorrow, before church," I mumble to myself as I finish getting dressed. I wince with each step going down, limping my way into the kitchen and donning my apron. I grab a couple aspirins out of the first aid kit on the wall and get to work prepping croissants.

I'm limping badly by the time Katniss arrives at around 6pm, our takeout Thai dinner sitting on top of her Bible. I manage to hide the worst of it from her while we eat, popping another couple aspirins while she's in the bathroom. I keep hearing Finnick's voice in my head, reminding me that I need to tell her the whole story, but it never seems to be the right time. But when exactly is the perfect time to tell someone that their church-group-leader-who-wants-to-be-a-pastor boyfriend was an idiot in high school, and threw away his virginity on a girl who he later found out was sleeping around? The answer to that question, is never.

Katniss and I have just locked up the coffee shop after group and are heading up the stairs to my apartment when the toe of my shoe slips off the stair. I immediately fall forward, slamming my shin into the step, hitting exactly the spot where my stump attaches to the prosthesis.

"Peeta!" Katniss exclaims, grabbing onto my arm to help me back up. "Are you okay?"

I cringe against the pain, trying not to give away how much it hurts. _Stupid, clumsy idiot!_ "Yeah," I croak out. "Yeah, I'm okay. Let's just get upstairs."

Katniss wraps her arm around my waist to help me hobble into my apartment. She sets me down onto the futon and pulls my shoes off, grumbling about the double-knots, and gasping when she sees blood on my pant leg. "Peeta, you're bleeding!"

"What?" I say weakly. The pain is so bad I feel woozy.

Katniss rolls up my pant leg. "There's a lot of blood here, Peeta!" she cries. "How do I take this thing off of you?"

Lowering my trembling hand, I release the prosthesis and lean my head back, closing my eyes against the swirl of nausea in my stomach. _Stupid, stupid, stupid..._

"I need to get you a washcloth," Katniss says as she inspects my leg. She hurries to the dresser and returns with a couple of washcloths. She soaks one with cold water from the sink and presses it to my forehead. "Stay with me, Peeta. Don't you dare pass out on me!"

"I'll always stay with you," I whisper, willing myself to stay conscious. "Always, always, always..."

Katniss peels the blood-soaked cloth sleeve away from my stump and gasps. "Peeta," she says, holding it up for my inspection with one hand as she tries to stem the bleeding with the other washcloth. "Look at this! It's completely worn through!"

Shame floods my body. "Yeah," I mumble. "I need some new ones. I've been meaning to go, but I just-"

"You just haven't made the time," Katniss snaps. "Peeta, you should never be too busy to take care of yourself!"

"I know," I whisper. "I'm sorry."

We sit in silence for a while, with Katniss checking the washcloth every couple minutes to see if the bleeding has slowed down. Finally she stands up, guiding my hand to hold the washcloth and grabbing her bag. "You don't even have any first aid supplies here," she says. "So I'm gonna go and get you some. That's a Rite Aid there, a couple stores down, isn't it?"

I shake my head, trying to sit up. "Yes, but I don't want you going there alone!" I protest. "There's a bunch of teenagers that hang out there on the weekends, trying to get people to buy liquor for them from the ABC store next door. You could get hurt-"

"I can take care of myself, Peeta Mellark," Katniss says firmly. She takes the cloth from my forehead and rewets it. Then she yanks my phone from my back pocket and puts it into my hand. "You call me if you feel lightheaded again, or if the bleeding picks back up, or anything else, and I'll call 911. Otherwise, I'll be back in fifteen minutes."

"Please be careful!" I say as she goes out the door. _Lord, please keep her safe! Don't let anyone take her from me!_

Katniss returns exactly fourteen minutes later with gauze, bandages, three tubes of antibiotic ointment, and some pills for pain. She mixes the ointment with some lavender essential oil from her bag, before carefully applying a thick layer to the entire bottom of my stump. Then she wraps the whole thing up expertly, props my leg up on a pillow, and gives me two of the pain pills with a glass of water.

"There," she says, sitting down next to me after washing her hands and cleaning up the bloody rag. "How does that feel?"

"So much better," I say in relief. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her close. "Thank you. I can tell you come from a family of healer-types."

Katniss leans her head against my chest. "No," she says. "I'm not the healer type. My sister though, she was the one who could fix anything, heal anything. She wanted to go to medical school someday, before..." and she shakes her head. She's closing herself off again, turning inward. Refusing to open up and tell me more. Maybe Finnick is right. Maybe it's time I lead by example.

I inhale shakily and tighten my arm around her. "Do you think, that your sister could've saved my leg, if she'd had the chance?"

I feel Katniss nod against my chest. "Yes," she says, her voice muffled. "I bet she could have."

"The doctors at the hospital said it was one of the worst cases of blood poisoning they'd ever seen," I say. "But if what you say is true, then I bet your sister could've saved it for me."

Katniss sniffs and looks up at me. "Peeta," she says. "Tell me what happened." I feel my heart start to thump and my stomach swoop. "I asked Delly a while ago, about what happened to you. And all she told me was that you'd had an accident when you were in high school. She said you didn't like to talk about it."

"I don't," I admit. "Finnick and Annie are really the only people who know the whole story. Delly doesn't know it. Not even my parents or my brothers know it."

Katniss cups my jaw with her hand, her beautiful grey eyes boring into my own. "Will you tell me?"

I press a quick kiss to her forehead. "Okay." And I do. I tell her the entire horrible, embarrassing, hideously ugly story.

* * *

 

I started dating Glimmer when she asked me to the Homecoming dance during my senior year of high school. She was blonde and blue-eyed, with the kind of body that all the boys salivated over. I'd known who she was pretty much my whole life, from school, but we didn't hang out with the same group of people. So I was quite surprised when she asked me to the dance. She said she enjoyed herself though, and it seemed like we had a lot in common. We both liked superhero movies, we both liked football, and we both thought Instagram and Facebook were lame but Tumblr was cool. My mother even liked her, since she was pretty and came from a wealthy family. That right there should've been my first clue.

After we'd been dating for a couple months, she started pressuring me to have sex with her. I told her no. I'd never slept with anyone, and didn't want to until I knew I was with the girl I wanted to marry. It became a point of contention between us, causing more than a few fights and even a temporary breakup. But still, I stuck to my guns and refused.

Things came to a head the night of our Senior Prom. Glimmer and I and her friends, Cato and Clove, Marvel, and Lindsey Fox and her date all rented a limo together and ate dinner at a fancy steakhouse. The dance was the usual cheesy, deejayed event, and afterwards the limo took us all to a cabin near the woods that Cato's family owned, to spend the night. Marvel had snuck some of his father's scotch along and I'd taken several gulps of it, trying to fit in and calm my nerves at the same time. Somehow, the combination of the scotch and the slinky, dark blue dress Glimmer was wearing convinced me that I was in love with her by the time we arrived at the cabin. So when we walked inside and she pulled me right into a bedroom, I didn't try to resist. She'd even come prepared with condoms.

I suppose the during part was okay, but after we were finished I felt awful. My head hurt, and I felt dirty, used. Glimmer asked me if I wanted to go for round two and I declined, leading to another argument. Our shouting back and forth was interrupted by Marvel, knocking on the door and asking if we wanted to go play flashlight tag out in the woods. That suggestion didn't appeal to me at all, but I didn't really want to stay in a middle-of-nowhere cabin by myself either, so I agreed. We all grabbed flashlights and went out into the woods, still dressed in our prom clothes.

We were about ten minutes into the game when I realized I had no idea where anyone else was. I called out to Glimmer, trying to not sound scared, but when she didn't answer right away I became more frantic. I started walking back in what I thought was the direction of the cabin, keeping the beam of my flashlight trained on the ground in front of me, when I suddenly heard a muffled moaning sound off to my left. I jerked my flashlight up to see Glimmer leaning up against a tree, her eyes closed and mouth open, the straps of her blue dress dangling off her shoulders, and Marvel's face buried in her neck.

"What're you doing?" I gasped in shock, causing both Glimmer and Marvel to jump in surprise. "What are you doing, with him?"

Glimmer smirked, leaning into Marvel as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Oh Peeta," she said. "Did you really think that I was in love with you? You were like the only guy at our school that was still a virgin! You, with your blond hair and broad shoulders and the skimpy little wrestling singlets. Don't you know how many girls wanted you? And yet, you wouldn't even give them the time of day! You were like the poster boy for the perfect, pure teenager, and it was disgusting! So, when Clove bet me a hundred bucks that I couldn't get you to sleep with me before graduation, I jumped at the chance. And too bad for her, but I won."

A growling sound escaped from my lungs as I stared at the two of them, smirking at me and pawing each other. "You mean, it was all for a bet? How you acted?"

Glimmer rolled her eyes. "I didn't need the money, you idiot. A hundred dollars to me is nothing. But, at least it'll help pay for the limo for tonight." Marvel started to laugh, like she'd just told the funniest joke he'd ever heard.

My mind was spinning. All of a sudden events of the past several months made a lot more sense. Where Glimmer would disappear to during lunch every day. Why she never invited me to her house. Why she asked me for sex pretty much every time we were together from Christmas break on. It was all an act. She'd been with Marvel, and who knows who else, the whole time that she was with me.

"Oh my God," I stammered, staring foolishly at the pair of them. "I need to get out of here... I need to go home... how can I get out of here?"

Glimmer tsk'd. "Oh Peeta, I'm sorry. But I'm afraid I can't come over tonight. Marvel and I have some things to... study," and she snaked her hand around his neck and pulled him into a kiss. "I might be free tomorrow morning, but I'll have to let you know."

I stumbled backwards and started to run, blindly through the woods, not really paying attention where I was going, when suddenly the ground disappeared from under my feet and I fell down an incline. The incline wasn't that steep, and I would've likely been okay, if my left foot hadn't found an old, rusty bear trap and set it off. That thing slammed shut over my leg and wouldn't budge.

I screamed, as loud as I'd ever screamed before the pain was so bad. I again called out for Glimmer, shrieking that I was trapped and bleeding and in horrible pain. After a few agonizing minutes I heard her approaching with Marvel, holding his hand possessively, causing another piercing pain to travel up from my leg and stab me right in the heart.

"What do you need now, Peeta?" Glimmer snapped. "I thought I told you I'd be busy all night tonight."

Tears of pain and shame rolled down my face. "Can you at least help me?" I stammered. "My leg is stuck in this thing, and I can't get it out."

But Glimmer just smiled at me. "Oh, but you're such a smart boy, Peeta. I'm sure you can figure something out."

Then she yanked on Marvel's hand and they turned around, walking back up the incline, their flashlight beams growing dimmer and dimmer the further away they got. "You can't leave me here!" I screamed. "It's getting cold, and my leg is bleeding!" But the only response I got was the sound of their crunching footsteps and the tinkle of Glimmer's laughter.

By the time paramedics found me the next morning, I was barely conscious. I was taken to the hospital, where they had me on heavy-duty drugs for several days trying to save my mangled leg. But after about a week they said it had to be amputated, because the infection had set in too deep. I had to stay in the hospital for over a month after the surgery, mainly due to complications. My stomach got so messed up from the strong antibiotics I was on that I couldn't eat for a while. My leg didn't heal as fast as they wanted it to since I couldn't eat and regain my strength. I missed my high school graduation, and the only people who came to see me in the hospital were my brothers and my parents. My mom tried to get me to press charges, but really, against who? And for what? Against myself for being a fool? Somehow I didn't think that would help too much. It certainly wouldn't give me my leg back.

I first met Finnick and Annie while they were working as chaplains in the hospital. There was a group of three hospitals all connected to each other, and it was their day to work in the Children's Hospital. The first time Finnick tried to talk to me, I told him, very rudely, to get out of my room and leave me alone. He left, but not before dropping a Capital Kings CD on my bedside table. When he and Annie returned the following day, I allowed them in. He didn't ask about my leg, or how I was doing. All he asked was if I'd listened to the CD. When I told him I hadn't he offered to listen to it with me. And it was a really good CD. It was so good that it took me listening to it three times before I realized it was a Christian music CD.

After that he and Annie came by almost every day. They left more CDs for me to listen to. They left me books to read and DVDs to watch. They offered to pray for me and with me. They became my friends, the closest friends I'd ever had in my life.

I tried returning home to my parents' house after I was discharged, but I was only there a few days before I realized that I needed a completely fresh start. It was too hard running into people that I knew from school. News about what happened to me had spread throughout Victors County, and I couldn't go anywhere without people pointing and whispering. I was embarrassed about my ugly, peg-leg prosthesis so I wore pants all the time, even in the dead of summer when it was in the nineties and humid.

And then came the breaking point. I made the mistake of telling my parents and my brother Rye at dinner one night that I wanted to attend Panem Bible College in the fall instead of the State University where I'd been accepted. My mother nearly choked on her food, with my brother raising his eyebrows and hastily excusing himself from the table. After my mother recovered, she announced that I would not be allowed to use the college fund they'd saved for me to attend some 'religious school for sissies', and that if I was absolutely certain I wanted to continue down this path, I would have to pay my own way.

I packed up my stuff a week later and moved in with Finnick and Annie. I slept on their couch for almost a year before they moved away, back to their hometown to start their own church. I was accepted to Panem Bible College, but I had to wait a year before starting because I had to raise money for tuition. I worked various odd jobs before the church opened the coffee shop, in the spring before I started school. I applied for the pastry chef position before the shop even opened, and it was because of me that they converted what was supposed to be attic space into a livable apartment.

* * *

Katniss is quiet for a few minutes once I finish. At some point during my story she'd taken both of my hands, holding them between her small ones. "Why did you wait so long to tell me?" she finally asks.

I can't bring myself to look at her, so I keep my eyes trained on our sandwiched hands. "Because, I was ashamed," I mumble. "I'm still ashamed. I was a fool, Katniss. I allowed myself to get led down a path that ended with this horrible thing happening to me, and it was all my fault."

"It was not all your fault," Katniss says, shaking her head at me. She brings my hands up to her lips, kissing my knuckles. "It sounds to me like it was just a freak accident." Her grey eyes look into mine. "I just wish you would've told me a lot sooner. Why didn't you?"

"Because," I whisper. "I shouldn't have even ever been in that situation. I should've seen Glimmer for what she was a long time before that. And I-" I stop as tears of shame roll down my cheeks. "I slept with her, and I shouldn't have. I felt so dirty afterwards, Katniss. I felt used. And that's not how it should be." I reach up to cup her face. "That's not how I want it to be, someday." _With you._ "I love you, Katniss. I love you, and you deserve to have someone as pure as you are, when that time comes."

Katniss smiles, that soft smile that she seems to save only for me. "How do you know that I'm pure? I don't think I've ever talked about that before."

I lean in and kiss her forehead. "It was just a guess," I say. "But I think a good one. Am I right?"

Katniss lays her head on my chest. "Yes." We're quiet for a couple of minutes. _Thank you Jesus, for not having her run out the door once she'd heard my story! Thank you, thank you, thank you!_ And then, right on the heels of that prayer comes the realization. I told her I loved her. I said the actual words 'I love you' to her. To her face! And she didn't run away! She didn't say it back, but she didn't run away. This is good!

"I should stay here tonight with you," she murmurs after a while. "Make sure you don't start bleeding again." I instinctively tighten my arms around her as her words fill my heart to almost bursting. Then she sits up on her elbow to look at me. "And then tomorrow we're going down the mountain to get you those cloth sleeves that you need. I'll drive us." She covers my mouth with her fingers before I can protest. "No arguing," she says firmly. "What time do you get off work?"

"I get off at ten," I reply, looking at her in awe. "Saturdays are my short days."

"Good," she says, smiling. "I should be ready to wake up by then. We'll go down as soon as you're done. And, I don't want you wearing your prosthesis until your leg heals up, so you'll just have to use your crutches for a while. Okay?"

I turn my head, kissing her fingers. "Okay."

"Okay. Now, what movie is up for tonight?"

I pick up my laptop from the coffee table and flip it open. "Ah, it looks like we're up to Age of Ultron."

Katniss snuggles back down next to me. "All right then, Steve Rogers. Boot it up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! That's quite a story, don't you think? What do you think about Katniss's reaction?
> 
> Please don't hesitate to leave me a comment! 
> 
> I'm geekymoviemom on Tumblr too, feel free to drop by and say hi sometime!


	6. A Trip to Town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will highlight and explain some of the differences between this type of church and more traditional churches. This is for informative purposes only. :)

I wake up stiff and sore when my alarm goes off at 5am, having spent the night sleeping on the floor so Katniss could have the futon. I sit up and stretch, working some of the kinks out before checking over my leg, making sure it didn't start bleeding again during the night.

With the bandage still pristine white, I grab my crutches and hobble into the bathroom. Katniss warned me to not get the bandage wet for a couple of days, so I tie the plastic shopping bag from her Rite Aid trip last night carefully over everything, and literally hop into the shower.

Katniss is still sound asleep once I'm showered and dressed, her small hands curled up under her chin and her dark braid stretched out over my pillow. I had given her one of my t-shirts and an old pair of sweatpants to sleep in, and as I look closer, I can see part of the t-shirt neckline balled up in one of her hands.

My hands almost ache to touch her, this wonderful girl who took such amazing care of me last night. Not even my own mother ever took as good a care of me as Katniss did. And then to simply accept the awful story of my accident and the events that led up to it, well, if it was possible for me to love her any more than I already do, that would've done it.

As much as I want to kiss her goodbye, I don't dare try while she's sleeping. So instead, I carefully brush a strand of hair away from her face and tuck the blanket up to her neck. I'm rewarded with her sighing gently in her sleep, so I press my hand briefly to her shoulder and then make my way, as quietly as I can, towards the door and down the stairs to begin my work.

Even with having to sit down on the stool in the kitchen or hobbling around on my crutches, I manage to get all of my scheduled baking done for the day by 10am. Hurrying around to the front of the shop, I purchase two hot chocolates and a couple of doughnuts, not even thinking about how in the world I'll be able to get them back upstairs on my crutches until I've already paid and packaged everything up.

"Way to think ahead, Mellark," I mumble, staring blankly towards the set of steps that tried their best to re-cripple me last night. After pondering for a minute or so, I brace the crutches against the wall in the stairway, and, grateful for the little plastic stoppers in the cocoa cups, sit down on the third step and push my way up with my arms and good leg, moving the food gradually up the steps above me until I've made it to the top. Then I hop back down to retrieve the crutches before finally knocking on the door. _Thank you Jesus that I didn't drop everything. And thank you that Katniss wasn't around to see that fiasco._

"Peeta?" Katniss calls from inside.

"Yeah, it's me," I say as Katniss opens the door. She looks like she just woke up, still wearing my t-shirt that hangs off of her slender shoulders and the sweatpants with the waistband rolled over four times. Wisps of her gorgeous hair have come loose from her braid, framing her face. She has never looked more beautiful.

"Hey," I say after a few seconds. "Did you sleep okay?"

Katniss wraps her arms around herself. "Yes," she whispers. "It was the best sleep I've had in a long time."

Wow. That's definitely not what I was expecting. My futon isn't too bad, but it's still just a futon. "Really?" I say. "On that old thing? Sometimes I think the floor would be more comfortable."

But Katniss shakes her head. "No, it was fine. I was fine." She looks at me, that sweet, soft smile on her face. "I felt safe," and she grabs a handful of the t-shirt, pulling it away from her body. "And this... well, it smells like you. I like it."

I'm too busy grinning like a fool to realize that I'm still standing in the open doorway, with the hot chocolate and doughnuts sitting on the floor next to the door. "Um," I stutter, finally snapping back to my senses. "Well, you can keep it, if you like. It looks much better on you than it ever did on me."

Katniss smiles again, just briefly before her gaze is drawn to the food sitting on the floor. "Is that breakfast?"

"Oh!" I exclaim, bending over to pick up the bag of doughnuts. "Yeah. It's just a couple of doughnuts, sorry. They don't sell the cheese buns until closer to lunchtime."

"They make you buy them, even though you made them yourself?" Katniss asks, reaching for the bag.

"Yeah," I admit, sheepishly. "They comp my rent a bit, so... But I do get an employee discount at least."

"Well, that's good," she says as she carries everything over to the coffee table. She opens the doughnut bag and inhales deeply, closing her eyes and sighing. "I can tell you made them though. They smell amazing."

"Oh?" I ask as I sink gratefully down onto the futon, reaching for my own doughnut. "And how is that?"

"Well, I smell traces of cinnamon on your t-shirt," she says, clutching a handful of the fabric to her nose. "And the cheese buns smell like baked cheese, and basil, and dill. And this," as she holds up her doughnut with a bite taken from it, "this smells like vanilla." She breaks off a piece and stuffs it into her mouth, chewing carefully. "A girl could get used to this pretty fast."

Feeling emboldened by her heartwarming words, I lean in for a kiss. "I haven't ever heard anyone describe anything that I've made quite like that," I say, kissing her nose. "I think you've just given me a new appreciation for my baking abilities."

Katniss giggles and takes a sip of her cocoa. Then she holds up the cup, eyeing it suspiciously before glancing back towards the door. "Peeta?"

"Yeah?" I reply, taking a sip of my own cocoa.

"Um, how did you manage to get all of this up the stairs without help?"

Her question causes me to inadvertently inhale while trying to swallow. Once my throat is clear and I'm able to breathe again, I shake my head. "Uh, I'd rather not say. I'm sure it looked pretty ridiculous."

To her credit, Katniss doesn't press the issue, but she does manage to scowl at me before popping the last bite of her doughnut into her mouth. "You know Peeta, you don't have to do everything for yourself all the time," she says once she's finished chewing. "It's okay to ask for help when you need it."

"Yeah, I know," I mumble, studying the top of my cocoa cup. "I'm sorry."

Katniss takes one final sip of her drink and stands up. "Do you mind if I use your shower? I'll just take a few minutes and then we can head down the mountain."

"No, of course not!" I exclaim, moving to hoist myself up off the futon. "Let me get you a tow-"

I'm stopped with her firm hand on my shoulder. "I know where the towels are," she chastises. "You just sit."

"Okay, okay."

Ten minutes later Katniss is ready to go. She offers her hand to help me stand up, and holds onto my arm as we make our way precariously down the stairs and out to her truck. Going down steps on crutches is much more difficult than going up.

It's an absolutely beautiful autumn day here in the mountains, with the crisp sunlight and the multi-colored trees sprinkling the various peaks and valleys as we drive. Even with my bum leg, I feel happier right now than I have in a long, long time.

The medical supply store is there, right where I remember it being, and while I grimace as I hand over my debit card to pay for a year's worth of the cloth sleeves, along with a jar of medicated skin cream, the look of satisfaction on Katniss's face makes it worth it.

"There," she says as we exit the store. "That wasn't so bad. Don't you feel better now?"

"Yeah," I admit grudgingly. "I just wish they weren't so expensive. I mean, it's just cloth! Someone good with a needle and thread could probably make them for a fraction of the cost!"

Katniss shakes her head, apparently amused at my lack of knowledge regarding medical technology. "But this particular kind of cloth is patented, with built-in moisture-wicking and antimicrobial properties, and probably represents years of research by the company that developed and produced it." She takes the crutches from me and unlocks the passenger door of the truck. "Not exactly something you can find at Joann's Fabrics."

"I guess not," I say, my voice trailing off as I follow Katniss's gaze to the sweet shop next door. "What?"

"I'll be right back," she says, handing me back my crutches, along with the keys to the truck. "Just stay here."

"O-kay," I say to her retreating back, smiling and shaking my head. But instead of climbing into the truck, I shove my crutches inside and close the door again, leaning against it. I close my eyes, enjoying the feel of the sun on my face.

"There you are!" I hear a few minutes later, startling me from a very nice daydream. "What are you doing leaning against that old pickup?"

"Huh?" I mumble, opening my eyes and blinking against the bright sunlight. There's a pretty blonde woman standing in front of me, holding a shopping bag in one hand, with the other hand on her hip and an annoyed look on her face.

"Wait, you're not... Peeta?" she says, squinting. "Is that you? Oh my gosh, how long has it been?"

And this is one very big reason why I don't like coming into town. "Hey Madge," I say, with as much enthusiasm as I can muster. "How're you doing?"

"I'm fine!" she exclaims. "It's so good to see you, it's been a long time!"

"Yeah, well, you know. I'm pretty busy, with school and work, and church." _Please Katniss, come back now!_

"You're almost done with school though, right? Do you know what you'll be doing after you graduate yet?"

"Not exactly, but I have a few ideas. Hopefully one of them will pan out for me." _KATNISS!!_ "What have you been up to?"

"Oh, my father's sort of taken me under his wing a bit. I'm officially a member of his staff, but he's been basically training me to run for mayor myself someday. If I could get elected, that is. Victors County hasn't ever had a woman for a mayor before."

"That's nice. I'm sure with how smart you are, you'll have no trouble getting elected when the time comes," I say, trying to sound as sincere as possible. "Hey, who'd you think I was, when you first saw me?"

"Why, Rye of course. Haven't you heard? We've been dating for almost a year now. He's in one of these stores somewhere..." and her voice trails off, looking around.

"You're going out with my brother?" I say, feeling the knee on my good leg start to weaken. "How nice." _Please Katniss, come back!!_

"Yeah, he's here somewhere... there he is! Rye! Look who I found!" Madge practically shouts, waving my older brother, who I haven't seen in over eighteen months, over to join us.

Rye and I were often mistaken for twins while we were growing up, even though he's almost two years older than me. We're pretty much the same height, and our hair and eye color are close enough at first glance to look identical. As he walks towards me, I can see that he's even wearing almost the same clothes as I am today. No wonder Madge thought I was him.

"Peet!" Rye says, sauntering over to the truck. "Long time, no see, huh?"

"Hey Rye," I reply, squinting against the sun. "Yeah, it's been awhile. You know how school is. They like to run us pretty ragged up there."

"Yeah, well, that's what you get for going to that type of school. You know I pretty much breezed through college myself. I'm surprised you don't take after me that way."

"Yeah, well, at the school you went to, you could've majored in beer drinking and still graduated," I retort, trying to sound teasing. Truth be told Rye isn't stupid, just has a tendency to be lazy, and he barely scraped by with his BA in Business Administration. Still, our mother was proud of him because his degree meant that he could take over the accounting responsibilities for the bakery, something she had never enjoyed.

"Ha, ha, ha," he says, grinning. He slides an arm around Madge's waist. "So, what brings you into town?"

I swallow hard. My accident is still a very sore subject within my family. "Um...". Just then Katniss comes out of the sweet shop and walks over to us, looping her hand through my arm. Smiling gratefully, I cover her hand with my own. "Ah, Katniss and I were just doing some shopping. You know, various things."

I see Rye's eyes traveling up and down over my girlfriend. "Hello," he finally says, holding out his hand. "I'm Rye, Peeta's brother."

"Hello," Katniss says, rather coolly, shaking my brother's hand with her left. "Nice to meet you."

"This is Katniss," I say, squeezing her hand that's locked around my arm. "Katniss Everdeen."

"Hi Katniss, I'm Madge," Madge says, throwing a harsh look towards Rye, presumably for his failure to introduce her. "Madge Undersee. I went to school with Peeta. Through high school, at least."

"Nice to meet you," Katniss says quietly.

"Do you go to school with Peeta now?" Madge asks.

"We met at church," I say, cutting in. "Katniss works at the Community Center."

Rye is still eyeing Katniss up and down, like he's sizing her up or something. "I think I recognize you!" he exclaims, snapping his fingers. "You're from Seam County, right?"

I feel Katniss freeze next to me. "Yes," she mumbles. "But-"

"She lives up on the mountain now," I say. "About fifteen minutes from church." I squeeze her hand again and turn, opening the truck door. "Look, we really need to get going-"

"You know, Peeta," Rye interrupts. "I'm sure Dad would love it if you came home for Christmas this year. Madge'll be there, and Ban and his wife will be there. It'll be like old times-"

"I'm not sure what we're doing for Christmas yet," I say crossly. I nod towards Katniss, hopefully conveying that I want to get out of here ASAP. "I can let you know once we decide."

Rye opens his mouth, most likely in retort, but then thinks better and closes it. "All right," he murmurs. "Let us know then. And have a nice day."

"See ya," I say as I close the car door. We back out of the parking lot and turn onto the main road, heading back towards the mountain. Katniss's lips are pressed together, her hands gripping the wheel so hard her knuckles are white. She's plainly upset about something.

"Hey," I say tentatively, laying my hand on her knee. "Are you okay?"

She doesn't look at me, continuing to stare straight out the windshield, keeping her death grip on the steering wheel. "That was your brother," she finally says.

"Yeah. I have two of them. Rye's the middle one. Why?"

She inhales shakily. "And before today, when was the last time you saw him?"

I lean back against the seat, raking my hand through my hair. "I don't know, almost two years? I think? It's been quite a while."

Suddenly Katniss brakes hard, swerving sharply onto the shoulder of the road and scaring me half to death. Putting the truck into park, she turns to me, her grey eyes flashing with anger. "And tell me why, exactly, you haven't seen your own brother for almost two years?"

"I-" I say, stunned into silence with the fire behind her unexpected question. "Um, we don't exactly get along all that well..."

"And why is that?" she asks, avoiding my attempt to grab her hand.

"I don't-, I don't know," I mumble, my face reddening in shame. "My family wasn't exactly all that supportive after my accident, and my mom flipped out when I told her I wanted to go to Bible college. I told you that, remember?"

"Yes," she says, finally allowing me to grasp her hand. "But you didn't tell me you hadn't spoken to them in so long. That doesn't seem like you, Peeta. They're your family!"

"Yeah, well...". But I really don't have a good argument for her. There really isn't a single, good reason that I can come up with right now, that would explain why I haven't at least tried to extend an olive branch after all of these years.

"You never know, when the last time might be that you'll see your family," Katniss continues, her voice rising and her eyes welling with tears. "My whole family is dead, Peeta! My mom, my dad, and my sister are all dead!" She sniffs loudly, scrubbing at her eyes with her palm. "Haymitch is the closest family member that I have left, and yet here you have an entire family that you're choosing to ignore! And why? Just because your parents refused to pay for your college?"

Tears welling in my own eyes, I bring her hand up to my lips. _Colossians 3:13 says, make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you._ Finnick reminds me of this verse all the time. How could I be so dense?

"Katniss, I'm so sorry." I reach my other hand over to her face, brushing her tears away with my thumb. "I'm so sorry. You're right. I should try and talk to them. I've been so bitter about how everything was after my accident, but you're right. I need to forgive them. I'm so sorry."

She tilts her head into my hand, closing her eyes. "Yes, you do," she whispers. "You need to."

I lean in further, kissing her nose before working my way down to her lips. "And I'm sorry," I repeat, planting another kiss on her forehead. "I'm so sorry about your parents, and your sister."

She shifts, burying her face into my shoulder. "You already knew though, didn't you?"

"I suspected," I say quietly. "But I wasn't going to ask until you were ready to tell me."

Pulling back and sniffing, she grabs for a tissue from the box shoved under the center console and starts wiping her eyes. "Then, aren't you going to ask me how?"

I wrap my hand around her wrist, stilling her movements. "Are you ready to tell me?"

Katniss looks out the window towards the mountain, cars whizzing by us on the road. "No," she says. "Not yet. And not here. But I will... soon."

I nod, kissing the back of her hand. "Okay. I'll be here, when you're ready."

"Okay," she replies, sounding more like herself again. She squeezes my hand one last time before easing the truck back onto the road. "Do you mind if we stop at Haymitch's house? I really should check on him, since I wasn't there last night."

"No, of course not," I say, excited at the prospect of finally meeting her uncle. "I can even make us something to eat there, if you'd like me to."

"That sounds fine," she says. "It would do Haymitch some good to eat a decent meal for a change."

About thirty minutes later Katniss eases the truck onto a crushed-gravel driveway, leading to a small ranch house badly in need of a paint job. The scraggly bushes under the front windows are overgrown and half dead, and the railing on the cracked concrete steps is rusted and broken. Katniss unlocks and opens the front door, holding her index finger to her lips, indicating for me to be quiet.

"Haymitch doesn't like visitors," she whispers.

The inside of the house has a slight stale smell of old alcohol, combined with the harsh scent of disinfectant. It's apparent that the owner of the house hadn't put much effort into its upkeep until recently.

"You think it's bad now," Katniss says, noticing my nose wrinkled in disgust. "When I first got here, the smell was so bad it made my eyes water. The very next day I went and picked up my friend Gale's mom, Hazelle, and had her help me clean it. It took us almost three days to get it somewhat livable in here."

Katniss told me earlier that Haymitch had been medically discharged from the Army, and was living off his disability benefits from Gulf War Syndrome. She said he doesn't hardly sleep at night, as that's when he prefers to be awake, drinking and watching television. He sleeps during the day, or whenever he passes out, and doesn't really eat unless she makes him eat. Since it's just after 1pm right now, chances are good that he's asleep somewhere.

I follow Katniss through the living room, littered with empty and half-empty liquor bottles, and into the kitchen, trying to hobble as quietly as I can on my crutches. Katniss stops in front of me as we enter the kitchen, pointing towards the table.

"There he is," she says, shaking her head. "Typical."

Haymitch is sitting at the kitchen table, his arms sprawled across the wood grain and his face in a puddle of liquor, snoring loudly. Katniss walks right up to him, shaking his shoulder. "Haymitch, get up." The man's snoring stops for a moment as he turns his head, then resumes. Katniss shakes him again, harder. "Haymitch, wake up!"

Frustrated, Katniss fills a glass with water from the sink and pours it over his head, moving out of the way just in time to avoid the flying chair that Haymitch kicks as he jumps to his feet, wielding a large knife that he apparently was sleeping with. My eyes widen with fright as he slashes blindly at the air, spewing profanity for a few seconds before coming to his senses, blinking and scowling.

"What in the hell are you doing?" he sputters to Katniss. His eyes scan the room, with him raising his knife again as he sees me. "And who the hell are you?"

"This is Peeta," Katniss says, rushing over to loop her hand through my arm. "I told you about him, remember?"

Haymitch stares at me through narrowed eyes. I can definitely see a family resemblance between him and Katniss. Although Haymitch's face is lined and his hair streaked with silver, it's the same color otherwise as Katniss's hair, and his eyes are a similar shade of grey. His skin tone, however, carries a sallowness to it that I'm guessing is due to his alcoholism.

"Hmph," Haymitch grunts, eyeing me thoroughly. "The baker boy, huh?"

"It's nice to meet you, sir," I say.

Grunting again, Haymitch waves haphazardly with his hand still holding the knife. "No one's called me 'sir' in a long time." He reaches for the open liquor bottle on the table and raises it to his lips, taking a long drink. "What're doing here?" he asks, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

"Peeta's offered to make us a late lunch," Katniss says. "And you need to take a shower." She points her finger at his chest. "It's been at least three days since you've showered, and you stink."

"Ya well, you shoulda told me I was having company," Haymitch grumbles, taking another long pull from his bottle.

Rolling her eyes, Katniss grabs him by the arms, turning him around and pointing him into the apparent direction of the bathroom. "Go get cleaned up," she orders. "So Peeta can get lunch started and I can wash your filthy clothes."

Despite its bedraggled appearance, the kitchen is stocked well enough for me to make a simple pasta dish and a loaf of homemade French bread. Haymitch eats his entire plateful and asks for seconds. Remembering what Katniss told me, about him not really eating unless she cooked for him, sends a twinge of guilt up my spine for keeping her away from home last night. The food even seems to sober him up enough to carry on a semi-normal conversation, with him asking me some questions about my job at the coffee shop.

"Never heard of a church owning a coffee shop," he says, popping a hunk of bread into his mouth.

"Yeah, well, our church feels that it's a regular part of the community," I say, with a glance at Katniss. She nods, so I continue. "It allows exposure to Biblical truths in a casual setting that people are familiar with and comfortable in. All the coffee that we sell is fair trade, and all of the profits are used for our community outreach projects, as well as overseas missions."

"Other than the Christian music playing, the Bibles on the tables, and the couple of Bible verses written on the walls, you wouldn't know it was owned by a church," Katniss says. She smiles at me. "And the cheese buns are delicious."

"Hmm," Haymitch says, belching loudly. "Sounds like church has come a long way from speaking only Latin and singing hymns that are centuries old."

"And there's nothing wrong with that, if that's what you prefer," I say quickly. "But there's a great many out there who enjoy our approach, and our church has been growing rather fast lately."

"You should come sometime," Katniss says to him. Her voice is casual, but I recognize the hopeful note to it. "I think you'd love the music."

Haymitch smiles, a humoring smile, and shakes his head. "I'm busy on Saturday nights, Sweetheart. That's when I watch The Sopranos."

Katniss rolls her eyes as she stacks up the lunch plates, bringing them over to the sink to start washing dishes. I watch as Haymitch grabs his liquor bottle and stumbles over to the living room, plopping down onto the couch and turning on the television.

"Don't mind him," Katniss says, scrubbing furiously at a stubborn speck on one of the plates. "I think he's a hopeless cause."

Forgoing my crutches for the moment, I hop over to the sink, wrapping my arm around her and taking the plate from her hand. "No one who's still living is a hopeless cause," I say, kissing her temple. "Not a one."

She doesn't respond for a few minutes, just hands me the dishes and flatware to dry as she washes them. "Peeta," she whispers, rinsing off the last of the cookware. "What exactly do you have to do?"

"What do you me-" I start to ask, interrupted by the look on her face. She looks tortured, like she's struggling with something hard. "Katniss?"

"You told me that Finnick and Annie prayed for you, and with you," she says, handing me the pasta strainer but refusing to look directly at me. "What exactly did they pray with you?"

Immediately my mouth goes dry as my heart starts to pound. I've never actually prayed with someone else to receive Jesus before. "Um, well," I say, swallowing hard. "Finnick asked me a few questions, and I answered them."

"What questions?" she asks. She's still refusing to meet my eyes, which I take to mean that she's merely curious at the moment, and not ready to pray just yet. That realization relaxes me a little. "He asked me if I believed that I was a sinner, and I said yes. Then, he asked if I believed that Jesus came to Earth to save people like me, and I said yes. Then, his final question was, if I agreed that through the belief in the sacrifice Jesus made for me, I could be saved. And I said yes."

"It's that simple?" she asks. Her eyes are wide with doubt. "That seems too easy."

"It is that easy," I say, reaching for her hand, intertwining our fingers together. "Romans chapter ten verses nine and ten spell it all out for us. _If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by openly declaring your faith, that you are saved."_

Katniss looks unconvinced. "It still seems too easy."

I shake my head, tightening my fingers around hers. "God didn't intend for it to be difficult. He loves us, unconditionally, and what he asks us in return is to accept that love, and to love him back. And it's through his love that he changes us. He changes us into his own beloved sons and daughters. And then we take that love, that amazing love, and show it to others. And by showering others with the love and hope of Jesus, we can then, hopefully, save them."

"But," Katniss says. She's staring at our intertwined hands. "But what about baptisms, and confirmations, and First Communions, and all of that stuff?"

"There are a lot of people who attend churches that go through those steps," I say. "Our church doesn't, though. We're considered non-denominational, and so do things a little differently. We have baptisms, but they are not performed on babies. In our church, a person gets baptized once they accept Christ, as a public declaration of faith. And it's done like Jesus himself was baptized, which is full-body immersion. We use a baptismal pool at our church that looks like a round hot tub. And our baptism services are held around every three months or so. I think we have one coming up fairly soon."

She nods, still staring at our hands. "Do you have to do it in front of the whole church?"

"No, we've had people who've done private baptisms before. People have done it in the ocean, when they've been on vacation, for example. Or even in backyard pools. The only real requirement is that you're baptized by a fellow believer."

Katniss meets my eyes in surprise. "You mean, the Pastor doesn't do it?"

Smiling, I shake my head. "Only if that's who you choose to baptize you. And a lot of people do choose Pastor Dale, simply because he's the most visible of the pastors. But, for example, Thresh baptized his sister, Rue, and Finnick baptized me. I've seen wives baptize their husbands, and fathers baptize their sons and daughters. Who actually does it doesn't really matter, like I said. It's the act itself that's important."

Katniss nods, releasing my hand to retrieve my crutches from the corner by the table. "I just need to hang up the laundry, then we can go."

"Let me help-"

"No," she says, gently but firmly. "You go ahead and sit with Haymitch, I'll just be a few minutes."

Internally grumbling about my lack of a leg yet again, I hobble into the living room and sit down on the chair opposite the couch. Haymitch grunts in acknowledgment, but doesn't look up.

"Nice of you to get Sweetheart to get herself out of the house on occasion," he mumbles, not taking his eyes off the TV."

"Ah, you're welcome?" I say, unsure exactly what I should say to something like that. "I very much enjoy spending time with her."

Haymitch scoffs, his eyes still trained on the television and his right hand wrapped protectively around his liquor bottle. "The way she talks about you, you'd think you hung the moon up in the sky. Then he turns, looking directly at me, his grey eyes narrowed. "So you'd better come up with something better than just enjoying spending time with her. Because the last thing that girl needs, is to lose someone else that she loves."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Biblical References:  
> Colossians 3:13  
> Romans 10:9-10
> 
> Please don't forget to leave a comment! I appreciate them more than you know! :)


	7. Katniss's Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be aware, this chapter contains trigger warnings. Please skip down to the end notes to see them.

_She's not going to lose me. She's never going to lose me._ Haymitch probably had no idea what he was doing when he said that to me. There's no way I could possibly replace Katniss's entire family, but I can absolutely make sure that she knows she's loved from here on out, and loved very much.

The brief but rather groundbreaking conversation Katniss and I had while doing dishes also revealed a lot about her personality to me. I already knew how nurturing she was, and that her actions often spoke much louder than her words. But it also showed me just how far she's come spiritually in the couple months I've known her. Finnick has told me about people like this, who visit a church once or twice and then jump right in with both feet. People who are so spiritually starved, that once they get a taste they can't seem to get enough. Katniss seems to be similar, but there's still a part of her that's very cautious, almost suspicious.

Katniss deems my leg healed enough to reattach my prosthesis about a week later. As much as I sometimes despise my fake leg, I'm relieved once I'm able to wear it again. I was beginning to think I'd have a permanent indentation in my armpits from using my crutches.

As we get further into November, bringing shorter days, falling leaves, and the first light snowfalls to blanket the mountain, I start thinking about what my brother said that day in town. I haven't been home for Christmas since I started school up here. I've justified it by saying I had no real way to get there, as my moped isn't all that great on snowy roads, and Delly and Thom have graciously invited me to spend the holiday with them at his parents' house for the past two years instead.

But if my intention is to marry Katniss someday, and it is, then she'll have to meet my family at some point, and preferably before the day of the wedding. I guess Christmas would be as good a time as any for me to introduce her, since I would hope the joy of the occasion would be enough to keep my mother from, well, being her usual self.

I cringe, thinking of what my mother might say to Katniss when she meets her. My mom has never made it a secret as to what she thinks of "those people" who live up in Seam County. Lazy, stupid, and dirty are just a few of the nicer words she's used in the past to describe them. I feel a flash of my old temper at the thought of her saying any of those awful things to Katniss. I'm not quite sure I could keep my cool if she did. But maybe, if my brothers are there with their significant others, then maybe she'll be in enough of a good mood to stick to small talk. Or, simply stay quiet altogether.

"We can just stay for lunch and presents," I mumble as I pull another batch of cookies out of the oven, setting them on a cooling rack before grabbing the food coloring to mix more frosting. "How much trouble could Mom cause in three or four hours?"

With that decision made, I pull out my phone to text Katniss as soon as my shift is over.

**_[Peeta] Hey, would you be okay if we went to my parents' house for Christmas? I'd like for my family to meet you._ **

She doesn't reply for a few hours, which makes me a bit nervous until I hear my phone beep, right in the middle of my Revelation class.

_**[Katniss] Sorry, I was at work and then Gale called me. His girlfriend just moved out and he was upset.** _

It's all I can do to not reply back right away, as my professor has a strict No Texting During Class rule. Keeping one eye on the clock, I take my phone back out as soon as class is dismissed.

_**[Peeta] I'm sorry about your friend. Were you able to help him?** _

This time she replies right away.

_**[Katniss] I hope so. He kept asking me when I was moving back there.** _

The text hits me like a punch to the gut. It'd never crossed my mind that Katniss would ever consider moving back to her hometown. _No, you can't go! I need you to stay here with me!_

_**[Peeta] What did you tell him?** _

_**[Katniss] I told him I wasn't interested. I like my life here.** _

Whew! Crisis averted. At least for now. But I'm thinking this is something we should definitely discuss again in the near future.

_**[Peeta] I can't wait to see you tomorrow. Thanksgiving at Thresh's house is always fun.** _

_**[Katniss] I'm looking forward to it. And we're still having group on Friday, right?** _

_**[Peeta] Yep! Since everyone said they could be there, there's no reason to cancel it.** _

_**[Katniss] Good. See you tomorrow then.** _

Wednesdays I take the bus to and from school, and as I walk across campus to the bus stop I try to remember everything she's told me about this Gale person. As soon as I get to the corner I pull my phone back out to text her again. It's probably silly, but the fact that he got to talk to Katniss today and I haven't has me feeling a bit jealous.

_**[Peeta] Hey, can I call you tonight? I miss hearing your voice.** _

_**[Katniss] Okay. Is your leg bothering you?** _

_**[Peeta] No, my leg is fine. What time should I call?** _

_**[Katniss] I need to run to the grocery store, but anytime after 8pm should be fine.** _

_**[Peeta] I'll call at 8:30 then, okay?** _

_**[Katniss] Okay** _

It's not until the bus drops me off a block away from the coffee shop that I realize Katniss never answered my question about Christmas. I'll have to ask her again tonight when I call her.

After picking up some tea and a cinnamon roll from downstairs, I head up to my apartment, determined to finish all of my studying so I can have the entire rest of the long weekend off from schoolwork. But I manage to slog through only about half of it before my mind starts wandering. I've heard Katniss mention her friend Gale a few times in casual conversation, but no more often than she's mentioned people she works with or went to school with. But the fact that this guy called her after apparently suffering through a breakup, and asked her when she was moving back closer to him, has me on edge and I don't like it.

 _Calm down,_ I think. _She's given you no indication that there's any rival for her affections out there somewhere._ And she doesn't seem the type to lead anyone on either. But it's still enough to distract me from getting any more work done, so I end up playing a few rounds of Candy Crush until 7pm rolls around and the coffee shop closes. I received permission awhile back from the shop manager to use the kitchen tonight after closing time, so I could bake a couple of pies for Thanksgiving tomorrow. While my little apartment technically has a kitchenette, it doesn't include an oven, so any personal baking I do has to either be downstairs or at someone else's house.

It's 8:25pm by the time the apple and pumpkin pies are done. After managing to find room for them both in my tiny refrigerator, I collapse onto the futon and pull up Katniss's number.

"Hey," I say once she answers. "How was your day?"

"Just a normal Wednesday," Katniss replies. "How was school?"

"Not bad. A couple of my professors don't seem to understand the meaning of 'holiday weekend' though. It seemed like they assigned more homework than usual, to make up for us missing a couple days of classes."

I hear Katniss chuckle. "I'm sure you can handle it. You're smart enough."

"I'm glad you think so," I say, smiling. "Did that guy who said he wanted to learn to shoot like Green Arrow ever come back to see you?"

Katniss laughs, her beautiful, musical laughter that makes my heart skip a beat or three. "Oh yeah, he came back today, more determined than ever..." and she launches into a long story about this guy who's taken two lessons with her so far, absolutely fixated on becoming the next DC superhero. The conversation flows easily, soothing my rattled nerves. When we reluctantly hang up at almost midnight because we're both in danger of falling asleep, I'm feeling a lot better.

* * *

Katniss picks me up at 10:30 the next morning for the twenty minute drive to Thresh and Cassandra's house. This is the third year I've been invited there for Thanksgiving, and it's been a blast every single time. Thresh is especially ecstatic today, having learned only yesterday that he won his audition to sing with TobyMac at his concert in Richmond, the week after Easter.

"Thresh!" I exclaim, clapping him on the shoulder. "Congratulations! That's incredible!”

"I couldn't have done it without y'alls help," he says with a huge grin. "And since I won, the show organizers told me that I get thirty free passes for special box seats at the show, to give to my friends and band members. And, my family will have their own seats in the front row." He looks over at Cassandra, who is deep in conversation with Katniss and Rue as they help with the dinner prep. "And Cassandra's already volunteered to be part of the Prayer Team at the concert."

"That's so wonderful," I say. "I'm so proud of you! I mean, what a testimony!"

"Yeah, well, like I said. I wouldn't have done it without your encouragement," Thresh says. "And since you and Delly and Thom were some of the first to encourage me, I'm including all y'all in the special box passes for the show. Y'all get to attend for free. Oh, and Katniss too, of course. There's no way I would've nailed _Lose My Soul_ without her help."

I feel my eyes widen. "Are you sure? What about the band members?"

"Peeta, there aren't thirty band members at our church," Thresh says, laughing. "Unfortunately, Pastor Dale and his family will be on vacation that week, but otherwise there's enough tickets for the entire band and all the rest of who I want to invite."

"Wow, that's so awesome!" I say softly. I've never been to a Christian music concert, and Katniss had said she'd never been to any concerts before. "Thresh, thank you!"

"You're very welc-," he says, interrupted by a loud whooping noise from the kitchen. "Ah, that must mean the food’s ready. Rue’s a little loud when she's hungry.”

Laughing, we follow the ladies into the dining room. Thresh's grandmother, who raised him and Rue and who still lives with them, once again prepared her famous deep-fried turkey and Southern dressing, while Rue's specialties are the collard greens and sweet potato casserole. To my delight, Katniss seems to enjoy herself with everyone, giggling back and forth with Rue, and even joining us all in several rounds of Jenga after we eat, while the football games play on TV in the background. By the time we leave in the late afternoon, loaded down with leftovers to bring over to Haymitch, both Katniss and I are stuffed and in wonderful moods.

The next day is Black Friday, always a very busy day at the coffee shop, as people are constantly coming in to refuel during their marathon shopping trips. I end up working almost three hours of overtime, trying to keep up with the sales out front and still make enough items to sell during the church services this weekend. _Well, at least the overtime will cover the tux rental for Thom and Delly's wedding._

Once I'm able to finish everything I drag myself upstairs, fully intending to finish my homework for the weekend. But instead I end up falling asleep for the next couple hours, waking with only enough time to take a quick shower before Katniss is due to arrive. There's four unanswered texts on my phone when I check it, from Finnick, both of my brothers, and my dad. _Thank goodness he learned how to text!_ I reply to them quickly as I get dressed, my stomach rumbling since I haven't eaten anything since early this morning. I'm so grateful Katniss always brings our dinner with her so we can eat together before group starts.

But I'm surprised when I see her truck pull into the parking lot, directly followed by Delly and Thom and everyone else in our small group. I'm even more stunned when Delly pulls a stack of pizza boxes out of the backseat of Thom's car, along with a massive bouquet of mylar balloons. Katniss follows them in, carrying a large box from the bakery located down the street from the elementary school.

"What's all this?" I ask as I hold the door for everyone. For how busy the shop was during the day today, I'm glad it's almost empty now. I don't really enjoy being the center of attention.

Katniss throws me a scowl as she sets the bakery box down on a table. "Someone didn't tell me it was his birthday today," she grumbles. "So when Delly asked me two weeks ago if I was planning anything special for you for tonight, I looked like a horrible person for not knowing that it was, in fact, your birthday today." She glares at me for a few seconds, just long enough for me to gulp a couple of times, then winks as she gives me a warm hug. "Why didn't you say anything?"

I shrug as I kiss her on the forehead. "My family never made a big deal about birthdays," I tell her. "I just didn't think about it."

"Well," Katniss replies. "My family always made a big deal about birthdays. So there. And happy birthday."

"Thank you," I say, a bit sheepishly as I slide my arm around her waist. _I better find out when her birthday is, and quick!_ "Well then, can we please eat now? I'm starving!"

It's really a nice evening with everyone, eating pizza and cake and drinking root beer. Delly starts up a game of sorts by telling us a story about her favorite lessons we've covered in group.

"I mean, who else besides Peeta could compare King Xerxes' selection of Esther as his queen, to the show The Bachelor?" she says, laughing. I feel my face turning red as everyone else laughs, agreeing with her. "That was just plain brilliant." She turns to look at me. "You're going to make a great pastor someday, Peeta."

"Here, here!" Patrick says, raising his root beer bottle. "To the best group leader we could ask for!" I smile sheepishly as a chorus of "here here's" accompanied by the clinking of bottles travels around the table.

Once everyone's eaten their fill of pizza and cake they start to filter out, wishing me a happy birthday as they say their goodbyes. As soon as we're alone I wrap my arms around Katniss, holding her for a long time. "Thank you," I finally say. "Thank you so much. I haven't had a birthday party since I was a little kid."

"You're welcome," she says, her voice muffled against my chest. Then she pulls away slightly, looking up at me. "I got you a present too. It's not much, just a little something-"

I stop her words with a kiss. I can taste the frosting from my birthday cake on her lips and tongue as I hold her tightly against me, my hands resting on the small of her back, hers threaded into my hair. _She even got me a cake from a real bakery, instead of the grocery store. What did I do to deserve such an incredible girl?_ I feel my heart banging against my rib cage as we reluctantly break for air. I am so in love with her it's almost physically painful.

"You didn't need to buy me anything," I whisper, once I feel capable of speech.

Shaking her head, Katniss pulls a box wrapped up with a silver ribbon from her bag, handing it to me. It's from the sweet shop, next door to the medical supply store in town. This must be what she was buying when we ran into my brother and Madge that day. I open the box to find a dozen homemade peppermint candies, neatly stacked in three rows.

"How'd you know I love peppermints?" I ask her, in awe at the thoughtfulness of this simple gift.

A slight blush creeps its way up her neck and she smiles, causing another ripple of warmth to race through my body. "The second time I came to church," she says in a breathy voice. "On the Sunday. You were drinking peppermint tea that night."

"I remember," I say, pulling her close to me again and looking directly into her breathtaking silvery eyes. "I also remember almost burning my tongue on it."

Katniss reaches her small hand into the box, pulling out one of the candies and holding it near my mouth. "I don't think these will burn your tongue," she murmurs, sliding the candy piece past my lips and into my mouth. Then she kisses me, as if she's wanting a taste of the candy for herself. Her lips are warm and soft as her mouth molds perfectly to my own. I feel my knees start to buckle as Katniss makes a tiny whimpering noise. If there was ever a chance I could relive a moment, so far I'd choose this one.

When we finally break apart, I lean down to rest my forehead against hers. I want so badly to tell her how much I love her, but I don't want to make her uncomfortable if she's not ready to say it back to me. I can only hope that she's feeling the same things I'm feeling right now.

"Happy birthday, Peeta," she murmurs.

"It's the best birthday I've ever had, thanks to you."

"Mmm. I had a lot of help."

"You had some help, yes, but I'm still gonna give you all the credit, since everyone else is gone."

She chuckles, pulling my head down for another quick kiss. "Well, since everyone else is gone, can we go upstairs now?"

"Sounds good," I say. I gather up the couple remaining pizza slices and the balloons as Katniss picks up the rest of the root beer bottles. Delly even got me an Avengers balloon. I wonder how much that cost her.

"You know," I say as we climb up the stairs, the minty sweetness of the peppermint still melting on my tongue. "After tonight we'll be out of Marvel movies to watch, unless we move on to the X-men films."

"Really?" Katniss says as she kicks off her boots. "We've made it to the end?"

Kicking off my own shoes, I sit down on the futon, reaching for her to join me. "Yep. Doctor Strange is the last one available for streaming, for the next few months at least."

Katniss tucks her feet up onto the futon and snuggles closer to me. "I haven't seen any of the newer X-men movies yet. Do you have any of them?"

"Actually, yeah, I have two of them. The last one wasn't as good I didn't think." Then I pause, looking closer at Katniss's gorgeous face, with her high cheekbones and clear olive skin. "You know, if you had orangy-red hair and royal blue skin, you could pass for Mystique! Your face is almost the same as hers!"

Smirking, Katniss knocks her shoulder against mine. "Stop it. Flattery won't get you any more peppermints, you know.”

"I'm serious!" I say, laughing. I quickly Google a picture of Mystique to show her. "See? She's a bit taller, but otherwise she could be you!"

"Hmm," Katniss says, apparently not convinced. "I always thought Gale kinda looked like Thor." I feel my breath catch in my throat. "Well, he would if he had blond hair and big biceps and could throw a hammer and have it come back like a boomerang. And, if he actually smiled every now and then. He's pretty grumpy most of the time.”

"Hmm, that's funny," I reply, trying not to sound a petulant as I feel. I don't really want to hear any more about her guy friend who looks like Thor, even if he never smiles. "So, do you want to go with Doctor Strange, or start on X-men?"

"It's your birthday, you should pick," Katniss says

"Alright. Then let's watch Doctor Strange, so we're caught up with the MCU. We can start with X-men tomorrow night."

Grabbing her bottle of root beer, Katniss burrows into my side, hinting at me to wrap my arm around her. "Sounds good."

I've only watched Doctor Strange a couple times, but I do remember the car crash scene being quite realistic and nerve-wracking. I notice Katniss tensing up as it approaches, so I tighten my arm around her, planting a quick kiss to her temple. Her right hand is resting on my chest, with her left hand still holding her root beer bottle.

But as soon as the Lamborghini drives off the edge of the mountain Katniss starts to scream, her hand fisting tightly into my shirt, ripping out at least half of my chest hair. The soda bottle drops from her hand with a loud clank, spilling all over the floor as she buries her face into my neck, crying and convulsing with fear. I slam the laptop closed and shove it onto the coffee table, wrapping both arms around her as tight as I can without hurting her.

"Hey! Hey, hey, hey, I've got you!" I say, practically shouting to be heard over her screaming. "It's okay! It's okay, I'm here! I've got you!" Her body's stiff as a board and her hands are scrabbling between my neck and chest, trying to hold on. "I've got you, love. It's okay, I've got you!"

She pulls back suddenly, her grey eyes unfocused and widened in panic, her entire body trembling violently as tears stream down her face. I cup her face with one hand, pressing my forehead into hers, kissing her nose and cheeks over and over. "It's not real," I soothe, repeating it over and over. "Whatever you saw, it wasn't real."

"Peeta," she stutters after a couple minutes, her voice hoarse from screaming and her tears dripping onto my shirt. The iron grip on her body relaxes a little, her head dropping against my chest. "Peeta! I'm sorry... I-, I spilled my pop all over your fl-"

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I admonish, interrupting her. "Good grief, you just had a panic attack or something! You don't need to worry about some spilled soda!" I kiss her forehead, running my hand up and down her back in what I hope is a comforting way. I feel her sigh against me, relaxing a little more with each swipe of my fingers. We sit there for several minutes as her breathing slows down and her body continues to relax. "Would it help to talk about it?"

Sniffling, Katniss sits up enough to look at me. "It's what happened. To my dad, and my sister. The car crash is what killed them."

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," I whisper, planting more kisses across her forehead. "If it's still too painf-"

"Why?" she cries. "Why did they have to die, Peeta? Why?"

"I don't... I don't know, love, I-"

"And why didn't I die too?" she asks. "Prim, she had all these plans. She wanted to become a doctor, to help people!" Her body is tensing up again, her voice rising, tears streaming down her face. "She was the one who should've lived! Not me!"

"Shhh," I say, helpless to think of anything better after a statement like that. I can feel my heart tearing into pieces at the torment she must be feeling. I stroke her back, rocking her like she's a small child. "Shhh, don't say things like that."

"Why not?" she demands, her voice muffled in my chest. "She was so much better than me. Her and my father both. And if she would've lived, my mother would still be alive too, I just know it!"

"There's no possible way you could know that," I say, as gently as possible. I take her face into my hands, brushing her tears away with my thumbs. "There's no way you can know that."

The look of agony on her face is almost too much for me to bear. "Why, Peeta? You keep telling me that God loves me, and wants what's best for me. I read that entire Bible you gave me, and there's all kinds of stories in there about how good and merciful God is. But if he's so good and merciful, why would he take almost everyone that I love from me?"

And there it is. The huge question that people always ask when they're hurting. Why indeed would a loving and merciful God allow an accident that would kill a young girl’s family? I asked Finnick this same question a few years back, after my own accident.

Taking a deep breath, I tell her the same thing Finnick told me. "I don't know." Katniss scoffs and tries to pull away from me, but my arms lock around her, holding her in place. "I don't know, Katniss, because I'm not God. No one knows the answer to that question except him. But," and I nudge her to look at me. "But what I do know, is that God will take a tragedy, like what happened to your father and sister. He will take it and he will turn it around, and good will come from it." She immediately shakes her head, so I cup her cheek to hold her still. "Something good will come from it, Katniss. It will. There's no way of knowing how, or when, but it will. And that I can promise you."

She shakes her head again, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. "I just don't see how that's possible."

"Well, maybe you can try telling me what happened, for starters?" I say quietly. "And then I'm going to pray for you."

Katniss is quiet for a while. I sit patiently, rubbing her back up to her neck and down, trying to convey how much I love her without using words.

Finally, she nods. "Okay."

"All right," I tell her. "But you can stop at anytime, if you need to."

"Okay," she repeats. I shift us so we're sitting more upright, with her legs laying across my lap so she doesn't need to look directly at me. She leans against me, grabbing a fistful of my shirt.

“My mom's parents were both pharmacists, and they owned a little independent pharmacy when my mom and her older brother were little. It was pretty successful, and they both expected that one of their children would grow up and go to pharmacy school so they could take it over. But my mom's brother joined the Army right out of school, and then got killed in the line of duty five years later. My mom fell in love and married my dad right after she graduated from high school. My dad grew up in Seam County, and was the son of a lumberjack. My mom's parents felt like he was beneath them, so after my mom and dad eloped, they disowned her and ended up selling their pharmacy to CVS when they retired.

“We didn't have a lot of money growing up. My dad's salary as a lumberjack was barely enough to pay the rent on our little home, so my mom occasionally worked as a pharmacy tech at the Rite Aid down the street to help make ends meet. Sometimes things were so tight, if it wasn't for my dad hunting during his work breaks, we wouldn't have had any food that night. But both of my parents loved me and Primrose, and I never felt like we were missing out on anything.”

She pauses, swiping at her eyes. “Hey,” I whisper. “You don't have to-”

“No, it's okay,” she interrupts. “I just need a minute.”

“Okay, take your time. I'm not going anywhere.”

Nodding, she sniffs a few times, tightening her hand on my tear-soaked shirt. “Prim wanted to go and see a movie for her birthday. I'd only been to a real movie theater once in my life, so I was excited to see it too. My mom at the last minute decided not to go, she was called into work or something, so it was just my dad and me and Prim. We even got some popcorn to share.

“It started to rain during the movie, and while we were driving home it was pouring so hard my dad had to slow way down so he could see the curves in the road. We were only about ten minutes from home when he rounded another curve, and the SUV appeared right in front of us.”

Her hand in my shirt tightens even more, pinching some of my skin in with the fabric. I jump, sliding my fingers into her hand instead, feeling her squeeze them painfully together. “Some kid my age was driving that SUV, Peeta! She was trying to pass another car in a no passing zone, and was way over in our lane when she hit us!”

Fresh tears fall as she looks up at me, her watery grey eyes begging me to make it all go away. I lean in, kissing her on the forehead and blotting her tears with the sleeve of my shirt, kicking myself for not having a box of tissues within reach.

“Katniss, you don't have to-”

“Stupid, selfish, girl who was in a hurry,” Katniss sobs. “Why are people so selfish, Peeta? Why?”

“I don't know, love,” I whisper. “I wish I had a better answer to give you, but I don't.” _But, I'm selfish too. I'm selfish because I'm relieved you weren't killed in that accident too._ “Were you badly hurt in the crash?”

She shakes her head, holding up her right arm. “No. A lot of bumps and bruises, and a broken arm and index finger. Our car had flipped, landing on the roof. It started leaking oil before the paramedics arrived. I was in the front seat next my dad, and Prim was in the back. They were able to get me out right before the fire started, even as I was screaming at them to go for Prim first. She was only fourteen years old, Peeta! She didn't deserve to die!”

I squeeze her to me, rocking her and blotting her face. “Katniss-”

“And then my mother just stopped functioning after they died. Once I got out of the hospital, she just laid there on the couch all day long. Not doing the housework, or going to work. Not suing the other driver's insurance so we could at least get the funerals paid for. Not applying for death benefits from my dad's job before the deadline passed, leaving us with nothing. She laid there, her eyes glassy and staring straight ahead, but not really seeing anything.

“I went back to school about three weeks after the accident. I hid everything from my teachers. The school assigned me a counselor, but I refused to see him. I was still only seventeen, and I didn't want anyone to know what was happening to my mom because I was scared they would take me away. Once my hand and arm healed, I wrote to everyone I could think of asking for money for rent, including all the churches I could find in the phone book. I got an after school job working with Gale, who was also a lumberjack. He paid me in cash under the table so I didn't have to report my income. Me and mom barely survived, but we did. I made sure we did.”

“You're a survivor,” I murmur. “And one of the strongest people I’ve ever seen. But no one should have to shoulder all that responsibility so suddenly, especially when you were still trying to recover yourself.”

Chuckling bitterly, Katniss shrugs her narrow shoulders. “Well, no one asked me if I wanted it, but no one else seemed to want it either. I’m not sure my mom even knew I was there most of the time.”

“Do you know if our church was one you called,” I ask. “When you were looking for help?”

“Uh huh,” she says, rubbing her nose into my chest. “Mountainside sent us enough money for a month’s rent and some groceries. They were one of only two churches outside of Seam County that even called me back.”

Despite the overwhelming sadness filling the room, I smile at the fact that our church chose to help Katniss, a perfect stranger at the time, when she needed it the most. Mountainside prides itself on giving back to the community, and examples like this help illustrate the depth of that commitment.

“I applied for low-income health insurance for us on my eighteenth birthday,” Katniss continues. “I'd call doctors and make appointments for Mom, but I could never get her to actually keep any of them, and I couldn’t take her since I was working so much, and had no car. I had to force her to eat and help her bathe. Losing my father and sister caused her to just shut down, and nothing I did or said had any impact on her at all.

“Finally, a little over a year ago, she started to improve. She actually went to one of the doctor appointments that I made for her and got a prescription for some medicine. About two weeks after she started taking the medicine, I came home from work and found her in the kitchen, actually cooking food.”

Katniss pauses, her lower lip quivering. “But then, about three weeks later, I came home and found her on the couch, and I-, I couldn't get her to wake up. I screamed and yelled, and begged and pleaded, but she wouldn't wake up.” I tighten my arms around her as my heart sinks, bracing for the worst.

“She had recovered from her debilitating depression, just enough to realize that she could end her life with her new medicine,” Katniss spits out. “So she did.”

She slumps against me, exhausted. I don't speak for a few minutes, my mind swirling with everything she's told me. A whole chorus of emotions are rippling through me. Guilt. Sadness. Pain. Longing. Fear. For so long, I thought I'd gotten such a bad break when I lost my leg. Sure, I'd had a few nightmares about it, especially right after it happened. But I still have friends, a family, school. Katniss thought she had nothing. Her entire family was gone, and she thought she had nothing left. She's been working so hard since then to only survive. I need to prove to her that she can live again.

"You're not alone, Katniss," I whisper. "God knows how sad you are. He knows how much you grieve for your family. And he wants to help." I move my fingers under her chin, raising her head up so I can look into her silvery eyes. "And I want to help you, too. I'm here, and I want to help you."

Sighing, she ducks her head again, leaning back against me. "You already have," she whispers. "I hadn't laughed, or even smiled at all since… until I met you."

"You have such a beautiful smile," I say, kissing the top of her head. "I'm so blessed I get to see it."

Inhaling shakily, Katniss nods against my chest. "After my mom died, I couldn't stay in that house anymore," she says, wiping her eyes. "So I moved into a spare room in Gale's house for a while." I feel my arms stiffen slightly, but Katniss doesn't seem to notice.

"Then one day, Gale came home and said he couldn't have me working for him anymore. His new girlfriend had gotten fired from her job, and he needed my job for her. I walked out of his house that night. I spent a few nights at a shelter, then a couple of weeks in a tent in the woods until I tracked Haymitch down and asked if I could come and live with him. Haymitch isn't really my uncle, he was just a good friend of my dad's growing up, but he's the closest thing I ever had to another relative."

"I'm very grateful Haymitch was there for you," I say. "And I'm sure it's helping him to have you there as well."

"Hmph," Katniss mumbles. "Most of the time I feel like an indentured servant at his house."

Remembering the brief conversation I had with Haymitch, I shake my head. "No. He cares about you. He may not show it in the most conventional way, but he does care about you. And so do I."

"I know," she replies, burrowing impossibly further into me. "I know you do."

"Can I pray for you now?"

"Mmmhmm."

Taking a deep breath, I press a quick kiss to her forehead. "Dear Heavenly Father. Thank you so much for Katniss. Thank you for her kind heart, for her strong spirit, and for her willingness to help people. Lord, I ask that you help her with her grief. I ask that you help take this huge burden of grief from her shoulders, and that you give the people who love her wisdom to help her as well. I ask that you help her learn to remember her sister, and her father and mother, not with sadness, but with joy. Joy for the years that she did have together with them. And, I ask that you help her remember how much you love her, and that you have a plan for her life, and that your plan is perfect. In Jesus' name, amen."

There's no sound except the quiet humming of my computer once I'm finished. Katniss's head feels heavy on my chest, and as I shift a little on the futon I hear her inhale and exhale deeply. She's fallen asleep in my arms.

"Oh Lord," I whisper. "Please don't let her ever forget how much I love her. I know I can't replace her parents and sister, but help me to show her how much she's loved. Help me to be what she needs me to be for her. In Jesus' name, amen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains trigger warnings for a fatal car accident, and also for debilitating depression with resulting suicide. Please keep in mind these trigger warnings as you read.
> 
> I know this chapter was a bit of a beast, but I absolutely needed to have the lighter moments at first to help balance out the end parts. This was a hard chapter for me to write, and I'm really looking forward to what you all think of it. :)


	8. New Feelings and Old Fears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to thank NotAnIslander and HPFanonezillion for their help with betaing this chapter! They are both wonderful writers and have been such a huge help!

My back is starting to ache from the awkward positioning, and I think my left arm has gone numb, but I don't dare move Katniss just yet. Her breathing is mostly even and regular, but every few minutes she stiffens and shudders violently, causing her to whimper and me to jump, breaking my heart a little each time. I keep my fingers running lightly up and down her back, whispering softly in her ear, reminding her that she's not alone.

After about thirty minutes her whimpering and shuddering stops, her death grip on my body loosening a little. I wait another ten minutes or so before carefully sliding her down, laying her on the futon, positioning my pillow under her head and covering her with a blanket. I stretch and rotate my arm a couple of times, getting the blood flowing again, then grab a kitchen towel to tackle the spilled root beer on the floor.

Once I've cleaned up the mess and changed into my pajamas, I slide the coffee table over and arrange my extra blankets on the floor next to the futon, preparing to go to sleep. I've just removed my prosthesis and laid down when Katniss startles and cries out. Her hand flails about, searching.

"Peeta?" she cries, sounding like she's still half asleep. "Where are you?"

Instantly I sit back up, grasping her hand and pressing a reassuring kiss to her cheek. "I'm right here," I whisper. "I'm right here next to you."

Her eyes open, brimming with tears. She pulls my hand up, cradling it next to her face. "Do you have to sleep on the floor?"

"I, ah, well," I stutter. "I wasn't sure if you-." I pause, clearing my throat, my face burning. "I wasn't sure if you'd want me-"

"Please?" she interrupts, tugging on my hand. "Please, will you stay with me? I need you."

_I need you._ Those words ripple through my body, flaring to life sensations I thought were impossible for me to feel. No one has ever said they needed me before. And from what I've come to understand about Katniss, her saying she needs me is even harder than her admitting she loves me. "Always," I whisper, my mouth dry. "I'll always stay with you."

"Thank you," she whispers, pressing her cheek into my hand.

I lean over for a quick, sweet kiss, even though every fiber of my being is screaming _more, more, more!_ "I need to move the coffee table, so I can pull the futon out. Otherwise there won't be room for both of us."

"Okay," she says. She releases my hand and moves into a sitting position. "Peeta?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I borrow another one of your t-shirts?" she asks shyly. "To sleep in?"

"Sure!" I rasp through my parched throat. Swallowing hard, I jerk my head in the direction of the dresser. "They're in the third drawer."

With light, silent footsteps, Katniss makes her way over to my dresser, pulling out my Baltimore Ravens t-shirt and a pair of my pajama pants. The intimacy of her rifling through my dresser and pulling out my clothes to sleep in is so overwhelming that I have to stop and take several deep breaths trying to calm myself. I shake my head, trying to clear it so I can concentrate on pulling out the futon. Having been stuck in the couch position for so long, the futon protests rather loudly about being disturbed, and my shaking hands don't help the matter at all.

Once Katniss emerges from the bathroom, she crawls onto the now-flat futon, settling herself down on the side closest to the coffee table. She holds the blanket up, inviting me to join her. I can feel my body trembling as I lay down next to her, very grateful for the cool breeze filtering in through the open window. _Lord, please help me control myself!_ I pray desperately. _Don't let me make a fool of myself. Or even worse, don't let me scare her away!_

But if Katniss notices how uncomfortable I am, she doesn't say anything. Instead she takes my arm, pulls it across her waist, then turns her back to me and snuggles up against my chest. Still intimate, but also still somewhat innocent. Gradually, I allow myself to relax and enjoy just being close to her. _She's so pure._

Some time passes, and I think she's fallen asleep when she suddenly burrows closer to me. "Peeta?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you," she whispers.

Her simple words send another flash of warmth through me, undoing most of my relaxation efforts. I chance pressing a kiss to the back of her head anyway. "Of course."

She's quiet for a while, and I'm just on the brink of sleep when she says my name again. "Peeta?"

"Hmm?" I say sleepily.

"We should go to your parents' house for Christmas."

Inhaling deeply, I smile and squeeze her tighter. "Okay. Sounds good." _And I think I this is absolutely the best birthday I've ever had._

* * *

Sleeping next to Katniss rewards me with the best night of sleep I've had in a long time. I groan when my alarm goes off in the morning, forcing me to detangle myself from the warmth of her body. She stirs as I get up, her hand unconsciously reaching for me. I tuck the blanket over her shoulders and stroke her hair for a moment until she relaxes, settling back into a deep sleep. Once I'm showered and dressed, I leave a note for her on the coffee table, telling her I'll bring some breakfast up for us once I'm done with my shift.

We end up heading over to Haymitch's house for the afternoon, with Katniss insisting over my protests that I bring my laundry along to wash at his house. I finally accept, under the condition that I make lunch for all of us when we get there, to which Katniss readily agrees. Haymitch is his same grumpy self while I'm there, his skin tone looking even more sallow than the last time I saw him. A good meal seems to perk him up again though, and the afternoon is not at all unpleasant.

The rest of the weekend passes uneventfully. But as the days go by and we get closer to Christmas, Katniss doesn't ever bring up her traumatic flashback. And, being afraid, I don't bring it up either. I can tell though, that something has shifted in our relationship since that night. We've become even closer, almost to the point of it scaring me a little. I feel it now, every time we kiss or I hold her close to me. The pleasant warmth that I used to feel has roared into a blazing inferno, with seemingly little to no chance of it being quenched. This _something_ I wasn't sure if I was even capable of feeling, especially after what happened with Glimmer. The wanting, the desire, the pull towards her, accompanied right on its heels by the fear that if I allow myself to give in to those feelings, she will then reject me.

"Let me get this straight," Finnick says during our Thursday night conversation. It's been almost two weeks since we've talked on the phone, which is unusual for us. He sounds tired and stressed tonight, more stressed than I've ever heard him. "She spent the night, of your birthday, at your place..."

"Yeah," I say, running my fingers through my hair. "We were watching a movie, like we always do, and something in the movie made her upset. Really, really upset. And by the time I was able to calm her down and pray for her, she'd fallen asleep in my arms. I was prepared to sleep on the floor again, and she was stretched out on the futon-"

"You still have that old futon?" Finnick interrupts, chuckling. "That was only supposed to be a temporary thing!"

"Yeah, well, it still works," I say, confused. "Why would I get rid of it if it still works?"

"Annie always hated that thing," Finnick laughs. "She was so happy once we got down here and could sleep on a real bed."

"I still have the moped too, ya know," I remind him. "And it still works too."

"Really?" Finnick asks. "It's still running?"

"Yep! Well, I only probably use it once or twice a week at the most, but yeah, it still runs."

"Well then, just FYI, I wouldn't recommend having Katniss ride on it with you. Speaking from experience, it doesn't work all that well."

I pull my phone away from my ear, shaking my head at the ludicrous thought. "Why would I even think of doing that? Did you actually have Annie try and ride on it with you? Finnick, there's only enough room for one person!"

"Alright, so apparently I'm not as smart as you!" Finnick snaps, sounding angry. My eyes widen at his sudden outburst, but before I can respond he apologizes. "I'm sorry Peeta. I'm just extra busy and stressed right now. Um, Annie's pregnant. We just found out last week."

"Oh..." I say, stretching the word out over several seconds. "Isn't, um, isn't that a good thing?"

"Of course it is," Finnick says, sounding like it's anything but a good thing. "It was just... unexpected... is all. I mean, Finn's just now started to sleep through the night, and we're still living here, in Mags' house, and… yeah.”

"You've always told me that God's timing is perfect," I remind him, which I realize as soon as the words leave my mouth was not at all the correct thing to say.

"Yeah, well, sometimes I wish it wasn't so perfect, okay? And a little warning might be nice on occasion, too. Maybe a kick in the pants, a big, flashing light, or something… ya know?"

"I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed," I say quietly. "Do you need me to hang up?"

"No, no," Finnick says, sounding resigned. "I shouldn't be unloading this stuff on you anyway. So, you were saying?"

I scrub my face with my palm, trying to remember where the conversation derailed. "Um, I was ready to sleep on the floor, and then she woke up and asked me to stay with her. She said," and I gulp, inhaling deeply. "She said she needed me, and she wanted me to sleep next to her."

There's a few seconds of silence. "She wanted to sleep… next to you…” Finnick says slowly. "Next to you, but not, ah, with you?"

Feeling a blush creep up my neck, I shake my head. "In the emotional state she was in, I'm not sure… that… even crossed her mind. She wanted me to hold her. For comfort."

"Uh huh. And?"

"Aaannnddd, I did. But as soon as she said the words, 'I need you', it was like something inside me woke up."

"What do you mean, exactly?" Finnick asks, sounding intently curious.

I rub my nose furiously, extremely glad that I'm alone right now. "Ever since the accident, um… I wasn't sure if…” I feel a cold sweat breaking out over the back of my neck. "I wasn't sure if I would ever feel real… desire… like that. I mean, I would kiss Katniss, and hold her hand, and feel things…". I break off, unsure if I'm making any sense. "I would want to kiss her, and we would, and it would feel so good… but I always felt like I was still in control of myself. That I could stop before things went too far. But that night was the first time where, I wasn't sure if I could have. If she'd wanted to go further that night than just kissing, I'm not sure I could've refused. And I… definitely wouldn't have wanted to stop, and that by itself was the most frightening part of it."

Finnick is quiet for a moment. "You know Peeta, having a sexual desire for the woman you love is completely normal, right? In fact, I'd be concerned if you didn't."

"Yeah, I know," I mumble. "I'm just not used to how intense these feelings are, and it's kinda scary. And Finnick, the only time I've, ah, gone that far, I lost half of my leg."

"That's not gonna happen again, I can almost promise you-" Finnick starts.

"And I, ah, I want to wait… for that… until we're married," I say, rushing my words, as if saying them out loud will make it easier somehow.

"As well you should," Finnick says in his stern, pastor voice. "That's how it's supposed to be, anyhow. Peeta, you may be studying to be a pastor, but you're still human too. You're a young, handsome guy who's in love with a young, attractive woman. What you're feeling is completely normal."

"Okay," I say. "That's all well and good. But it still doesn't help me much."

I hear Finnick exhale suddenly, like he just yawned. "Yeah," he says, sounding even more exhausted. "You know, I'm not sure I'm really the best person to help you with this sort of thing. Especially since I'm only available to you over the phone."

I feel a lump start to form in my throat. "What do you mean?" I demand.

"I have no experience with this type of issue, Peeta. I'm not sure how I could help you. And I think you definitely need some help. Professional help."

"No!" I say sharply. "You're not gonna try sending me to a shrink again! Finnick, I told you I won't do it!”

"Peeta," Finnick says, sounding like he's speaking to a cornered animal. "How many times do I have to tell you this! You still haven't appropriately dealt with what happened to you! And, there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting professional help-"

"I don't have any time for, for therapy! Especially right now!" I snap, flopping my head back against the back of the futon, only narrowly missing the windowsill. "Next week is finals week, Finnick! And I probably couldn't even afford it anyway!"

"Peeta!" Finnick yells, sounding more angry than I've ever heard him. "You went through a horribly traumatic experience, and that experience has obviously skewed your views and feelings on some really important things! But I am not a trained counselor. I can listen to you, and help you as much as my knowledge and experience allows, but there are some things that are really better off left to professionals!"

Squeezing my eyes closed, I shake my head, petulantly refusing to admit that he might have a valid point. "It was hard enough for me to tell you and Annie about what happened to me. And then telling Katniss about it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. So how in the world, do you expect me to tell a perfect stranger about it?"

"I don't know," Finnick says quietly. "But, in my opinion, I think you need to. You need to find a way to do it. Because what'll happen, Peeta, when you and Katniss get married, and you find yourself too terrified to touch her on your wedding night? That's not normal, and you need to talk to someone about it."

Okay, I have to admit he does have a valid point. Pure or not, and as sweet and nurturing as Katniss is, I can't imagine how rejected she would feel if I were… too afraid to get over my insecurities in that particular moment. And, if the tables were turned, I'm not sure I would understand either.

Swallowing hard, I nod my head, as if Finnick can see me through the phone connection. "All right then. Who? Um, who can I talk to? And do you think I should try to get Katniss to talk to someone too? She has a very traumatic past as well, and from what I know of her, she's just been trying to bury it deep down and not deal with it, and that can't be healthy in the long term."

"I have a list of Christian counselors I can email you," he replies quickly. "I think there even might be someone there on the college campus, or at least fairly close to the campus. And, your student health coverage should cover at least part of the cost. As for Katniss, you obviously can't force her to talk about her past, but maybe if she sees you trying to deal better with yours, she'll be inspired to follow suit."

"Okay," I whisper. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Finnick says, stifling another yawn. "I'll email you tomorrow, okay? And I want you to call and set up an appointment with someone as soon as possible, yeah? Because the next time I hear from you, I'm gonna ask you when your appointment is, and you better be able to tell me."

"Fine," I say. "I'll text you the details once I set something up. Now, go to sleep if you're so exhausted."

"That's next on my to-do list," Finnick mumbles. "Talk to you soon."

* * *

I spend most of Friday morning and afternoon brooding over my conversation with Finnick. I'd adamantly refused to see any kind of psychiatrist or counselor after my accident, over the protests of Finnick and Annie and my own parents. Since I was already eighteen, my parents couldn't force me to see anyone, and my father's near-constant badgering about it once I was released from the hospital made me even more determined not to go. But now, staring at the list Finnick emailed me, I finally have to admit that maybe they were right after all.

"Dr. Allison Johnson, definitely out," I mumble to myself, going through the names. I don't feel at all comfortable talking to a woman about this… "Dr. Chris Ronan, is that a man or a woman? Dr. Lane Park, Dr. Marcus Aurelius… hmm, that guy's parents must've been history teachers…" I go through the entire list before scrolling back up to Dr. Aurelius' name, quickly Googling his address and finding that his office is only about a block away from campus. "Alright, here goes nothing."

Dialing up Dr. Aurelius' office, I'm surprised when the phone is answered by a nurse, whose first question is if I'm in immediate danger. After reassuring her that I'm just trying to make an appointment, she connects me to the receptionist. Fifteen minutes later, after verifying that the office does accept my limited insurance coverage, my appointment is scheduled for the following Wednesday after my last exam, which happens to be two days prior to Christmas Eve, the start of my Christmas break from school. Grudgingly, I send a text to Finnick with the date and time of my appointment, receiving the thumbs-up emoji in response.

Fighting the strong pull to take a nap, I manage to get some studying done for my Revelation exam before it's time to go downstairs and wait for Katniss. I audibly gasp when she walks into the coffee shop, looking as beautiful as ever with her cheeks flushed from the crisp mountain air, bringing along our dinner to share before group starts at 7pm. Our conversation while we eat is casual and light, sticking mainly to banter about the approaching football playoffs, and greatly boosting to my mood.

But once group is over and we head up the stairs to my apartment, I feel my palms start to sweat in nervousness. I've still been too afraid to bring up Katniss's flashback from three weeks ago, and she, not all that surprisingly, hasn't attempted to bring it up either. It's just been sitting there, like the proverbial elephant in the corner, something we both know is there but neither one of us wants to acknowledge.

So once we settle in on the futon together, instead of reaching for my laptop and starting up a movie, I reach for both of her hands instead, turning her so we're facing each other.

"Peeta?" Katniss asks. "What is it?"

"Um, I know you probably don't want to," I begin, trying not to look as nervous as I feel. "But I think we should talk about what happened, that night we tried to watch Doctor Strange."

Katniss immediately pales and looks down, studying our clasped hands. "What's there to talk about?"

"Well, for one thing," I begin, remembering my conversation with Finnick. "It's a very harrowing experience, what you went through. And I-, I want to make sure you get any help that you might need-"

Pursing her lips, Katniss tries to pull her hands away, causing me to clamp my fingers down firmly around hers. "I'm fine, Peeta," she mutters, still refusing to look at me.

"Katniss!" I say, frustrated. "No one who went through what you went through can come out of it fine." I release one of her hands, moving my fingers up under her chin, raising her head to look at me. "Not even a survivor like you."

Her free hand reaches up to cover mine, lacing our fingers together. "I'm okay," she says. "I promise." I feel her thumb rubbing circles over the back of my hand. "If I decide that I'm not fine, I'll let you know. Okay?"

Tears spring to my eyes. _No, it's not okay!_ I think. _I don't think it's possible to go through something like that and come out fine!_ But I don't say any of that out loud. "Okay," I say instead. "If you're absolutely sure. But I want you to know that I'm here, and I'm here to help you in any way that I can. Even if it's only to pray for you, and hold you while you cry." I lean in for a kiss, just a brief brush of my lips against hers. "You don't have to do everything yourself, Katniss. It's okay to ask for help when you need it."

One corner of her mouth quirks up slightly, remembering when she said the same words to me weeks ago. "I know," she whispers. "Thank you." Then she looks up at me, her small pink mouth slightly open, her grey eyes sparkling in the dim moonlight filtering in through the window next to us. "Peeta."

Almost without thinking, our lips press together, our heads tilting to deepen the kiss. Our hands detach so my arms can wrap around her. The kindling in my chest ignites, roaring to life as I pull her closer to me, pressing our upper bodies together. Katniss whimpers as her fingers thread into my hair, spurring me on as my lips break from her mouth to trail kisses down her jaw to her neck and back up again. _More, more, more!_

The shrill ring of my phone startles us both. We break apart, staring at each other, breathing hard, with Katniss looking flushed and disheveled and thoroughly kissed. I ignore my ringing phone, instead pressing my forehead against hers. "Katniss… I…"

"Shhh," she says, her fingers tracing the outline of my lips. "I know."

Planting one more kiss on her forehead, I pull my phone out of my pocket, squinting at it. "It was my dad," I tell her. "Probably wanting to know when we're planning to show up on Christmas." I toss the phone onto the coffee table. "I'll call him back tomorrow."

Katniss leans in, kissing my jaw underneath my ear as she snuggles into my side. "What're we watching tonight?"

Inhaling deeply through my nose, I grab my computer, opening it up to my movie selection. "Have you ever seen Inception?" Smiling, Katniss shakes her head. "Well, then you're in for a treat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was a little lighter, a good thing I think after the last one. But also very important, as Peeta is finally realizing that he needs help, and that there's nothing wrong with needed professional help after an experience like his. And hopefully with his example, Katniss will follow suit.
> 
> Please don't hesitate to leave me a comment! They really help, both positive and critical. It is so helpful for me to know what my readers are thinking! :)
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr, come by and say hi! :)


	9. Christmas at the Mellark House

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of Christmas week pass in a blur of studying, exams, and panicking over whether or not Katniss's Christmas gift would arrive in time. After not being able to find what I wanted for her either locally or online, I ended up having to call a sports paraphernalia store in the Mall of America to find the exact Minnesota Vikings blanket that I wanted to buy for her. The lady I spoke with up there was so nice, spending almost a half an hour on the phone with me, and even emailing me pictures of the items to make sure they were correct before I purchased them. Her accent was so funny I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing a couple of times. Especially when she said 'don'tcha know' at the end of almost every sentence.

It's exactly 3:30pm on Wednesday afternoon when I walk through the door of Dr. Aurelius' office, a block away from where I just finished my last final exam for the semester. The kind receptionist, wearing a downright gaudy Christmas vest over her black scrub top, smiles at me as she takes my driver's license and insurance card, handing me a stack of forms attached to a clipboard to fill out.

Sitting down in the small but tastefully decorated waiting room, I smirk at the list of questions running down the length of one of the forms, asking various things about myself and my immediate family members. Growing up, we never talked about feelings in my family. I never saw my parents hold hands or kiss each other in front of me, and most of the time my mother only barely tolerated the three of us boys. I don't remember my mother ever telling me she loved me, or going out of her way to show me affection. Often I felt like only a nuisance to her; the third son she got stuck with instead of the daughter she so desperately wanted.

 _It won't be that way with me,_ I think. _When Katniss and I have a family, I'll make sure each and every person knows how much they are loved._

"Peter Mell-ark?" I hear, startling me from my thoughts. A nurse, also wearing an ugly Christmas vest, is standing by a door a few feet away, holding another clipboard.

"It's Pee-ta," I say, clearing my throat and getting to my feet. "Like the bread?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry," the nurse says, making a notation on the clipboard. "I'll have that fixed by the time you leave here today."

"No problem," I mumble. I'm so used to people mispronouncing my name, I'm almost shocked when they don't. It took the college almost an entire semester to get it spelled correctly in their computer system.

I follow the nurse down a short hallway and into a room furnished with a mahogany desk and leather swivel chair, opposite a comfortable-looking leather loveseat next to a small table. "Dr. Aurelius will be with you in a few minutes," she says. "Would you like some coffee or tea while you're waiting?"

"Tea sounds fine, thank you," I say, my eyes drawn to a painting hanging on the far wall. "No sugar, please."

"I'll be right back with it," she says, exiting the room.

She returns a couple minutes later with a cup of hot water and a teabag, inviting me to sit down on the loveseat. "It should only be a few more minutes. Please make yourself comfortable."

Once the tea is prepped I pick up the cup, wrapping both of my hands around it as I take a closer look at the painting on the wall. It's an absolutely breathtaking picture of a glassy-surfaced lake, with a single, small fishing boat off to one side and a beautiful sunset barely touching the water's surface. I can almost feel the light lakeside breeze wafting through my hair as I look at it. "It's so peaceful," I whisper. As I look more closely, I can see the artist's signature in the bottom left-hand corner. M. Aurelius.

"Ah, you like lakes?" I hear from behind me. Startled, I turn abruptly, almost spilling my tea, to see a bespectacled man wearing a Santa hat standing in the doorway. At first glance, he looks almost exactly like Dr. Erskine from the MCU.

"Um, no. Well, I mean-" I mumble, pausing to clear my throat. "What I meant was, I've never seen one that looks like that. It's very beautiful."

Dr. Aurelius, or who I'm assuming to be Dr. Aurelius, looks over at the painting. "Oh yes, they are quite beautiful. Especially on a calm evening such as that was, with the sun setting down in the background." Then he turns to me, squinting. "But, I daresay you were not simply looking at the painting, but more studying it? Are you a painter?"

I take a tentative sip of my tea before answering. "Yes. I mean, sometimes. I love to draw and paint, but I don't have a lot of time to do it right now. I'm in college."

"Ah, I noticed that, on your paperwork," he says, holding out his hand. "I'm Dr. Aurelius."

"Hello," I say, shaking his hand briefly. "I'm Peeta."

"Nice to meet you, Peeta," he answers, indicating for me to have a seat on the loveseat. After settling himself down on the chair next to the desk, he folds his hands, looking at me intently. "Now, I usually like to start with a prayer, if the patient wishes it. But I feel I must ask you a question first."

"Okay. What's that?"

"Do you mind if I take this thing off?" he asks, grasping onto the fluffy white ball at the end of the Santa hat, perched crookedly on his head. "It itches terribly."

"Um, sure?" He even talks like Dr. Erskine.

"Oh thank you," he replies, sounding relieved as he pulls the hat off his head. "Margaret out there at the front desk said I had to keep it on for the entire day. But, seeing as how you're my last appointment for today, well… as long as you don't tell on me, we should be just fine."

I can't help but smile. "No problem, sir."

Dr. Aurelius proceeds to say a quick prayer to officially open our session, then begins with a series of questions that I assume are meant to help him get to know as much about me as possible in the short time we have. He asks about my job, what my favorite thing is to bake. He asks about my favorite courses at school. He asks about my parents and my brothers. My church and my role as a group leader. And finally, he asks about my personal life.

"So Peeta," he says. "I have to think that a handsome young man like you would have a special someone. Am I right?"

"Yes sir," I say, draining the last of the tea from my cup. "I've been dating my girlfriend since mid-September or so."

"I see." He makes a note on the legal pad on the desk next to him. "Does she go to church, or school, with you?"

"Church. That's where I met her, actually. One of my friends brought her as a guest one weekend."

"And you enjoy spending time with her? You have similar interests?"

"There's no one else I'd rather spend time with," I say, rather emphatically. "In fact, I have to force myself to not think about her constantly when I'm not with her. It's even hard for me to concentrate on studying."

"I see." He taps the end of his pen against the notepad, his chin resting in his other hand as he looks me up and down.

"Do you think that's a bad thing?" I demand. Dr. Aurelius has responded with either 'I see', 'hmm', or 'that's interesting' to every answer I've given to his seemingly endless barrage of questions, and after an hour of it I'm starting to think this has been a colossal waste of time.

"Oh, on the contrary," he says now, recapping his pen. "I'd be very surprised if that wasn't the case."

"That's the same thing my friend told me," I mumble. "He's a pastor, down in New Orleans."

"Hmm, I've actually never been to the Gulf area," Dr. Aurelius says, thoughtful. "My family rather enjoys the beach, I should look into that sometime. But anyway," and he clears his throat. "Your pastor friend was correct, and I wouldn't worry at all about it. I can see just from the way you speak about this young lady that you're quite taken with her."

"I am," I say, fidgeting. I really need to get home and see if Katniss's gift has arrived yet.

"All right then," Dr. Aurelius announces. Setting his notepad down on the desk, he stands and walks over to me. "That's unfortunately the end of our time together for today, but I'd like to see you back here next week, if that will work for you."

"Um, yeah," I say. I get slowly to my feet, swinging my backpack over my shoulder. "I'm off of school for a few weeks now, so that should work."

"Wonderful!" he exclaims, shaking my hand. "I'm looking forward to it." He starts for the door, pausing with his hand on the doorknob. "Can I make one small suggestion?"

"Sure?"

"Sometime before our next meeting, pick up a sketchbook and some pencils, and start sketching. Don't think about it too hard, just draw what comes to mind. And then bring the sketchbook with you to our next meeting. Okay?"

"Okay," I say tentatively. "Can I ask why?"

"I'm hoping you'll be able to tell me," he says with a smile. "Have a lovely Christmas!"

"And you as well," I say automatically. He disappears around the door, leaving me shaking my head. Maybe this was just a waste of time.

But I do have to admit that I'm curious enough to at least give one more appointment a try. And it would be nice to start drawing again. I haven't picked up a sketching pencil in I don't know how long. I was going to use the J-term to get a jump start on my final paper for graduation, but I've already completed the research for the most part, and have an outline written, so…

After making my appointment for next week with Margaret the receptionist, I walk slowly to the bus stop, deep in thought and eager to get on amazon.com to start looking at sketchbooks.

"Peeta!" I hear the manager call as soon as I walk through the front doors of the coffee shop, causing me to cringe. I'm hungry and tired and really looking forward to shelving my textbooks for a while. The last thing I need to hear right now, is that the part-time girl called in sick and they need me in the kitchen.

"Yeah?"

She hurries around back for a moment, returning with a large package. "You got a package delivered today." I see her eyes narrow at my harried expression. "I wanted to make sure you got it, I remember you telling me you were expecting one."

I quickly scan the address label on the big box. I roll my eyes when I see that it's addressed to Peter Mellark, but the return address is Twin Lakes Sporting Goods and Memorabilia. The store where I purchased Katniss's gift.

"Oh, thank you Jesus!" I exclaim, hugging the box to my chest. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Um, you're welcome?" the shop manager chuckles. "But my name is Andrea. You know that, right?"

"Huh?" I say, still ecstatic that the gift actually made it on time. I'm already halfway to the stairs before I process her reply. "Oh, and thank you too, Andrea!"

"Please don't be broken, please don't be broken, please don't be broken!" I chant as I unlock the door to my apartment. I toss my backpack haphazardly onto the futon and grab my pair of scissors, ripping into the box and praying that everything inside is intact. In addition to the Vikings blanket, I also purchased a pair of cozy socks and a large Vikings mug, planning to add a bag of the hot cocoa mix that we sell in the coffee shop.

To my relief the cup is perfectly intact, packaged so carefully inside the box you would've thought it was made of crystal. The thick, woolly socks and blanket look unscathed as well, and there's even a small roll of wrapping paper included. I hadn't thought to ask about wrapping paper, but I am relieved to see it. With everything that's been going on this week, I'd completely forgotten to buy any.

"I hope she loves these," I mumble as I get to work, clumsily wrapping the gifts. Gift-wrapping a pair of socks is no easy task, I realize once I'm finished. The mug at least has its own box, and the blanket is square-shaped, sort of, so those are a little easier. I hide the presents in various dresser drawers once I'm done, looking forward to Christmas night when she'll get to open them.

With the gifts taken care of, I unpack my backpack, arranging my textbooks on the single shelf next to the dresser. My stomach growls, reminding me that I still haven't eaten since before my exam this afternoon. A brief survey of my refrigerator leaves me less than enthused with its contents, so I decide to make a run to the Rite Aid for some more peanut butter and orange juice.

Returning home with a sack of groceries, I put together a peanut butter and honey sandwich, grabbing my laptop to start looking at sketchbooks while I eat. "Amazon Prime is so awesome," I mumble as I click SEND ORDER on a stack of three sketchbooks and a set of charcoal pencils. I can't help grinning in excitement at the thought of actually drawing for fun again.

* * *

After a very busy shift on Christmas Eve morning, I stumble back upstairs to find my grades waiting for me on the school’s intranet. All A’s, making my overall GPA at 3.94, and virtually ensuring I'll graduate Summa Cum Laude. “Yes!” I exclaim out loud, with a rather proud, satisfied grin. After a refreshing shower, I flop onto my futon to enjoy a long nap. I'm still riding the high of my perfect grades when Katniss arrives to pick me up for church, looking absolutely radiant in a pair of fitted black pants and a dark red top.

The Christmas Eve service is as beautiful as ever, with the band telling the story of the birth of Jesus through their song selection. Rue sings an amazing rendition of _Mary, Did You Know,_ and _Glory in the Highest_ is performed so well it gives me goosebumps. The band also performs several traditional Christmas songs, and the children of Kids Church do their parade through the auditorium, banging on their coffee can drums to _The Little Drummer Boy._

Once service is over, Katniss and I pick up our dinner from Chick-Fil-A before heading back to my apartment to watch The Nativity Story. As she reluctantly leaves to go home after the movie, she tells me she'll be by to pick me up at 9:30 tomorrow to head to my parents' house.

Christmas morning dawns sunny and cold. I gradually awaken, enjoying the fact that I wasn't woken up by an alarm for a change. Once I decide I'm fully awake, I slide off the futon and onto my knees. "Dear Lord, thank you so much for the amazing gift of your life that we celebrate today. And thank you that we live in a country where we are allowed to celebrate the gift of your life without fear of prosecution. Lord, I ask that you bless my family's home today. Help my parents and my brothers be welcoming to Katniss. Help her to feel comfortable around them. And, please help me to hold my temper if I feel like Katniss is not being treated as she should. In Jesus' name, amen."

Katniss arrives right on time to pick me up. As we settle in for the forty-five minute drive, I think of how proud I'll be to introduce her to my family today. She's in a wonderful mood, wearing a fluffy turtleneck sweater under her warm jacket, with her shiny dark hair braided and her cheeks flushed. She holds my hand for almost the entire drive, telling me about various Christmases growing up at her house, describing things in such detail I can almost picture them myself.

 _That's how it'll be in our family,_ I think. I can picture it now: Katniss and I sitting in our pajamas way too early in the morning, mugs of hot chocolate in our hands, watching our kids tear into their presents. The thought of it makes me smile.

Once we pull into my parents' driveway though, Katniss's expression changes from joy to nervousness. "Hey," I say, taking both of her hands. "Everyone's gonna love you."

"If you say so," she mumbles.

I lean in for a quick kiss. "I know so. You have nothing to be scared of." _Please Lord, make sure she has nothing to be scared of!_ Katniss doesn't look convinced, but smiles softly at me before opening her door.

The front door, decorated with a wreath and jingle bells, is unlocked when I test the knob, so we walk right in, Katniss clinging to my arm as I carry the gifts and homemade french silk pie that we brought. As we walk past the entryway and into the hall my brother Bannock appears, presumably on his way to the kitchen.

"Peeta!" he exclaims, actually sounding happy to see us. "I didn't know you were coming today!" Crossing the distance between us in three strides, he envelops me in one of his signature bear hugs, thumping me twice on the back. "It's so good to see you!"

"It's good to see you too," I say, feeling immensely guilty. Katniss was right. I should've reconnected with my family a long time ago.

"And who is this?" Bannock asks, smiling at Katniss and holding out his hand. "Hello. I'm Bannock, Peeta's biggest brother."

His overt enthusiasm is contagious even to Katniss, who takes his hand, smiling in return. "I'm Katniss."

"It's great to meet you, Katniss," Bannock says, taking the pie and whipped topping from me. "Everyone's in the living room, so go on in and say hi."

Katniss's hand re-latches onto my arm as we follow voices and laughter to the living room, where a decorated Christmas tree surrounded by presents sits in one corner.

"Peet!" Rye exclaims in surprise from his seat next to Madge. "So, you decided to come after all, huh?"

Feeling my face flush, I nod. "Yeah. Didn't Dad tell you?"

"Your father probably didn't want to tell us until you actually showed up," my mother says, turning around in her chair to look at us, her eyes narrowed. "Seeing as how you haven't been here in, how many years has it been again?"

I feel my jaw clench at the same time as Katniss's fingers dig into my arm. "Um," I say, swallowing hard and choosing to ignore my mother's barb. "Merry Christmas, everyone."

"Merry Christmas, Peeta," my father says, rising from his chair. The tone of his voice is apologetic as he smiles at Katniss. "And who's this lovely young lady?"

"This is Katniss Everdeen," I reply. "We met at church."

"How nice to meet you, Katniss," Dad says. "Please, come on in and sit down. Can I get you anything? Tea? Hot cocoa? Eggnog?"

"Hot cocoa would be fine," Katniss says in a timid voice, still clinging to my arm.

"Same for me, please," I tell my father as I scan the room. Seeing as there's no more seats available, I guide Katniss over to a bare patch of floor next to the tree, introducing her to Bannock's wife, Casey.

My father returns with two cups of hot chocolate topped with whipped cream, handing them to Katniss and me. There's an awkward stretch of silence as we all sort of stare at each other, no one wanting to be the first to start talking.

Finally, Bannock returns from whatever he was doing in the kitchen and settles down on the loveseat next to his wife. "So Katniss, are you in school as well?"

Katniss shakes her head as she swallows a dollop of whipped cream. "No. I teach archery at the Community Center. And we're also starting a Double Dutch club once the school kids return from Christmas break, so I'll be helping with that as well."

"Oh that sounds so interesting!" Bannock says, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. "I've always thought it would be so much fun to learn how to shoot a bow and arrow."

Katniss visibly relaxes, smiling slightly at my brother. I feel a little tension ease up from my neck and shoulders also. At least Bannock is trying to be polite. Rye hasn't said a word to Katniss since hello, but his eyes haven't left her either. It's almost as though he's leering at her, which is making Madge none too happy. Casey seems so bored with the conversation that she's started filing her fingernails, and Mom has her lips pinched together so tight they've almost disappeared.

After about fifteen minutes of forced conversation, Dad announces that we should start opening presents if we want to be finished by lunchtime. Bannock immediately takes over his usual role of playing Santa, and the ripping open of gifts commences. I see my father's eyes light up at the new golfing glove he opens from me and Katniss, and Rye tosses me a 'thanks' for the Frisky's Bar and Grille gift card that we chose for him. My mother, however, purses her lips even more at the cross-stitch kit that I spent way too much time selecting for her.

Lunch at least passes without incident, especially once Casey announces during the main course that she and Bannock are expecting their first baby. Mom gets so excited I'm afraid she's going to swoon, with her spending the rest of the meal discussing nursery decorations with Casey. The news also helps to explain why Bannock is in such a good mood today.

Once dessert is finished though, and I feel like we've suffered through enough strained small talk, I lean over to Katniss, whispering that we can leave after I collect some leftovers to take to Haymitch. The look she gives me is so plainly relieved it almost brings tears to my eyes for putting her through the torture of this afternoon.

"I'll be back in a few minutes," I whisper, kissing her cheek. She nods, getting up in search of the restroom while I head towards the kitchen. I'm only about two steps away when I hear my parents talking in loud whispers.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times," I hear my mother say. "Nothing good will ever come from him going to a school like that. And now it looks like he's allowed some good-for-nothing girl from Seam County to latch onto him? Darn it Dan, you know how all those girls are!"

Even though I know I shouldn't be eavesdropping, I can't help but pause right outside the kitchen doorway anyhow, desperately hoping that my father will at least defend Katniss, who he seems to like.

"Oh I don't know, she seems like a nice enough girl to me," Dad replies. "Peeta seems very happy with her."

"She's hardly said a word the entire day," Mom snaps. "Oh, I shouldn't be too surprised. I mean, no decent girl would want a man with only half a leg. And she's not even going to college! What's she going to do when Peeta graduates? You know preachers don't make any money! She's going to be able to support him by teaching a bunch of school kids how to… to jump rope… and shoot a bow and arrow? Explain to me how those are useful skills to have! And explain to me, how I'll be able to tell my friends that my youngest son, for all of his apparent intelligence, decided to throw away what could've been a halfway decent life, just so he could marry a Seam slut and become a preacher!"

My fists are clenched so tight my knuckles are white, my jaw’s so tight my teeth are scraping together, and I feel my entire body trembling in anger. _Please Lord, just give me five more minutes,_ I pray as I inhale the deepest breath I can before walking into the kitchen, ignoring the guilty look on my dad's face, trying hard to make it look like I didn't just overhear their conversation.

"Um," I say quietly, clearing my throat. "Katniss and I going to head out now. Thanks for having us."

Mom doesn't say anything, glaring at me over the teacup she's holding. Dad gives me a brief hug before shoving several containers of leftovers into my hands. "Here. Have Katniss take these back to her family."

I nod, accepting the containers. "Thanks," I say, choosing to believe his statement as kind instead of loaded. "It was… nice to see everyone."

Katniss appears in the kitchen doorway holding my coat, her jacket on and bag in hand. She takes the containers from me while I shrug into my coat. "Thank you, for your hospitality," she says softly.

My mother blinks, no doubt wondering how a girl from Seam County would know such a long word as 'hospitality'. To my relief, my dad smiles warmly at her, pulling her into a quick hug. "It was our pleasure, Katniss. Merry Christmas."

"Bye everyone," I say to the rest of the family as we head towards the door. "Merry Christmas." A chorus of 'goodbye’ and 'see ya' follows us out the door.

Although Katniss is visibly more relaxed now that we've left, she's quiet almost the entire way to Haymitch's house, making me wonder how much of the kitchen conversation she overheard.

"Are you okay?" I ask her once we've turned off the main road.

"You were upset, right before we left," she replies. "What about?"

I guess I didn't hide my temper as well as I thought. "It's nothing you need to be concerned ab-"

"Don't you give me that!" Katniss snaps, taking the sharp turn onto Haymitch's gravel driveway a little too fast. "Your mother said something that made you upset. Was it about me?"

"Yes," I say, my face flushing in shame. "It was about both of us. My mother… she's always thought of me as a lesser form of human since the accident. And, she's always held some really stupid prejudices about people, Katniss." As the truck slows to a stop, I cup her face so she can look at me. "I promise you, it wasn't anything I hadn't heard before. I was just extra mad because she didn't even try to get to know you today."

Katniss stares at me, searching my face. Finally, she nods. "Okay."

I lean in, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Okay. Now, let's go wake up Haymitch and remind him that it's Christmas."

Smiling, Katniss leans in for another kiss before clamoring out of the pickup. As expected, we find Haymitch sound asleep on the couch. Once he recovers from his usual displeasure at being woken up he proceeds to devour the food we brought, washing it down with copious amounts of his white liquor. We spend a couple hours or so talking with him and tidying up around the house until Haymitch announces that he's ready to resume his nap. So after we finish the dishes and Katniss starts a load of laundry, we head back up the mountain towards the coffee shop.

Katniss pulls a large package out from behind her seat once we arrive in the parking lot, winking at me as we get out of the truck. When we make it upstairs and into my apartment, her eyes light up like a little girl's as she sees the stack of purple-wrapped gifts sitting on the coffee table. "Oh! Are all of those for me?"

"Well, they're not for me!" I joke as I take her jacket, draping it over the dresser.

She squeals out loud, clapping her hands and bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Can I open them?"

"Of course you can! I can't wait for you to see them!"

Sitting down on the futon, Katniss grabs the first present in the stack, tearing into the wrapping like she's five years old. Finding the socks, she rips open the package, sliding them onto her feet right over the socks she's already wearing. Then she snatches the next package, ripping off the paper and nearly destroying the box in her excitement. She grasps the cocoa mug in both hands, clutching it to her chest before setting it gently down on top of the coffee table.

She takes her time with the third gift, shaking and squeezing it, trying to guess what it is, until she can't take it anymore and slides her slender fingers under a fold of the wrapping paper, tearing it free. She inhales sharply as she unfolds the full-sized woolen blanket, with the old-fashioned Minnesota Vikings helmet logo knitted right into the heavy cloth.

"Peeta!" she chokes out, her eyes brimming with tears. "How-, how'd you know?" The fabric clutched in her hands drops to her lap as she throws her arms around my neck. "How'd you know this was the one? The one my dad's grandfather had?"

I hug her to me fiercely, pressing kisses to her cheek. "I didn't. I just described what you told me to this lady, at this store up there in Minnesota, and she found it for me."

She pulls back, a single tear running down each cheek, and leans in to kiss me. "Thank you," she croaks. "Peeta, thank you!"

"You're welcome, love," I say, smiling so wide I think my face might split open. "You're so welcome. I'm so glad you love it!"

Katniss shakes out the blanket, laying it over both of our laps. "It's so big!" she says. "Usually these sports blankets aren't this big!"

"Well, I wanted it to be big enough for you to really burrow into," I say, snuggling closer. "You know, so you can become one with the blanket."

Giggling, Katniss hands me my gift. "Your turn now."

I make a show of trying to shake and squeeze the heavy box that she hands me, earning another giggle before I tear into the forest green wrapping paper. My eyes widen as I open the box from the Christian bookstore located about a block away from the Community Center.

"Katniss!" I rasp, pulling out brand-new copies of Strong's Bible Concordance and its corresponding Bible Dictionary, turning them over slowly in my hands. I currently own copies of both of these, but they were hand-me-downs from Finnick, are about ten years old, and covered with so much duct tape trying to keep all the pages in that you can't even read the titles anymore. "Oh, these are beautiful! They must've cost a fortune!"

In an instant, Katniss's expression changes from a smile to an angry scowl. "What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing!" I say quickly, trying to sound as contrite as possible. "Absolutely nothing, I didn't mean-"

"Just because I come from Seam County doesn't mean I can't afford to buy my… you a nice Christmas gift!" Katniss spits out. "You should know that by now, Peeta Mellark!"

"I do know that!" I say, raising my voice a bit. Dropping the books on the coffee table, I grasp onto her elbows, pulling her closer to me. "That was not a smart thing for me to say, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it."

She stares at me, glowering, for several seconds before relaxing her scowl. "All right. Apology accepted."

I bring my hand up to her face, cupping her cheek. "I'm not used to such wonderful Christmas gifts," I tell her, trying to explain my reaction. "And these are wonderful Christmas gifts." I rest my other hand on top of the two huge books. "They're perfect, Katniss. Thank you."

Katniss leans up to kiss me. "You're welcome. The man who helped me find these at the store said they were the best ones for Bible students."

Pecking her on the lips one more time, I hand her my laptop and get slowly to my feet. "Now. Why don't you look through my movie selection and choose something for us to watch, while I wash out your new mug and make you some hot chocolate. Sound good?"

"Sounds good," Katniss says as she takes the laptop, scrolling through my movie list while I prepare the hot chocolate and some microwave popcorn. "I don't think I've seen these new Star Trek movies yet. Can we watch one of those?"

"Sure!" I say as I set our snacks down. "They're really good! And, there's even a couple actors here in the first one that you might recognize."

Katniss smiles as she reaches for the popcorn bowl. "Oh, I love playing guess the actor!"

As we snuggle under the Vikings blanket with the laptop in front of us, I close my eyes briefly, breathing in the scent of Katniss's hair, the almost intoxicating combination of pine needles and lavender. _I love you, so much,_ I say in my head. I so very much want to hear her say those words to me, but yet, I don't want them to be just an automatic response either. I want her to tell me she loves me on her own terms, and not before.

"Don't you ever think, that I think any less of you because of where you grew up," I say instead, whispering into her ear. "I'm not my mother."

Katniss nods, her head leaning against my chest. "I know you're not. And I know you don't."

"Don't ever forget it either, okay?"

"I won't. Merry Christmas, Peeta."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song References:  
> Mary Did You Know by Gaither Vocal Band (has been recorded by several other artists)  
> Glory in the Highest by Chris Tomlin  
> The Little Drummer Boy by Trapp Family Singers (has been recorded by several other artists)
> 
> All of the songs in my story are available in iTunes and on YouTube.
> 
> So, what did you guys think of Peeta's family? Be sure to let me know in the comments! :)


	10. Trials and Tribulations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to thank my amazing betas NotAnIslander and HPFanonezillion for all their wonderful help and advice. They are amazing authors and this story is so much the better because of them!

When I set up the first draft of my full college course load prior to my freshman year, I was determined to arrange my schedule so I could have only twelve credits remaining for my last semester. But once I started my classes, I found I enjoyed them so much that I took on a minor, requiring me to take a total of four summer courses and one course during each January, or J-term. My schedule dictated that I would've had to take a class during this J-term also, until a year ago when the school revamped their graduation requirements. With the new requirements, I had enough credits to graduate with honors in May of this year without having to take a J-term class, and with only nine credit hours in my final semester.

“This is awesome,” I say as I check over my revised class schedule, slated to begin on February second. No classes at all on Mondays and Fridays, and only three courses total, with one of them being a music appreciation course usually taken by freshman. The reduced credit hours mean that I can finally start saving for a car, and more importantly, start looking at engagement rings for Katniss.

I've never actually seen Katniss wear any type of jewelry, not even earrings, so I can't imagine she'd want any sort of a fancy ring. Which is fine with me since even in the preliminary poking around that I've done, I've been shocked at some of the prices I've seen. I've also started to take notice of the rings worn by some of my friends.

For example, Delly's ring is simple, just a single small, square-shaped diamond set in a gold band, while Cecelia's ring from Patrick is larger and more elaborate, but seems bulky on her finger. Cassandra's ring has a ruby instead of a diamond, which she told me is her birthstone, and the shop manager, Andrea, only wears a silver-colored band. Then there's my sister-in-law, Casey, who has one of the largest diamonds I've ever seen in her ring, which probably cost my brother over half a year’s salary. My mom must've have been in on that purchase somehow.

Shuddering at the thought of my mother trying to influence my jewelry choices, I pick up my new sketchbook, opening it to a clean page. Dr. Aurelius was right about me. I hadn't realized how much I missed drawing until I started up again. I've already filled about a third of the pages of one book with various drawings, almost all including Katniss in some form or another. There's pictures of her smiling as she sits across the coffee shop table from me. Pictures of her singing along during worship at church. One picture of my big hand holding her tiny one, which she actually watched me draw last Friday evening while we were waiting for our group to show up. And my favorite, a picture of her sleeping on my futon, my t-shirt balled up in her hand, looking as serene as I've ever seen her.

I stroke over the page with my pencil, watching as the slender fingers of Katniss's left hand take form. Once I'm satisfied with the likeness of her hand, I study it closely, chewing on the end of the pencil as I try to imagine what sort of design would look best. I can't picture any sort of ring that would stand up off her finger, as it would likely get in the way of her shooting, so that leaves only a band style. Maybe I can design a band inlaid with her birthstone? Simple, but still pretty and feminine and somewhat unique for her.

“Yikes!” I say out loud. “I still need to find out her birthday!”

* * *

“Ah, good afternoon Peeta!” Dr. Aurelius exclaims as he walks into his office where I'm waiting. “You're doing well today?”

“Yes, sir, thank you,” I say, shaking his hand.

He smiles in reply, sitting down in his desk chair and leaning forward for our opening prayer. “Now then,” he says after the prayer, leaning back in his chair. “You've brought your sketchbook today? May I see it?”

Pulling it out of my backpack, I pass the sketchbook over to him. He asked at my appointment last week if I had followed his advice and started drawing again, and when I replied in the affirmative he asked me to bring the sketchbook along to this session. He turns the pages slowly, tapping his pen on the arm of his chair as he studies the various drawings.

“Hmm,” he says once he’s reached the last drawing. He looks up at me, a mischievous look in his eyes. “One might think you were enamoured with a beautiful young lady, wouldn't you agree?”

“Yeah,” I say, feeling the blush creep up my neck as I shift on the loveseat. “I’d say that would be an accurate assumption.”

“Mmm,” Dr. Aurelius mumbles. “Yes, she is quite pretty.” Then he looks down at me over the top of his glasses. “And you, I daresay, are quite a talented artist. I can almost hear this lovely woman's voice in my head, you've drawn her so realistically.”

“She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen,” I say reverently.

Closing the book, Dr. Aurelius hands it back to me. “And you've been seeing her for, how long again?”

“Since mid-September,” I reply. “So about four months.”

“Hmm.” Dr. Aurelius leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “And you're certain she's the one for you, after such a short time?”

I feel my brow furrowing. “I was sure almost from the moment I first met her.”

“Ah yes, love at first sight. It was the same for my wife and me,” he says, sounding wistful. “And she feels the same for you, I imagine?”

I look down, running my index finger along the sketchbook’s binding. “Um, yeah. At least, I hope she does. I want to marry her.”

“Ah! So you've discussed marriage then?”

“Um, no actually. We haven't yet,” I mumble, clearing my throat. “I've, um, I've been-”

“You've been afraid?” he asks. “To bring it up?” I gingerly nod in reply. “And why is that?”

“Well, ah, that's kinda the main reason why I'm here,” I admit to my knees.

“Ah ha!” Dr. Aurelius exclaims, like he's just won a game of chess. “Now we're getting somewhere.” And then he leans back in his chair, looking at me expectantly. “Tell me, please, exactly why you're afraid.”

I stare off into the distance for almost a full minute, listening to the incessant tapping of the pen against the arm of his chair, willing myself to get over my fear and self-loathing and just tell him the story. _Please Lord, please give me the courage to do this. I want to be free of this fear._

“There's no need to be afraid, Peeta,” Dr. Aurelius says quietly. “Nothing said in this office is ever repeated anywhere else without your express, written permission.”

“I know that,” I croak out, my mouth dry. Inhaling deeply, I fix my eyes on a point just above Dr. Aurelius’ left shoulder, and start to talk.

I tell him the entire story, starting with Glimmer’s invitation to the Homecoming dance, through our relationship with her badgering me about sex, and the entire horrible night of my Senior Prom, culminating with the morning after when the paramedics finally found me alone and half dead in the woods, my leg caught in a rusty bear trap, and still wearing the damn tuxedo. _I hate tuxedos._ My mother even had the audacity to chew me out later for wrecking the stupid thing, since they’d lost their damage deposit and had to pay for a replacement.

Dr. Aurelius doesn’t say a word the whole time I’m talking. I occasionally hear the scratch of his pen against the notepad he always has, but he doesn’t interrupt me until I’m finished and able to look him in the eye again.

“I see,” he says after a moment’s pause. “I do agree that was quite an ordeal you went through, and I can understand why you would be reluctant to share it, but I don’t quite understand what this has to do with your current sweetheart?”

“Well,” I rasp, taking a quick gulp of tea to try and moisten my dry as a desert mouth. “Katniss is the first girl I’ve dated since then.”

“Yes?” he says. “And?”

“And, I love her,” I say. I’m starting to get annoyed. “I told you I want to marry her.”

“Yes, I can see that,” Dr. Aurelius says. He points to the sketchbook lying on my lap. “I think you’ve made that quite clear. So what's the problem? Why are you afraid?”

“Because,” I stutter. “Because she's… pure, and I'm not! And I wish so badly I could be! Because she deserves it. She deserves the absolute best of everything.”

Dr. Aurelius stares at me for a few seconds, narrowing his eyes. “Tell me, Peeta, how do you love your sweetheart.”

“Katniss is her name,” I say, feeling defeated. “And what do you mean, how do I love her?”

“I mean exactly what I said. How do you love her? As a friend? As a lover? How?”

“She's definitely a lot more than a friend,” I say, raising my voice. “I don't kiss and cuddle with my friends. I’m in love with her!”

“Ah,” Dr. Aurelius says, sounding triumphant. “So your love for her isn't a platonic, or philia love, but an eros love.”

“Well, yeah! I figured that much was obvious!”

“Oh Peeta,” he says. “You'd be quite surprised at how many people marry based only on a philia love. Especially…”

He doesn't finish his sentence, but I catch his meaning nonetheless. Especially people like me. People who are desperate to find a job where having a spouse is an unlisted requirement. I can remember Finnick mentioning something about one of his classmates once. A man, having reached his senior year of school with no other prospects, proposed to a woman he didn't truly love to ensure that he'd be able to land a job after graduation. Once they were married, he was offered a position at a large church in another state. The couple moved out there after graduation, and the last thing Finnick had heard, was that he'd had an affair with a woman he was supposed to be pastoring.

I shake my head. “No. That's not how it is at all. I love Katniss. I love her so much it scares me sometimes!”

Dr. Aurelius leans forward, listening intently. “And why, exactly, does your eros love for her frighten you?”

“Because,” I whisper. “I've never felt this way about anyone, and these feelings are so intense, it's hard for me to feel like I can control myself with her.” I take another sip of my now-cold tea, swallowing hard. “And sometimes… in the heat of the moment… I get scared that if I were to allow things to progress to a certain point, she'll hurt me. Like Glimmer hurt me. And it would absolutely kill me if she did.”

“Hmm,” Dr. Aurelius says. “So, you haven't allowed things to progress that far with Katniss?”

“No. I want to wait until we're married. I'd always wanted to wait, even before I met Katniss. Even before I accepted Christ.”

Smiling, Dr. Aurelius nods. “That's a very old-fashioned resolution, especially for a young man nowadays. But most definitely a good one.”

“That's what my pastor friend said,” I say. “But it still doesn't help me.”

“Oh, I disagree!” Dr. Aurelius exclaims. “On the contrary, I think it helps a great deal to know exactly why you are scared of something.”

I run my hands through my hair in frustration. “Alright. That's all well and good! So what can I do about it?”

“Well, that seems to be why you are here, is it not?” Dr. Aurelius asks.

“Yes, but it doesn't seem like I'm making any progress!” I snap. I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep breath, willing myself to calm down.

“Again, I disagree,” Dr. Aurelius says in an even voice. “I think you've made excellent progress in the few times that we've met.”

“Really? How?”

“Well, you've realized the depth of your feelings for your lovely Katniss. You've realized that you love her more than the prospect of landing your dream job. And, you've now realized that you're projecting your fears and insecurities from your past relationship onto your new one.”

 _I have? I am?_ I blink a few times in confusion. “Um… “

“Tell me, Peeta, in the few minutes we have left together,” Dr. Aurelius says, glancing at the clock on his desk. “Have you forgiven Glimmer?”

“Ah-.” It's on the tip of my tongue to say yes, of course I have. But it would be a lie. I haven't forgiven Glimmer. I haven't truly forgiven my parents. I haven't forgiven my brothers, and my so-called friends from high school. And I haven't forgiven myself either.

“That's what I suspected,” he says as he stands to his feet. “Something for you to think about, prior to our next session, yes?”

I nod as I slowly stand up. “Yeah.”

“All right then. Same time next week?”

“Yes,” I say. “Next week.”

* * *

I find my final scholarship check waiting for me when I get home, which is a pleasant surprise until I open it and realize it's only around two thirds the amount I was expecting. I groan as I scan the accompanying letter, detailing how the payments for this particular scholarship are doled out according to credit hours scheduled, and not per semester like I was assuming when I was writing out my budget for my last semester. Saving for a car will apparently have to wait until after I graduate.

After a quick snack, I open up my computer, pulling up my email to find a message from Pastor Dale, telling me that since Christmas is over, the church elders will be meeting soon to discuss plans for ministry expansion. The email states that there's a series of weekly meetings scheduled to discuss various possibilities, and that as soon as something is decided about any new positions, he will let me know right away.

 _This is good,_ I think. With only four months until I graduate, I should buckle down soon and start looking at other job possibilities, but I've wanted to wait until Katniss and I are officially engaged to apply for anything else. From the tone of Pastor Dale’s email, I should know something concrete from Mountainside in the next couple of months, which should give me enough time to look elsewhere if necessary.

Logistically though, I find it hard to imagine how Katniss and I would be able to move somewhere else. I doubt she would want to leave Haymitch alone, especially from what she's told me about his living conditions when he was alone before, and I highly doubt Haymitch would agree to come with us, even if it meant he'd have to start running his own errands again.

No. It would be for the best for everyone for me to stay here, at Mountainside.

After a quick response to Pastor Dale reiterating my interest in a Teen Pastor position, I open up my senior paper and get to work, not pausing for a break until I'm completely finished with the first draft.

* * *

As the closing credits of Star Trek Beyond crawl up my computer screen, I tighten my arms around Katniss, breathing in the scent of her hair. As much as I enjoy these evenings we spend together, it's so hard when she has to leave and go home. And she has to go home. She has to, because I know I can't sleep next to her again without my body wanting to betray me. If the dreams I've been having lately are any indication, resulting in some very uncomfortable wake ups, it's for the best that we go our separate ways once our dates are over.

Closing my eyes, I inhale deeply, trying to commit her scent to memory, knowing that I'll smell it again later while I'm sleeping. “I love how your hair smells,” I whisper, burrowing further into her neck. “Like that lavender oil you're always rubbing on my burns. And pine needles. And some kind of wood.”

I feel Katniss squeeze my hands. “My bow and arrows are made of wood. Yew wood, actually. That's probably what you smell.”

“Mmm,” I murmur. “It smells amazing. Almost intoxicating.”

“Not as much as your scent,” she whispers, turning to face me. “I still sleep in that t-shirt you gave me, and it still smells like cinnamon. No matter how many times I've washed it.”

Getting heavily to my feet, I pull her up and into a hug. “I love that you sleep in my t-shirt,” I tell her. “That makes me so happy.”

“Well,” she replies, her voice muffled. “It's a poor substitute for you, but I'll take what I can get.”

“Good. I don't want anything to be a good substitute for me. Then you might not need me anymore.”

She pulls back to look at me, my smile on her face. _She never smiles like that for anyone else._ “I don't think you need to worry about that.” Then she stands up on her tiptoes, pressing her lips to mine. I allow myself to get lost in the kiss for a bit, committing the feel of her lips and tongue to memory along with the scent of her hair.

When we break apart she ducks back against my chest, with me resting my chin on her head. “It's still raining,” I whisper. “So please be extra careful driving home tonight. Okay?”

“I will. Are you gonna be working on your paper all day tomorrow again?”

“After work and until church time,” I reply. “I really want to get it edited some before Wednesday. Since I'll be out by the school anyway to see Dr. Aurelius that afternoon, I'm gonna bring it by my advisor’s office before my appointment. Make sure I'm on the right track with it.”

I feel her stiffen against me at the mention of Dr. Aurelius, which causes me to stiffen also. We've already had a couple of rather terse discussions about Katniss possibly seeing Dr. Aurelius, with her being vehemently opposed to the idea.

“Hmm,” she says, her voice wary. She looks up at me with a scowl. “Don't Peeta, okay? Just don't!”

“Don't what?” I retort. “I didn't say anyth-”

Spinning away from me, she stomps over to the dresser, grabbing her jacket. “You know exactly what I'm talking about, and you know I don't like it!”

“Katniss, I don't mean anything bad by it! I just think-”

“I don't want to talk about this, Peeta!” she interrupts. “You know I don't!”

“Katniss! There's nothing wrong with getting some help! Dr. Aurelius has been a huge help to me, and I really think he could help you also, if you just gave him a chance!”

“How many times do I have to tell you?” she snaps, shoving one arm into her jacket. “I am fine! I don't want, or need, to talk to anyone about anything!”

“Katniss, please!” I beg her, feeling helpless and terrified. “Please don't leave here angry!” While it's not pouring out like it was earlier, I'm uneasy about Katniss driving home in the dark, with the rain freezing into sleet in the falling temperature. I grab her hand before she can get the other sleeve of her jacket on. “I'm sorry! I'm only trying to help you-”

She yanks her hand away, sliding her arm into the jacket sleeve and scowling at me. “Well, I don't need it,” she says, her grey eyes frosty. “I'm doing just fine on my own.” She turns to take a step towards the door, and I grasp onto her elbows, panicking.

“No! Please, Katniss, don't go yet! I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry, and I won't bring it up again if you don't want me to. Just please, I can't bear the thought of you upset with me and trying to drive home in the rain.” Tears start to well in my eyes. “I couldn't take it, if something happened to you. I couldn't take it!”

Her eyes soften a bit, her hands moving to rest on my arms. Slowly, I release my grip on her elbows as she leans into me, her forehead pressing against my chest. “I know,” she whispers. “I'm sorry.”

My arms wrap around her, hugging her tightly. “Promise me you'll be extra careful driving tonight. Promise me!”

“I promise,” she says into my shirt. “I promise.”

Tilting her chin, I lean down to kiss her lips. “And don't forget-”

“I'll text as soon as I get back,” she says, finishing my sentence. She brushes her fingers across my lips. “Goodnight.”

I squeeze her to me one more time, kissing her forehead before releasing her reluctantly. “Goodnight, love. Be safe, and I'll see you tomorrow.”

The twenty minutes it usually takes Katniss to drive home are the longest twenty minutes of my life. I pace around my tiny apartment, dusting my bookshelf, gathering up trash, putting dishes away, glancing at my clock every thirty seconds, and reciting Philippians 4:16 over and over in my head. When my phone finally beeps with the text alert, I almost jump out of my skin.

_**[Katniss] I'm back** _

_**[Peeta] Oh thank God! Were the roads slippery?** _

_**[Katniss] Not too bad. Mainly just wet.** _

_**[Peeta] That's good. I was worried.** _

_**[Katniss] No need to worry. I'll see you tomorrow at church.** _

_**[Peeta] Sounds good. Sleep well Katniss.** _

_**[Katniss] Goodnight.** _

_Goodnight Katniss. I love you._

With Katniss back at home safe and sound, I'm finally able to relax enough to get ready for bed, wishing for the millionth time that I didn't have to get up so darn early.

The rain finally stops overnight, resulting in the coffee shop being extra busy in the morning, even for a Saturday. I clock in two hours of overtime trying to keep up with the orders out front, and am sweaty and exhausted by the time I climb the stairs back up to my apartment. After a shower and a peanut butter sandwich, I pull up my research paper on my computer and get to work.

I’ve been working diligently for a couple hours when my phone rings. My first thought is to ignore it; if it's important they'll leave a message, right? But a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach forces me to flip it over, and I panic a little when I see it's from Katniss.

"Are you alright?" I say right away, forgoing the usual 'hello'. Since we first met back in September she's never once called me without it being a pre-arranged occurrence.

"Peeta!" she cries. Her voice is high-pitched, almost hysterical, and she's breathing hard like she's been sprinting. "Peeta, I think he's dead! I can't get him to wake up, and I think he's dead!"

I sit up abruptly, shoving the computer off my lap. "Katniss! I'm here! Try and calm down, love. Tell me where you are."

"I'm here, at the house!" Her voice is still high, but I can tell she's trying to speak more slowly. "He was asleep on the couch when I got back last night, so I just turned off the TV and went to bed. But then he was still in the same place this morning, and I've tried everything to get him to wake up… and I think he's dead!"

"All right," I say. "You stay right there with him. Don't you leave the house. I'm going to hang up and call 911 for you, then I'll call you right back. Okay?"

Katniss doesn't answer right away, but I can hear her in the background, like she's set her phone down. "He's dead. Just like Mom, just like Mom. He's dead…”

"Katniss!" I yell into the phone, shoving my feet into my shoes, almost swearing at my left one when it gets hung up on my fake foot. "Katniss! Pick up your phone!"

I'm shrugging into my jacket when she finally answers me. "I can't get him to wake up!"

"I know that honey. But right now I need you to listen to me." I race down the stairs and around the back to my moped. The roads are still wet from our recent rain but I'll have to chance it. "I'm going to hang up and call an ambulance for you. Then I'll call you right back. I'm on my way to you, so you just stay right there until help arrives. Okay?"

"Okay," she sobs. "Please hurry!"

"I will." Quickly disconnecting the call, I dial 911, explaining to the dispatcher what's going on and giving Haymitch's address. Then, after realizing I can't talk easily on the phone with my helmet on, I call Katniss back, praying she answers right away.

"Peeta?" she cries, sounding relieved at the sound of my voice.

"Yes love, I'm here. Now listen to me. I've called the paramedics and they're on their way. The dispatcher said it would be about ten minutes before they got there. I'm on my way also, but I can't talk to you while I'm driving, so I need to hang up so I can drive over to you. Are you gonna be okay until I get there?"

She starts crying, big heaving sobs that tear my heart in two. "I-, I guess so-, but can you hurry?"

"Katniss, I'm gonna get there as fast as I can," I say, as reassuringly as I can muster. "Try not to worry about me. If the paramedics get there and you have to leave for the hospital, I'll come and find you there. But I will find you, no matter what. Okay?"

Katniss is quiet for a moment, still sobbing. "Okay," she finally whispers.

"Okay. I'm going to hang up now, and I'll be there soon."

I wait for the call to disconnect, then shove the phone into my back pocket and slide on my helmet. I pray constantly as I drive along the curving roads, grateful they are merely wet and not slippery. _Lord, help me to be what she needs me to be. Help me put my own concerns aside and be there for her. And also, please give her peace, no matter what the outcome. Please make sure she knows that it wasn't her fault!_

I'm about five or six minutes away when I hear the shrill sound of an ambulance siren approaching from the opposite direction. I slow down as I turn onto the gravel driveway, pulling up right next to the front steps. I have to slowly release my numb fingers from the handlebars; in my haste to leave my apartment I forgot to grab my gloves. The front door of the house is cracked open, and I can hear Katniss sobbing as I race inside.

"Peeta!" she cries when she sees me. "He's dead!"

"Oh no," I whisper, gathering her into my arms as she collapses against me, flinching at the touch of my freezing hands. The paramedics are moving through the living room, talking among themselves as they double-check readings and measurements. Through the small crowd I can see Haymitch lying there on the couch, as if in sleep, the greenish-yellow tinge to his skin contrasting sharply with the denim blue color of the cushions.

We stand there for several minutes, with Katniss growing progressively weaker in my arms as her cries transition into sniffling. Once she's calmed down enough for me to move, I sit down on one of the chairs opposite the couch, pulling her onto my lap, whispering to her over and over that this isn't her fault.

"Are you family members of this man?" one of the paramedics asks, a short bald man with glasses. He introduces himself as Rick.

"No," I say. "Katniss lives here with him, he's an old friend of her father's. I'm her boyfriend."

"Okay," Rick says. "Do you know if he has any family that we need to contact?”

"Um, not that I know of." I press my lips to Katniss's forehead, nudging her gently. "Love, do you know if Haymitch has any family we need to talk to?"

She shakes her head, still buried in my neck. "No. There's no one."

Rick nods. "All right then. We'll transport him to the morgue since we've already established time of death. If you wish to have an autopsy performed, then I'll have you sign a form to that effect. You'll have one week to arrange for burial. If the body is left for longer than one week it will be cremated and the remains disposed of. Any questions?"

"Um, yeah," I say. "Haymitch was former military. Do you know if he'd be eligible for a military burial?"

Rick nods his head, reaching under his glasses to rub at his eyes. "Yes, he would be eligible. But the closest military cemetery is over an hour away."

Sighing, I nod in thanks. I know Katniss doesn't have the money for a funeral, and neither do I. I'll have to ask Pastor Dale about a donation from the church's benevolent fund. "Yeah, that won't work. But thank you."

Katniss recovers enough by the time all the examinations are finished to fill out some forms as directed by the paramedics, but then reverts back to ugly sobbing when the black body bag is brought in and Haymitch is zipped inside. I clutch her to me as close as physically possible, just like I did when she panicked during Doctor Strange that one night. One of the paramedics finally takes pity on her and shoves a couple of tissues into my hand.

"Here love, let me clean you up a little," I say once the ambulance has driven away. I gently blot her tears, kissing her cheeks as I go. She's as limp as a rag doll in my arms, save for her hand fisted tightly into my shirt. “There, does that feel better?”

When she doesn't reply, I gently tilt her chin up so she can see my face. “Tell me what I can do for you. I'm here to help you.”

Her grey eyes stare straight at me, not really seeing. “I don't-” she mumbles. “I don't know…”

My heart sinks into my shoes at the sound of her voice, mechanical and detached and not like her at all. “Well,” I say, feeling helpless. “How about I run you a bath? You can soak in there for a while. Then I'll make you some tea and tuck you into bed, and you should feel a bit better tomorrow.”

Her answering nod is so tiny it's almost imperceptible. I press my lips to her temple, squeezing her close while I stand up from the chair and walk to the bathroom, where I set her down on the floor while I prep the bath. I pour some shampoo in with the running water, thinking the bubbles will be both soothing and cleansing at the same time.

“Do you think you can get yourself in and out?” I ask her. She hasn't moved a muscle since I set her down next to me. “Katniss?”

After almost a full minute she nods, looking at me with a glassy-eyed stare that makes my blood run cold.

“Are you sure?” I have half a mind to call Rue or Delly over to help me with Katniss, but it's right in the middle of the Saturday church service right now and I doubt I'd be able to get a hold of anyone.

“Mmmhmm,” she whispers.

“Okay. I'll just be in the kitchen, at the table, and I'll come and check on you in fifteen minutes or so. Okay?”

“Mmmhmm.” At her acknowledgement l press another kiss to her forehead and leave the bathroom, leaving the door cracked open so I can hear her if she calls out. But instead of walking away I stand by the door, listening to make sure she actually makes it into the bathtub. It takes a few minutes, but I eventually hear the swish of water as she enters the tub. Satisfied for the moment, I head into the kitchen, wracking my brain on what more I could be doing to help.

Sitting down at the table, I pull up the church's website on my phone, looking for anything regarding grief counseling, helpful Bible verses, anything. But our website is fairly basic, with only a schedule of service times and bios of the various pastors. I search the entire site, clicking on every possible link before admitting it's a hopeless cause and looking up the website for Dr. Aurelius’ practice instead, searching to see if there's any guidelines on how to deal with the sudden death of a family member.

“Supportive and pastoral care,” the website says. There's an after-hours emergency number listed but it's for patients only, and Katniss has so far adamantly refused to admit that she needs professional help.

“I need to get her there, as soon as the funeral is over,” I mumble. “I'll get Rue and Delly to help me convince her if I need to.” Dr. Aurelius has already helped me so much in the few weeks I've been seeing him, I just know he'll be able to help Katniss as well.

With that decision made, I walk back over to the bathroom, knocking on the door. It's been at least twenty minutes since I heard her go in there, and she should be finished by now.

"Katniss? Love, are you okay in there?" When she doesn't answer, I throw open the door, panicking, to find her fast asleep, her head leaning against the side of the tub and the bubbles all but disappeared. I crouch down and gently shake her shoulder to wake her, trying desperately to keep my eyes fixed on her face. "Hey. It's time to get out, the water's gone cold."

"Mmm," Katniss mumbles. "I don't feel like moving."

"I know you don't. But you're gonna start shivering soon, and I want to get you warmed up before I tuck you into bed."

Katniss only grunts in response, so I reach over her to pull the plug, feeling my limbs start to tremble at being so close to her naked body. _Now's not the time for me to be ogling her,_ I think as the water drains out of the tub. Reaching for a towel, I wrap it around her and lift her out, holding her in my lap for a moment to warm her back up. Then I pick her up and carry her to her room, searching through her dresser drawers to find her undergarments and pajamas.

"I don't care if you see me," she murmurs, hardly moving as I struggle to get her dressed while still trying to keep the towel covering her.

"That may be," I whisper, kissing her forehead. "But now isn't the time for that."

I manage to get her pajamas on while still maintaining some semblance of modesty and tuck her into bed, propping her up on her pillows. "I'm gonna make you some tea now, okay? I'll just be in the kitchen for a few minutes and then I'll be right back."

Katniss nods, her sad, grey eyes staring blankly out her bedroom window, causing my heart to sink as I walk back into the kitchen. I dig around in the cupboards, looking for the mugs and tea leaves, realizing that there's no way I'm going to be able to help Katniss on my own. I have no experience with the death of a family member, and judging from Katniss's outburst during the initial phone call, her finding Haymitch's dead body was far too similar to the way she found her mom when she died.

After setting the kettle to boil, I pull out my phone to text Thresh. He's not exactly the proper person to ask for help, and he's probably still on stage closing tonight's church service, but he'll at least know who the point person is, and I have a feeling he and Rue would want to know about what happened anyway. To my surprise, he texts me back just as the kettle starts to whistle on the stove.

_**[Thresh] Hey Peeta, I'm so sorry about Katniss's uncle. I had all the band members stay behind to pray after service once I read your text. The person ya’ll want to talk to about the funeral expenses is Ms. Kim, and I think she's still here, so if you call the church office and ask for her, she'll get the ball rolling.** _

Tears of relief well in my eyes. Pastor Dale's wife is a lovely lady, always eager to help with whatever needs helping. After quickly replying to Thresh, I dial the church's office number.

"Oh, of course we can set up a basic funeral," Mrs. Hammond says once I get her on the phone. "Would next Friday work? Dale would be available in the late morning that day, around eleven or so?"

"I can't imagine why that wouldn't work," I tell her, exhaling in relief. One less thing for Katniss to have to worry about. "What do you need me to do to help?"

"Oh, I'll take care of most of it. I’ll call the morgue and tell them we have a funeral date, and then I'll email all the group leaders and arrange for food donations for the reception afterwards. You just worry about taking care of that poor girl."

"Oh thank you!" I exclaim as I rake my hand through my hair. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate this!"

"It's no problem, Peeta," Mrs. Hammond says kindly. "Do you know if Katniss wants the body cremated?"

"No, I don't. I'll ask her tomorrow if that's okay, she's pretty shaken up right now."

"Aww, I can only imagine. We're all praying for her."

"Thank you," I say as I pour hot water over the tea leaves, setting them to steep. "Thank you so much."

"You'll let us know if we can do anything else?" Mrs. Hammond asks.

"Yes, yes, thank you. I'll be in touch." Sliding my phone back into my pocket, I sprinkle some sugar into Katniss's tea and pick up both mugs, intending to sit with her until she goes to sleep.

Katniss is still in the same position when I return to her room, staring out her window. She doesn't move or even blink until I sit down on the bed, forcing the mug of tea into her cold hands. I have to encourage her to drink, pleading with her for each sip, until the tea is finally gone. Then I lay her down on her side, tucking her Vikings blanket up to her neck.

  
“Try and sleep now, love,” I whisper. “I'll sit here with you.”

She grabs my hand, clutching it to her chest. “Please don't leave me alone. Can't you stay with me?”

I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling my body start to quake in nervousness. _She wants me to stay with her, in her bedroom, in her bed._ “Katniss, I-”

“Please!” she cries, clutching my hand even more tightly against her. “Please, stay with me!”

“Okay, okay,” I murmur. “If you're sure.” Admittedly, spending the night cuddling with Katniss in her bed sounds a lot better than sleeping on the couch where Haymitch took his last breath just hours ago. Even with the temptation that accompanies it.

Katniss nods as a single tear runs down her cheek. “I need you to hold me. Please Peeta.”

Kissing her forehead, I set the empty tea mugs on her nightstand and kick off my shoes. Then I remove my prosthesis and slide under the blanket next to her, leaning up against the headboard. Katniss lays her head down on my chest as my arms wrap around her. “Sleep now, love. I'm here with you.” She fists her hand into my shirt, sighing against me as I stroke her hair, pressing soft kisses against the top of her head.

When I feel her grip on my shirt loosen I shift a little, leaning back against the pillows, fidgeting as I try to get comfortable enough to fall asleep. “Oh Lord,” I whisper. “Please help my poor Katniss. Please find a way to give her some peace. She's been through so much, and she needs some peace now. Please help me to help her. Please help me to put aside my own fears and anxieties and focus on her. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a lot going on in this chapter. It seems like Peeta made some good progress with Dr. A, but then, poor Katniss! This tragedy may change the dynamic in their relationship a bit, don't you think?
> 
> Please let me know what you think! I appreciate each and every message and review!


	11. Old Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, a huge thank you to my betas, NotAnIslander and HPFanonezillion. They are both amazing authors and have been a huge help with this story!

I've never been so grateful for my church family as I have been this week. After spending the one night in Haymitch's house, the very next day Delly and Thom helped me get Katniss settled in with Delly instead of having her stay alone. Delly rents a room in a boarding house of sorts, owned by an older lady called Sae who attends a more traditional church down near the Community Center. Sae's rules for her household are strict, but she is such a kind and nurturing lady that the four young women who live there all adore her, and she welcomed Katniss into her home with open arms, telling her she can stay there rent-free until Delly gets married and moves out.

Thom was able to arrange for Katniss to have this week off from work, donating some of his own vacation time since Katniss hadn't yet accumulated enough of her own. He also recruited most of the Mountainside AVL team to go into Haymitch’s house and give it a thorough cleaning, after Katniss stated she never wanted to set foot in there again.

Although I'm relieved Katniss hasn't been alone very much this week, it’s been hard because I haven't been able to see her since late Sunday afternoon. The roads have been quite slippery due to all the sleet and snow we've had, and Katniss hasn't felt up to driving out to the coffee shop either. We've only been able to speak on the phone in the evenings, and those few times had me doing most of the talking, trying to reassure her over and over again that none of this is her fault. During our weekly meeting, Dr. Aurelius gave me some information on processing shock and grief for me to share with Katniss, but I haven’t had a chance to do it yet.

Friday morning dawns cloudy and cold, very fitting for my mood. Since I made up my work hours earlier in the week, I spend the early morning baking a batch of cookies and a double-batch of cheese buns with my personal ingredients to bring for the reception. Delly’s told me a couple times that she hasn’t been able to get Katniss to eat very much this week, so I’m praying the cheese buns will entice her to eat a little once the funeral’s over.

Once the baking is done I head back upstairs to shower and dress, pulling out my light blue dress shirt and black pants that I haven’t worn since I interviewed for my coffee shop job. I have to search for a YouTube video to help me remember how to tie my tie, but after a few fumbling tries I’m able to get it so it's at least not crooked. After a quick run of my comb through my hair, I pull on my nicer jacket before heading downstairs and out the door to walk to the church.

I'm pacing back and forth in front of the small auditorium at 10:50am when Delly and Thom finally show up, with Katniss practically propped up between them. Katniss is dressed in a charcoal grey skirt and matching sweater, which I'm guessing she must've borrowed from Rue or someone since I've never seen her wear a skirt before. Her eyes are red-rimmed and puffy and her face pale. When I move to take her from Delly's grasp, she almost falls into me.

“There, there, love,” I murmur. “I've got you. It'll all be over soon.”

She doesn't respond, only clutches my hand in her own, squeezing it so tight I feel my knuckles crack.

“C’mon Katniss, let's get you inside,” Delly says. “You'll feel a lot better once the funeral is over.”

Between the two of us, Delly and I manage to get Katniss inside the auditorium and into a chair as Thom heads back to the sound booth. Thresh, Rue, and Darius wave at us from the stage as the urn carrying Haymitch's ashes is brought out and placed on the table in front of the stage. A quick glance around the room tells me there's about forty or so people here. All of our group members who were able to get the day off, many of the band members, a few people I recognize as Katniss's coworkers from the Community Center. There's also a few people in military uniform, presumably members of Haymitch's army unit. Delly and Cassandra did a pretty thorough job of contacting people to invite them to the funeral.

Darius opens the service with a haunting rendition of _Cry Out to Jesus,_ accompanied only by Thresh on the piano and Rue singing background vocals. Pastor Dale preaches a heartwarming eulogy, full of healing words and hopeful messages. It's especially remarkable since he'd never even met Haymitch, having to rely on stories that Katniss and I were able to tell him over the phone and via email earlier this week. Darius and Rue close out the service with _There Will Be a Day_ before the congregation is invited outside for the burial.

I keep my arm wrapped around Katniss's petite waist as we walk around to the back of the church, feeling her stumble every few steps. As we arrive at the small graveyard, I feel a shiver run down my spine, as if someone is watching me. Looking around, my eyes land on a family waiting off to the side; a tall man about my age or slightly older, standing with a middle-aged woman and three other children, two boys and a girl. Their clothes are neat and clean but visibly worn, with the adolescent girl looking around curiously and the two teenage boys looking like they'd rather be anywhere else. _They must be friends of hers from Seam County._

I watch them for a moment as the rest of the people file into place. The man looks so much like Katniss at first glance that I do a double-take. Same dark hair, same piercing grey eyes. The only thing that prevents me from smiling at him is the way he's staring straight at me, his eyes narrowed and an ugly sneer on his face. A sneer I don't see on any of the rest of his group. _Who the heck is he? And why is he looking at me like he wishes it was me being buried instead of Haymitch?_

Pastor Dale recites from Revelation chapter twenty-one verses six and seven as the urn containing Haymitch’s remains is lowered into the ground. _“And he also said, “It is finished! I am the Alpha and the Omega—the Beginning and the End. To all who are thirsty I will give freely from the springs of the water of life. All who are victorious will inherit all these blessings, and I will be their God, and they will be my children.”_

One of the soldiers plays _Taps_ on his trumpet as we take turns tossing handfuls of dirt into the small grave, with Jacob Hammond standing off to the side directing people back into the church for the reception. I feel the tall man’s eyes following us the whole way back inside, but I'm too busy trying to hold Katniss up to think too much about it.

We arrive back in the auditorium to find tables and chairs set up, with a serving table covered with food set off to one side. I sit Katniss down with Delly and Thom and the rest of our group members so I can get her something to eat, praying I can cajole her to actually eat something. Delly was right to be concerned about Katniss, as the differences in her slight frame are already noticeable. Her face is thinner, her hands look more bony, and I could feel her ribs more prominently when I was holding her through the burial. I load up a plate with three cheese buns and a few other things, hopeful that she’ll at least eat one of the cheese buns. Walking back to the table, I notice that Thresh, Cassandra, and Rue have sat down with the family from Seam County.

“Here, love, try a cheese bun,” I murmur to Katniss as I hold it in front of her nose. “I just made them this morning, especially for you.”

But Katniss shakes her head. “I don't want to. I'm not-, I'm not hungry.”

“You may not feel hungry,” I whisper, kissing her cheek. “But I want you to eat anyway, at least one of these.” I tilt her head up to look at me. “Please? For me?”

She stares at me for a moment, her lower lip shaking and her eyes glassy. Finally she nods, leaning forward and taking a small bite. She chews slowly, like she’s savoring it. “You made these this morning? For me?”

“Of course,” I reply, kissing her cheek again. “I know they’re your favorites.”

“Thank you, Peeta,” she whispers, so softly I have to strain to hear it. “Thank you. You always seem to know… what I need.”

 _That’s because I love you!_ I scream internally. “Well, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't know what you needed?”

“I don’t deserve you,” Katniss mumbles. “I don’t deserve things that are good, and kind, and beautif-”

“Now you stop that,” I snap, a little more harshly than I intended. I’ve heard her say things like this far too many times this week to let it drop. “You stop it right now. I've told you over and over that it's not true, and I know I'm right!”

“Everyone I love always leaves me!” she cries, knocking the cheese bun out of my hand. “Every single one!” She makes a move to get up from the table, forcing me to grab at her arm. “Let me go!”

“I can’t,” I whisper. I can feel the eyes of the Seam man boring into my skull. “You know I can’t. Please, just sit here with me for a little while longer, then we can take you home-”

“I don’t have a home,” she mumbles. But she slumps down into her chair, her eyes downcast and defeated, and refuses to eat another bite.

People start to filter out about thirty minutes later, with most of them coming around to express their condolences to Katniss before they leave. She accepts the hugs and good wishes with a plastered half-smile and rigid shoulders, slouching right back into her chair once everyone's gone. After Delly and Thom finish shutting down the sound booth and packaging up the food leftovers, I hoist Katniss out of her chair, leading her out of the auditorium.

Pastors Dale and Thresh are standing by the cafe in the atrium as we leave, so we spend another ten minutes or so talking with them, thanking them for the service and music. We're halfway to the doors when Thom remembers something he meant to take care of in the control room for the weekend’s services.

“I'm sorry guys, but I need to get this done before tomorrow morning, so the graphics team can get the slides ready for Saturday night service,” he says apologetically. “It'll only take about fifteen minutes, do you mind waiting?”

 _Yeah, but there's nothing I can really do about it, unless I want to carry Katniss back to Sae’s house._ “No, that's fine,” I tell him. “We'll just wait over by the doors.”

“Sounds good,” Thom says. “As soon as I'm done I'll drive the car up to the doors to pick you guys up.”

Hardly thirty seconds later Delly remembers something vital that she needs to discuss with Cassandra and takes off towards the church offices, promising to be back before Thom’s finished.

By the time Katniss and I reach the front doors I'm wracking my brain, not at all wanting to leave her for the rest of the day, but not knowing how I'd be able to get her back to Sae's house without borrowing a car or asking Thom and Delly to come pick her up. I’m still pondering various scenarios when I notice the family from Seam County walking back through the parking lot towards the church.

“Katniss, do you know those people?” I whisper in her ear.

“Mmmhmm,” she says. “That’s Gale, and his mom and siblings.”

 _What’s he doing here?_ is my immediate first thought. Katniss may have forgiven him for kicking her out of his house and taking her job away after her mom died, but that doesn’t mean I want her spending time with him after what he did. And with the way he was glaring at me throughout the service and reception, I doubt I'd want to spend a lot of time with him either.

“Do you want to see him? ‘Cause it’s okay if you don’t. I can tell him you’ll see him another time-”

“No, it’s okay,” she interrupts, sounding resigned. “I haven’t seen the younger kids in a long time. Not since…”. I don't ask her to finish her sentence.

Katniss clasps onto my arm as we step through the doors onto the sidewalk, meeting Gale and his family halfway. Gale is even taller and more ominous-looking close up. I'm not short, being only a couple inches shy of six feet, but he has me beat by at least four or five inches, and with his dark hair and piercing grey eyes he looks downright dangerous. Not at all like Thor.

“Hazelle,” Katniss says as the older woman draws her into a hug. “It's nice to see you.”

“Oh, my dear child,” Hazelle says as she pats Katniss on the back. “It's so good to see you too. I'm so sorry it had to be like this.”

“Peeta,” Katniss says as Hazelle releases her from her embrace. “This is Hazelle, Gale, Rory, Vick, and Posy Hawthorne. Hazelle and her husband were friends of Haymitch growing up, just like my dad. Everyone, this is Peeta Mellark.”

“Hello,” I say, nodding in turn to each of them. To my surprise, Hazelle reaches up to hug me as well, even as I can feel Gale’s ever-present gaze following me.

“Was it you who arranged this lovely memorial service?” she asks. “That was so thoughtful of you!”

 _This must be what a real mom’s hug is like,_ is the first thought that comes into my head. “Yes,” I say, feeling flustered as Hazelle releases me. “Actually, no. I mean, yes, but I had a lot of help.” I slide my arm around Katniss's shoulders. “Katniss is pretty important to a lot of people here at the church, so we were all happy to pitch in and help.”

“Well, you all did a great job,” Hazelle says. “The children and I all thought it was wonderful.”

“You're very welcome, ma’am. I'm glad you were able to make-”.

“Ma, can we go now!” the youngest boy interrupts. “It's getting cold out here!”

“Oh, Vick, quit your whining!” the girl, Posy, snaps, knocking her shoulder against her older brother. “It's rude!”

“Oh yeah?” Vick challenges, glaring at his sister. “Make me!”

“And I think that's my cue to leave,” Hazelle says, giving a stern look to her son as she takes her daughter’s hand. “Thank you again, Peeta. I hope we'll be able to see you again sometime. And Katniss, don't be such a stranger now, okay?”

“Goodbye, Hazelle,” Katniss says as she hugs the older lady one more time. “Thank you all for coming.”

“Give me a minute with Catnip, can you, Ma?” Gale asks, glancing towards me out of the corner of his eye. It's the first time I've heard him speak and I feel my own eyes narrowing, wondering what he needs to say to Katniss that he doesn't want his mother to hear. “I'll meet you guys at the car.”

“Oh, sure, dear,” Hazelle replies as she starts to herd her children back down to the parking lot. “Try not to take too long though. Some of us,” and she glances hard in Vick’s direction, “are a little impatient.”

“We'll leave without ya!” Vick calls as his mother leads him away.

Gale waits until the rest of his family are out of earshot before turning directly to me, his grey eyes blazing with anger. “You!” he snarls. “I thought I made myself very clear that you were to stay away from her!” Then he turns on Katniss. “And what the hell are you doing with this Victors brat? Is he the one you've been spending all your free time with?”

His ferocious gaze towering over me makes me gulp, but I stand my ground anyway, tightening my arm around Katniss. “What? What are you talking about? I’ve never even seen you before today!”

Gale advances another step, his nostrils flaring. “Don’t you lie to me, Mellark! I know exactly who you are! And I clearly remember telling you to stay the hell away from Katniss!”

“Gale,” Katniss says, laying her hand on his arm. “He’s not who you think. Peeta’s not-”

“You stay out of this!” he snaps at Katniss, yanking his arm away from her so hard that she pitches forward a bit. “I’d know this Townie bastard anywhere!”

Utterly confused and rapidly losing my temper, I turn Katniss so I’m standing between her and Gale. “Look,” I say, as evenly as I can. “I’m not sure who you think I am, but I promise you, I’ve never met you before today.”

“You’re a liar!” Gale yells. “And an idiot if you think I’d believe anything that came out of your mouth!”

“I told you,” I say. “I don’t know who you-”

But I'm cut off as Gale swings with his fist, his knuckles connecting solidly with my left cheekbone. “Hey!” is all I’m able to get out before his left arm rears back to hit me again. I'm able to duck to avoid the blow, but my prosthetic left foot slips as I try to right myself, causing me to fall to the ground in an undignified heap.

“Gale, stop!” I hear Katniss scream as she crawls over me like a shield. “He’s not who you think! That was his brother!”

_Huh?! My brother? Which brother? And what has she told this guy about me?_

“I don't believe you!” Gale roars as I scramble to my feet, making sure Katniss is securely behind me.

“Right now I don't care what you believe!” I retort, getting right in Gale’s face. I can feel my left eye starting to swell as I clench my fists. “Or who you think I am. All I know is that you're completely out of line, coming here and causing trouble right after a funeral!”

That seems to snap Gale out of his rage for a moment, and he drops the hand he had raised up, probably to try and hit me again. “Hmph,” he mutters. I can see his eyes trying to look around me to Katniss. “All right there, Catnip?”

Katniss comes around to my side, hooking her hand onto my arm and scowling furiously. “Gale, I think you should leave.”

“But, but,” Gale stammers. “You still haven’t told me what in the hell you’re doing… with him!” and he points his finger in my face.

“What I do, and who I spend my time with is none of your concern, Gale Hawthorne!” Katniss retorts. “Now go! I can’t stand to even look at you right now!”

Gale’s mouth opens, as if to continue the argument, but then closes again as he sets his jaw stubbornly. “You know, ever since…, well, you just haven’t been the same, Catnip.”

My temper is all but lost now. While I’m not exactly certain what Gale is referring to, his petulant tone and actions have done nothing but make me angry, not to mention my cheekbone that's throbbing from pain and embarrassment that I’ll have to explain to Thom and Delly when they show up in a few minutes.. “I think,” I say through clenched teeth. “I think the lady asked you to leave.”

Gale gapes at me for a few seconds before bursting into a sick laughter. “Lady?” he chortles. “Lady? Since when do you call any girl a lady?”

“Gale!” Katniss yells. “Please, just go! You’ve caused enough trouble for one afternoon!”

Scowling, Gale shoots a final eye dagger in my direction, then turns on his heels and walks away.

“Peeta!” Katniss cries, sounding hysterical. Her fingers reach up to my face, pressing against my stinging cheekbone. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what got into him! I don’t-”

“Ouch, that hurts!” I yelp, swiping against her hand as the pad of her thumb brushes over the tenderest spot. “Please, can we just wait until we get back to my place?”

Katniss freezes, slowly withdrawing her hand as her lower lip starts to shake and tears spill down her cheeks. “I’m s-sorry!” she stutters. “Th-this is all m-my f-fault!”

“No! No, love, I’m not mad at you! I promise!” I wrap my arms around her, stroking her back and feeling her falling tears drip onto my dress shirt. “Let’s just get out of here, okay? Can you come over for awhile? I’ll ask if Thom and Delly can come and pick you up later today.”

“Mmmhmm,” she mumbles. “And you’ll need some ice for your face.”

“Nah, I’ve had worse,” I say as Thom’s car drives up next to where we're standing.

“What do you mean by that?” Katniss asks. Pointedly ignoring her question, I open the door to the backseat and help her inside.

“Peeta!” Delly exclaims once I've climbed in next to Katniss. “What happened to your face?”

“Slipped and fell on the sidewalk,” I say. There's no way I'm telling Delly and Thom about what happened. It's bad enough Katniss had to see it. “Stupid fake foot. Hey, do you think you guys would be able to pick Katniss up from my place later today? We want to spend some time together this afternoon.”

“Oh, of course!” Delly says, nodding in Thom's direction. “I need to head back to my classroom now, and then Thom's on his way into work, so we can pick her up after dinner, if that's okay? That's no problem at all!”

“Thanks Dells,” I say as I squeeze Katniss's hand. “We both appreciate it.”

Five minutes later they drop us off at the coffee shop, with Katniss switching right into her healer mode by asking for a cup of ice at the counter. As soon as we walk through the door of my apartment she heads to the dresser, pulling out a washcloth and filling it with the ice and a couple drops of her lavender oil. Before I’ve even gotten my shoes off, she's pushed me down onto the futon and pressed the makeshift ice pack to my sore face.

“There,” she murmurs. “How does that feel?”

“Better,” I say, sighing as I close my eyes. I’ve had more than my fair share of black eyes, but it’s been awhile, and I’d forgotten how much they sting. “Thank you.”

I inhale deeply, breathing in the calming scent of the lavender and keeping my eyes closed as Katniss loosens and removes my tie and unbuttons the collar of my shirt, then tugs my shoes off and stretches my legs out onto the coffee table. I need to ask her about what happened with Gale, because he apparently knew who I was, or thought he knew who I was, and it unnerves me a bit to think that there’s someone like him out there hating me. Especially when it seems like it’s only a simple case of mistaken identity.

“So,” I begin, sitting up and looking at Katniss. “Can you please tell me why Gale felt the need to attack me this afternoon?”

Katniss’s eyes flit downward, refusing to meet mine. “I’m so sorry, Peeta. If I’d known he’d do something like that, I wouldn't have wanted him to come.”

I reach my hand over to cup her cheek, tilting her chin up to look at me. “And that’s fine, but it’s not what I mean and you know it. Who’d he think I was?”

She doesn’t answer right away, instead taking the washcloth from my face and replacing the ice inside. _She’s so nurturing. She’s gonna be a wonderful mother someday._

“Gale’s house is right by the woods in Seam County,” she finally says. “Like you can walk out the back door and ten yards later you’re in the woods.”

“Okay,” I say, taking her hand.

“A lot of times after work in the fall, we’d make a bonfire and roast our dinner over it,” she continues. “Well, one Friday night a bunch of us were sitting around the bonfire, eating, when four college guys walked up from the nearby road and started setting up a tent a few yards away. I overheard one of them say they were on some sort of trial, or test, trying to get into a club at their school. Their trial was they had to survive in the woods for an entire weekend. They were supposed to find their own food, drinking water, et cetera.”

“Hmm, it sounds like they were trying to rush a fraternity?” I say. “People often have to do stupid things like that to get into those.”

“Yeah,” Katniss replies. “That sounds about right. Well, one of the guys had snuck some beer along, and once they got their tent set up, instead of trying to find food or water they just sat there and started drinking. And well, it wasn’t too long before they were pretty plastered.” Her fingers tighten on my hand. “Peeta, one of the college guys was your brother. Rye.”

“Oh boy.” I can already see where this is going.

“Yeah,” Katniss says. “And the more drunk they got, the louder and more obnoxious they became, which made Gale none too happy. He tried to get them to move their tent, but of course they refused, and he couldn't make them since they weren’t technically on his property.”

“Why didn't he call the police?” I ask. _Rye is such an idiot sometimes._

Katniss shakes her head. “Gale didn’t want to do that because we really weren’t supposed to be having our bonfires out there, so close to public woods. He was afraid he’d get into trouble instead of the ‘Townie college drunks’, as he called them.”

“Ah. I guess I can understand that. But still, public drunkenness isn't exactly legal either.” _And it might’ve made Rye grow up a bit if he’d spent a couple nights in jail._

“No, but when Gale sets his mind on something it's almost impossible to change. And well, things just spiraled out of control after a while. Rye started talking to me, asking me questions about edible plants and how to track animals. It started out innocent enough, but quickly turned into him flirting with me, and turned raunchy even faster.”

_Oh dear brother of mine, you're darn lucky I didn't know this at Christmastime._

“How raunchy did he get?” I ask, not sure I really want to know the answer.

Katniss wrinkles her nose. “I don't think you want to know. But remember that day in town, when Rye said he recognized me?”

I nod gingerly, feeling my fingernails digging into the palm of my free hand.

“Well,” Katniss continues in a timid voice. “He’d only seen me that night, and in the dark, but I guess that was all he needed. Even though he was so drunk he could barely stand. And Gale didn’t like the way he was talking to me at all, so he told him to back off. When Rye refused, Gale hit him. And Rye’s friends didn’t like Gale punching Rye, so they hit Gale back, and the whole thing turned into a huge fistfight. Even Rory and Vick jumped in on it.”

“Oh wow,” I say through clenched teeth, absolutely furious with my brother. “I'm almost scared to ask, but who won?”

“In the end? No one, really. By the time Posy and I managed to pull them apart everyone was pretty beat up, and the boys were still screaming obscenities at each other. Gale told Rye if he ever saw him again, either around me or just in general, he'd kill him.”

“Hmm. Well, I'm glad Gale didn't try too hard to kill me today,” I grumble. “Especially right in front of the church.”

“Peeta, I'm so sorry!” Katniss cries. “I should've said something earlier, especially after we saw Rye in town. And I just didn't think Gale would do something like that to you! You're so different from Rye-”

“Apparently not different enough,” I say, causing Katniss's face to crumple. “No, no, love, I'm sorry. I'm not upset with you.” I slide my arm around her, drawing her close. “But please, next time we run into a friend of yours who you think might try to beat me up, a little heads up would be nice. Okay?”

I feel Katniss's mouth curl into a grin against my side. “Okay.”

We sit in silence for awhile, until the washcloth starts to drip from the melting ice, dropping ice-cold drops of water onto my neck and causing me to jump. Smirking, Katniss takes it over to the sink to rinse it out.

“I'll get you some more ice later,” she murmurs as she snuggles back next to me.

“Mmm,” I reply sleepily. “Sounds good.”

A few minutes later she sits back up, looking at me intently. “Peeta?”

“Yeah?”

Her fingertip gently traces the outline of the bruise, her eyes narrowing. “What did you mean by you’ve had worse? Worse what? Worse beatings?”

I feel my face flushing as I look away, afraid to meet her eyes. “I grew up with two older brothers, Katniss. And we got into our fair share of fights growing up. That night by Gale’s house wasn’t the first time Rye caused a fight.” _Please Katniss, just drop it. I’m not really in the mood for this._

Scowling, her eyes flit back and forth between my own and the blooming bruise. “You mean, your older brothers used to beat you up? What kind of men were they?”

 _Yep, she’s got me there._ “No,” I mumble. “It wasn’t them. Well, at least it wasn't them all the time. Rye and I, we’d practice wrestling moves against each other a lot, and sometimes things would get outta hand, you know? But…”

“But what?” Katniss asks. Her hand curls around my arm.

 _She's not gonna drop it._ “Well, my mom was pretty disappointed when I was born, because she'd always wanted to have a daughter.”

Her eyes narrow. “Okay, so…?”

“And, well, she kinda resented me for not being a daughter.”

Her hand tightens on my arm. “Okay, so…?”

“Well, she wasn’t all that great at… hiding her resentment sometimes. And when she’d get mad, she’d lash out. At whomever happened to be nearest. And about ninety percent of the time, that whomever happened to be me.”

“Are you saying your mom used to, to hit you?!” Katniss asks, dumbfounded. “Like, on purpose? And more than once?”

I shake my head, causing a spike of pain to lance across my face. “She wasn't exactly the lovey-dovey type, no. She came from a family that yelled and hit a lot, and well, that's the only way she knew how to deal with things.”

I see Katniss's mouth drop open. “And, your dad? He just stood by and watched all this happen? Why didn't he ever-”

“Katniss, my dad is weak!” I snap in disgust. “Sure, he's soft-spoken and seems nice, and gives out free cookies to the little kids that come into the bakery, but no. He never stood up for me, and he knew what was going on. He always knew, and he did nothing to stop it. He didn't even try to argue for me when my mom basically kicked me out of their house after my accident.” I let out an emotionless laugh. “He helped me pack though, nice guy that he is.”

Katniss is quiet for a moment, retrieving the washcloth and rummaging through her bag for her ever-present lavender oil. I've probably cost her a full bottle of the stuff by now with my ongoing supply of injuries. She drips a couple drops onto the washcloth, pressing it gently against my cheek. “So then, why did we go to their house on Christmas? Why'd you reach out to them again, after all this time?”

I lean my head back against the futon. “Because I wanted to forgive them. No, that's not it. I needed to forgive them. Like you said, that day we saw Rye in town. And I can honestly say that I have forgiven them now, but that still doesn't mean I want to see them again anytime soon.”

A pained expression washes over Katniss's face. “Peeta, if I'd known, I wouldn't ever have-”

“No,” I say, covering her hand with my own. “You were right. Regardless of everything, I needed to do that for my own sake. But, and Finnick's told me this before, there's a difference between forgiving someone and still allowing them to be a toxic presence in your life. And I'm not gonna allow my mother to be a toxic presence in my life anymore. Or yours. I have forgiven her, but that doesn't mean everything's just gonna be okay, because I don't think that's even possible. And I'm alright with that. I can live with it.”

Katniss blinks a couple times, then nods. “Okay,” she says as she snuggles up against me. “But it's sad that it has to be like that.”

“Yeah, maybe. But like I said, I'll be alright.”

_I’ll be alright. As long as I have you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song References:  
> Cry Out to Jesus by Third Day  
> There Will Be a Day by Jeremy Camp
> 
> All the songs in my story are available in iTunes and on YouTube.
> 
> Biblical Reference:  
> Revelation 21: 6-7
> 
> So, we've answered the question of how Rye knew Katniss. Please let me know what you think! I appreciate each and every single comment and message! :)


	12. Delly and Thom's Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my betas NotAnIslander and HPFanonezillion, for their amazing help with this story! It is so much the better because of their help!

* * *

If there’s ever any good time for a black eye, it's during the month when I'm off from school. Because if I have to field one more question about what happened, I'm gonna… well, I'm not sure what I'll do, but it won't be pretty. With my entire small group, the entire workforce of the coffee shop, and seemingly the entire congregation of Mountainside Church asking about it every time they see me, it's all I can do to smile and accept their pitied questions and winces.

“I told you, I slipped and fell!” I snap at Dr. Aurelius during my weekly appointment. “My stupid fake foot slips easily! Especially in the wet weather we’ve been having.”

He doesn't say anything for a moment, only looks at me over the top of his glasses. “If that's the case, Peeta,” he finally says. “Then why are you being so defensive about it?”

I wrinkle my nose in frustration. “Because I'm sick of people asking about it! It's just a black eye! And I'm not the only guy in the history of the world to have one!”

“No, that's very true,” Dr. Aurelius says. “And you're also not the first person in the history of the world to be embarrassed about it. But my question to you is, why are you so embarrassed, if it was only a simple slip and fall like you said?”

My mouth opens to retort, then closes again as a wave of shame washes over me and I look down at my sketchbook, sitting in my lap.

“Was it only a simple slip and fall?” Dr. Aurelius asks quietly.

I give an imperceptible shake of my head. “No.”

“All right then. Would you like to tell me what really happened?”

Keeping my eyes on my sketchbook, I inhale shakily. “I was punched. By… by a friend of Katniss,” I say with a grimace. “At her uncle’s funeral. A guy from her hometown was there, and… he didn't like that she was with me. He got me pretty good once, and I slipped and fell when he tried to hit me again.”

“Goodness gracious!” Dr. Aurelius exclaims. “Whyever would someone do such a thing? And at a funeral no less?”

“Well, he seems like the possessive type. He keeps asking when Katniss is moving back to her hometown.”

“Mmmhmm. And what does Katniss say about all this?”

“She doesn't want to move back there. She wants to stay here. With me.”

Dr. Aurelius leans forward in his chair. “Ah, I see. And you've discussed this with her, I presume?”

“Well, no,” I admit quietly. “Not exactly. But I don't think we need to discuss it.”

“Hmm,” he says. “And why is that?”

“Because I love her, and she knows that. And I want to marry her.”

“Oh yes, you've told me that before. So, when do you think you'll pop the big question?”

I lean back on the loveseat, grinning. “Sometime shortly after Easter I think. I'm already saving for her ring.”

“I see,” Dr. Aurelius answers. He’s quiet for a moment, tapping his pen against the ever-present notepad in his lap. “Peeta, I feel I must ask you. Why do you not feel the need to discuss marriage with Katniss prior to you proposing to her? Especially when you don't feel like she's recovering well from her recent tragedy?”

I feel the tiniest twinge of doubt, but I push it down, trying to ignore it. “Because I don't see the need to discuss it. I mean, if it's God's plan for us to be married, then why do we need to discuss it?”

“I see. And you are certain that it's God's plan for you to marry Katniss?”

“Yes!” I exclaim. “Of course it is! If it wasn't, why would God place her right there, on my path, at the exact time that he did?”

“Peeta,” Dr. Aurelius says, shaking his head. “Has it ever occurred to you, that perhaps you were placed on Katniss’s path? And if so, perhaps you should be also concerned about her timeline, instead of only your own?”

No. I have to admit that thought hadn't ever occurred to me. I feel my heart lurch in my chest, the tiny shred of doubt growing larger. “Well, even so,” I say petulantly. “Who's to say that our timelines aren't the same?”

“Certainly not me,” Dr. Aurelius implores. “I can't even dare to presume to know the Lord’s exact plan for my own life, much less someone else's.” He turns, setting his notebook down on the desk. “But Peeta, what I do know, is the anxiety you're feeling regarding that black eye of yours is stemming directly from the fact that you're still bitter about the accident that took your leg. And all of the circumstances surrounding that accident.”

_Ugh. He’s right. I hate when I think people are looking at me in pity. I hate being seen as weak._

“Also,” he continues. “The anxiety you feel about even the remote possibility of Katniss leaving you is due to the fact that you haven't made sure the two of you are on the same page with some very important issues. I’m afraid there’s not a lot more I can do for you until you admit to yourself that these are things you need to work on.”

I nod gingerly, tapping my fingers against the sketchbook. “I understand. So, um, does that mean you don’t need to see me every week anymore?”

Raising his eyebrows, Dr. Aurelius sighs. “Well, I’d like to continue seeing you weekly because I believe it’s helpful for you to be reminded of these issues, even if you’re not ready to tackle them yet. And dare I say you seem to look forward to our little chats?”

I gulp, alarmed at the fact that he’s been able to read me so well. I do look forward to my appointments with Dr. Aurelius; it’s almost as though I have Finnick back to talk to. Since Finnick moved away we've only been able to talk on the phone, and I've always preferred face-to-face discussions over phone calls.

“Yes,” I mumble. “I do look forward to them.”

“Well, then I see no reason not to continue,” Dr. Aurelius says, taking a small cloth from his front shirt pocket and wiping the lenses of his glasses. “I only ask that you give what we discussed today some very serious thought prior to our next meeting. Will you be able to do that?”

“Yeah, I can do that.” _Thoughts are easy. It's the actual doing that's the hard part._

He repositions the glasses on his face. “Very well. I will see you next time then. Usual time?”

“Yeah.”

We both stand up at the same time, shaking hands before he turns for the door, pausing with his hand on the doorknob. “Tell me, Peeta. Has Katniss officially accepted Christ?”

I feel my face flush. “No,” I mutter. “Not yet. And I wish she would, because I think it would help her.”

“Hmm,” Dr. Aurelius says. “She's been attending your church and small group since September, correct?”

“Yeah.”

“Have you asked her why she's reluctant to take that step?” he asks.

“No, I haven't,” I admit. “I've been-”

“Afraid?”

“Yeah,” I reply, my eyes downcast.

“Well. Then it would seem we have some more work to do, doesn't it?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll see you next week, Peeta. Enjoy your last week off from school. And I will say an extra prayer for Miss Katniss tonight.”

“Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

* * *

I’m grumpy the whole rest of the week. The intellectual, pastor-in-training part of me can admit that Dr. Aurelius is right; I should be talking to Katniss about these important things. About the fact that she still flat-out refuses to agree to see him, even though I know she's not eating or sleeping well. About the fact that she hasn’t yet accepted Christ after several months of attending church and small group. About whether or not she would want to return to her hometown someday. And if she could see herself agreeing to marry me, when she hasn’t even admitted out loud that she loves me.

But the other part of me--the wimp, the scaredy-cat, the son of my father--doesn't want to bring up these things because I'm absolutely terrified that Katniss will bolt for the door the second I try to discuss them. I’d much rather stick with talk about the upcoming Super Bowl, and which movie series we should start next. I've even been afraid to bring up Dr. Aurelius in front of her, instead asking Delly to drop hints to her every now and then.

It doesn’t help at all that each time I work up some courage to attempt a serious discussion, something bad seems to happen. A week after the semester begins, Katniss receives a letter in the mail from one of the large local banks, informing her that Haymitch had fallen behind on his house payments several months ago and is now facing foreclosure. While Haymitch had had the foresight to name Katniss as his next-of-kin before he died, he apparently had neglected to tell Katniss about the exact state of his finances. The bank’s letter informs her that she has ninety days to try and sell the home on her own to pay off the mortgage, or the house will be repossessed and any equity will be lost.

Upon hearing the news, our small group and other church family jump into action. Cecelia offers the services of her good friend who's a realtor. Leevy has a cousin who owns a self-storage facility, so we spend an entire weekend unloading furniture and any other salvageable contents of the house into a storage locker. Rue then organizes the entire Mountainside band and most of her school friends to go in and fix up the house; patching up drywall, painting walls, resurfacing floors, landscaping the yard, and painting the exterior.

Blessedly, the house is listed for sale by the end of February and is under contract a week later, with a closing date set for the middle of April.

Then, two weeks before Delly and Thom’s wedding, the transmission goes out in Katniss’s truck one evening on her way home from work. Cassandra is thankfully able to go pick Katniss up, but the damage proves to be more expensive than the truck is worth, leaving Katniss with no transportation for over a week until Sae’s granddaughter’s husband, who owns a small used car dealership, offers Katniss a small, reliable car at dealer cost. He even offers to take her broken truck as a partial trade-in, saying that its parts will be useful. But Katniss refuses, admitting she has no means to cover the rest of the car’s price until the sale of Haymitch’s house is complete.

I offer to cover the rest of the cost, using the savings I’ve accumulated so far for her engagement ring. But Katniss protests that as well, saying she can take care of herself and doesn’t need my help. That leads to an argument so intense it leaves me shaking, both in frustration and fear. Somehow, by the grace of God, I’m able to convince her to accept the money from me, and Thom and Delly take her to pick up the car on the Monday afternoon prior to their wedding.

Another argument ensues a couple days later while we're talking on the phone one evening, when I offer to buy Katniss a new dress for the wedding.

“I don't want you to spend anymore money on me, Peeta,” she says. “Rue already told me I could borrow something of hers again.”

“And that's really nice of her,” I reply. “But wouldn't you rather have something of your own to wear? You told me that you've never had any new clothes before, so I thought the wedding would be a good excuse to get something new.”

“I said no!” she snaps. I can hear the scowl in her voice. “And why is it so important for you to be buying me clothes all of a sudden? Are mine not good enough anymore? Or are you embarrassed to be seen with me wearing a borrowed dress?”

“Goodness no!” I object. I start pacing anxiously back and forth across the floor. “I grew up wearing hand-me-downs too, you know. I was just trying to be nice, Katniss. That's all. There's no need to get so upset about it.”

“I won't get upset if you stop trying to change me,” she grumbles. “Turn me into something I'm not.”

“Alright, alright,” I concede, rolling my eyes. “You win. I'm sorry I even brought it up.”

I let the subject drop, but it continues to gnaw at me as Friday arrives, the day of the wedding. As I dress in my rented tuxedo twenty minutes before Katniss is scheduled to pick me up, I breathe in a deep, determined breath. Dr. Aurelius is right. If I'm planning to propose to Katniss anytime soon, we still have a lot to talk about. And I suppose there's no better time than now to get started. I have the next week off from classes, I'm ahead in all of my coursework anyway, and I only have some final editing to do on my senior paper before it's ready to turn in. I really have no more excuses.

Finishing with the fussy bow tie, I look at my reflection. I detest wearing tuxedos. I always feel like a dressed up Ken doll whenever I wear one. And it doesn't help at all that each time I wear one of these penguin suits some sort of unfortunate incident occurs. The first time it was my run-in with the bear trap. Then three years later at Ban’s wedding, while I was trying to avoid being tackled by some distant old-lady cousin of my father's, my elbow managed to knock a tier of the wedding cake onto the floor. My mother nearly had an aneurysm before my dad was able to save the day by producing a extra tier he'd baked and frosted, just in case. I swore after that to only have at most a two-tiered wedding cake when I got married. And to have a backup available, just in case.

Smoothing my hair off my forehead, I glance one more time at my reflection and shrug. “I guess that's as good as you're gonna get.”

I'm really not looking forward to this wedding. As happy as I am for Delly and Thom, as a member of the wedding party I'll be required to spend most of the evening partnered with Thom's teenage sister while Katniss sits with Thresh and his family. And if last night's rehearsal dinner is any indication, Delly's mother will not be tolerating anything short of perfection for this evening’s festivities.

And right now I would like nothing more than to cuddle up with Katniss and watch a movie. I know she's not looking forward to tonight either, as she's not big on crowds or fancy parties. _Tomorrow,_ I think. _Tomorrow I'll ask if she can come over right after I get off work. Maybe we can drive down to town and go to that sweet shop again. I'd love some more of their peppermints._

I'm waiting outside the coffee shop when Katniss pulls up in her little silver Yaris, looking stunning in a forest green dress under a black peacoat. I hold tightly to her hand for the five minute drive to the church, allowing the touch of her skin to help calm my nerves about tonight.

We arrive at the church to find it transformed. Banquet tables are set up in the atrium, with pretty much every flat surface covered in either flowers or balloons. Walking into the auditorium is like walking into a florist's shop that exploded, with huge bouquets of roses in pinks and reds tied together with ribbons and attached to each row of chairs. There's also a very strange-looking woman scurrying about with a clipboard in one hand, wearing a bright purple suit, four-inch heels, and a bright orange wig. She looks very out of place at our church, ordering people around with her high-pitched voice and going on and on about how it’s such a “big, big, big day.” After seeing her conferring with Delly's mother, Katniss and I come to the conclusion that she must be the wedding coordinator.

Once I get Katniss seated next to Rue, I take my place with the rest of the wedding party. After a twenty minute delay due to the organist getting lost, the ceremony begins, with me managing to make it down the aisle without slipping in my shiny rented dress shoes. Delly, whose poofy white dress takes up most of the aisle, trips a little as she walks down on her father’s arm, but everything else proceeds without a hitch. Pastor Dale recites from most of the traditional Bible passages regarding love, honor, and marriage. I listen closely, mentally picking and choosing which passages I'd like to have at our wedding.

Following the exchange of vows, rings, and the unity candle lighting, we're directed back out to the atrium to begin the five course formal dinner. I try, I really try to maintain a polite conversation with Thom's little sister during the meal, but I can't help but worry about how Katniss is doing. Especially when I notice that she's hardly touching her food and seems sullen.

It's not until almost two hours later, after all the toasts to the happy couple are made and the cake is cut and the requisite wedding party dances are finished, that I'm able to escape the confines of the head table. Walking across the atrium to where Thresh and Cassandra are standing, I'm surprised to find Katniss missing.

“She and Rue went to the restroom,” Thresh says. “Y’all know how girls are, they always have to go in pairs.”

“Ha!” Cassandra says as she pokes her husband with her elbow. “More likely it's because they want to talk about boys without you around!”

“What boy is my baby sister talking about?” Thresh demands, craning back to look in the direction of the ladies’ room. “And how do you know about it and not me?”

I chuckle, feeling a bit of the tension leaving my neck and shoulders. “How long are you gonna call her your baby sister?” I tease Thresh. “She's gonna be a senior next year! Don't you think once she's old enough to vote, she's old enough to date?”

Thresh eyes me warily. “No way, man. And if you had a little sister, trust me, you'd think the same thing.”

“So,” Cassandra says, tactfully changing the subject. “Pastor Dale told me yesterday that he and the elders are going to officially announce the new ministry changes to the staff on Monday. And he said he's hoping to have any new positions covered by Memorial Day.”

“Cass, that's not something we should be discussing here,” Thresh warns.

“Oh I know, sorry,” she replies, looking chagrined. “I just thought Peeta would want to know, so he can be prepared in case he's called for an interview.”

“Thank you Cassandra,” I say. _Please, let's not talk about this right now._

She leans in, continuing in a stage whisper. “So, you'd better get on the ball about proposing. Because you don't want the fact that you're not married to be held against you during an interview. And you might want to get on to Katniss a little too, since she's not even baptized yet.”

“What’re you guys talking about?” Katniss asks, startling me as she appears right next to me. She seriously has the softest tread known to mankind.

“Nothing too exciting,” I say quickly, wrapping my arm around her waist. “Cassandra was just telling us about some church stuff.”

“Oh?” Katniss says. “Like what?”

“New ministry positions mainly,” Cassandra says, ignoring my pleading look to drop the subject. “I wanted to give Peeta a heads up.”

Katniss blinks, a look of confusion marring her delicate features. “Why? Is it going to affect the small group leaders?”

“Cass…” Thresh warns under his breath. “Now’s really not the time-”

“No,” Cassandra continues, barreling right over her husband's warning. “If they announce a new Teen Pastor position, Peeta will be almost certainly called for an interview, so I wanted to make sure he knew ahead of time in case he needed to prepare.”

I feel Katniss go rigid next to me, the way she always does when she feels blindsided. _Please Cassandra! Please shut up!_

“I see,” Katniss mumbles, her voice flat. Her eyes are staring off in the distance, refusing to look at me.

“You know, Katniss,” Cassandra continues. “It's really amazing that you and Peeta met when you did, because I know he was starting to get worried about it.”

 _Oh God, please no._ I can feel beads of sweat forming on the back of my neck. “Cassandra-” I croak, but she just continues on, ignoring the look of panic on my face.

“Um, what do you mean?” Katniss asks. “Worried about what?”

“About finding a wife, of course. A lot of churches won't even interview a potential pastor unless he's married. Or at the very least, engaged.” She looks quizzically at me. “Hasn't Peeta told you that? Oh, and speaking of that, you might want to sign up to get baptized at our next baptism service. I think we have one coming up in the next few weeks.”

Knowing Katniss as well as I do, I'm prepared for when she tries to yank herself away from me, gripping her firmly by the waist so she can't bolt for the door. “Um,” I manage to say through my parched throat. “Will you excuse us for a few minutes?”

“Ah, sure,” Cassandra says, looking confused. “Have I said something wro-”

But I don't wait around to answer her, leading Katniss across the back of the atrium and out the side door to a patch of bushes next to a floodlight. “Katniss, please listen to me,” I start, but she's so confused and angry at this point she doesn't let me finish.

“What was Cassandra talking about in there?” she demands. I have never seen her look this angry. “No wait. On second thought, I think she made it pretty clear.”

“She didn't make anything clear, Katniss,” I say frantically. “Absolutely nothing. Cassandra doesn't know what she's talking about.”

“That's not what it sounded like to me!” Katniss snaps, avoiding my attempt to grab her hand. “It sounds to me like she was saying that without me, you wouldn't have a chance at a job here. Or anywhere else for that matter. But you've never mentioned anything to me about any of this!”

“I know! I know I haven't, and that was a huge mistake, Katniss. I'm so sorry! I only wanted to make sure-”

“Make sure of what? That I'd agree to get baptized? And then agree to marry you? Just so you could get a job? And then probably have kids someday? Peeta, I don’t even know if I want kids!”

I double over, her words hitting me like a punch to the gut. “No! Katniss, that's not-”

Katniss throws her hands in the air, scowling. “Is that why you were so eager to help me buy my car? And why you keep asking to buy me clothes? Do I not look good enough for you? Is there some standard that pastor’s wives have to live up to that I'm not meeting?”

“No!” I growl. “You know that’s not true! Katniss-”

“Peeta, you made me lo-, you made me care about you!” she shrieks. “Was any of it real, or was this all just a big show for the church? Was I just another school assignment you had to ace?”

“It was all real!” I yell, raking my hand through my hair. “All of it is real! Katniss, I love you!! I want you to be my wife someday!”

Katniss scoffs. “You love me? How is that even possible? You don't even find me attractive!”

I gape at her in disbelief. “How can you say that? I think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!”

"You wouldn't even look at me!” she screams. “The day Haymitch died. When I was in the bathtub, you wouldn't even look at me! How can you say you love me, and want to marry me, when the very sight of my naked body disgusts you!"

I gulp, praying that no one heard that last statement. The last thing I need right now is Pastor Dale or someone else coming out the door and finding us arguing about Katniss’s naked body.

“Katniss,” I implore, keeping my voice lower. “You have no idea how difficult that was for me. How difficult it's been for me to stay a gentleman around you.” I finally manage to grab her hands, clasping them between my own. “I want you, so badly! But I’ve always wanted to wait for that until we were married. I still do. Because you’re worth waiting for.”

“I don't believe that for one second,” Katniss says, not without a hint of melancholy. “Men just don’t think that way, Peeta. Your brother sure doesn’t. It was revolting, some of the things he said to me that night in the woods.”

“Well, Rye’s an immature creep, and you know it,” I snap. “You sell yourself short so often, but you have no idea how much you mean to so many people. And especially to me.”

She looks up at me, searching my face. “Gale called me yesterday.”

My head jerks back like she's slapped me, my jaw clenching as I swallow hard. “What for?”

Pulling her hands away, she turns, staring at the bushes rustling in the frigid breeze. “He said someone on his full-time crew quit last week and he needs a replacement. He offered the job to me.”

I feel my stomach sink down to my knees. “You already have a job.”

Katniss rolls her eyes. “Yeah. A part-time, dead-end job teaching entitled school kids how to shoot plastic arrows at targets and jump rope. Not exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life.”

“And being a lumberjack is?” I blurt out, realizing too late that that was the absolute wrong thing to say.

Katniss turns on me, her grey eyes flashing furiously. “Why not? Or is having a lumberjack for a wife not good enough for a pastor? I thought you said you weren't like your mother!”

“I'm not!” I protest. “That's not fair and you know it. I just want you to be happy, and I know being around Gale makes you miserable! And you have friends here, Katniss! Friends who love you and want to see you happy!”

A single tear rolls down her face. “But that's not completely true, is it? They, and you, only want me happy if I follow your script. Get baptized. Marry you. Become a pastor’s wife. Have children. But what if that’s not what I want?”

Something in her tone, the flatness, the finality, scares me more than any nightmare I had after my accident ever did. “Katniss, what are you saying?”

“I don’t think I can do it, Peeta,” she says, with tears now streaming down her cheeks. “I can't be a pastor’s wife. I couldn’t live up to that standard, and all it would do is cause you to hate me in the end. I can't be, what you need me to be. We're just… too different.”

“No we're not!” I say, tears welling in my own eyes. “We're not that different at all. We're both survivors, and you know it.”

Sniffing, she turns away from me. “I can't-, I can't give you what you need, Peeta. And I'm sorry. But I can't do it.” She takes a step down the sidewalk. “You'd be better off finding someone else.”

"Katniss, please!" I'm begging shamelessly now, trying to do anything to prevent her from walking away from me. "Please don't go! I don't want anyone else, I only love you! There's only you! Please, don't leave me!”

But she just shakes her head, walking backwards away from me. "I'm sorry," she whispers. "I'm sorry, Peeta. But everyone that I love ends up leaving me, and it's just better if I..."

"Katniss! Please don't! Please don't go! My life… it's nothing without you! I don't care if I don't get a job as a pastor anymore. You're more important to me than any job! We can, we can even move to Seam County after I graduate if you want to. I don't care where we go, as long as we're together!”

"I can't ask you to give up your dreams just for me," she says, retreating a couple more steps. "You'd never forgive me."

"That's not true!" I say as I advance towards her. "I love you, Katniss! I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, and I don't care where I end up working!" I take another step. "Just as long as you're with me! I'll be happy as long as you're with me!"

Time seems to pause as Katniss looks at me, her grey eyes boring into my own. For a brief moment, it seems like I've actually broken through to her.

But the moment is lost with a final shake of her head. "I'm sorry," she repeats. Another tear rolls down her cheek as she takes a deep breath. "I'm so sorry, Peeta. But I just can't. I'm gonna go back home.”

My stomach lurches violently. I can physically feel my heat ripping into pieces, like she's shattered it with one of her arrows. “So that's it? After everything we've been through together, you're just gonna give up on me?”

Turning around one last time, she looks at me. I can see the tear tracks on her face, illuminated by the bright floodlight. I can see the anguish in her eyes as she presses her lips together, her lower lip quivering badly. “Goodbye, Peeta.”

And then she turns her back to me and walks away, down the sidewalk, and out of my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. This chapter pretty much ripped my heart out. People commented earlier that Katniss needed to reach rock-bottom before she would admit to needing help, and now it looks like Peeta needed to as well. 
> 
> I've put together a playlist on YouTube of all the songs I've used in this story so far. I'll be adding to it with each chapter that uses songs, so be sure to check it out.  
> Here is the link: https://youtu.be/WiCMcQ4Qab8?list=PL1Wxz8hJM8HlNFrx-SpBCIG2ydOiCrKrP  
> If that link doesn't work for some reason, if you search Practice Run Playlist you should be able to find it. :)
> 
> Please let me know what you think! Your comments and messages are so invaluable to me!


	13. Resurrection Sunday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, a huge thank you to my betas NotAnIslander and HPFanonezillion for their help, especially with this chapter!

I’m not even sure how I made it home. I can vaguely remember vomiting up the entire five-course wedding dinner right into those bushes where Katniss walked away from me. I must’ve stumbled my way back up the hill to the coffee shop, because I know there was absolutely no way I was going to be able to face anyone back at the wedding after what happened.

I fumble with my key in the lock, finally bursting into the apartment and ripping the stupid shiny shoes off my feet, throwing them across the room as I sink down onto my futon with my head in my hands and my eyes squeezed shut against the tears threatening to leak out. Clenching my jaw, I try and take deep breaths but only manage to choke, intensifying the gnawing ache in my hollow chest.

_I’m never gonna love anyone ever again. I’m gonna be alone for the rest of my life. I’m gonna graduate from school and just stay here, working in this little coffee shop and living in this tiny apartment…_

I hear my phone beep with an incoming text but I don't bother looking at it. I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I don't want to talk to anyone ever again.  
  
It beeps again, and again I ignore it. After a few minutes I manage to work up the strength to remove the silly bow tie from around my neck and unbutton the shirt collar, which feels suddenly like it's choking me.  _Stupid, freaking, tuxedos! I am never, ever, wearing one of these hateful things again! Not ever!_

A few minutes later my phone rings. “No! Not now!” I scream, fisting my hands into my hair. I don't usually answer my phone when I'm in a good mood, unless it's from Katniss. That thought wrenches another choked sob from my throat. I let it ring until it stops.  
  
It rings again, only twice before it stops abruptly. And then again with the same pattern. I continue to ignore it, but by the fifth time, just when I'm about ready to launch it through the window, I happen to glance down at it. It's Finnick. He hangs up before I can answer, but then calls back right away. I slide my thumb across the bottom to accept the call, but I can't find it in myself to actually say anything.  
  
"Peeta?" I hear him say. "I know you're there, Peeta. And I know something’s happened. Talk to me."  
  
Pressing the button so he's on speaker, I inhale shakily. "I can't-, I can’t really talk right now..."  
  
"What’s happened?" he says in a low voice. "Talk to me!"  
  
Fresh tears well up in my eyes as I wrap my hands around my head. "She's… gone!" The ache in my chest roars back to life, throbbing so hard it steals the breath from my lungs. "Katniss… is gone. She's left me, she left. She left me."  

_Oh God, she left me!_

I hear Finnick sigh deeply over the phone. "That's what I was afraid of," he says after a short pause. "Are you in danger?"  
  
"Wha-, what do you mean?" I mumble.  
  
"Are you in danger?” he repeats slowly. “I'm assuming you're alone right now, so do I need to call someone to come and be with you?"  
  
Through the haze of my heartbreak I finally catch his meaning. The last time I got my heart broken, I lost half of my leg. "Well, I'm certainly not going to go wandering through the forest, looking for another abandoned bear trap."  
  
"Peeta!" Finnick retorts. "That's not funny and you know it. Now, I'm going to ask you again. Do I need to call someone to come and be with you?"  
  
"No, damn it!” I feel my fingernails digging into the back of my neck. “No! I don't want to be around anyone right now!"  
  
"Fine," Finnick says. "But if for any reason you feel the need to go out and do something stupid, you call me first. I don't care what time it is, or what else I'm doing. You call me before you do anything. Is that understood?"  
  
"Yeah,” I concede. “Understood.”

"Okay. Now, I have some news."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"Annie, Finn, and I are moving back. We'll be up there in two weeks from Monday if all goes according to plan. It’s a bummer, because we’ll just miss Thresh’s concert, but that’s the soonest we could find an apartment big enough for us.”  
  
"You’re moving back here?” I say slowly. “But, why? And what about your church?"  
  
I hear Finnick sigh through the tiny speaker on my phone. "Annie and I gave it up. We hadn't grown at all in over two years, Peeta. We weren't even bringing in enough offering money to cover the rent for the movie theater where we met on Sunday mornings, much less cover any type of salary for a staff. I was still working full-time at the shrimp factory, and Annie was still trying to babysit the after-school kids, and be the lone staff member, and well…  Annie and I just can't do it all by ourselves, especially now with the new baby on the way. So when this opportunity came up, we decided to disband the church and move back."  
  
"I'm sorry, Finnick." Having his own church was always a dream of his. I guess I'm not the only one letting go of a dream today. "So what'll you guys be doing? Back to the hospitals?"  
  
There's a long pause. "Um, no," Finnick replies. "We're coming back. To Mountainside. I'm going to be the new Revolution Pastor, up there at Mountainside."  
  
I feel the blood freeze in my veins as I start to shake. "Revolution?" I croak out. "What's that?"  
  
Then it hits me. I've heard Thresh mention that name before. It's what the church was thinking of renaming its combined Teens/ Young Adult ministry, if in fact they decided not to split the teens off by themselves. And if that's the case, then… I apparently won't be offered an interview for the Teen Pastor position at Mountainside, because there won't be any position to interview for.  
  
"Oh no," Finnick says worriedly. "Pastor Dale assured me that he would let you know. He said they were gonna announce it to the staff on Monday, but that he’d let certain people know sooner. Peeta, I'm so sorry!"  
  
"No. It's okay,” I stammer. “It's just as well. Since Katniss is gone… they wouldn't have wanted me anyway."

“That’s not necessarily true,” Finnick argues. “And this absolutely doesn’t mean that you won’t ever work as a pastor. You know that, right? It just means that you may not be ready right away. And that’s not a bad thing, really. I should’ve waited too. The Lord even tried to tell me that very thing, and more than once. But I ignored him, and that’s not ever a smart thing to do. You need to learn from my mistakes, Peeta.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure it does mean exactly that,” I mutter. “Because there’s no way I’ll ever love anyone else. Katniss was it for me, and now she’s gone and… there won’t be anyone else. Not ever.”

“You don’t know that-” Finnick starts.

“Yes I do!” I scream. “I love her, Finnick! I love her with my entire body and soul, and there’s no way I’ll ever be able to open my heart like that again. I don’t even have a heart anymore. She took it. She took it and stomped all over it and then threw it away.”

Finnick is quiet for a moment. “Peeta, how’s your prayer life been lately?”

“What?” I’m startled by the absurdity of the question. “You mean right now? I’d say it’s pretty rotten!”

“No, that’s not what I mean. I mean, how’s it been lately? For the last few months. Or even since you met Katniss?”

“I don’t know, okay I guess?” I have half a mind to hang up on him. “I pray. I pray multiple times a day, like I always have.”

“Uh huh. And what kind of prayers are they?”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Finnick!”

“Just answer the question, Peeta,” he snaps.

“Normal prayers!” What in the world is Finnick trying to get at? “I would pray a lot for Katniss, like for her to be safe when she’d drive home from my place. I’d pray for her to agree to start seeing Dr. Aurelius, because I think he’d be able to help her like he helped me. I’d pray for understanding when she’d get defensive during an argument. Things like that.”

“Hmm,” Finnick says in his pastor voice. “I think I’m seeing a pattern here. You would always pray for Katniss to do what you wanted her to do. To follow your plan, and your heart. But Peeta, did you ever pray for her to follow her own heart? Her own plan? Even if that plan led her away from you?”

I slowly tip over onto my side as another crushing wave of sadness washes over me. “No,” I admit. “I never did. I was always afraid to admit the possibility that her plan might be different from my own.”

“Well,” Finnick says. “I’m not gonna harp on you about this, ‘cause I’m not mean like that. But I think you can see where you might’ve went wrong here. Paul tells us in Hebrews that _faith is the realization of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen._ What faith isn't, is asking God for things to go your way all of the time.”

“But I didn't always ask that!”I protest, although rather weakly. Because now that it's been laid out there so bluntly, I realize Finnick is right. The vast majority of my prayers for Katniss were for her to do what I wanted. Not what she wanted, or even what God wanted for her. Only what I wanted.

“Maybe not always,” Finnick concedes. But I would go so far as to say the majority of the time? Would that be accurate?”

“Yeah,” I mutter. “I suppose that's accurate.”

“Alright. So now, I’m gonna challenge you to pray. Pray like you’ve never prayed before. Pray for forgiveness. Pray for understanding. And most of all, pray for Katniss. Pray for her to find her way, pray for her to find her path. And pray for her to allow God to be her guide, just like he’s yours and mine. Pray for her, Peeta.  Because even if you never see her again, from everything you’ve told me about her, she can use all the prayers she can get.”

I scrub a hand across my face. “Yeah, that’s true.”

“So, you’ll try?”

“Yeah. I’ll try.”

“Good. Because that’s the first step that you need to take towards healing.”

I fight against the urge to laugh. Because there's no healing. There’s no healing from this bad of a broken heart. I'll only be able to survive as a shell of myself. I'll never be whole again.

_Why, God? Why?_

* * *

A fresh layer of frost covers the ground behind the bus stop as I draw my jacket tighter around me, huddling against the howling wind with my old backpack on my back full of dirty clothes. It's been unusually cold this week for this late in the winter. Cold and cloudy and dreary, the kind of damp chill that penetrates directly into your bones no matter how many layers you’re wearing. It's as if the weather is directly connected to my mood.

I've tried. I’ve tried so hard this whole week to follow Finnick’s advice. After we hung up the other night, I managed to find the strength to change into my pajamas, carefully packaging the tuxedo back into its garment bag after retrieving the shoes from opposite corners of my apartment. Then I somehow worked up the courage to check my email, where I found a message waiting for me from Pastor Dale.

The very polite message informed me that the church had decided against a separate Teen Ministry for the time being, and thanked me for my interest. It also stated that they had decided to develop a quarter-time position for an official artist/ logo designer, and Dale wanted to know if I would be interested in interviewing for that position. Being only a quarter-time position it wouldn’t offer any benefits, but it would be at least a foot in the door for me. And it would allow me to be paid for the design work that I already do for the church.

If, in fact, I decide I want to interview for it. Which, as I told Pastor Dale in my reply, I’m not quite sure yet. Right now I’m still so angry at Cassandra I can’t even fathom having to work anywhere around her.

But true to my word, I've been praying more than I ever have before, sometimes spending hours prostrate on the floor of my apartment. I've also been reading and studying as much as possible during this week off from classes, even though I could probably recite my textbooks and class notes in my sleep by now.  

At least, that is, if I could get any decent sleep.

The nightmares have been horrible, beginning that first night and continuing on for every single night since. I wake up sweating and gasping for breath, wracked with the phantom limb pains I haven’t had in years, sometimes thrashing about so much that I fall onto the floor. After each horrible dream it takes forever to fall back asleep with my racing heart and shaking limbs.  

Then I’m still exhausted when my alarm goes off in the morning, causing me to make stupid mistakes down in the kitchen. Things like forgetting to don the oven mitts before taking the cookie sheets out of the oven. Setting the croissant timer for thirty minutes instead of twenty. Neglecting to double-knot my shoelaces, causing me to trip and fall onto my face while carrying a tray of doughnuts. It’s been utterly ridiculous.

_Why, God? Why bring such a love into my life, and then rip her away from me?_

I can’t watch a movie without wishing she was here, sitting next to me with her head on my chest and my arms wrapped around her. I can hardly look at the cheese buns that I bake, knowing they were her favorites. I can't pick up my sketchbook, because almost every single drawing in it is of her. I can’t even touch the Bible Concordance and Dictionary she gave me for Christmas, because all I can see is the hurt in her eyes when she thought I was insinuating that she couldn’t afford them.

_I wonder if she still uses her Vikings blanket._

The bus lets me off two blocks away from the laundromat. As I listen to the crunch of my uneven footsteps against the slush on the side of the road, I pray that the place won’t be too busy. Being off from school this week has made it a lot easier for me to hide from the world, and I’m not at all ready to start facing it again. I even stayed away from church last weekend, being too cowardly to see everyone and have to answer their questions.  

But this Sunday is Easter, and as much as I want to, I absolutely should not miss church on Easter. To me it’s even more important a holiday than Christmas.

I breathe a sigh of relief when I arrive at the laundromat to find it only sparsely populated, as one would expect I suppose on an early weekday afternoon. Once I get my clothes separated and the loads started, I sit down with my computer and earbuds to listen to a podcast on dealing with grief that was recommended by Finnick.  

The speaker begins by quoting from the book of Job, the quintessential expert on heartbreak and pain. I listen dutifully as she then moves on to describing how the pain we feel today is nothing compared to the joy we will experience in Heaven. She recites from Psalms chapter thirty-four verse eighteen, _the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit_. She says to pour your heart out to God because he can take it. All the anger, all the sadness, all of the sense of betrayal, pour it all out on him.

_But I’ve already done that! Multiple times! And it hasn’t helped at all! Why, God? Why?_

I know Finnick means well, but there is no way he or this speaker can comprehend what I’m feeling. Finnick has never experienced anything like this. None of my church friends have ever experienced anything like this.  

I am completely and utterly alone.

Frustrated, I shove my earbuds back into the pocket of my backpack and after transferring my clothes into dryers, pull up a paper I’m working on for my music theory class and get to work. As soon as the dryers are done I cram everything haphazardly into my backpack and head directly for the bus stop, anxious to get home to continue hiding.

* * *

I decide to skip the Good Friday worship service, choosing instead to work overtime on both Friday and Saturday to make sure the church cafe doesn’t run out of goodies during the weekend. Easter is the busiest weekend of the year, and last year I had to go into work in between the two Sunday services because the cafe had completely sold out after the morning service.

Finally clomping back up the stairs Saturday afternoon, sweaty and exhausted, I flop down onto the futon and check my phone. No texts or messages. I'm not exactly sure why, but I keep hoping to hear something from Katniss. Just a quick note to let me know that she’s okay, that she’s happier now that she’s back home. Or, that she's realized she's made a big mistake and wants to come back.

But there’s nothing. I’ve heard absolutely nothing from her since she walked away from me a week ago. And I’m not too proud to admit it would probably make me feel even worse if I knew she was happier now that she was out of my life.

_Why, God? Why?_

Sighing, I drop my phone onto the coffee table and sit back to remove my shoes. I spend the rest of the day working on schoolwork, even though at this point I’m so far ahead in my classes I could probably teach them myself.

Sunday morning dawns bright and sunny, and I’m awoken by the beams of sunlight streaming through my window.  It’s been so dark and dreary this whole week that I guess I’d forgotten to close my blinds last night before bed. The light is so bright I have to blink several times before I’m able to open my eyes completely.

Checking the clock, I’m surprised to see that it’s already 8:30 in the morning. I never set an alarm for Sunday mornings, as it’s the only day of the week that I’m able to sleep in, but the baker in me is hardly ever able to sleep past 7am.  

“May as well go to church this morning,” I mumble as I swing my legs around so I can sit up. I haven’t been to a Sunday morning service in ages, and it’ll be absolutely packed today which I'm not looking forward to. But that will also make it easier for me to blend in, and most likely avoid most of my friends.

With that decided, I slide down to my knees, leaning over the futon. “Dear God. Thank you for the precious gift of your Son Jesus. Thank you that you sent him to us, to take the punishment for our sins, to be our sacrificial lamb. Thank you for the new life you give us through him. And please Lord, help me get through today. Help me to rejoice and be glad that Jesus has risen, instead of only focusing on my own hurts. And… I pray that wherever Katniss is today, that she is happy and secure in her future. I pray that she’s called out to you, that she’s given her life to you. But if that’s not the case, I pray that you continue to work on her. Because she needs you, Lord. She needs you, much more than she ever needed me. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

_Nobody really needs me._

After a quick breakfast of a banana and some orange juice, I shower and dress and head out the door, determined to get there early enough to find a seat but late enough to be able to blend in with the crowd. The weather is so bright and warm outside I have to remove my jacket about halfway there, the ache in my chest growing heavier as I walk. This would’ve been a perfect day to go for a picnic somewhere with Katniss. I might’ve even been willing to set foot in a woods again, something I swore I would never do.

The atrium is packed with people when I arrive, with the line for the cafe twisting and turning like the line for an amusement park ride. And even with all the overtime I put in baking for this weekend’s services, in the few minutes I spend watching the cafe customers, I see someone purchase the last available cheese bun.

_At least someone is enjoying them._

Keeping my eyes peeled for people who might know me, I head into the auditorium, finding a chair near the back. I know Thom is here because he's directing this weekend, but he’s almost certainly in the control room already, and most likely Delly won’t be here until tonight’s service. Most of my group members attend the evening services too, so I should be okay. We didn’t have group on Good Friday because of the worship service, and this coming week is the TobyMac concert on Thursday, so I went ahead and canceled group for Friday since I wasn’t sure what time we’d be back in town. I know a lot of people are staying overnight in Richmond after the concert, rather than drive all the way back up the mountain after it's over, which is what we'll be doing. But instead of paying to stay in a hotel somewhere, Delly’s parents have offered to let Delly, Thom, and I stay overnight at their house about an hour outside of Richmond. Once again, I’ll be the third wheel to their pair.

_That gives me almost two more weeks to pull myself together enough to lead the group again. Only two weeks…_

The auditorium is packed by the time the countdown clock begins. As people continue to pour in, I abandon my chair to stand in the back once it becomes apparent that we’ll run out of seats. On the darkened stage I can see the band members setting up, draping guitar straps across shoulders, adjusting microphone stands, and twirling drumsticks. Thresh, dressed in a white button-down shirt and black jeans, steps to the middle of the stage as the clock counts down to zero and the audience quiets in anticipation.

 _Make a way for_  
_Make a way for_  
_Make a way for the King  
The King is coming_

The huge crowd cheers as light beams burst from the ceiling, illuminating the stage in white lights.

“Good morning, Mountainside Church!!” Thresh announces into his microphone, his deep voice reverberating throughout the auditorium. “Welcome everyone to Resurrection Sunday! We’re all so happy you’re here! Let us rejoice and be glad today, because Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, is risen!”

 _Empty hearts are filling up_  
_Wicked ways are coming undone  
Every eye is looking out for You_

Oh, how I wish Katniss was here to see this! All the extra practicing Thresh has been doing to prep for the concert is paying off, because I don’t think he has ever sounded as good as he does this morning. There’s no way I’m the only person in the room with goosebumps right now. I even allow myself a slight smile.

 _City lights are burning out_  
_Freedom’s song is ringing loud  
Dead men waking up to the sound of You_

Unconsciously, I even start softly humming along, off-key and all.

 _And all our hearts can sing  
_ _And all our hearts can sing!_

The song ends to raucous applause, forcing another smile onto my lips as the opening bars of _This is Amazing Grace_ begin, with Thresh sitting down at his piano as Darius steps forward, strumming his guitar.

 _Who breaks the power of sin and darkness_  
_Whose love is mighty and so much stronger_  
_The King of Glory, the King above all kings_  
_Who shakes the whole earth with holy thunder_  
_And leaves us breathless in awe and wonder_  
_The King of Glory, the King above all kings_

To my surprise Pastor Dale appears on the stage as the final notes of the song fade away, leading us in the opening prayer. His message today, full of love and hope, discusses how important the resurrection of Jesus is to us.

“The apostle Paul said,” he begins, holding his tattered Bible in one hand as he sweeps through the air with the other. _“And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins.”_

“Futile,” Dale continues. “Think about that for a moment. What exactly does futile mean? Well, I'll tell you what it means. It means ‘that which produces no results’. It is a promise without fulfillment. A story with no end. A dream that never comes true.”

_Like my dream that didn’t come true. Futile._

Dale continues preaching for another forty minutes, covering most of first Corinthians chapter fifteen, ending with verse fifty-eight; “ _So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless.”_

“Nothing that you do for the Lord is ever useless!” he affirms. “Absolutely nothing! No matter how alone you feel, or how futile your actions seem, nothing is ever futile in the eyes of Jesus! Even if the person you’re desperately trying to save seems to reject everything you say and do, your words and your actions will stick with them. They will be remembered. And someday, your words and actions will be the catalyst to that person’s salvation.”

I can only pray that that’s true. That even though I’ll likely never see Katniss again, I can pray that she’ll remember what she learned here at church, remember what we discussed in our small group, remember the answers I gave to the many questions she asked me over the course of our relationship. And that maybe, someday, someone else will finish what I started and lead her to Jesus.

As Pastor Dale begins the closing prayer the band reappears on stage, with Thresh launching into song as soon as the prayer is over.

 _Alone in my sorrow and dead in my sin_  
_Lost without hope with no place to begin_  
_Your love made a way to let mercy come in  
When death was arrested and my life began_

 _Ash was redeemed only beauty remains_  
_My orphan heart was given a name_  
_My mourning grew quiet, my feet rose to dance  
When death was arrested and my life began_

 _Released from my chains I'm a prisoner no more_  
_My shame was a ransom he faithfully bore_  
_He cancelled my debt and he called me his friend  
When death was arrested and my life began_

I have to swallow against the lump in my throat during the song’s final chorus. This was me after my accident, before I met Finnick and Annie. I was dead in my sin, lost without hope, feeling like an orphan with no friends. But Finnick and Annie loved me, saved me from despair, led me to my salvation, and then turned me loose so I could go forth and follow in their footsteps.

And did I learn from their example? When God sent me an orphan, who was lost and without hope, did I follow Finnick and Annie’s example of bold, blunt kindness and unconditional love that included a proverbial kick in the pants when needed?

No. Instead, I made it seem like every aspect of our relationship was about me. My selfish actions led Katniss to believe that I only was interested in her so I could land a job, that I didn’t find her physically attractive, and that I only cared about the appearance of her salvation and not her salvation itself. I never asked her the hard questions about where she was on her spiritual journey, or asked someone else to help me with guiding her. I never asked her if she wanted to go back to her home someday. I never asked her what she wanted to do with her life, if she wanted to go to school or look for a different job. And I never asked her how she truly felt about me.  

And why? Because I’m a coward. Like Peter, when he denied Jesus three times following his arrest. Like my father, when he failed to protect me from my mother. For as much as I’ve been blaming Cassandra for what she said to Katniss that night, I know now, deep down, that things would’ve imploded anyway, sooner or later. I’d kept too much from Katniss, and was too focused on my own goals, my own dreams, and not focused enough on what she needed.

“Lord, I’m sorry!” I blurt out loud, my voice lost in the thunderous applause following the band’s performance. “I’m sorry! Please, forgive me for being so unbelievably selfish and ignorant!”

I’ve always been a good student. Even when I was in elementary school I never got anything below an A-, and I’ve never been satisfied with anything less than one hundred percent. But Katniss wasn’t a test. She wasn’t another school assignment I needed to ace. She was the real thing, and I absolutely, positively failed her as much as any person can fail at something.

“Oh Lord,” I whisper. The service is over now, with people jostling me as they head towards the exits, so I back up until I’m leaning against the wall. “I’m so sorry! Please, tell Katniss that I hope she can find it her heart to forgive me someday. Please make sure that she knows how sorry I am. And I pray that I haven’t turned her away from you forever with how terribly I behaved. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

* * *

Thom and I haven't been carpooling at all to school lately since we don't share any classes this semester, so I'm surprised when he texts me on Monday night, offering to pick me up on Tuesday afternoon. I accept grudgingly, if for the only reason that my bus pass is almost empty.

“Hey Peeta,” he says as I climb into his car.

“Hey Thom. I appreciate the ride.”

“It's no problem,” he answers as we turn onto the main road. “I need to meet with my advisor before my first class today, so…”

We're quiet for most of the drive, which for Thom isn't unusual, but I can feel him glancing at me every now and then as I keep my gaze stubbornly fixed out the passenger window.

“Easter was nice, don’t you think?” he asks tentatively once we're about five minutes from campus. “Delly and I missed seeing you though. Which service did you end up going to?”

“Um, I went on Sunday morning,” I say, my voice catching. “It-, it’s been a long time since I’d been to a Sunday morning service.”

“Ah,” Thom replies. “Gotcha. Yeah, that service was standing room only from what I saw.”

“Yeah, it was pretty busy. I ended up giving up my chair and standing near the back.”

We lapse back into silence until Thom pulls into a parking spot in one of the commuter lots. “Hey, um… Delly and Cassandra have arranged to have a prayer meeting up at the church tonight for Thresh. So we can pray him up before the big concert Thursday night.” He eyes me warily. “I know he’d love it if you could come.”

 _No! I’m not ready to see anyone yet!_ “Ah,” I say. “Thom, I don't… I don’t know, um...”

“Peeta!” Thom admonishes. I jump at the sound of his raised voice. “This is for Thresh! Cassandra told Delly that he’s so nervous he can hardly eat or sleep, so we need to help him. He needs us!”

“Thom,” I plead. “Please, don't-”

“Look,” he interrupts. “I know what happened. I know what's going on with you, and I know that you're trying to hide from everybody, but you can hide forever. And Thresh is your friend, like I'm your friend, and he needs us to be there for him right now. This is a huge deal to him, Peeta, you know that. It's a chance of a lifetime, and he needs us to pray him up. So, can I tell Delly that you'll be there?”

I want to ask him how he knows, but at the same time I think I'd rather not know. And Thom's right, this is the chance of a lifetime for Thresh. If it were me, I'd be hurt if he wasn't there. “Yeah,” I mutter. “Yeah, I'll be there.”

“Good,” Thom says, nodding. He reaches into the backseat for his school bag. "You made the right choice.”

“Yeah,” I say, getting out of the car. “What time should I meet you here to go home?”

“Ah, I'll be working late in the media room, so I was just gonna head straight to the church from here. You can come find me there if you want.”

“Nah,” I reply. “I'll take the bus home after I recharge my pass. But thanks again for the ride here.” I start walking towards my classroom building.

“But you'll be at the church tonight, yeah?” he calls from across the lot. “We're meeting at 7pm on the big stage.”

“Yeah, I'll see you then,” I say reluctantly.

“Alright, see you then.”

 _So that's why he offered me the ride today_.  

The afternoon drags on, with the two seventy minute classes each feeling like they take several hours. It's all I can do to stay awake. After picking up a snack at the student union and recharging my bus pass, I'm heading towards the bus stop when I remember that tomorrow is Wednesday, which means I'm scheduled to see Dr. Aurelius in the afternoon.

His office was closed last week, so I haven't seen him at all since Katniss left me. A sharp bolt of pain pierces my heart as I remember what we talked about during our last meeting. How I promised I would sit down with Katniss and ask her some of the big questions I'd been avoiding for so long. But I never got the chance.

Pulling out my phone, I dial Dr. Aurelius’ office, telling the receptionist that I need to cancel my appointment for tomorrow and that I'll call again when I'm ready to reschedule. I'm not ready to face Dr. Aurelius yet. Not when he probably could see this coming way back when he first met me.

_I’m definitely my father’s son._

* * *

The church atrium is empty when I walk through the doors at 6:55pm, although I can hear a smattering of voices coming from the auditorium. As I approach the stage I notice that almost everyone is here already, squashed in around Thresh who’s sitting on his piano bench in the middle of the crowd of people, all laying hands on him. Finding a bare patch of floor to the left of the bench, I reach out to touch his arm right as Darius begins to pray.

“Holy Lord,” he begins. “We know you’ve led our dear brother Thresh to this point. We know that it’s by your grace and holiness that he was given this opportunity to sing with an artist whom he truly admires. He knows it was you who blessed him with the talent to win that audition, and he knows it’s you who will give him the means to absolutely nail his parts during the performance! Lord, please give him the confidence that he needs! Lord, please take away just enough of his nervousness so he can get some adequate rest before the concert, and Lord! Please let him honor the gift you gave him by knocking everyone’s socks off! In Jesus’ name, I pray!”

There’s a chorus of “woohoo’s” that travels around the group before Shannon Leeg starts in on her own prayer. She’s followed by Jackson, then Rue, then Thom, and so on. I’ve been a part of these hotseat type of prayers before, but never one quite like this. The air around us seems electric, like the actual Holy Spirit is in the room with us, blessing Thresh through our prayers, and leaving absolutely no doubt that he will blow everyone away on Thursday.

_But Katniss should be here too. She helped him, and she should be here._

But she’s not here. She’s gone. And it’s all my fault. As I walk back to the coffee shop in the dark, I keep going over our last conversation in my head, looking for ways I could’ve fixed things. Made her understand where I was coming from. Apologized better.  

But would it have helped? Maybe she was only looking for an excuse to leave and finally got one. Maybe she intended to go back home all along and just didn’t want to tell me. Maybe, she didn’t really love me at all.

_I’m never going to see her again. May as well get used to it._

Clomping up into my apartment, I pull my shoes off and collapse onto the futon, the good feeling from the prayer service all but gone.

* * *

I get home from school Thursday afternoon about thirty minutes before Thom and Delly are scheduled to pick me up for the two hour drive down to Richmond. I’ve just finished packing my overnight stuff into my backpack when my text alert beeps.

**_[Thom] Hey, we'll be a little later picking you up. Probably closer to 430._ **

**_[Peeta] Okay. You gotta work late or something?_ **

**_[Thom] No, but we need to pick Katniss up first._ **

I suck in a sharp breath, nearly dropping the phone.  

_She knows I’ll be there too, doesn't she? Maybe I shouldn't go._

My head is spinning so fast I have to sit down. Never in a million years did I think she’d still want to go to the concert. I assumed she was already back home. Back with Gale, the Thor look-alike.

**_[Peeta] She's coming?_ **

**_[Thom] Yeah. She talked to Delly last night and said she still wanted to come._ **

**_[Peeta] Okay. See you guys then._ **

After I send the text I set the phone down on the coffee table, eyeing it suspiciously. Why? Why would she do this? As far as I know she hasn’t had any contact with any of us since the night of the wedding. And why now, just when I’ve accepted the fact that I’ll never see her again. When I’ve finally accepted that she wasn’t a part of my future.

_Why, God? What in the world are you doing to me?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song References:  
> The King is Coming by Newsboys  
> This is Amazing Grace by Phil Wickham  
> Death Was Arrested by North Point InsideOut  
> These have all been added to the YouTube playlist, (search Practice Run Playlist) and can also be found on iTunes.
> 
> Biblical References:  
> Hebrews 11:1  
> Psalms 34:18  
> 1 Corinthians 15: 14-17, 58
> 
> Please let me know what you think! It seems like Peeta made some good progress here, but I know he wasn't expecting to see Katniss again, especially for the concert!
> 
> I appreciate each and every single comment and message! Feel free to come find me on tumblr as well, I'm geekymoviemom there too! :)


	14. The Concert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to my betas NotAnIslander and HPFanonezillion for their help with this story! Please check out their work!

Katniss is sitting in the backseat of Thom's car as I step out the front door of the coffee shop. My eyes light up when I see that she's wearing her green Love God Feed People t-shirt under her brown leather jacket. Out of all the colors the church could've picked for those silly t-shirts, they had to choose the one that sets off Katniss's gorgeous skin and eyes the best.

I force myself to smile at her and she returns it, reaching for my hand and interlacing our fingers. The gesture of affection startles me, and I have to close my eyes at the rush of warmth that follows, but I don't say anything. My mind is racing with tons of questions I want, no, need to ask her, but now’s not the time. I’m still astounded that she’s actually here, sitting next to me.

Not that Delly would allow us to talk between ourselves anyway, as she prattles on about all the wedding gifts they had to return for some reason or another for almost the entirety of the over two-hour drive down to Richmond.

The Outreach Center is crawling with people when we arrive. After Thom parks the car, we join in with the throng of people navigating the crowded pathways leading to the concert hall, with Katniss keeping a firm grip on my jacket sleeve the whole time.

Thresh had instructed us to enter through the set of doors closest to the Will Call window, since they're equipped to scan the VIP badges we have. Once we're ushered inside the venue a security guard appears, checking our badges again before leading us to our special box seats. Katniss is still clinging to my jacket, her uneasiness with the huge crowd of people apparent from her deer-in-the-headlights look. Once we reach our seats we're offered popcorn and sodas and given special concert programs. Katniss releases me long enough to accept a soda, but then clasps her hand onto my arm again as soon as we sit down.

Scanning the crowd for a moment, I find Rue and Cassandra down in the front row sitting with Thresh's grandmother. "Hey Cassandra!" I call down. She turns at the sound of my voice, waving, before pressing her palms together and pointing to the stage. I repeat the gesture, indicating that yes, we're all praying for Thresh too.

This whole time Katniss hasn't said a word to me, or me to her, but I'm acutely aware of her hand still holding my arm. Her grip is almost vice-like, as if she's afraid I'm going to be snatched away from her if she releases me. It's not like her to act so possessive.

_She left me. She walked away from me. She said she was leaving and never coming back. So why is she making it harder by pretending that everything's fine?_

I chance glancing over at her. Her hair is twisted into its signature braid, with a few escaped strands framing her face. Her cheeks are flushed, her lips full and pink. But I can also see the slight puffiness and faint dark circles under her eyes, like she hasn’t been sleeping well. And she looks thin, even thinner than she did after Haymitch died.

_Was she actually… missing me?_

For some reason, that thought hadn’t ever occurred to me over these two weeks. That she could possibly be missing me, like I was missing her.

“You, um-” I stutter, leaning towards her but not looking directly at her. “You look nice tonight.”

I feel more than see the soft smile that appears on her face, sending another cascade of warmth down my spine. _That's my smile. She never smiles like that for anyone else. It's only for me._

“Thank you,” she whispers.

_Her voice is just as breathtaking as I remember._

The box continues to fill as more band members arrive, several of them wearing brand-new TobyMac t-shirts, and all of them practically vibrating with excitement. Once he sits down, Darius announces that he and Shannon have a bet going as to which song Toby will sing to open his set.

“I'm telling ya, this is the **This is Not a Test** tour, so he's gotta start with the title song!” Darius exclaims. “I mean, he's just gotta!”

“No, no, no!” Thom jumps in from my other side, twisting around to look at Darius. “He'll start with _Unstoppable._ You'll see. It's the perfect song to open a concert! Peeta, you agree with me, don't you?”

My head snaps up at the sound of my name, and I turn to see Thom looking at me in anticipation. “Um, I actually agree with Darius here, Thom. Sorry.”

Thom bursts out laughing. “You guys are nuts! Peeta, how ‘bout we wager a cheese bun on it. What do ya say?”

I can't help but laugh, noticing that Katniss is smiling even wider now. “Alright, you're on!”

“Oh, oh, oh!” Delly exclaims, pointing towards the stage. “There she is!”

We all stand to our feet, cheers erupting from the massive crowd as Mandisa dances onto the stage to the opening chords of her song _Stronger._

 _Hey, heard you were up all night_  
_Thinking about how your world ain't right_  
_And you wonder if things will ever get better_  
_And you're asking, why is it always raining on you_  
_When all you want is just a little good news_  
_Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather_

“I remember watching her and Daughtry compete on American Idol!” Delly yells over the music. “It was so awesome seeing Simon Cowell eat humble pie after she told him she forgave him for calling her fat.”

 _When the waves are taking you under_  
_Hold on just a little bit longer_  
_He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger_  
_The pain ain't gonna last forever_  
_And things can only get better_  
_Believe me_  
_This is gonna make you stronger_

“Oh wow,” Delly says as the song concludes. “I think I could go home happy already, and it's only the first song!"

Mandisa goes through a five-song set, concluding with _Overcomer,_ one of her biggest hits and the album that won her a Grammy Award.

 _Whatever it is you may be going through_  
_I know he's not gonna let it get the best of you_

There’s two huge screens set up at the back of the stage, displaying the song lyrics as they are performed. My heart leaps when I hear Katniss softly singing along to the final chorus, sounding like she’s trying to commit the words to memory.

 _You're an overcomer_  
_Stay in the fight 'til the final round_  
_You're not going under_  
_'Cause God is holding you right now_  
_You might be down for a moment_  
_Feeling like it's hopeless_  
_That's when he reminds you_  
_That you're an overcomer_  
_You're an overcomer_

I’m not absolutely certain, but I’m pretty sure I see Katniss swipe a tear away from her eye as the song concludes.

There’s a brief intermission following the set. We all return to our seats, with Delly continuing to gush about Mandisa’s performance to anyone who will listen. Katniss slides her hand around my arm again, even going so far as to rest her forehead against my shoulder for a moment, retreating as soon as I turn my head toward her.

_Maybe she has been missing me._

Clearing my throat, I lean in towards her, again not meeting her eyes. “Did you enjoy the opening set?”

“Yes,” she replies. “It was… loud, but nice.”

 _Oh yeah. She’s never been to a concert before._ “Yeah, concerts tend to be pretty loud. My ears were ringing for two days after the last one I went to.”

She wrinkles her nose, most likely wondering why on earth people would go to a concert that was so loud you couldn't really hear the music.

“But that was when I was in high school,” I continue. “And it wasn’t a Christian artist. I don’t think this one’ll be that loud.”

Katniss nods, peeking in my direction. “I’m alright.” I feel her fingers press deeper into my arm. “I’m better now.”

_What on earth does that mean?_

We’re suddenly plunged into darkness before flashes of colored light burst from the stage. "You owe me a cheese bun!" I yell to Thom, getting back up to my feet as the opening guitar riffs of _This is Not a Test_ rumble throughout the venue. I can see Thresh standing on the center right of the stage, ramrod straight and clutching his microphone like he's afraid that he’ll drop it.

_Please let him do well, Lord! He's worked so hard!_

Cheers erupt from the audience as TobyMac steps forward and starts to sing.  
_Fell out of the sky_  
_Hit the ground runnin’_  
_The future is tonight_  
_They’ll never see us comin’_  
_Taken by this urgency, won’t let this moment pass_  
_The Kingdom is alive, we’re steppin’ on the gas_

"Check it out ladies and gentlemen!" Toby shouts into his microphone as the song continues in the background. "We have a very special guest here tonight!" He points over to Thresh. "Joining me on the stage this evening is Pastor Thresh Hanson from Mountainside Church! Let's hear it for him, Richmond!"

The audience roars as the song continues, with our group whooping and yelling as loud as we can, and Katniss keeping her tight hold on my arm the whole time. I'm so confused as to why she's being so affectionate tonight, but I have also missed her touch so much I'm too afraid she'll stop if I call her out on it.

_She still left me. She's still leaving… isn’t she?_

My eyes flit over in her direction, flitting away just as fast when I see that she’s looking right back at me.

Toby continues to sing.  
_We're checkin' in, so check it out_

Thresh steps forward a little on the stage. His part is almost here.

_We're droppin' in, there ain't no stoppin' us now_

Thresh raises his microphone to his lips, pointing to the the ceiling as his part begins.  
_We’ve only got one shot, gonna take it now_  
_Goin’ all in, gonna make it count_  
_Won’t look back, gonna set my eyes_  
_‘Cause there ain’t no practice runs in life_

“Yeah, he nailed it!” Darius yells. “I told him he would! I told him he would!”

Darius is absolutely right. Every single minute of prayer and practice has paid off, because Thresh absolutely did nail it. And judging from the thunderous roar from the audience, everyone else who’s here thinks so too.

 _This is the real thing_  
_This is not a, this is not a_  
_This is not a test_

The song ends to deafening cheers, and Thresh looking markedly more at ease as _Unstoppable_ begins. Thom shakes his head and holds his hands up in surrender. "I'll get you your cheese bun this weekend," he shouts over the din of the crowd.

 _We are, we are_  
_We are unstoppable!_

We go through _Unstoppable, Me Without You, Speak Life, Til the Day I Die, Backseat Driver,_ and _Lose My Soul_ before there's another break in the music. Tears of nostalgia spring to my eyes when I hear Katniss singing along to her part in _Lose My_ _Soul,_ her voice just as hauntingly beautiful as it was that day at the church all those months ago.

Toby steps to the front of the stage as the song concludes, introducing and thanking his bandmates. Then he calls for the members of the Prayer Team to take their places on the floor below the stage as the keyboardist begins playing the opening chords to _Forgiveness._

"Oh, this is my favorite song of his!" I hear Shannon Leeg say somewhere behind me. "What a perfect choice for the prayer time!"

 _It’s hanging over him like the clouds of Seattle_  
_And raining on his swag, falling deeper in the saddle_  
_It’s written on his face, he don’t have to speak a sound_  
_Somebody call the 5-0, we’ve got a man down_

 _Now you can go and play it like your own rock ‘n’ roll_  
_But guilt does a job on each and every man’s soul_  
_And when your head hits the pillow after nightfall_  
_You can bet your life that it’s gonna be a fight y’all_

"I want to thank all of you for coming out to see us tonight," Toby begins, pacing back and forth as the music continues in the background. "The support you've shown us, it means so much to me and my band here. But as you all know, none of this would be possible at all without the blessing of our Lord Jesus Christ. He gave me this gift, and he instructed me to nurture it, to grow it, and then to share it with all of you. And as part of that gift, he instructed me to go out and share the Good News. You see, Jesus called to his disciples after he rose from the dead and told them to go out and spread the good news of the gospel. To tell all the world that he had risen, that their sins would be forgiven if only they would believe it. If only they would believe in him."

He pauses for a moment, letting his words sink in as Cassandra takes her place with the Prayer Team along with several other people I don't recognize, most likely from other area churches.

 _'Cause we all make mistakes sometimes_  
_And we've all stepped across that line_  
_Nothing sweeter than the day we find forgiveness_  
_And we all stumble and we fall_  
_Bridges burn in the heat of it all_  
_But nothing's sweeter than the day we call out for_  
_Forgiveness_

"So this is the time," Toby continues. "In every show I do, where I invite those of you in the audience who, for whatever reason, haven't yet accepted the love and hope of Jesus Christ. Maybe you were dragged here by your mom, or a friend. Maybe you think you don't need Jesus in your life, that you think you have it all figured out. That you like being in control. Well, I'm here to tell you that none of us have it all figured out. Jesus doesn't promise that your life will be perfect if you accept him. You will still have troubles. You will still have bad days. You will still get flat tires, and stub your toes, and spill your coffee. You will still argue with your parents, and your friends, and your spouse every now and then.”

Both of Katniss's hands are gripping my arm so hard my hand is tingling. As I sneak another glance at her I notice that she looks pale, with her lower lip quivering.

“But what Jesus does promise,” Toby says, sweeping his arm across the vast crowd. “What Jesus promises if you accept him, is to be by your side the entire way. So, if that person is you, I invite you right now to come down and talk with one of these awesome people on the Prayer Team. They are ready and willing to listen to your stories, to let you cry on their shoulders, and, if you decide you're ready, to pray with you."

Then Toby backs off and indicates for Thresh to take center stage. "Pastor Thresh, sir!"  
_My momma told me what I would be in for_  
_If I kept all this anger 'side me pent up_  
_My heart been broken my wounds been opened_  
_And I don't know if I can hear I'm sorry being spoken_  
_But those forgiven much should be quicker to give it_  
_And God forgave me for it all, Jesus bled forgiveness_  
_So when those stones fly, and they aimed at you_  
_Just say forgive them Father, they know not what they do_

"The members of the Prayer Team are ready and waiting! They want to pray with you! Please, don't wait! Don't leave here tonight if you still have questions! Let us help you find forgiveness!" Toby hasn't even finished the last sentence before I feel Katniss drop my arm and take off running out of the box.

"Katniss!" I call after her, turning around just in time to see her dark braid whip around the corner and out of sight. My immediate thought is that she's trying to run away, so I take one step to follow her and nearly trip over her bag, which is partially shoved under her seat. The sight of it calms me down a little. Surely she wouldn't try to leave the venue without her bag, right? Maybe she just needs to use the restroom.

 _No matter who you are, it's not too far, you're not too far, from forgiveness._  
_Ask for forgiveness._

Without warning, Finnick's words rush into my head. "You need to forgive yourself! You haven't forgiven yourself for what happened with Glimmer, and you think your accident is God's way of punishing you for that mistake. But Peeta, you know that's not how God works!”

Those words, said for the first time at least four years ago, repeated frequently ever since then, and reiterated by Dr. Aurelius on many occasions over the last few months, now reverberate through my brain like I only heard them for the first time yesterday. Finnick and Dr. Aurelius are right. They've always been right. I've been projecting a false image of myself for so long, I'd forgotten what the real me was supposed to look like.

In high school I tried to act like one of the popular guys because I was dating Glimmer. Then after my accident, I tried to either hide it or act like it didn't bother me because I was embarrassed.

And then, once I got into Bible college and started my job at the coffee shop, I acted like I knew exactly what I wanted for my future. I wanted to finish college and become a Teen Pastor, and I assumed that God would provide me with the means, and the wife, to make that happen when the time was right.

But the Lord has always known, and Finnick has always known, that I’ve been harboring bitterness in my soul ever since that night of my Senior Prom. I've been clinging to that mistake, wearing it like a suit of armor, refusing to let it go and accept forgiveness.

"Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die," Finnick said to me once. I think he heard it from one of his professors or something. “But when you refuse to forgive yourself, it's like you're killing off little pieces of your soul, one at a time.”

I'd laughed it off when he told me, thinking I didn't need to worry about anything like that. But oh, how wrong I've been!

"Forgive me, Lord!" I say out loud, my voice drowned out by the music. I really don't want Thom or anyone else to hear me, but I need to say it out loud; to get it out there in the open where I can’t take it back again.

I close my eyes, feeling the beat of the music throughout my body, from the top of my head down to the toes on my good foot. "Forgive me Lord, for holding onto my past hurts and allowing bitterness to take root in my heart. Forgive me for not listening to the mentors you sent to help me. Forgive me for viewing my accident as a punishment for my mistake. And Lord! Please help me to forgive myself! I want to be free of this! I’m done letting this define who I am!”

_‘Cause we all make mistakes sometimes_

As soon as the words leave my mouth I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up, and quickly exhale a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. When I inhale again, I can physically feel the huge weight being lifted from my shoulders. I can feel the veil that was draped over my soul tearing in half before it disappears. I can feel God’s forgiveness pouring into me.

“Thank you, Jesus!” I pray. “Thank you!”

_Nothing sweeter than the day we find forgiveness_

I look back in the direction where Katniss disappeared, wondering why she hasn't come back yet. I'm about ready to ask Delly to go check on her in the restroom when I see her appear down next to the stage, where the Prayer Team is waiting. My stomach swoops when I realize what this could mean.

"Oh!" I whisper as I choke on a sob. "Katniss, I'm so happy for you!”

But I can't help feeling a sharp pang of regret. It should've been me who led Katniss here, not some stranger. I was supposed to be her spiritual guide, but my selfish actions made her doubt me so much that even now, she obviously didn't feel comfortable asking me, or anyone else in our church family, to pray with her.

I watch as she stands in line with the other people crowding down by the Prayer Team. When a security guard indicates that it's her turn, she's ushered to a woman I don't recognize who looks to be in her mid-thirties. The woman smiles at her, leaning in to be heard over the music. They talk back and forth for a few minutes before she takes Katniss's hands and says a prayer. Then she offers Katniss a hug, and to my delight Katniss doesn't try and shrink back from it. Katniss smiles, nods once, and turns around to leave, presumably to make her way back up here to the box.

 _Forgiveness_ is close to wrapping up by the time I feel her small arms slide around my waist and squeeze. I jump and turn, immediately crushing her to me. For a long time we stand there, holding each other, the rest of the thousands of people and the loud, pulsing music forgotten as I embrace the woman I love for what might be the last time.

“Katniss, I'm sorry!” I blurt out, thinking I might not ever get another chance to say this. “I'm so sorry! I was so focused on my own plans, and making sure you fit into those plans, I never even stopped to consider that your wants and needs were different than what I assumed. I was an arrogant fool, Katniss, and I'm so sorry.”

Her tiny hands reach up to cup my face. “It's okay, Peeta. It's okay. I forgive you.”

“You do?” I ask, incredulous that it could be as simple as that. I reach up, covering her hand with my own. “Really?”

Throwing her arms around my neck, she buries her face into my shoulder. “Yes!” she cries. “Yes, I forgive you!”

My heart contracts at the tone of her voice. Vulnerable, warm, and gentle all at the same time. Not the detached tone from our fight that’s been replaying in my head for the last two weeks. The tone she used when she told me I would be better off with someone else.

My arms tighten around her. “I never thought I’d get to hug you again,” I gush without thinking. I immediately cringe, expecting her to realize what we’re doing and pull back.

She does pull back, but only enough so she can see my face. "Peeta," she says. "I'm not leaving."

It takes a few seconds for my muddled brain to process her words. "Wh-, what? What did you say?”

She smiles, pulling on my neck so she can speak into my ear. "I said, I'm not leaving. I called Gale this morning, and I told him I wasn't coming back. I told him I was staying here. I told him I was staying here with you. I never gave my notice at the Community Center, and I've already talked to Sae about keeping my room there at her house, so all the details are settled." Then she pauses, clearing her throat. "That is, if you still want me to stay. I'm so sorry I hurt you, Peeta. I'm so sorry. Will you-, will you forgive me?"

My head whips up so I can look into her beautiful grey eyes. I can see the bright colors from the stage lights reflecting in them as I stare into them, trying to make sure I didn't imagine what she just said. "Katniss," I stammer. "You just said that you forgive me. That you're gonna stay with me. Real or not real?"

Katniss laughs, that melodic laugh that makes my skin tingle. "Real. It's real, Peeta. I'm going to stay. I can't leave you. I need you.”

"Oh!" I yelp as I crush her to me yet again, squeezing her so hard she cries out. "Katniss, thank you! Oh thank you so much!" I press a tentative kiss to her temple before pulling back to look at her, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

She nods, as if she feels she still needs to convince me. I'm too overwhelmed to think, and all out of words for the moment, so I dip my head down to kiss her, right here in the middle of our box seats at the TobyMac concert. Because I want the whole world to see that this wonderful girl has decided to forgive me. That she's decided to stay with me.

"Peeta," she whispers when we finally break apart, tears now streaming down her flushed cheeks. "Will you pray with me?"

I lean back to look at her, searching her face. "You mean… you didn't pray with the lady down at the stage?"

She shakes her head. "No. I asked her some questions, and answered some of her questions. But I told her that I wanted to pray with someone else. I want to pray with you."

A cold sweat breaks out on my neck as my heart starts thumping against my ribcage. I have half a mind to pinch myself, to make sure I'm not dreaming.

I take both her hands and clasp them between my own, leaning down to plant a quick kiss on her forehead. “You’re sure you’re ready?”

“Yes,” she murmurs. “I’m ready.”

"Okay," I whisper. "Katniss?"

"Uh huh?"

"Do you believe that we are all sinners, and fall short of the glory of God?"

Her hands tighten around my own. "Yes, I do."

"Do you believe that Jesus Christ came to Earth as the atoning sacrifice for our sins?"

She nods against my chin. "Yes, I do!"

"And Katniss, do you believe in the love and hope of Jesus Christ? Do you believe that he loves you, and wants what is best for you, and that through him, you can be saved?"

"Yes Peeta! I do!"

"Aahh!" I cry, hugging her so tightly that I lift her off her feet. "Katniss, I'm so happy for you!" I can feel her tiny body shuddering against me as I hold her. “How do you feel?”

“So much better!” she sobs against my shoulder. “Peeta, I feel so much better!”

_And I feel like the happiest man in the world._

We cling to each other through almost the entirety of _Hold On,_ still oblivious to the rest of the people around us. Right now I'm so focused on Katniss it's like the rest of the world doesn't exist, and the song playing right now is so perfect I'm thinking Toby played it just for us.

 _Come on, move a little bit closer,_  
_You can put your head on my shoulder_

 _If you can hold on, to the one that's holding you_  
_There is nothing that can_  
_Stop this crazy love_  
_From breaking through_

"Katniss," I whisper as the song ends. "Tell me again."

She looks up at me and smiles, her thumb running over my cheekbone. "Peeta, I'm gonna stay with you."

Warmth floods my body as her words ripple over me. I lean down to nuzzle her cheek. "Mmm. Tell me again."

"Peeta," she whispers. "I love you."

 _I love you._ The tears I've been desperately holding back finally break free, rolling down my face and dropping onto Katniss's neck, wetting the neckline of her green t-shirt. How long have I yearned for her to say those words to me? And how close did I come to having her disappear from my life forever? "You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that to me," I manage to choke out. "I love you too, Katniss. And I'm never letting go of you again."

"I don't want you to," she whispers, brushing the tears from my cheeks with her thumbs. "Please, will you stay with me?"

"Always."

The rest of the concert passes in a sort of haze. I feel like I’m floating as we walk hand-in-hand out to Thom’s car afterwards, with Katniss resting her head against my shoulder during the drive to Delly’s parents’ house to spend the night.

It's after midnight by the time we arrive, finding a note of welcome on the front door left by Mrs. Cartwright. Delly and Thom immediately retire to Delly's childhood bedroom while Katniss and I head for the living room, with a twin-sized air mattress set up next to the sofa. After we take turns changing and freshening up in the bathroom, Katniss stretches out on the sofa as I try to get comfortable on the air mattress. There's still one lingering question rolling around in my head that I need answered before I’ll be able to relax enough to get any sleep.

"Katniss," I say, seeking out her hand in the darkness. "What made you change your mind?"

Tightening her fingers around mine, she pulls my hand quickly to her lips, kissing my knuckles. "It's silly, really," she says. "And there's a lot more to it than this that I can explain later… but, the quick version is… It was so cold and rainy that week leading up to Easter. It's like the whole world felt as sad and defeated as I did."

 _Including me,_ I think. _I felt that way too._ But I don't say it out loud.

"But then," she continues, sniffing. "Easter Sunday dawned so sunny and warm, it was like spring arrived overnight. Like all the rain and the cold from the previous week had just vanished, and everything was good again. I stepped outside, and the sun was so bright it hurt my eyes at first, so I just stood there on the front steps, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the light. And when I finally opened them, I saw it as soon as I looked down at the ground. It’s like I was deliberately drawn right to it.”

The soothing sound of her breathy voice, combined with her thumb rubbing circles over my knuckles, has almost lulled me to sleep. “Katniss,” I whisper. “What was it that you saw?”

Her lips brush against my hand one more time before she answers.

“It was a dandelion."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song References:  
> Stronger by Mandisa  
> Overcomer by Mandisa  
> This is Not a Test by TobyMac feat. Capital Kings  
> Unstoppable by TobyMac feat. Blanca from Group 1 Crew  
> Me Without You by TobyMac  
> Speak Life by TobyMac  
> Til the Day I Die by TobyMac feat. NF  
> Backseat Driver by TobyMac feat. Hollyn  
> Lose My Soul by TobyMac feat. Kirk Franklin and Mandisa  
> Forgiveness by TobyMac feat. Lecrae  
> Hold On by TobyMac
> 
> Be sure to check out the YouTube playlist! All the songs from the concert have been added. Search Practice Run Playlist and you should be able to find it. :)
> 
> I'm waiting on pins and needles to hear what you guys think of this chapter! Please don't hesitate to leave me a comment!


	15. Paths Converging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to my awesome betas NotAnIslander and HPFanonezillion! Please check out their work, both are wonderful authors!

As uncomfortable as I am on this air mattress, the soothing touch of Katniss’s hand interlaced with my own as she sleeps next to me allows me the first halfway decent sleep I’ve had in almost two weeks. And although my neck and back are stiff in the morning, waking up and looking directly into her sparkling grey eyes, with her halo of dark hair surrounding her face and her gorgeous full lips curled into a smile, almost makes me forget some of the horrible chain of events that led up to this point. She even slept wearing the old t-shirt I gave her.

“Hmm, good morning,” I whisper. “This is a sight I could definitely get used to.”

Katniss ducks down to kiss me, just a brief brush of her lips against mine. “Good morning yourself,” she says, her voice thick with sleep. She brushes some hair off my forehead. “You look so sweet when you’re sleeping.”

I bring my arms above my head, stretching and yawning. “I was dreaming.”

“It must've been a good dream,” Katniss says softly. “You were smiling.”

“It was,” I say as I prop myself up a little so I can kiss her properly. “You were in it.”

“Oh really?” Katniss asks as she rolls onto the air mattress, practically on top of me. “What was I doing?”

Wrapping my arm around her, I kiss her nose. “Well, you were outside, sitting in the grass in front of a small house, staring out at an absolutely beautiful lake, watching the sun rise up over the surface. You were wearing one of my sweatshirts, and it was chilly outside but you didn't seem to notice. It was so bright, the sunlight reflecting off the water, but you kept staring at it, with that smile on your face that only I ever see. Your hair was down and blowing gently in the light breeze. You were sitting with your chin resting on your knees, and your arms wrapped around your legs. And you were singing. It was a song about a meadow, and it was so beautiful all the birds were listening to you.”

I pause for a moment, cupping her cheek. “You looked so happy, Katniss. I've never seen you so peaceful.”

“Mmm, that does sound nice,” she murmurs. “You dream good dreams.”

We’re quiet for a few minutes, with Katniss resting her head on my chest and my fingers toying with the end of her braid. But it's not too long before I hear muffled voices emanating from the bedrooms down the hall. I sigh, realizing our little bubble of serenity is going to be popped very soon. Delly is one thing, with her almost nonstop talking and way over-enthusiasm for pretty much everything in life. But even she can’t hold a candle to her mother, who will be coming down that hallway in the next few minutes, offering to cook us all breakfast and not allowing any words in edgewise until we're able to politely take our leave of this place.

“Katniss?”

“Hmm?” she mumbles against my throat.

“What was so special about the dandelion?”

Sighing, Katniss burrows further into my side, her fingers trailing down my ribcage and across my waist so lightly it tickles, making me squirm. “Winters were hard when I was growing up. Remember I told you that my dad often had to hunt for food during his work breaks?”

“Yes, I remember.” _I remember everything about you._

“It was sometimes hard for him to find enough food for us in the winter,” she continues, smiling and tracing her finger under the sleeve of my t-shirt. “Since the animals were more scarce, and not many plants were growing. Well, my dad always told me that once we made it to spring, we would be okay. Because spring would mark the return of the animals from their hibernations, and the blooming of plants and flowers, some of which we could eat. And he always told me that spring started when we saw the first dandelion.”

She pauses, swiping at her eyes. “The dandelion meant that everything would be okay. That we would be okay. And when I saw it on Easter morning, Peeta, it was like God was telling me it would be okay. That I would be okay, if I would only listen to what my heart already knew.”

“And wha-, what is that?” I stutter.

She sits up, propping herself up on her elbow. “That I’ll be okay if I stay here, and love you.” She looks down, her teeth catching on her bottom lip. “God knew what the dandelion meant to me, so he put it there for me to find.”

I've barely had a second to process her words when I hear a door open down the hall, followed by approaching footsteps. “Katniss!” I gasp, my fingers wrapping around her arm. I'm terrified to break the spell between us, as if I tear my eyes away from her face she'll disappear. _Why couldn't we have just five more minutes?_

But she leans in, pecking me on the cheek. “It's okay. I'm not going anywhere.”

I only have time to smile in response and detangle myself from her before Mrs. Cartwright appears in the living room. “Good morning!” she exclaims in a singsong voice. “Did you both sleep well? I sure hope you're hungry!”

“Good morning, Mrs. Cartwright,” Katniss and I say in unison.

True to form, Delly's mother prepares enough waffles, eggs, and bacon to feed a small army, talking a blue streak the entire time while Thom, Delly's father, and younger brother sit at the table, shaking their heads in amusement at the bewildered look on Katniss's face. After the fourth or fifth story about the various things that went wrong during Delly’s wedding, thankfully omitting any mention of Katniss and me disappearing towards the end, Katniss excuses herself so she can change in the restroom, pinching me on the arm as she passes. I grin behind her retreating back, rubbing at my arm.

_Yes, I know. I'm ready to leave here too._

As if he read my mind, Thom volunteers to help Mrs. Cartwright with the dishes a couple minutes later, leaving Delly and me to clean up the table as her brother leaves for work and her father heads to the living room with his newspaper.

“So, Delly,” I say. Something had occurred to me while we were eating, and I have a feeling Delly will be able to answer this question. “How’d your parents know that Katniss and I would be back together last night?”

Delly's hand freezes on the sponge she's swiping across the table. “Um, I'm not sure what you mean?”

“The air mattress?” I say. “It was shoved right up against the sofa, as close as it could possibly get. How’d your mom know it was okay to do that?” Delly looks at me, her eyes wistful. “What? Did Katniss say something to you before the concert or something?”

“Oh Peeta, Katniss was so miserable!” Delly cries, immediately covering her mouth with her hand. “She was so sad,” she continues in a stage whisper. “She called me the day Thom and I got back from our honeymoon. And then she came over to our apartment the next night to talk for a while.”

“She did?” I ask, incredulous. In the entire time that I've known her, my impression was that Katniss only tolerated Delly. “What did you talk about?”

“Well, I wouldn't be a very good friend if I went around blabbing everyone's secrets, would I?” Delly says with a grin. “But what I can tell you is that she was completely miserable the first couple times she came over. But then earlier this week I noticed something had changed. She still seemed sad, but she also seemed… determined? Like she'd finally made a difficult decision. And then, after I saw the two of you at the concert, well I hope you don't mind that I texted Mom on our way here asking her to set up that air mattress next to the sofa. Otherwise, you were gonna be bunking in with Davey, and he snores louder than a chainsaw.”

“No, no, what you did was fine,” I say quickly. I place my hand on her shoulder. “Thank you, Delly. Thank you for being there for Katniss when she needed a good friend.”

Delly smiles, blushing. “Aww, you're welcome. I'm so happy for you guys. You two were meant to be together. I could see it the first time you laid eyes on her, that day at the church. You were a goner from then on.”

“Yeah,” I say, scratching the back of my neck. “Yeah, I was.”

Once the kitchen is cleaned up and goodbyes are said, we pile into Thom’s car to head back towards home. Katniss holds my hand for the drive as Delly chatters on about their honeymoon, minus any of the more graphic details, thank goodness. Thom drops us off at Sae’s house so we can pick up Katniss's car, and after she unpacks her overnight bag we head over to the coffee shop.

“I am dying for a cheese bun,” Katniss says as we pull into the parking lot. “It's been two weeks since I've had one, and that's just not okay at all.”

Grinning, I hand her the keys to my apartment. “Alright. You head on upstairs and I'll get your cheese bun for you. Hot chocolate too?”

“Of course,” she replies as she hefts my backpack over her shoulder.

Clomping up the stairs ten minutes later, my hands full of paper cups and cheese buns, I shake my head over the amazing turn of events in the last twenty-four hours. Was it only yesterday that I was contemplating not even attending the concert because I was afraid to see Katniss again? Was it only yesterday where I thought I'd never be happy again?

_Thank you, Jesus, for giving me another chance with Katniss. And forgive me for ever doubting your unconditional love for me._

Katniss is sitting on the futon when I come in, her smile as radiant as the sun as she snatches the bag of cheese buns from my hand, pulling one out and sighing with contentment as she bites into it. “You made this one,” she announces.

“Yeah,” I reply, blinking. “I specifically got it out of the freezer and heated it up for you. That's why it took me so long. The ones they had out in the case were made by the other girl.”

“I can always taste the difference between hers and yours,” Katniss says around a mouthful. “Hers are good, but yours are so much better!”

Sitting down next to her, I gently wipe a smudge of chocolate from the corner of her mouth. “Katniss?” I ask in a shaky voice. “Can I hold you? Please?”

She looks at me, concerned. “You don't have to ask me,” she says as she slides closer, tucking her legs up. I wrap both my arms around her, reveling in the feel of her lithe body curled up against me. “You know that, right?”

“I never want to assume,” I whisper as I close my eyes, burying my nose into her hair and inhaling deeply. “Oh Katniss, I’ve missed you!”

“I missed you too,” she murmurs. “So much.”

We're quiet for a long time. I think we even fall asleep for awhile, because when I open my eyes again, judging by the way the shadows are falling across the coffee table, it seems a bit later in the afternoon.

“You're so warm,” Katniss says, her voice muffled against my chest. “You're like my own personal space heater.”

“Are you too warm?” I ask, loosening my arms and shifting so she can sit up.

“No!” she cries, clinging to me. “No please, I like it! I've been so cold without you, I'd forgotten what it was like to be warm.”

“Okay,” I say, stroking her hair. “I'm sorry-”

“There were so many nights I couldn't get warm at all, no matter what I did or tried,” she continues. “I'd be huddled up in my Vikings blanket, wearing my socks and your t-shirt, but it still wasn't enough. Not even hot chocolate would help. It was like all the warmth had been leached from my body.”

Shaking my head, I press my lips into her hair. “You won't have to worry about that anymore,” I murmur. “I'm not letting go of you ever again.”

Katniss sighs deeply, burrowing impossibly further into my side. We're quiet again for several minutes, and I can feel myself starting to drift off when she suddenly tenses.

“What is it, love?”

“Peeta, I need to tell you something,” she says, looking up at me, her grey eyes clouded with worry. “Actually, there's a few somethings I need to tell you.”

The look on her face, coupled with the tone of her voice is enough to make the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “Okay,” I say shakily. “Talk to me.”

She looks down, staring blankly in the direction of the coffee table. “Promise you won't get mad?”

“Yeah,” I say slowly. “But it's not that bad, is it?”

Instead of answering, she takes my left hand, holding between her own tiny hands for a moment, then running a finger along the lines on my palm. “I love your hands,” she whispers. “They're so big they span almost my entire waist when you hold me, and yet they're so graceful. When you draw, and when you bake, I love to watch you. I love to watch your hand stroke a pencil across the page. Or watch you knead dough for my cheese buns.” She brings my hand up to her lips, kissing the rounded area below my thumb. “How can such strong and powerful hands, still be so gentle?”

She looks up at me, her eyes shiny with tears, and I can see it. I can see it there, on her face, see that she loves me. It wasn't just something said in the heat of an emotional moment there at the concert. She actually loves me.

“Katniss, you-”

“No,” she says, covering my lips with her fingers. “I need to tell you this. No more secrets, no more hiding anything.”

“Okay.”

She brings my hand to her lips again, kissing the knuckles this time. “I missed you. I missed you so much that it hurt. It hurt so badly. Like when I lost my sister.” Her lower lip is quivering, her voice shaky. “But I was too stubborn to admit that I was wrong. That I'd made a mistake, leaving you like that. So one night, I couldn't take it anymore.” She looks up at me, straight in the eye. “And I called Gale.”

Something in the tone of her voice makes me feel like I've just had the wind knocked out of me. “What did he do to you?”

Shaking her head, Katniss cups my face with one small hand. “He'd been bugging me for a few days about when I was coming back, and I kept putting him off. Telling him I needed more time. To give my notice at the Community Center, and to Sae, things like that. But those were only excuses. I was telling him I needed more time because I still wasn't sure I truly wanted to leave.”

“That's good, Katniss,” I tell her. “It's good that you slowed down and really thought about things first.”

“Yeah,” she scoffs. “For once, huh?”

I lean in, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “So, you called Gale, and…”

“Sae was out of town for a few days,” she continues. “Visiting with her granddaughter or something, and I was so cold and lonely that night. So Gale drove over, and we sat around for awhile watching television. He was complaining about something or other, like he always does. And he kept tugging on my braid. He's always thought that was funny, but I don't like it. Then the next thing I knew, he had his arms around me and he was kissing me.”

I immediately squeeze my eyes shut, trying to rid my brain of the awful mental picture I've just conjured. “Katniss, did he try to force… did he force you-”

“No,” she whispers. “He didn't force me. I let him. I was lonely, so lonely without you. It was like I was numb; I couldn’t feel anything. And I guess I thought if I let him kiss me, maybe I'd be able to feel again.”

My stomach lurches, my arm stiffening around her waist. “Was it-, was it only a kiss, Katniss?”

She ducks down, shaking her head against my side. My limbs grow even more rigid, my jaw clenching so hard that it hurts. “How far did he go?”

“Farther than you have,” she admits, choking on the words. “He, um, he saw me, here,” and she presses her palm to her chest. “Under my shirt. And he touched me.”

_No, no, no, no, no. No one else is allowed to touch her like that. She's mine. Only mine!_

I inhale shakily against my skyrocketing blood pressure, willing myself to calm down. _She's telling you because she's being honest. Don't reward her honesty with anger._

“And,” I say, forcing the word past the marble-sized lump in my throat. “What did you feel, when he touched you there?”

Her fingers tighten against my cheek, her thumb brushing my cheekbone. “Nothing. I didn't feel anything. It was all wrong. His lips were wrong, his hands felt wrong. All I could think about was how I wished it was you instead.”

A single tear runs down my face. Katniss catches it with her thumb, brushing it away. _She does love me._

“Katniss-”

“Peeta, it didn't go any further than that,” she murmurs. “I finally came to my senses and pushed him off me.” She tries to smirk, but it ends up looking more like a grimace. “He wasn't too happy. He muttered something about how kissing me was like kissing someone who was drunk before he stomped out the door.”

_How dare he!_ I think as my hands clench into fists. Gale knew darn well what Katniss was going through, and he tried to take advantage of her. He's very lucky that I don't know where he lives. “Katniss, was that-,” I pause, clearing my throat. “Was that the only time you ever kissed him?”

She shakes her head, causing my heart to sink into my toes. “No. There was one other time.” Then she looks straight at me, her grey eyes speaking volumes.

“After your mom died,” I gasp, feeling my face flush in anger. “He tried something after your mom died, when you were living at his house. Didn't he?”

Katniss blinks, nodding. “Yes.”

I tighten my arm around her, planting a hard kiss on her temple. “Is that why he took your job away? Because you wouldn't give him what he wanted?”

Tears start to roll down her face. “He never said that was the reason. But it makes sense.”

“Oh, my love.” I crush her to me, her petite frame shaking in my arms. “I'm so sorry. He was not a good friend to you, Katniss. He tried to take advantage of you. And when you didn't let him, he took away your job and kicked you out. You are not at fault here.”

Katniss sputters, crying openly now. “I'm so sorry, Peeta! I should've known, or seen it coming, or-”

“Shh, it's okay,” I whisper, stroking her back. “I forgive you, even though there's not really anything to forgive. It's all over now. I've got you.”

She sniffs, rubbing her nose into my sweater. “I don't deserve you. You're too good for me.”

“No, no, no,” I say sternly. Now it's my turn to brush her tears away. “Don't you ever think I'm too good for you. Katniss, you have brought such incredible light and joy to my life, and the only way I can repay you for that is to love you, completely and passionately, for the rest of your life. And I’m afraid even that won't be enough.”

Smiling through her tears, she leans up, pressing her lips to mine, her soft, pink mouth molding perfectly against my own, tasting like chocolate and salty tears. _I will never, ever get tired of kissing her. Not ever._

“Peeta,” she whispers once we break apart. “I'm sorry. About what I said to you, at Delly’s wedding. I know… I know you don't think that about me.”

Fresh tears sting my eyes, remembering what she screamed at me during that horrible argument. “You have no idea, the effect you have on me,” I say, choking back a sob. “It's been so hard for me to stay a gentleman around you. Because every time I hold you or kiss you every ounce of me is screaming to go further.”

Katniss sits up, nodding. “Delly told me you were a gentleman. Way back when I first met you.”

“Well, you sure don't make it easy,” I say, winking. I trace my finger along the curve of her cheek. “You're so beautiful, Katniss. My hands ache to touch you. To explore every dip and curve of your gorgeous body. But I've promised myself, and I'm promising you, that we won't go that far until we get married. You deserve nothing less, Katniss. You deserve to have a man who's willing to wait.”

“Peeta,” she says, her lower lip shaking like it always does when she's trying to reign in her emotions. “About that. I still-, I still don't know if I could be a pastor’s wife. I don't-, I don't know if I can. There's so much pressure-”

I stop her mid-sentence with another kiss, leaving us both breathless and Katniss looking confused. “You don't have to worry about that.”

“What?” she asks, looking even more confused. “Peeta, I meant what I said. I can't have you give up on your dream just for me.”

Guiding her head to lay against my chest, I wrap both arms around her, squeezing her so tight that she squeaks. “Don't you understand? You're my dream. You're a dream come true for me. God led me to you, Katniss. He knew you could break through all the pain and bitterness I was carrying around for so long. There's no way any of this makes any sense otherwise. I know God meant for us to be together. And if that means I need to rethink my career choice for a while, then so be it.”

I feel her shake her head. “Peeta, you shouldn't have to-”

“Katniss,” I interrupt. “If there's anything these past several months have taught me, it's that I'm not ready to be a pastor. Just because I'm graduating soon doesn't mean that I'm ready. I still have a lot of learning to do. Finnick even advised me to wait for a while, to learn from his mistake. He said he was too arrogant, and jumped in too soon, and it backfired horribly for him. So, no. You won't have to worry about that.”

“Okay,” she says, still sounding uncertain. “What're you gonna do, then? When you graduate? Stay here at the coffee shop?”

“Maybe,” I reply. I sit up, nudging her so she'll look at me. “Actually, Pastor Dale invited me to interview for the new logo designer position they've developed at Mountainside. At first I told him I wasn't sure, but now I'm wondering if I should. It's only quarter time, like Thom’s director job at the church, with no benefits. So I'd have to stay on here also, or find something else… but… what do you think? Should I go for it?”

“Is it what you want?” she asks immediately. “Because if it isn't, then no. Otherwise, I know how much you love to draw. Wouldn't you like to get paid for doing something you love?”

“Yes,” I say wistfully. “But I'm not sure drawing chickens for t-shirts is exactly what I love to draw.”

Katniss giggles. “Hmph,” she snorts. “I happen to like my chicken t-shirt. And if you have creative control over what you're designing, it could still be fun, don't you think?”

“And you look incredible in that chicken t-shirt,” I say, kissing her nose. “Okay then, I'll go ahead and see if they still want me to interview, and we can go from there. Sound good?”

“Peeta, it's not about what I want-” she starts.

“Yes it is,” I interrupt. “Katniss, one of the huge mistakes I made before is not taking into consideration what you wanted, and that's going to stop. Right now.” I dip my head, kissing her firmly on the lips. “You're it for me. I'm in this for the long haul, and from now on any decision I make about my future is going to have your input. Because you're the most important part of my future. Okay?”

She stares at me with a look of fierce intensity, coupled with a choked out sob as she brushes my hair off my forehead. “Okay.”

“And who knows?” I continue as her fingers stroke through my hair. “If God truly means for me to become a pastor at some point in the future, then maybe we'll both change our minds about it. But before anything like that is decided, we will both need to pray about it first. For a long time. And we'll decide together if that's what we want.”

“Together?” she asks.

“Together,” I say firmly. “Because being a pastor is a full-family job. And if my family isn't ready, then I'm not either.”

“Okay,” she murmurs. Her fingers brush softly over my lips. “You know, before you came along, I thought I'd never want to get married. After what happened to my mom… I said I never would.” She swallows hard. “Losing my father completely destroyed her.”

“I can't imagine how hard that was,” I whisper. She ducks back down, snuggling into me. “But you're so strong, Katniss. So much stronger than you think you are.”

“I don't know about that,” she says. “But what I do know, is that you've managed to worm your way into my heart in ways I didn't think was possible. And now I couldn't get rid of you if I tried.”

“So don't try.”

“I won't. Besides,” she says wickedly. “Who else is gonna make me cheese buns whenever I want them?”

“No one!” I exclaim. “Seeing as how I'm the only one with that recipe, I think you're pretty much stuck with me.”

Katniss inhales deeply, nuzzling into my side. “I can live with that,” she mumbles.

Her fingers trail up and down my side, giggling as she finds my ticklish spots. “I love this sweater,” she says. “It smells so good, and it's such a great color on you. It brings out your blue eyes.”

Grinning so wide I think my face will split open, I plant a kiss on the top of her head. I can feel the heat radiating from our bodies, covering us both like a warm, fuzzy blanket.

“Actually, I think this was Rye’s sweater, but he always hated the color. He said the red made his eyes look too green or something dumb like that. So I took it when I moved out of my parents’ house. I like it, it's comfortable. Even if it does make my eyes look green.”

“Hmm,” Katniss mumbles. “I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear you say it was Rye’s sweater first. And I don't care if he thinks his eyes are too green. You and he look nothing alike.”

The absurdity of her statement makes me laugh. “What? You can't be serious. Rye and l look way too much alike. And I can't tell you how many times he's used it to his advantage.”

“Hmph. Do you honestly think I would've spoken to you, that first time I saw you at church, if I’d thought you were Rye? All I had to do was look at you to know you weren't him.”

I tilt her chin up, looking down at her face, sure she's trying to tease me. But her gorgeous silver eyes are completely serious. “Really?” I ask in surprise.

She nods, that soft smile gracing her lips and causing my toes to tingle. “Yes,” she whispers, brushing my cheekbone with her thumb. “Your eyes are different. They may look similar, but yours are kind, while his are greedy. Your smile is sweet and loving, while his is more of a sneer. That whole time we were at your parents’ house on Christmas I could feel his eyes on me, and it gave me the creeps. But when you look at me, when I feel your eyes traveling up and down my face and my body, I feel safe and loved.” Then she kisses both of my cheekbones. “So you see, the two of you are nothing alike.”

I stare at her, unable to find my voice for several seconds. “I think,” I stutter when I can finally form words again. “I think my heart's going to burst.”

Her melodic laughter fills my tiny apartment, swelling my heart even more. “Well, please don't let that happen, because it would be even a bigger mess to clean up than your leg was.”

“Hmm, you’re right. That would be a big mess.” I lean for a soft kiss. “So I’ll be extra careful then, okay?”

“Hmm, okay.”

We’re quiet again for a while, reveling in each other’s warmth, dozing on and off. It’s almost 4pm by the time I open my eyes again, to Katniss’s fingers combing through my hair.

“Peeta,” she says, looking at me intently.

“Hmm?”

“There's more I need to tell you,” she confesses sheepishly.

Shifting us so we’re sitting up, I reach up to tuck a stray hair behind her ear. “Okay. What is it?”

“I-, I went and saw Dr. Aurelius.” Katniss looks down at her hands, and I notice for the first time that her fingernails are all bitten down, like they were when we first met back in September. “I called his office on Wednesday morning, and they said he had a cancellation that afternoon, so I went. Delly encouraged me to call him, and she even came with me to the appointment. And I think he's gonna be able to help me, just like you said. He said I was brave for coming in to see him. He even stayed late with me when I wouldn't stop talking about you. I’ll see him again next week Thursday for my regular weekly appointment.”

She pauses, looking back up at me. “Peeta, I'm sorry that it took me so long to admit you were right.”

Waves of relief and joy wash over me, so strong I have to lean my head back against the futon. “Oh Katniss,” I rasp. “I'm so happy! I'm so happy you did that! Thank you!”

“You were right about him,” she admits with a chuckle. “He's sort of an odd man, but there's something about him that's very comforting.”

“I've always thought he looks like Dr. Erskine,” I mumble. “You know, the guy who invented Captain America’s super soldier serum?”

Giggling, Katniss nods. “You know, I think you're right! I hadn't even thought-”

“What a minute,” I interrupt, snapping my head back up so fast I wrench my neck. “You said you went on Wednesday afternoon? As in, just a few days ago?”

“Yeah. I called the office that morning, and they said there'd been a cancellation for that afternoon, so they were able to get me in right away.” She looks at me quizzically. “Why?”

I start to laugh, a giddy, hysterical laughter. Katniss raises her eyebrows, staring at me in confusion until I laugh myself out, tears streaming down my face. “Oh wow. Anyone who says that God doesn't have a sense of humor is so, so wrong.”

“Why?” Katniss asks, tentative, her eyebrows knitted together. “Will you please tell me what is so funny?”

“Katniss, I was supposed to see Dr. Aurelius on Wednesday afternoon. But I cancelled my appointment because I couldn't bring myself to go see him and have to tell him that you’d left me. I just couldn’t do it.”

A half-laugh, half-sob escapes from Katniss's throat as she looks at me. “Oh! Peeta, I'm so sor-”

“Stop,” I say, covering her mouth with my fingers. “We're already past all of that, and I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. I just think it's funny, how I canceled my appointment so you were able get in to see him.” She takes my hand, kissing my fingers. “I'm glad, Katniss. I'm so glad you're trying to get better.”

“You're a good example,” she murmurs, pressing her lips to mine. Her hands grab a hold of my sweater as the kiss deepens, my arms holding her as tightly against me as I possibly can. Our mouths stay locked together, sitting here on my secondhand futon in my tiny studio apartment, for what seems like hours. And when we finally break apart, panting, our lips swollen and our foreheads pressed together, I feel Katniss's tiny hands reach up and cup my cheeks.

“Peeta,” she says, her voice breathless. “I love you.”

Fighting against the torrent of emotion threatening to burst forth, I smile, planting another kiss on the tip of her nose. “I love you too, Katniss. Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I think this was a very important conversation for them to have. Peeta finally made his intentions clear and Katniss is finally getting some help. I can't wait to hear what you guys think! Please don't hesitate to leave me a comment! :)


	16. Facing Fears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to my wonderful betas, NotAnIslander and HPFanonezillion. They are both excellent authors, be sure to check out their stuff! :)

I could’ve stayed here staring into Katniss’s gorgeous silvery eyes for hours, if her stomach hadn’t chosen that particular moment to start growling, causing us both to dissolve into laughter.

Lightning bolts are still shooting throughout my body as I get unsteadily to my feet, offering her my hand. “C’mere and hug me, and then we can go feed you.”

Smirking, she pulls herself up and into my arms. “Just me? Aren’t you hungry too?”

_Oh yeah, but not exactly for food…_

“I think I'm a bit, ahem, too riled up to be hungry at the moment,” I admit. “But, ah, give me a few minutes, I'll be okay.” _After I calm down a little. Right now I feel like I've been electrocuted._

She smiles before standing on her tiptoes to kiss me again, a sweet, chaste kiss this time. “I’m sorry for getting you riled up,” she whispers as she pulls away.

“Don’t be,” I admonish. “Please, if only kissing you is like this, than I can’t imagine what-”

I’m cut off by another kiss, sending yet another bolt of electricity down my spine. _Point taken._

We end up going out for pizza, then returning to my apartment so we can watch a couple of movies and snuggle some more, neither one of us wanting to be away from the other yet. But finally around midnight, when I begin to worry that Katniss might fall asleep driving back to Sae’s, we reluctantly part ways, with Katniss promising to come back as soon as I’m done with work in the morning.

Saturday dawns sunny and warm, the type of day where you can't help but be in a good mood. Katniss is glowing when she arrives at my apartment, grinning as she greets me with a hug.

“I missed you,” I say into her hair, breathing in her comforting scent of lavender and yew. “Is that silly? It's only been twelve hours since I saw you last.”

“No,” she says, her lips against my jaw. “Not silly.”

“Mmm, good.” I plant a kiss on the top of her head. “So. What do you want to do today?”

“Well,” she replies. “I haven't been hunting in a while, and the season’s almost over until the fall, so I was thinking maybe we could go out to the woods by Haymitch’s house? Maybe bring some food for a picnic?”

My body reacts before she’s even finished her sentence. My heart starts racing, the sharp pain in my chest nearly causing me to double over.

“Peeta?” Katniss says, her voice sounding very far away.

_No, no, no. I can’t go into the woods. It’s too dangerous._

She wants to go to the woods.

_Of course she does. She loves to hunt, and that’s often done in a woods of some kind._

But she wants to take _me_ into the woods.

“Peeta?” Katniss repeats. “Are you okay? You’re as white as a sheet!”

“Need to sit down,” I mumble, stumbling backwards towards the futon as white spots cloud my vision. “Dizzy… ”

“Lay your head back while I get you a cold cloth,” Katniss commands, easing the back of my head against the top of the futon. She returns a few seconds later with a cold washcloth, pressing it against my forehead. “Try and take deep breaths. That’s it. You’re okay.”

 _Gah, I thought I was over these stupid panic attacks!_ My hands are shaking, my fingernails digging painfully into my palms. Katniss must notice this because she takes my right hand, coaxing my fingers loose. “You're okay. It’s okay to relax, Peeta. I’m here with you.”

I swore after my accident that I’d never go near a forest again. It doesn’t help that I never liked them much while growing up, since Rye used to scare me by making up stories about all the monsters that lived there. I was never in Boy Scouts or any other outdoors-type clubs, and my mother’s idea of camping meant staying in a hotel that offered a buffet breakfast.

And then the one time I wind up wandering around in one, I lose half of my leg.

No, I’m not a fan of forests. Sure, they’re pretty to look at from a distance. But I can barely walk past a clump of trees without breaking into a cold sweat.

_So of course I would fall in love with a huntress who used to cut down trees for a living. Makes perfect sense._

A few minutes pass before I deem it safe to open my eyes, and as soon as I do I have to choke back a sob. Because the look of compassion and tenderness radiating from the pair of gorgeous grey eyes staring back at me is almost too much for me to handle. I have never, ever, seen someone look at me like that.

“I’m okay,” I blubber, trying to sit up. “I’m okay.”

“You stay right here,” Katniss insists, her eyebrows knitted in concern, pushing against my shoulder to keep me in place. “And talk to me. What just happened?”

“I, um,” I stutter, squeezing my eyes closed again against the crush of embarrassment. “I haven’t been in a forest, since… “ and I point to my prosthesis. “And I haven't been in much of a hurry to go back since then. ”

“You’re afraid?” Katniss asks, with not a single hint of reproach.

“Yeah.”

She tugs my hand up to rest against her cheek. “I can understand. What you went through was horrible, Peeta. It’s okay to be afraid.”

“Yeah,” I mutter. “Still feels pretty ridiculous though.”

“It’s not,” Katniss says as she kisses my palm, right over the marks left from my fingernails. “We don’t have to go today, it was only a suggestion.”

“No, I’d like to,” I say, surprising myself. She looked so excited at the prospect of hunting today, I’d feel terrible if I allowed my fears to get in the way of something that makes her happy. “I need to stop being so afraid, and there's no time like the present.” I open my eyes, looking at her intently. “As long as you’re with me, I’ll be okay. Right?”

“Yes, of course,” Katniss says. “But we really don’t have to-”

“I want to,” I interrupt, sitting up. “I want to start seeing the forest through your eyes. Just, don’t leave me alone. Okay?”

She nods, leaning in and kissing my cheek. “You know I won’t.”

“Yeah, I know.” I use the washcloth to mop the back of my neck before standing up. “So what should we bring on our picnic?”

“Cheese buns,” Katniss blurts, then laughs. “I have a bottle of lemonade in the car, and we should be able to find some wild strawberries since the weather’s been so nice lately. I found a patch of them not too far from Haymitch’s house last year when I moved there.”

“Oh, I haven’t had strawberries in a long time!” I say as I grab my shoes. “How many cheese buns would you like me to bring?”

“Six,” Katniss says without hesitation. “I’m hungry.”

Finishing with my shoes, I tuck my wallet and phone into their respective pockets and grab my sketchbook and pencil. “Alright, then let’s go.”

“And if I manage to find some rabbits,” she says excitedly as we walk downstairs. “We can cook them for our dinner tonight, after church.”

“Mmm, that sounds good! I’ve never had rabbit before.”

“It’s good. Pri-, my sister used to love it.” Her face falls for a moment. “She was always so excited when my dad brought them home for us.”

“Well,” I murmur, kissing her cheek. “Then I can’t wait to try it.”

After digging around in the big kitchen freezer to find the cheese buns I baked yesterday, I walk out to Katniss’s car. She holds my hand during the drive and I cling to it, trying to draw strength from her touch.

_I can do this. I can do this. Please, Lord, help me do this!_

I repeat the mantra over and over in my head the whole way out, but the unsettling sensations of panic start to creep back in as soon as we get out of the car.

“It’s okay, Peeta,” Katniss murmurs, patient and encouraging as we stand at the entrance to the treeline. I'm shaking with fear as I squeeze my eyes closed, clutching her hand so hard I’m afraid I might break one of her fingers. “I’m right here with you.”

_Katniss is real. She’s holding my hand. Katniss loves me. She won’t leave me alone._

“I’m right here with you,” Katniss repeats. “I love you. I’m not gonna leave you. You’re safe. Keep breathing and concentrate on me. Feel my hand holding yours? That means you’re safe.”

_Katniss loves me. I’m safe with her. She’s real. She won’t leave me alone._

I swallow hard as I open my eyes, taking a small step. Then another, and another. “That’s it, Peeta,” Katniss says softly. “You’re okay. In a few more minutes we’ll be in a good place to stop.”

Small step by small step, we walk just far enough into the woods where I can still see the road but Katniss can still easily hunt. We set up our picnic, enjoying the cheese buns and lemonade with the basket of strawberries Katniss is able to find.

Once we’ve finished eating, I pull out my sketchbook so I can draw while Katniss prowls for rabbits. As the pencil strokes across the page I can sense the old, horrible memories being pushed further and further into the recesses of my brain, making room for these new, happier ones to take their place. By the time the sun has traveled across the tops of the trees, I’m actually feeling somewhat relaxed.

“Are you still doing okay?” Katniss asks as we load up her car.

“Yeah, it went better than I thought it would,” I reply after a short pause. “Perhaps I’m not doomed to suffer from these irrational fears for the rest of my life after all.”

Katniss shakes her head, her lips pressing together. “I wish I could’ve been there that night somehow. I would’ve told Glimmer where she could go.” She reaches for my hand, scowling as I raise my eyebrows. “I've never liked bullies.”

I chuckle, trying to imagine tiny little Katniss giving Glimmer a piece of her mind. I think I would pay money to see that.

“Well,” I say teasingly. “You’ve got me now. So what are you going to do with me?”

Her fingers squeeze around mine. “I’m gonna put you somewhere where you can never get hurt again.”

* * *

After church, Katniss shows me how to prepare a simple rabbit stew in my tiny kitchen, using ingredients she gleaned from our trip to the woods. It’s the first time we’ve ever really cooked together, and it turns out to be one of the best meals I've ever eaten in my life.

“That was delicious,” I declare, setting my bowl down on the coffee table. “We need to do that again sometime.”

“I’m glad you liked it,” Katniss replies as she picks up my bowl with her own and moves over to the sink. “It was my dad’s recipe.”

“Hey, let me help you,” I say, getting slowly to my feet. “You don’t need to wash everything after you did most of the cooking.”

She turns, shaking her head. “No, I want you to sit. We did quite a bit of walking today and your leg is hurting.”

“What?” I say, dumbfounded. “How do you know? I haven’t said anything-”

“No, you haven’t,” she interrupts. “But I’ve seen you rubbing on it ever since we got back, like it’s sore.”

“I have?” I hadn’t even noticed. My leg does bother me sometimes after walking, especially over uneven terrain, and I’m probably way overdue to change the cloth sleeve again. And I do tend to rub at the seam unconsciously, almost like a nervous habit, which doesn’t help.

_Of course she would notice something like that. She’s trying to take care of me._

“Yes, you have,” she says, assuming her healer voice as she rinses off the stew pot. “In fact, I think you should take your prosthesis off for the rest of the evening. Give your skin a rest.”

“Ah,” I mumble, looking down at the offending limb. “I can wait until you go home. It doesn't hurt that bad.”

Quickly scrubbing the bowls and spoons clean, Katniss dries them off and puts them away. Then she turns to me with a determined expression. “There’s no good reason for you to sit there in pain for any longer than you have to. You know it doesn’t bother me.”

I turn away, a blush creeping up the back of my neck. “Yeah, I know.”

The next thing I know her hands are on the hem of my pant leg, rolling it up to my knee. “Show me again, how to take it off?”

Once again, I’m floored by the compassion I see in her eyes. Like I’m important to her.

_Like she loves me._

“Alright,” I croak, guiding her hand to the release on the side. “Just, ah, push that, and… “ I can’t help the groan of relief that escapes from my throat as she pulls the prosthesis off, peeling the cloth sleeve away from my stump so she can examine it.

“It’s pretty red and sore looking, but there’s no abrasions or anything,” she reports, standing to her feet. “I’m gonna get your cream.”

“Katniss, wait!” I protest, but she’s already disappeared into the bathroom, rummaging around in the medicine cabinet, looking for the skin cream I got way back on that day we ran into my brother.

“Peeta!” she scolds as she emerges from the bathroom, the brand-new jar of cream in her hand. “This isn’t even opened! You haven’t been using it!”

“No, I haven’t,” I whisper. “I’m sorry.”

Glaring, she kneels down in front of me and unscrews the cap, scooping up a generous dollop of cream onto her fingers with a couple drops of her lavender oil. “Hmph,” she grumbles, looking up at me in morbid satisfaction when I jump at the mixture’s freezing temperature. “Next time I’ll warm it up a little first, but only if you promise to apply it yourself when I’m not here.”

The ice-cold cream against my red-hot skin is agonizing. “Okay! I promise!” She nods in acknowledgement as she scoops more onto her fingers. “Yikes, that’s cold!”

“Well, that’s what you get,” she says as she finishes massaging it into my sore skin. She smiles at my sigh of relief. “See? That feels better, doesn’t it?”

“Yes,” I say, thoroughly reprimanded but definitely more relaxed. “Thank you.”

Pulling herself back up, she kisses me on the forehead before returning the jar to the bathroom and washing her hands. She sits down next to me, her eyes drawn to the stump of my leg as she takes my hand.

“Can you tell me what it was like?” she asks tentatively as she gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. “It must’ve been so hard for you.”

My face drains of color as I gulp. “It was hard.” I look down, studying our joined hands. “I’ll never forget the first time I saw my stump, wrapped up in bloody gauze and bandages.” I take a deep, tremorous breath. “I got so upset that they had to sedate me. More than once. When I finally woke up I refused to talk to anyone. I didn’t speak again until Finnick came into my room for the first time.” I pause, shaking my head in shame. “And what I said to him wasn't very nice at all.”

Katniss brings our hands to her lips, kissing the back of mine before caressing it with her cheek. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I’m so sorry.”

But more words tumble out. “They brought in all sorts of doctors and other people, trying to tell me that depression and anger were normal reactions to losing a limb. Trying to tell me that I could still live a normal life.” I point to the plastic and metal prosthesis lying on the floor. “Like anyone who’s required to wear something like that in order to walk could be considered normal. And it hurt. It hurt so bad, Katniss.” She cringes, pressing my hand harder against her cheek.

“They warned me about the phantom limb pains multiple times. But no one who told me about them had any personal experience, and well, there’s just no way you can know what they feel like without experiencing it for yourself.”

“Not that I would wish this on anyone,” I add quickly. “It just… bugged me. They all acted like they knew how I felt, and there really was no way they could know. I’d wake up, thinking my ankle was itching, and reach down to scratch it and find nothing. Or I’d try to crack my toes and I couldn’t, and I’d get so mad.”

“Crack your toes?” Katniss asks, a hint of a smile on her beautiful pink lips. “How’d you do that?”

“It’s this weird thing I used to do,” I say, chuckling. “I could almost do it on demand, and only with my left foot. I’d curl the toes on my foot really fast and my big toe would pop. Like when people crack their knuckles.” I smile even wider. “I could do it so loud sometimes that it would scare Rye awake.”

“Serves him right,” Katniss says, smirking.

“Yeah, maybe,” I admit. “Oh, he'd get so mad at me when I'd do it, ‘cause he hated the noise. Especially at night.”

Smiling, she presses her lips against the inside of my wrist. “Well, I think you're brave. You even had to learn how to walk again, didn't you?”

“Yeah,” I say, huffing out a breath. “That was pretty horrible. My knees and hips were so sore, and I got very frustrated at how long it took to make any progress. You'd think something like walking would come naturally to you, but no. Learning to walk with a prosthesis is like trying to walk with a brick attached to your foot. I had to train an entirely new set of muscles, my gait was different… that wasn't easy to get used to.”

“But you did,” Katniss says, squeezing my hand. “You did. When I first met you I couldn't even tell that you had an artificial leg. People who don't know you can't tell there's anything different.”

My heart surges in my chest. “That's what I want,” I whisper. “I just want to be normal.” I slide my hand around the nape of her neck, pulling her to me for a kiss. “I've never talked about this stuff with anyone. Not even Finnick.”

She leans in for another kiss before pulling back, tracing my chin with her fingertip. “Thank you for trusting me.”

“I trust you with my life, Katniss.” I see her eyes widen as she swallows hard. “You take such good care of me, but you never make it seem like I'm a burden to you.”

Katniss shakes her head. “You're not a burden. You're my Peeta.”

* * *

We wind up spending most of Sunday together as well. We take a nice walk, go out for lunch, then return to cuddle on the futon and watch a movie before the Sunday night church service. We also spend a lot of time just talking, something we never used to do often enough. Katniss even shares some more tidbits of information about her father and sister, which she'd always been reluctant to do before this weekend. It’s obvious that accepting Christ has already had a positive impact on how she views things, both in her past and for her future.

Finnick and Annie roll into town around 5pm on Monday evening, pulling a UHaul trailer packed to the brim with their belongings. Katniss and I are waiting at their new apartment building when they arrive to help them unpack. It's absolutely wonderful to see them again, and to finally meet little Finn in person.

“Finnick,” I say, gasping as he engulfs me into a hug. “It's so, so good to see you guys!”

“It's incredible to be back,” he says, thumping me on the back as Finn darts from the backseat, whooping and yelling and ignoring his mother's command to not run around in the parking lot. “I'd forgotten how good the air smells up here!”

Finnick releases me to fetch his son as Annie climbs out of their car to give me a hug. “It's so good to see you again, Peeta.”

“And you look lovely,” I tell her as Finnick returns with their squirming son under his arm. “You have that motherly glow.”

“Ha!” Annie scoffs, smirking and patting her pregnant belly. “More like the sheen of sweat from being trapped in a car since Saturday with these two yahoos!”

Laughing, I wrap my arm around Katniss. “Finnick and Annie, this is Katniss.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that out for myself,” Finnick replies, taking Katniss's hand and kissing the back. Even happily married, Finnick's always been a charmer. “It is wonderful to meet you, Katniss.”

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Katniss says shyly, looking down when little Finn tugs on her sleeve.

“Pway wif me?” he asks, holding up a toy fire truck. “Pease?”

“Tell you what,” Annie says, sounding exhausted as she takes her son's hand. “Let’s get inside first, then you can test out your fire truck on the kitchen floor while we set up your new bedroom. Okay?”

Finn’s eyes light up as he nods. “‘Kay!”

We end up staying at their place for the entire evening. Katniss and Annie run out for food and supplies while Finnick and I assemble beds and bookshelves and organize the kitchen. Little Finn bounces from room to room like a ping-pong ball after being cooped up in a car for two days, but mostly manages to stay out of the way.

After Finn finally crashes and burns around 9:30 and is put to bed, we leave the Odairs to their unpacking, promising to get together sometime over the weekend. I'm kissing Katniss goodbye in her car in front of the coffee shop when I finally remember a question I should’ve asked her months ago.

“Hey,” I whisper against her lips. “I keep forgetting to ask you something.”

“Mmm,” she replies. “What’s that?”

“When’s your birthday?”

Pulling back, she looks at me with the most bemused expression on her face I’d ever seen. “It’s May 8th,” she tells me, right before bursting into laughter.

“What’s so funny about the eighth of May?” I ask, laughing with her. The sound of her laughter has always been fuel for my soul.

“Nothing!” she gasps, trying to contain her giggles. “I was just thinking that you’re very lucky you didn’t miss it!”

“Oh don’t worry about that, Miss Everdeen,” I say as I kiss the tip of her nose. “I remember you telling me your family always made a big deal about birthdays, and I intend to continue that tradition.”

“Well, good,” she sighs, pulling me into a hug. “Then you have about five weeks to think of something amazing.”

* * *

I can’t help but notice the extra spring in my step as I walk to the bus stop on Tuesday afternoon, heading to school. Such a sharp contrast to the last time I walked to this bus stop, the day of the concert, when I thought Katniss was lost to me forever.

Smiling, I replay the conversation we had last night in my head. Her birthday is just over a week prior to my graduation. I’ve already decided that I’ll take her out to dinner, somewhere nice where we have to dress up a little. There’s a new restaurant a few blocks from the college campus that opened a couple months ago called Caesar Flickerman’s. I’ve heard from some classmates that the food there is excellent, and they even have a roof deck that opened this week. I think Katniss will enjoying dining under the evening sky, even if we’re sitting at a table in nice clothes instead of on a blanket in the woods.

With that decided, I call the restaurant to make a reservation after my classes are over, relieved when they tell me there’s still space available on the roof deck for that evening. Once I hang up with them I call Dr. Aurelius’ office to schedule my appointment for tomorrow, grinning as I imagine the look on the good doctor’s face when I explain why I ended up canceling last time. Since Katniss saw him during my usual time last week, I suspect that he already knows most of the story. But telling him that I had the honor of praying with Katniss to accept Jesus is something I’m very much looking forward to.

Finishing up with my phone calls, I stop by the Discipleship office to pick up my graduation announcements and head towards the bus stop, daydreaming about what I should buy Katniss for her birthday.

* * *

I’m sitting in my apartment a week later, filling out my graduation announcements when my phone rings. Katniss often calls me in the evenings on the days we don’t see each other.

“Hello, my love,” I say as I set down the announcement I’m working on. “How was your day?”

“Peeta!” she exclaims. “You’ll never guess what happened at work today!”

“Alright,” I say teasingly. “If I’ll never guess, then why don’t you tell me?”

She’s so excited she has to take a couple deep breaths before continuing. “Well,” she finally says. “Yesterday when I got to work, the girl who teaches gymnastics told me that she'd heard some rumors going around earlier in the day. Rumors that certain people were going to be let go at the end of the month. Something about cuts to the Parks and Rec budget in the city or something like that.”

“Okay,” I say slowly. “That sounds horrible, but judging by your reaction I’m guessing that that’s not gonna happen after all?”

“No!” she practically yells. “Peeta, I got so upset when she told me that. I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve been enjoying my job lately, and I don’t really know what else I could do. So after my last lesson was done for the day, I went into the locker room and sat down on a bench. And I started to pray.”

My heart leaps. I know Katniss has been shy about praying on her own, using the excuse that she doesn’t really know how, so this is a huge stride forward for her. “Katniss, that’s wonderful! I’m so glad that your first thought when hearing that kind of news was to go and pray!”

“Me too!” she cries. “At first I was so upset, it was like I was only venting at God instead of praying. But then as I sat there, probably looking like I was talking to myself, the venting just sort of stopped. I even got down on my knees after a while, on the tile floor and everything. And Peeta! It was like I could feel God’s peace filling me as I prayed. And when I was done I just knew somehow that I’d be okay. It's like I could feel it! I even prayed some more after I came home.”

I’m so happy for her I have to choke back tears. “Katniss, that is so awesome. And that peace is one of the the best feelings in the world. It really is!”

I hear her sniff into the phone. “That’s not even the best part.”

“Oh? So what is the best part?”

“Well, today when I went in, I was feeling brave for some reason. So I went to the manager's office before my first lesson and came right out and asked him if the rumors were true.” She pauses for a moment. “He said they were true. He even showed me the copy of the newly proposed budget that called for the elimination of several of us part-time employees.” She pauses again, leaving me on edge.

“Katniss, don't leave me hanging like this! Tell me what happened!”

“Peeta,” she says, her voice shaky all of a sudden. “As soon as he showed me that budget sheet, it was like it jumped right out at me. I saw a mistake; someone had multiplied something incorrectly. And when I pointed it out to the manager, he dismissed me from his office and got on the phone with the Parks department right away. I got through my lessons and was getting ready to leave when he called me back into his office… and offered me a job doing the books for the entire Community Center.”

“What?!” I exclaim, bolting upright on the futon. “Whoa, Katniss, that is incredible!”

“Yes!” she squeals. “Apparently, the lady who used to do them went on maternity leave and then decided she'd rather stay home, so they've been having different people take turns doing them. And well, this was a mistake that originated awhile ago and was never caught, so it just kept getting rolled over into the latest set of numbers, and no one caught it until I did. Peeta, this means I’ll be there full-time. So I can get health insurance and other benefits.”

“So they went from thinking they'd have to lay off several people to hiring you full-time in the course of an afternoon? Katniss, that's amazing!”

“I start next week,” she says excitedly. “I’ll work on the books in the mornings and do my lessons as usual in the afternoons. The manager said he’d put the paperwork through by tomorrow.”

“Sweetheart, I’m so happy for you!” For Katniss to have her prayers answered in such an incredible way will do wonders for her faith. It’s one thing to hear about something like this, but it’s entirely different to experience it for yourself. “But I do have one question for you.”

“What’s that?”

“Is there a reason why you didn’t tell me any of this yesterday?” I ask softly. “When you still thought you might lose your job?”

“Ah,” she stutters. “I wanted to, and I almost called you a couple of times. But then I didn't. I don't really know why.”

“You were afraid?”

She sighs into the phone. “Yeah, I guess I was. I mean, I still owe you for my car, and if I was gonna lose my job I’d have no way to pay my rent and pay you back, and-”

“Katniss,” I say sternly. “Stop right now. You do not owe me anything for your car. I gave you that money, no strings attached.”

“But, Peeta,” she protests. “It was your money. I’m sure you needed it. And my father always told me not to accept handouts.”

“It wasn’t a handout,” I implore. “Think of it more like an investment. An investment in our future.”

“Mmm. That sounds like semantics to me.”

“Well, whatever works for you.”

“Fine,” she grumbles. I grin as I picture the scowl on her face. “Then you're gonna have to start driving sometimes when we go places. Deal?”

“Deal,” I say, laughing. “Anything for you, my love.”

“Good. You can start this weekend.”

“Okay. But it's been so long since I've driven a car, you might have to teach me how again.”

“Well,” she says. I can hear the smirk in her voice. “I doubt it's as difficult as relearning how to walk, so you should be fine.”

“I'm glad you have such good faith in me.”

She's quiet for a moment. “Peeta?” she asks. Her voice is soft, almost shaky.

“Hmm?”

“I'm cold. I wish you were here right now, to warm me.”

I'm still getting used to the vulnerability that sneaks into her voice sometimes. It's something I only heard on a few rare occasions in all the months before the concert, but it's been creeping in more and more lately. And it never fails to flatten me when I hear it.

“Oh, Katniss, you know that voice of yours always gets to me. I wish I was there with you too. Do you have your blanket on?”

“I'm wrapped up in it right now,” she sniffs. “But it's not enough.”

“Well, maybe I should get you a second blanket. And besides, it'll be summer soon enough.”

“Doesn't matter. I'm one of those people who's cold at night pretty much year-round.”

“Hmm. Well, tell you what. When you go to sleep tonight, try to imagine that I'm there with you. I've got my arms around you and your head is lying on my chest, and we're both snuggled under the blanket. See if that helps.”

“Alright,” she whispers. “I'll try that.”

“Goodnight Katniss. I love you, and I'm so happy for you.”

“Love you,” she murmurs. “Goodnight.”

I lean back against the futon for a while after we hang up, still in awe from her amazing story.

_Thank you, Jesus, for such an awesome demonstration of your goodness to Katniss! What a way to reward her new faith!_

I plug my phone into the charger and get ready for bed. It is a chilly night tonight, as it often can be in spring, and I find myself wishing Katniss was here to cuddle with me as I try to get comfortable enough to fall asleep.

Then it hits me. I've tried to avoid thinking about particulars too much because I was afraid of rushing things, and it still might be too soon, but… If it's not, I think I know the perfect way to make her upcoming birthday one she'll never forget.

* * *

“Good afternoon, Peeta,” Dr. Aurelius says as he sweeps into the room. “Such lovely weather we're having lately, don't you agree?”

“Yeah, it's been nice,” I agree, shifting in the loveseat. “Katniss and I even went back to the woods last Sunday afternoon.”

“Oh?” he says as he settles into his chair. “Let's pray, then you can tell me all about it.”

Our second trip to the woods did go a little better than the first. I was still nervous and tentative, but didn't get those panicky sensations that made me feel like I was going to keel over. Katniss was even able to hunt without having to check on me every fifteen minutes.

“See?” I show Dr. Aurelius my sketchbook where I've drawn a picture of our picnic, complete with Katniss holding a basketful of strawberries.

“Ah, yes,” he says, looking over the top of his glasses. “What a lovely drawing. I daresay your artistic ability has blossomed even more lately. And when do you start your artist’s job with the church?”

“Well, technically I already have,” I say. “Since I've designed several things over the years for free, they've already started paying me. Right now I'm working on a logo for the Revolution ministry that my friend Finnick is in charge of.”

“I see. And are you enjoying the work?”

I shrug. “It's fine for now. Since I don't have to worry about paying tuition anymore, I’m planning on saving all of my income from the church.”

Dr. Aurelius leans back in his chair, steepling his hands. “That's very resourceful of you. I'm assuming you've discussed this with Katniss, then?”

“Yes, we've discussed it, and she thought it was a good idea.” I shift again, rubbing the seam of my leg. “I can live just fine on my salary from the coffee shop. Even if I have to get on their expensive health insurance plan after I graduate.”

“Mmmhmm,” Dr. Aurelius mumbles, scribbling something on his notepad. He's quiet for a moment, the scratching of pen against paper the only sound in the room.

“So, Peeta,” he begins, setting the notepad on the desk. “You've gone from sketching out engagement rings before even broaching the subject of marriage to your sweetheart, to someone who hasn't once mentioned the word since you've come back after your little break. So I'm curious. Have you discussed marriage with Katniss since you've been back together?”

“Yes,” I answer. “We've been talking quite a bit in the last few weeks, about a lot of things. And while I can tell she's still a little… I guess unnerved is a good word, she loves me, and she knows how much I love her. She knows she's the most important part of my future.”

Dr. Aurelius tilts his head, looking at me quizzically. “You know, for how long it took you to get to this point, I have to say that you've made remarkable progress during these last few sessions, Peeta.”

“I do have a question, though,” I say, fiddling with my sketchbook.

“Yes?” he asks, leaning forward.

“Um,” I mumble. I look away as my face reddens. “Well, speaking of marriage… I know you're not technically allowed to talk about Katniss to me, but her birthday is in a couple weeks and I need to know something, if you could tell me.”

“And what is that?” he asks, smiling.

I give my head a quick shake before looking back at him. “I need to know if you think she's healthy enough for me to propose to her. Because if she's not ready then I don't want to push her.”

“And why is that?” Dr. Aurelius asks. “And do you think _you_ are ready? After such a brief time since your reconciliation?”

“I know I'm ready,” I say firmly. “I love her, and if I could I'd marry her tomorrow. But I need to know if you think she's ready.”

“You don't want to ask her yourself?”

“No,” I confess. “Actually what I mean is, I don't think I can be unbiased about it. I don't even know if she can be unbiased about it. But you can.”

“Why is it so important to you what I think?” he asks, picking up his notepad and scratching down another note.

I huff out a deep breath. “Because nothing is more important to me than making sure that she's okay. And if it means I have to wait a bit to marry her, then so be it. I'll wait, for as long as I need to. She's only been seeing you for a few weeks, and I didn't know if that was long enough.”

Shaking his head, Dr. Aurelius lets out a chuckle. “Yes, that is true. She has only been seeing me for a short time. But some people aren't as difficult to reach as others,” and he glances sternly at me, “once they know what they need to do in order to heal.”

“Ah. Yeah, I guess.” I reach up to scratch the back of my neck. “So, do you think it'd be okay, then? If I ask her? If her father was alive, I'd of course ask his permission also. But since he's not, I guess I'm asking for yours.”

He studies me for a moment over the top of his glasses. “Yes,” he finally says, his face breaking into a wide grin. “I think she'll be fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear any suggestions for a name for baby boy Odair.
> 
> And as always, please let me know what you think! I love and appreciate any and all comments!


	17. The Birthday Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to my betas NotAnIslander and HPFanonezillion for their help! Be sure to check out their stories!

“So,” I ask Finnick. “Have you decided? Pastor Dale said he wanted the final logo design by the end of the week. And that's tomorrow, in case you forgot.” 

“Yeah, I like the middle one,” he replies, pointing over his shoulder at the three drawings pinned to the corkboard wall of his office. “Looks flashy, but not too flashy, ya know? I like how you highlight the letters that spell LOVE in the middle of REVOLUTION. Now, where's that darn book?” 

“That was Katniss's favorite too,” I say as I take the drawings down, discarding the rejected designs into the recycle bin. 

“Well, then your girl has good taste,” Finnick says, finally unearthing himself from the depths of his messy bookshelf. “Not that I'm surprised, of course.” 

I chuckle, shaking my head. The sorry state of Finnick's bookshelf is making my fingers twitch with wanting to straighten it. I may not get my dirty clothes into the laundry hamper half the time, but I always have a well-sorted bookshelf.   

“You know, I bet you would find things a lot faster if you actually organized your shelves.” 

“Where's the fun in that?” Finnick asks, smiling his signature cheeky grin. “Besides, I know where everything is. It just takes me a minute.” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” I mumble. “Anyway, do you have a minute? I need to ask you something.” 

“Yeah,” Finnick says slowly. He moves a stack of files from his desk chair and sits down, indicating for me to sit in the chair opposite him. “What's going on? Worried about your finals?” 

I must give him an incredulous look, because he shakes his head. “Oh yeah, I forgot. The boy wonder here frontloaded his school schedule for three and a half years just so he could take it easy in his last semester. You’ve probably aced all your finals already. Am I right?” 

“I haven’t taken them yet,” I say hastily. “They’re next week.” I allow myself a small grin. “But yeah, I’m not too worried about them.” 

“Then what’s the problem?” 

“Well,” I gulp. “I was wondering if I could borrow your car tomorrow afternoon. I, um, need to go shopping.” 

Finnick blinks, pursing his lips. “O-kay,” he says, confused. “Since when do you go shopping?  And what's wrong with the moped?” 

“I think the moped finally gave up the ghost,” I admit. “I couldn't get it to start the other day. I was gonna ask Patrick to look at it before group tomorrow night. He’s good with engines, but I'm not optimistic. So I need to borrow your car. Is that okay?” 

“Yeah, it should be,” he says, still eyeing me suspiciously. “I'll double-check with Annie to be sure. But you need to tell me what you're shopping for first.” 

“I’m shopping for an engagement ring,” I say, nervously twisting my hands. “For Katniss.” 

“Well, I sure hope it’s for Katniss!” Finnick chortles. “I’d be very concerned if you were shopping for some other girl. And, dare I say that it’s about time?” 

My eyebrows shoot up. “So you don’t think I’m rushing things? After all that talk about taking it slow way back in the beginning?” 

Finnick looks taken aback. “Well, you were a different person back then, wouldn't you agree?  And it's different now that I've met her. Besides, I think Annie and I were only dating for four months when we got engaged. And our engagement was for three months, and that’s only because the church wasn't available any sooner than that.” 

“Oh!” I exclaim, breathing out a heavy sigh of relief. “And here I was thinking you’d try and talk me out of it.” 

“Hmph,” Finnick mutters, heaving his feet onto the desk. ”I’m sure there are people out there who would disagree with me. Probably even people here who would disagree with me.  But I’ve been watching you guys when we get together. She loves you, there’s no doubt about it.  Anyone who’s paying attention can see it.” He raises one eyebrow. “And I know I don’t have to ask how you feel about her.” 

“No,” I admit with a sly grin. “I’m sure that’s pretty obvious too.” 

“Yeah, just a bit.” 

“Alright. You got any recommendations on where I can look for a ring?” 

“Um, there's a nice store down near the Kroger,” Finnick replies. “Reed’s, I think it’s called.  They seem decent enough.” He slides his feet off the desk, leaning forward. “Be careful though; some jewelry salespeople can be like car salespeople. So go in with a specific budget and have an idea of what you’re looking for. Otherwise, they might try and take you to the cleaners.” 

_Good grief!_ “Um, okay,” I stutter, shifting on the uncomfortable chair. “Thanks for the warning.” 

“Sure thing. So when are you gonna propose?” 

“On her birthday, next Thursday. I’m taking her to Caesar Flickerman’s for dinner. She likes being outside, and they have a roof deck that just opened.” 

“Oh, Annie and I just went there last Friday,” Finnick gushes. “It was delicious! Of course, it was the first time we’d been out to dinner with just the two of us in over a year, so that might’ve had something to do with it. But anyway, be sure and try the lamb stew, it’s their signature dish. We both had it and it was amazing.” 

“I’ll remember that, thanks.” I shift again, standing up when I can’t get comfortable. “Dude, you’ve gotta get some different chairs in here. This thing is terrible!” 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s on my to-do list,” Finnick grumbles, sweeping his hand across his messy office. “Right now I’m still trying to unpack.” He stands up, hefting another box onto the desk.  “So what time do you want the car?” 

“Around one tomorrow afternoon would be fine,” I say, swinging my backpack over my shoulder. “Katniss is coming over for dinner before group, so I’ll need to be back to the coffee shop by five at the latest.”

 “Fine.” He pulls another pile of books from the box and walks to the already crowded bookshelf. “I’ll be here. Hopefully not buried under a pile of junk.” 

“Thanks,” I say, shaking my head. “Hey, I do have one more question.” 

His head pops up. “What’s that?” 

“Um, well, I’d still need to double-check with Katniss, obviously. But if she agrees, I was wondering if you’d officiate our wedding.” 

Finnick stands back up to his feet, his face breaking out into a huge grin. “Oh yeah,” he says. “I’d be honored.”

* * *

 “Hello there!” exclaims a blonde-haired woman as soon as I walk into the store. She’s wearing a bright pink suit with matching fingernail polish and a huge diamond ring on her right index finger. “What can I help you with today?” 

“Um,” I mumble as my face flushes red. Apparently my silver tongue disappears when I’m shopping for an engagement ring. “I’m just looking-” 

“Oh, you must be ring shopping,” she says in a singsong voice. “Most of the young men who come in here with that look on their faces are looking for engagement rings.” 

“Ah, yeah.” I say, already feeling quite foolish. “Yes, that’s what I’m looking for.” 

“I knew it!” the lady says triumphantly. “Come over here, we have a wonderful selection,” and she beckons me to follow her to the long counter that lines the entire back of the store. 

“Okay.” _This is a horrible idea. I should’ve shopped online instead._  

“So what size diamond are you looking for?” she asks. She sweeps her manicured hand across the glass countertop, where diamond rings in all sorts of shapes and sizes are on display. “Going for small and dainty, or trying to make a statement?” 

I shake my head, clearing my throat. “Actually, I’m not looking for a diamond. My girlfriend’s birthday is next week, so I thought I’d look for her birthstone.” 

“Oh, but every girl wants a diamond!” the lady chides, shaking her head like I’m an idiot. “Even if they say they don’t, they always do. Trust me.” She leans in, whispering. “And you don’t want to look cheap, either. Know what I mean?” 

Bristling at that last comment, I decide to let it slide. “I’d like to see some emerald rings, please,” I say firmly. The woman opens her mouth as if to argue, then closes it again as her eyebrows knit together.  

 “Very well,” she sighs. “The colored stone rings are over this way.” She beckons me over to a display case along the side wall. 

Looking down into the case, I shake my head in frustration. These are all rings that have a center stone, like traditional engagement rings, and I know Katniss wouldn’t want something like that. 

“No, this isn’t what I’m looking for either,” I say. I pull the sketch I drew months ago out of my pocket, the picture of Katniss’s hand wearing the band-style ring. “More like this.” 

The saleswoman wrinkles her nose, tapping a long fingernail against the glass. “That’s an anniversary band, not an engagement ring.” 

“Still,” I insist. “I’d like to see some like this. Please.”

She glares at me for a brief second before resuming her plastered-on smile. “Fine. Those are over here.” 

Once again, I’m led across the store. As we make our way to the opposite wall, my eyes are drawn to a selection of pendants housed in a stand-up case on top of a counter. “Wait, please,” I say as I point to a shiny, round stone in a multitude of greys. “What is this?” 

“That’s a pearl,” the lady replies, unlocking the glass door of the case to retrieve it. “It’s a Tahitian grey pearl on a white gold chain, measuring… “ she pulls a ruler from her blazer pocket. “Eight millimeters. A good size for a pearl.” 

“It’s gorgeous,” I whisper, cupping my hand around the beautiful gem. “It’s almost exactly the color of her eyes.” 

“Yes, it is quite pretty,” the saleswoman replies. “But you’re here to look at rings, correct?” She lifts the pendant, presumably to put it away. 

“Please wait!” I exclaim. “I’d like to look at it more closely for a moment.” 

The lady sighs but pulls out a velvet-covered board, laying the pendant down on top. I lean over, studying the iridescent stone. It seems to change color depending on how the light hits it, ranging from a light, purply-grey to a darker grey, with a few colors in between. It is absolutely perfect for Katniss. 

I had originally thought about the band-style ring for her because I knew she wouldn’t want any sort of ring that would stand up off her finger. But until now, what I hadn’t taken into consideration was the fact that most girls wind up with two different rings; an engagement ring and a wedding ring, and Katniss wouldn’t likely want to wear two rings either. So in that case, I could give her this pendant when I propose to her, and save the ring for our wedding. 

“I’d like this, please,” I say, straightening back up. “It’s perfect for her.” 

“But,” the lady stutters. “It’s not a ring. You’re looking for a ring.” 

“Yes, I know that,” I say, trying desperately to keep the sarcasm at bay. “I’d still like to look at the rings. But this is perfect for her.” 

“Oh, in that case,” she mumbles. She reaches under the counter, pulling out a grey velvet box and gently placing the pendant inside. “Very well.” 

With the pearl in hand, I scan the ring case looking for the perfect one. “That one, please,” indicating a white gold band encrusted with a row of alternating emeralds and diamonds. “It’s beautiful!” 

“Oh, she’ll love that!” the saleslady exclaims as she pulls it out, obviously feeling more encouraged by the fact that I’m actually planning to purchase something. “Are her eyes green?” 

“No, her eyes are this color, actually.” I point to the pearl sitting in its protective box. “But her birthday is in May, and green is her favorite color, so… “ 

“Aww, well aren’t you the sweetest guy in the world!” she gushes. “Do you know what her ring size is?” 

Gulping, I shake my head. “Um, no. Her hands are small though. All of her is pretty small.” 

“Okay,” the lady says patiently. “How tall is she?” 

“Her head comes up to here,” I say, holding my hand perpendicular to my throat. “I think she’s told me she’s five foot two with her hunting boots on.” 

“Mmmhmm,” she says. “And does she have long fingers?” 

“Yeah, I guess she does,” I answer, confused. “I don’t really know what’s considered long though.” 

“Alright, I’m guessing her ring size would be around a four or five then.” She packs the ring into a small, green box. “I’ll have it sized to a five, and if you need it smaller, we can resize it again at no charge.” 

“That sounds fine,” I say. “Thank you.” 

“The sizing takes about a week,” the lady says. “Or if you need it sooner, we can expedite it for an additional $25.” 

“No, thank you,” I reply weakly. I pull out my wallet, digging for my debit card as my heart starts to thump erratically. “A week is fine.” 

“Very well.” She takes my card and hands me a duplicate form and a pen. “Just fill this out and I’ll go and ring these up for you. And be sure to bring her here to shop for your ring, when it’s time.” 

“Thank you,” I whisper through my dry throat as I run my hand through my hair. I’m doing this. I’m actually purchasing a wedding ring. 

_Oh Lord, please let her say yes!_

* * *

 “What time is she picking you up?” Finnick asks, his voice laced with mirth as he watches me pacing back and forth in his office. 

“6:30,” I mutter. “Our reservation is at seven, so… “ 

“Peeta,” Finnick says in a singsong voice. 

“What!” I snap, glaring when Finnick grins at me. 

“You’re nervous.” 

_Master of the obvious, that one._ “Yeah? What gave that away?” 

“Well, maybe the fact that you look like you haven’t eaten or slept in at least three days. Or the fact that you’re trying to pace a trail into the carpet. I know you’ve had exams this week, but I highly doubt that it’s your grades you’re nervous about.” 

I shake my head, continuing to pace.  “Sorry. I didn’t know you were so attached to the carpet in here.” 

He’s right. I haven’t been able to eat much or sleep well since I brought that pearl necklace home with me. It was agonizing being with Katniss over the weekend and trying to pretend that everything was fine. Which, of course, it was. Everything is fine. Except for the fact that I’m probably going to either lose all cellular cohesion or spontaneously combust in the next few hours. 

“My last final was today,” I say. “They’ll have the grades posted by tomorrow.” 

“Uh huh. And I’m sure you aced it.” 

“Probably.” 

“What else have you done for Katniss today?” he asks. “Since proposing to her won’t be memorable enough?” 

“I had flowers delivered to her at work.” I nearly curse as my foot slips on the carpet. 

“Flowers are always good,” Finnick concurs, nodding. “I’ve never met a girl who doesn’t like flowers. You get her roses?” 

“No, she doesn’t like roses.” 

“Oh? What does she like? 

I huff out a deep breath. “Dandelions. Only the florist laughed at me when I asked for those, so I went with daisies and tulips instead.” 

Finnick gives me a strange look. “Dude. Dandelions are weeds. You know that, right? No wonder the florist laughed at you.” 

I shrug, not feeling like explaining the significance of dandelions at the moment. 

“C’mon Peeta, what’re you so nervous for?” Finnick asks through peals of laughter. “It's not like she's gonna say no!” 

“Did you know for sure that Annie would say yes?” I demand, turning on him. 

“Well, yeah…” he mutters, looking chagrined. 

“And weren't you still nervous about asking her?” I ask, resuming my pacing. 

“Well… yeah,” he admits, nodding. “Yeah, I was.” 

“Well, there you go.” 

We're quiet for a few minutes while I continue to pace, back and forth, back and forth. 

“You know we're having baptism services next weekend,” Finnick says. “Has Katniss thought about getting baptized?” 

“Yeah, we've talked about it. She's not comfortable doing it in front of the whole church quite yet, and I don't want to push her. She'll know when she's ready.” 

“Alright,” he replies. “As long as you've talked about it.” 

My fake foot slips again. “We have,” I say through clenched teeth. “And if you don't mind, can you please tell that to Cassandra so she can quit asking Katniss about it? It's getting annoying. Katniss will get baptized when she's ready and no sooner.” 

“I can do that,” he says, fighting to keep a straight face. There's another moment of silence. 

“Peeta?” 

“Yeah?” 

“It’s 5:30 already,” Finnick says, smirking as he jerks his head towards the clock. “Maybe you should head on home to get ready. Before you tip over?” 

“Okay,” I say, my head bobbing in time with my footsteps. “Good idea.” I make one final lap before pacing right out of the office. 

“Let me know how it goes!” I hear him call after me, his laughter chasing me down the hall. 

* * *

Katniss arrives at the coffee shop at 6:30 sharp, looking breathtaking in a periwinkle blue dress tied with a pretty bow around her slender waist, her hair in a fancier braid than her usual. She smiles as she gets out of her car, walking around to the passenger side. 

“You’re driving tonight,” she says, greeting me with a kiss. “Is that okay?” 

“That’s fine,” I say, giving her another kiss for good measure. “I definitely don’t mind chauffeuring such a gorgeous woman.” 

“Hmm,” she murmurs, eyeing my dress shirt and tie appraisingly. She reaches a small hand up to nudge the tie into place. “You look nice tonight too.” 

After helping her into the car, I pat my jacket pocket, where the pearl is tucked safely inside. 

_Please, Lord, let her say yes!_  

We arrive down by the college in fifteen minutes with the minimal traffic, parking in a parking garage about a block away from the restaurant. Every few seconds I feel again for the pearl, as if I’m afraid that it’s vanished in the meantime. 

Katniss's eyes are the size of dinner plates as we're escorted up to the roof deck of the elaborate restaurant, with wind chimes tinkling in the light breeze and tables set up with umbrellas to block the sun. There's even a three-piece band playing soft music over in one corner. 

“Oh, this is nice!” Katniss says as we're led to a table on the side opposite of the band with a lovely view of the neighboring mountain. Her eyes narrow as she looks at me. “This isn't one of those places where the waiters all gather round and sing Happy Birthday at you, is it?” 

Grinning, I shake my head. “No, I made sure to ask. I know you wouldn't have wanted that.” 

She smiles in relief, releasing my hand to allow me to pull her chair out for her. I take my seat to her right as the host hands us our menus and tells us our waiter will be with us shortly. 

“So,” I say, leaning closer to her. “Finnick told me there's a dish here, some sort of lamb stew, that's absolutely the best thing he’s ever eaten, so I think I'm gonna try that.” 

“Mmm,” Katniss replies as she studies her own menu. “That does sound good. I think I'll have it too.” 

“Should we get some wine too?” I ask, thinking perhaps it will help soothe my nerves a little.  Right now I'm not hungry at all, and I've hardly eaten all day. 

“If you want,” she says. “But I don't know anything about wine, so you'll have to pick something.” 

“I don't really either,” I admit. “I'll ask the waiter, I'm sure he can suggest a good one.” 

The waiter arrives to take our orders, suggesting their house light red to pair with the lamb stew. He returns with the wine a few minutes later, along with a small loaf of herb bread accompanied by both butter and a goat cheese spread. 

“Oh my,” Katniss groans as she stuffs another piece of bread slathered with goat cheese into her mouth. “This is already so delicious, and it's not even the main course yet!” 

Meanwhile, all I've managed to consume has been half of my glass of wine. 

The main dish arrives on a tureen, with a serving spoon for us to serve ourselves. Mixed with dried plums and set on a bed of wild rice, the lamb stew looks and smells absolutely amazing. Even amazing enough for my churning stomach to want to eat some of it.

“Peeta!” Katniss exclaims. “This must be what heaven tastes like!” She pauses mid-chew, looking at me. “Are you okay? You've hardly touched the food!” 

“I'm fine!” I say weakly, making a show of taking a bite of the delectable meal. “Nothing to worry about!” 

We manage to finish the entire tureen of stew and most of the bread. I insist that Katniss order dessert, which she at first tries to refuse. She finally agrees only as long as I do as well, so we end up ordering two slices of cheesecake that arrive smothered in strawberries so sweet they practically melt in your mouth. 

The sun is sitting directly on the distant mountaintop as Katniss scoops the last bite of cheesecake into her mouth, licking her lips in satisfaction. “That was incredible,” she states as she sets the fork down. “And I am stuffed.” 

I look over at my own cheesecake, still only half-eaten. “Are you sure?” I ask, winking at her. “You can finish mine if you like.” 

She leans back in her chair, her hand patting her stomach. “I can't eat another bite. And I mean it this time.” She looks at me quizzically, her eyes flicking over to the remaining dessert. “But your appetite doesn't seem normal tonight. Are you sure you're feeling okay?”

“You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine,” I say quickly. “Are you ready for your present, then?” 

“What?” She looks around the roof deck, now bathed in the soft orange light from the setting sun. “I thought this was my present.” 

_It's now or never!_  

Shaking my head, I pull the velvet box out of my pocket, sliding it over to her. “Happy Birthday, Katniss.” 

Her eyes widen as she opens the box with trembling hands. “Oh!” she gasps. “I've never seen anything like this!” 

“It's a pearl,” I murmur. “A grey pearl. It reminded me of your eyes.” 

Katniss stares at it, swallowing hard as she reaches a tentative finger over to brush against the smooth, round stone. 

“Peeta,” she whispers. “I don't… I… it's beautiful!” She looks up, a look of awe on her face. “Thank you!” 

My heart starts to thump against my ribcage as I break into a sweat. “Um, it's not only a birthday present, Katniss.” I take a quick gulp from my water glass, my mouth having gone suddenly dry. 

“What do you mean?” she asks, her eyes widening in growing alarm. “Peeta, you've gone all pale! What's wrong?” 

“Nothing!” All the nerves in my body seemed to tighten at once. “I just-, I was gonna buy you a ring, like most guys do, but then I saw this and I thought it was perfect, because most likely you wouldn't want to wear two rings anyway, so-” 

I'm cut off by her fingers covering my lips. “Stop! Peeta, you're rambling! What is wrong? Are you sick?” 

I breathe in through my nose, as deeply as I can, and slide off my chair onto one knee. I take her hand, praying she doesn't notice my sweaty palm. 

“Katnisswillyoumarryme?”

She blinks, her brow furrowing as she tries to translate my nonsensical blabbering. “What did you say?” 

Clearing my throat, I jerk my head in the direction of the velvet box. “I said… will you marry me?” 

Her eyebrows raise in surprise before she looks at the table, landing on the pearl that so closely matches her eyes. She presses her lips together, the lower one quivering like it always does when she’s trying not to cry. 

“You want-“ She pauses for a second, swallowing hard. “You want to marry me?” 

_Why does she sound so surprised?_  

I bring her hand up to my lips, kissing the back of it as she continues to stare at me, looking stunned. “Mmmhmm,” I squeak. “I want to marry you. I want to share a home with you. I want to watch you braid your hair. I want you to watch me draw and paint. I want to wake up early on my days off and bring you breakfast in bed. I want us to cook dinner together. I want to watch movies with you in the evenings, cuddled under your Vikings blanket. But most of all, I want to be able to hold you at night while we sleep instead of only dreaming about it.” 

A small tear escapes down her cheek as she stares at me. “Peeta, I-” 

“But,” I interrupt. “Absolutely none of that matters at all if it’s not what you want. So, I’m asking. Katniss, I love you, and I want you to be my wife. Will you?” 

Another tear rolls down her cheek, her head tilting to the side as her fingers squeeze around mine. “I don’t want a big wedding,” she sniffs, swiping at her nose. “Not like Delly and Thom’s. Delly told me she didn’t even know who some of the people were at theirs.” 

I allow myself a small smile. “Neither do I.” 

“I don’t want to wear a huge, floofy dress and fancy shoes,” she persists. “Shoes like that hurt my feet.” 

“I don’t mind that at all,” I assure her. “As long as I don't have to wear a tuxedo.” 

“No, no, that’s fine,” she whispers, her eyes staring off into the distance for a moment. “You can wear dark blue pants, and a blue suit jacket. I want it to match your eyes. Would you do that for me?” 

My heart leaps in my chest. ”Of course I’ll do that for you! As long as you let me buy you a new dress. Nothing too fancy, and I won’t even see it beforehand, ‘cause people say that’s bad luck. But I want you have a new dress for our wedding. Nothing used or borrowed. Okay?” 

“And you're not allowed to cut your hair,” she blurts. “Or if you have to, do it now so it has time to grow back.” She reaches a tentative hand up to brush hair off my forehead. “I like it longer.” 

By this time my entire body is shaking, my right knee digging into the concrete floor. 

“Katniss!” I rasp. “I'll do whatever you want! Please-” 

Two more tears slide down her cheeks as she nods rapidly. “Okay.” 

“Yeah?” I reach up to cup her face. “You'll allow it? You’ll really marry me?” 

“Yes, I'll allow it!” She dives forward, laughing and sobbing at the same time as she throws her arms around my neck. “I will marry you!” 

“Oh dear God, thank you!” I whisper into her hair, peppering her neck with tears and kisses while she clings to me, her body shuddering with sobs. 

“Hey,” I croak as I pull back to look at her. “Are you okay?” 

Katniss nods, blinking as more tears slide down her face. “I’m sorry, I’m a bit of a mess-” 

“You're beautiful,” I murmur as I blot at her face with a napkin. “Don't ever apologize for being emotional.” 

She sputters, laughing as she points to my leftover cheesecake. “Is this why you didn't hardly eat anything tonight?” 

“Yep,” I say, grinning. “I guess you could say I was a little nervous.” 

Katniss picks up the pearl. “Will you help me put it on?” 

“Of course!” I say, fumbling with the clasp on the delicate chain. Katniss turns, lifting her braid out of the way as I drape the pearl around her neck, kissing her nape once it's fastened. 

“Oh my love,” I gush once she turns back around to show me, the pearl nestled perfectly in the v-neck of her blue dress. “It's perfect for you!” 

“Well, well, well!  What do we have here?” a loud voice suddenly announces from next to me, startling us both. I look up to see a man with the whitest teeth I've ever seen, dressed in a bright blue suit with his hair dyed the exact same color. “Did I just witness a marriage proposal up here on our roof?” The man sticks out his manicured hand, complete with blue nail polish. “Hello, I'm Caesar Flickerman, the owner of this fine establishment.” 

“Hello,” I say, struggling to stand back up. I shake his hand as Katniss scrambles to her feet, wide-eyed and blushing. “And yes. This lovely lady just agreed to marry me.” 

“Oh, I knew it!” Caesar chortles. “And what a stunning couple you make, indeed! You must allow me to take a picture.” He gestures to a man standing in the corner, a fancy digital camera hanging from a strap around his neck. “I try to take photos of every couple who celebrates such an occasion here at my restaurant.” 

“Um, okay,” I stammer. “Would you mind also taking a picture with my phone as well? So I can have a copy?” 

“My dear lad,” Caesar says as the photographer arrives. “The photo is for you! I will have copies sent to you! Castor here is a wonderful photographer.” 

“Thank you,” I murmur. Castor positions us with Katniss standing in front of me with my arms around her waist, the last light from the setting sun glinting off the pearl hanging around her neck as he snaps the picture. Our engagement picture. 

“Yes, such a delightful couple!” Caesar exclaims as Castor shows him the photo. “I must thank you for choosing my restaurant as the backdrop for your romantic proposal, Mr…” 

“Mellark. Peeta Mellark. And this is Katniss Everdeen, my fiancée. It's her birthday today as well.” 

_My fiancée!_

Caesar grabs Katniss's hand, kissing and releasing it before she even realizes what's going on. “You must come here again sometime,” he says, bouncing on his feet. “And the heartiest of congratulations on your engagement, and the happiest of birthdays to you, my dear Miss Everdeen! Your waiter will collect your address for us to send the photos.” 

“Thank you!” I say to his retreating back as he flounces off, followed closely by the photographer. 

“Wow,” I say to Katniss as we return to our seats. “Finnick didn't say anything about meeting the owner when he and Annie ate here.” 

Katniss winks at me. “Well, maybe their occasion wasn't momentous enough.” Her hand moves over her pearl, pressing it into her skin. 

“Yeah, I guess not.” I look around for the waiter, looking back when I see her spear a piece of my cheesecake with her fork. “Hey! That’s mine!” 

Giggling, Katniss scoops another bite into her mouth. “I didn’t think you were gonna finish it,” she says, covering her mouth with her hand. “And I hate to waste food.” 

“I’m sure they’d let you bring it home.” The waiter arrives then with the bill and a card for my address, along with a to-go box. He offers us his congratulations and we thank him for his service, which, like everything else here this evening, was impeccable.

I hand Katniss the box as I reach for my wallet to pay the bill. But when I get to the amount, I see that the total has been manually zeroed out, with the words “Congratulations on your engagement, compliments of Caesar Flickerman,” written across the bottom. 

“Hey, look at this,” I say, showing it to Katniss. “Mr. Flickerman just paid for our dinner. I guess he really did like us.” 

“Well, we need to leave the waiter a nice tip anyway,” Katniss replies, reaching for her bag. “I have some cash with me-” 

“You’re not paying for anything tonight, Katniss,” I say, gently but firmly as I still her hand. “It’s your birthday, for goodness sake!” 

“But, Peeta-” 

“No,” I repeat. “Not tonight. Not on your birthday.” I take $40 from my wallet, laying it down on the table over the bill as I stand up and reach for her hand. I’m sure we’ll need to have at least one serious discussion about money before we get married, and probably more than one, but now isn’t the time. 

The drive back to the coffee shop is far too short, and it's never been more difficult to kiss Katniss goodbye as it is on this night. Even though I'll get to see her again tomorrow evening, it's a whole twenty or so hours away, which right now feels like an eternity. 

I watch her drive away, her promise to text once she's safely back still echoing in my head, along with the “I love you” she whispered as she pressed her pearl against her chest. When the tail lights of her car have disappeared around the curve of the road, I turn and walk around to the back of the coffee shop, climbing up the stairs to my apartment. I unlock the door and step inside, turning on the overhead light as I pull my phone out of my pocket. 

**_[Peeta] She said yes!!_**  

**_[Finnick] Yay! Like you had any doubt?_**  

**_[Peeta] I don't know, she seemed a little shocked at first._**  

**_[Finnick] Annie was too. I think all girls are. Like they can't believe it's actually happening until it is._**  

**_[Peeta] Okay. When can we schedule the wedding?_**  

**_[Finnick] How ‘bout weekend after Labor Day? I'm available that Friday, and that gives you enough time for premarital counseling._**  

_Ugh, that's a long time! I don't want to wait that long!_  

**_[Peeta] We have to wait that long?_**  

**_[Finnick] Sorry. Church says you need at least four counseling sessions with at least two different pastors. I can do two of them, but Dale will have to do the other two. And don't forget we're having a baby next month._**  

**_[Peeta] Fine :(. Put us on your schedule then._ **

**_[Finnick] Already done ;)_**  

**_[Peeta] Thanks_**  

**_[Finnick] Don't mention it. Now let me go to sleep._ **

**_[Peeta] Okay. Goodnight_ **

I set my phone down to wait for Katniss's text and sit down to take off my shoes. Then I loosen the tie around my neck and unbutton my shirt collar before leaning back and closing my eyes, smiling as I replay our wonderful evening in my head. 

_She said yes! Oh thank you, Jesus, she said yes!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was pretty much pure fluff. :) Be sure to let me know what you think!


	18. Preparations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank-you to my amazing betas NotAnIslander and HPFanonezillion for their help! Be sure to check out their stories!

“What do you mean, you haven’t heard anything?” Katniss asks. “It's only three days from now. How can they not know if they are coming or not?”

“Well, that’s my parents for you,” I snap, instantly regretting my sharp voice when I hear her huff into the phone. “I’m sorry, love. I’m not upset with you, you know that. But this is not at all surprising to me. Knowing my mother, she’s forbidden Casey to leave her house since she’s due at the end of the month.”

“Seriously?” Katniss replies. “Like she’s gonna injure herself if she comes to your graduation?”

“I’m sure my mother thinks she might,” I say, sighing. “All those stairs at the stadium, you know.”

“Okay, fine. But that doesn’t mean she can’t come. Or your dad. Does it? Or are they really that disgusted by the fact that you’re marrying someone from Seam County?”

“Katniss, please just drop it. I sent the announcements out last week, and I texted the details to Ban, Rye, and my father. They all know when and where it is. I’m not sure what else I can do.”

“Hmph,” she grumbles. “I still think it's unacceptable for your family not to come and see you graduate. You have a perfect GPA, graduating Summa Cum Laude, two points away from the top of your class. It’s just not right. You’d think they would be tripping over themselves to be there so they can brag about you.”

I flop backwards onto the futon, my frustration tempered by picturing the adorable scowl on my fiancée’s face right now. “I’ll have you there,” I say gently. “And Finnick, and a lot of our church family. That’s more than enough for me. And if my parents don’t show up then we don’t have to worry about having to spend time with them once the ceremony is over.”

“Well, that’s true,” she concedes. “I guess that is one advantage. But still-”

“Katniss, please! I don’t really want to talk about my family anymore.”

“I picked up some apartment guides today,” she says without missing a beat. “I thought we could start looking through them this weekend.”

I immediately grin, my annoyance evaporating into excitement. “That's a wonderful idea! We can start Friday night before group.”

“There’s a nice building a couple blocks from the Community Center,” she adds. “If we lived there, then I could walk to work and you could have the car during the day.”

“Unless we buy another car,” I say as I sit back up, scrubbing at my face.

“No, I don’t think we need another car. If we-”

“Katniss,” I say gently. “We can talk about it. We don’t have to decide right now.”

I hear her sigh. “Okay.”

“I’d feel better talking about this stuff face to face.”

“Yeah,” she says. “That makes sense.” She stifles a yawn. “It’s getting late, and I’m almost out of phone minutes anyway. I need to pick up a recharge card tomorrow.”

“And that’s another thing we need to talk about. We should get you on my phone plan.”

“We can talk about it Friday,” she says, yawning again and causing me to yawn as well. “I’ll text tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay. Sleep well, my love.”

“Goodnight Peeta.”

* * *

Katniss picks me up at noon on Saturday to head down to the college for my graduation ceremony. Finnick has promised to be there, with Annie coming along if they manage to find a babysitter for Finn. Delly and her family will be there for Thom, and I know a few other people from Mountainside will be attending also, so I’ll have plenty of people cheering for me as I receive my degree.

I’m crowded in with the rest of the Discipleship graduates as we wait for the ceremony to begin, already starting to sweat under the bright blue cap and gown despite the well air-conditioned arena. I turn at the sound of Delly calling my name, expecting to see Katniss sitting next to her.

Katniss is indeed there and sitting with Finnick, with Delly, Delly’s parents, and Thom’s family all sitting one row up from her. But I’m shocked to see my brothers sitting in the row in front of Katniss, along with Ban’s very pregnant wife and both of my parents. Katniss waves to me, smiling smugly, and I blow her a kiss in response, too choked up to speak.

_She’s even braver than I thought to take on my parents by herself after the way she was treated at Christmas. I don’t deserve her._

_Pomp and Circumstance_ begins to play and we all fall into line, following the various deans and other faculty into the rows of chairs set up on the arena floor. The Discipleship College is the second group to receive our degrees, and since Mellark falls in the center of the alphabet it’s a good hour once all the speeches are done before my name is finally called. I walk up the stairs to the stage, managing to not trip, and smile as I accept my diploma and get my photo taken with the Dean, basking in the cheers of my friends and my beloved.

I am finally done with school. Done with studying, done with classes and papers and exams, done with paying tuition. _Thank you Jesus!_

Another hour later and the ceremony is over, with the Dean offering a final congratulations before we’re all marched out of the arena. Once I reach the staging area I hang back for a bit, not wanting to get tripped up in the mad race of graduates trying to find their families on the upper levels.

“There he is, finally!” I hear my mother’s shrill voice call out from down the hall before I even see her. “What took you so long? Casey’s been standing around on these cement floors and she needs to sit down!” Katniss and Finnick are standing off to the side, with identical looks of pained amusement plastered across both their faces.

“Mom, Casey is fine!” Bannock chastises as he walks towards me. “Peeta! Congratulations little brother!”

“Hey, thanks for coming,” I say as Ban gives me a hug. “I really appreciate it.”

“Yes, yes, congratulations indeed,” my mother cuts in. “But now it’s over and we really need to get Casey home. She’s been out long enough and she needs to rest.”

“Mother, I really am fine-” Casey starts.

“Nonsense. Women in your condition need to be treated delicately,” Mom insists. “Why, when I was pregnant I did as little as possible, and let people wait on me hand and foot. Bannock, you will go and get the car for us so we can get your wife home.”

“But-” Ban starts to argue, but then thinks better of it as he looks towards me. “We’ll talk again soon, Peeta.”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” I mutter. “Go take care of your wife.”

Ban rolls his eyes as he pulls his keys from his pocket, looking over in Mom’s direction. “I’ll pull up next to the side entrance.”

“I think there’s a bench out there where we can sit down,” Mom says. “Casey and I will wait for you there.” Then she grabs Casey’s elbow and starts leading her gingerly down the hall towards the doors, while the rest of us watch in silence.

“Well,” Finnick finally says. “Congratulations, Peeta.” He too gives me a hug, thumping me twice on the back. “I know it feels good to have that over with.”

“Yes it does,” I agree as I reach for Katniss’s hand, relaxing as her fingers slide in between my own. “It really does.”

“Yeah, I know it,” Finnick agrees. “And I hate to be like this, but I really should get back to my own pregnant wife. We couldn’t find a sitter for today, and Finn’s been going through some sort of sleep regression ever since we got here and only Mommy can comfort him, so poor Annie’s exhausted.”

“It’s okay, Finnick, I understand.” I tell him. “Thank you for coming, and say hello to Annie for us.

“Will do,” he says, clapping me on the shoulder. “Take care, everyone.” He waves as he saunters away.

“Peeta,” my father pipes up once Finnick is gone. “I was wondering if I could have a minute with you before we go?”

“Ah, sure,” I reply nervously. I don’t want to leave Katniss alone with Rye any longer than I have to.

“Won’t take but a few minutes,” Dad insists, smiling at Katniss. “I know you’re probably eager to celebrate properly.”

I hand Katniss my diploma along with the square cap and tassel, kissing her on the cheek.  “I'll be quick, then we can get out of here.”

“I’ll be fine,” she whispers, squeezing my hand.

My father leads us over to one of the tall tables set up against the wall near a concession window, pulling a folded envelope from his shirt pocket as we arrive.

“This is for you,” he says, passing me the envelope. “Graduation gift.”

“Thanks,” I say in surprise. I wasn’t expecting him to even be here, much less show up bearing any type of gift.

“I’d like you to open it now, Peeta,” he says, looking nervous. “If you don’t mind.”

“Um, okay. Sure.” Sliding my finger under the seal, I rip it open, managing to avoid giving myself a papercut. As soon as it's open a credit card slides out, landing on the table. “What’s this?”

“There’s a check inside also,” Dad stammers. He reaches into the torn envelope, pulling out the check and handing it to me. It’s written for fourteen thousand dollars.

My head snaps up, looking at him with wide, shocked eyes. “Why? What’s this for?”

“It’s your college fund, son.” His hand runs through his hair as he shakes his head. “That check is for you to deposit, since it’s the largest amount I could give you without you getting taxed on it.” He picks up the Visa card. “And this card is linked to an account that holds the rest. The PIN number is your birthday.”

My college fund. The money my parents would've used to pay my tuition at the state university where I was supposed to go to school. If I hadn't had my accident.

“But why?” I insist through clenched teeth. Instead of being grateful I’m only feeling anger, which is likely not the emotional response my father was expecting. “Why are you doing this?  Why now?”

He closes his free hand around mine holding the check. “Because it should’ve been yours five years ago.” His hand tightens on mine briefly before releasing it, sliding the credit card across the table until it bumps into my arm.

“I’m sorry, Peeta,” he says, shaking his head and sighing heavily, his gaze trained on the card. “I'm sorry I wasn’t stronger. I'm sorry I didn't stick up for you when you needed me. I’m sorry you had to wait an extra year to start school. I’m sorry you had to work so hard to support yourself. And I’m sorry that I don’t know a better way to make it up to you than this.”

I stare down at the table, refusing to meet his eyes, trying to process the slew of emotions raging through me. That day I limped out of my parents’ house with nothing but a backpack full of clothes and a few boxes of books was one of the hardest days of my life. I've worked my fingers to the bone ever since then, and have the burn scars to prove it. Putting myself through school while working full-time was incredibly hard, and I resented it often.  

But I did it. Sometimes I had to survive on nothing but bananas, peanut butter, and orange juice when I had to buy extra books for a semester, or pay my honor society fees. But I still did it.

And now, after all that, after I've finally graduated, my dad wants to hand me the money he could've given me five years ago.

“Please, Peeta, take it,” my father begs. “Buy a car. Move into a bigger place. Take that pretty little fiancée of yours on an incredible honeymoon. Just please, take it. It’s already yours anyway.”

My hand squeezes around the crumpled check sticking out of my fist. “Does Mom know about this?”

Dad gulps, closing his eyes briefly as he nods. “Yes, she does. And I’ll admit, she was completely against it. We argued about it for over a week. She banished me to the sofa, even threatened to move in with Ban and Casey if I didn't relent.” He scoffs, rolling his eyes. “But I told her in no uncertain terms that it had to be done, and I stuck to it. And she came around. Eventually.”

I shake my head, trying to imagine the look of horror on my mother’s face when she realized that my father wasn’t backing down like he always had before.

“I don’t know. Katniss-” I break off, clearing my throat. “Katniss won’t like this. I'll need to talk to her about it first.”

Dad’s shoulders sag, and he looks old to me all of a sudden. Worn and beat down, with lines around his eyes and his blond hair streaked with silver. I guess all those years of waking up at 4am to run the bakery are starting to catch up with him. He's almost fifty-five now. Probably due to retire soon, although who knows if he ever will. I can't imagine how he'd do at home all day with only my mother for company.

“You talk to her, then,” he says firmly. “Make sure she knows it's a gift and not a loan. Make sure she knows that.” He leans in, glancing over in Katniss's direction. “I've never seen you as happy as you are now, Peeta. Never in my life. And the way she looks at you… well.” He straightens up, nodding towards my hand still holding the check. “Talk to her. She'll understand if you talk to her.”

“Okay,” I say, nodding grimly. I fish my wallet out of my pocket, stuffing the check and Visa card inside. “But I'm not promising anything. She won't look kindly on this at first.”

“No, I suppose not,” Dad concedes. “I can't really blame her I suppose. The way our family treated her at Christmas was shameful.”

“Yes it was!” I snap, slamming my fist down on the table. “You know, Katniss grew up with practically nothing. She barely had a roof over her head. Her dad worked twelve hour days, six days a week cutting down trees, and he still had to hunt for food so they could have enough to eat sometimes.” My father's eyes widen in shock briefly, before dropping back down to the tabletop.

“But to hear her describe how much her mom and dad loved each other, and how much she loved her sister, you'd think they were the wealthiest family in the world.” I take a deep, shaky breath, willing myself to calm down. It won't do me any good for Katniss to see me upset.

“She was the one who wanted us to come over on Christmas. Because to her, the thought that I had a family who I didn't want to be around was so foreign, she couldn't even wrap her mind around it. Not until she saw it with her own eyes.”

Dad flinches like I've slapped him. “Peeta-”

“I'm sorry,” I say quickly. “I shouldn't have said that, it wasn't nice.”

“No, no, I'm sure it's the truth,” Dad admits, raking his hand through his hair again. “I won't lie and say you had the best example of parental love.”

“Yeah well, now’s not the time to be discussing that.” I glance over at Katniss, standing with Rye and looking around awkwardly. “We should get going-”

“Yeah, your mother's probably wondering where we are,” Dad says with a false chuckle. He walks around the table, engulfing me in a hug. “I'm proud of you, Peeta.  You've done so well, and I couldn't be prouder.” He releases me, ruffling my hair. “If anything, try to remember that.”

I walk over to Katniss and Rye, immediately wrapping my arm around her shoulders. “Ready to go?”

Katniss nods, her eyes widening as my father pulls her into a hug. “Thank you for inviting us, my dear,” he says. Then he shakes my hand. “Congratulations again, son. You should be proud.”

“Thanks,” I mumble, nodding in Rye's direction.  

“See ya, little brother,” he chortles, winking as he cuffs me behind my ear, something he used to do all the time when we were kids. He laughs at my cry of indignation but starts backing away with his hands raised in surrender when he sees the angry look on Katniss's face. “Just kidding, just kidding…”

We watch them go, then turn around in the other direction, taking the long way back to Katniss’s car.

“Are you hungry?” she asks.

“Starving.”

“Does Thai food sound good?”

“Sure.”

“Alright. Then we can talk about why you’re upset.”

“I’m not upset.” I hesitate, squeezing her hand. “Well, not at you.”

We walk in silence until we reach the exit doors where I pause, taking Katniss by the elbows so she can face me. “Hey. I need to thank you for getting in touch with my parents. That was really brave.”

“No, you don’t,” she says. Her hands find their familiar spot on my chest but her eyes are staring straight ahead. “I shouldn’t have called them. All it did was make you upset.”

“No!” I yelp in dismay, horrified that she would think that any of my parents’ nonsense is her fault. “Katniss-.” I huff out a breath, trying to put my jumbled thoughts into words. “My father just… surprised me is all, and it’s something we need to talk about.” I tilt her chin up so she’ll look at me. “It’s not necessarily bad, okay? Just surprising, so we need to talk about what to do about it. But right now I just want to get out of here and go eat.”

And being the wonderful, understanding woman that she is, she reaches up on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek and takes my hand. “Okay. Let's go.”

Since the Thai place is takeout only, we pick up our food and bring it back to the coffee shop. By the time I've finished eating and changed into more comfortable clothes, I'm feeling a lot better.

“So when should we start looking at places?” Katniss asks, sweeping her hand across the magazine-style apartment guides littering the surface of the coffee table. “Most of these say they need at least thirty days’ notice, preferably sixty.”

“Probably in July, then,” I say as I sit back down next to her. “We can move you in on September first, before the wedding. Then we can move my stuff in afterwards.”

Katniss immediately shakes her head. “Then you'll be stuck paying rent for almost a whole month that you won't be living here. Maybe you could stay with Finnick and Annie for that week. I'm sure they wouldn't mind.”

“Katniss,” I say gently. “It's much easier for me to just walk downstairs to work than try to figure out how I'd get here every day. Besides, the rent isn't that much-”

“No. It's still money you wouldn't have to spend,” Katniss insists. “All this wedding stuff is so expensive, we should be saving what we can when we can.” Her voice breaks off, her eyes focused on something in the distance. “You might need a new prosthesis sometime in the future that insurance won’t cover. We may not be able to find a house that’s accessible and have to make alterations. Or any number of other things.” She inhales shakily, shaking her head. “And… you never know what could happen… ”

 _She's thinking about what happened to her father._ “Hey,” I murmur, pulling her into my arms. “Nothing's going to happen to me.”

“You don't know that,” she says into my chest. “You can't know that.”

“Maybe not,” I concede. “But you can't live your life planning for something that hopefully won't ever happen. You and I are going to have a very long, very happy life together.”

She gathers a fistful of my t-shirt, pressing it against her nose and breathing in. “I hope so.”

I plant a kiss on the top of her head. “I know so.” I pause for a moment, trailing my fingers up and down her back. “Can I tell you what my dad and I talked about now?”

“Sure.”

Leaning forward, I grab my wallet off the coffee table, retrieving the check and debit card that my father gave me and pressing them into Katniss's small hand. “Here. My dad’s graduation gift.”

Katniss's grey eyes widen to the size of pie plates as she reads the amount written on the check. Her hand is shaking as she turns to me. “What's this?”

I inhale a sharp breath. “It's the money from my college fund.”

She stares at me for a few seconds, then turns her gaze back to the check as her eyes narrow and her lips twist into a scowl. “And what did you say to him?”

“I told him we would have to talk about it.”

“Well, I don't want it,” she snaps. She places it and the card back on the coffee table. “So you can just rip it up. I don't want anything from your parents.”

“That's exactly what I told my father,” I explain as I grasp her hand. “And if that's how you truly feel, then that's what we'll do. But I want us to talk about it again when we’re both calmer, and pray about it before we do anything permanent.”

“But, Peeta-”

“I insist, Katniss,” I say firmly. “I'm not sure how I feel about it yet myself. My instinctive reaction was the same as yours, which tells me we need to pray about it before we decide.”

Katniss huffs out a breath, glaring at the coffee table. “How much is it altogether?”

“I don't even know. I didn't ask.”

She continues to stare at the coffee table, intermittently shaking her head. “Do you know what your mother said today? Before your ceremony started?”

My heart sinks down to my knees as my jaw clenches. “No. But I don't imagine it was anything good.”

Katniss looks back at me, letting out a humorless chuckle. “She was whispering to your sister-in-law; probably thought I couldn’t hear her.” She chuckles again. “But my hearing has always been almost super-human. My dad used to tell me that I could hear dewdrops rolling down blades of grass.”

“What did she say, Katniss?” I grumble.

She looks down at her hands, her chin quivering and nearly cleaving my heart in two. “She said that she couldn’t figure out what you saw in me. Since ‘I’m not very big, or particularly pretty’.”

I can feel the ugly sneer on my face as I shake my head. “My mom has no business saying anything about you. To Casey or anyone else.” I gather her close to me, stroking her hair.  “No business at all, Katniss. You know that.”

“Yeah, I do,” she mumbles. “But that wasn’t even the worst part.”

My hand closes around her long, silky braid, my knuckles turning white before I release it.  “Okay. Then what was the worst part?”

Her nose rubs against my sternum. “After she said that, about me not being pretty, she didn’t even give Casey a chance to reply before she said the rest. She said, ‘oh well, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. I mean, what do you expect from someone like Peeta? It’s a wonder he was able to find someone to even agree to marry him with that handicap of his’.”

She snaps her head up, her eyes a mix of fiery anger and fierce protectiveness. “I wanted so badly to tell her where she could go, Peeta. It was on the tip of my tongue.” Her hand moves to caress my cheek. “No mother should ever talk about her child that way. And no one especially should ever talk about you that way.” I close my eyes, feeling her thumb brush back and forth over my cheekbone. “But then I remembered that song we heard at the concert, about forgiving people because they know not what they do. So instead of telling her off, I just took a deep breath and bit back the retort I had ready.”

She pauses again, leaning up to kiss my cheek. “But that doesn’t mean I want any of her money. And I don’t see myself changing my mind about it.”

I dip my head to kiss her, thanking the Lord for the umteenth time for putting me in the path of this incredible girl. “Well, can I tell you one more thing that might help?”

Her brow furrows, her hand tightening on my cheek as she sighs. “You can try, but I doubt it will.”

My hand reaches up, closing over her own and bringing it to my lips. “When my dad was talking to me, I asked him if Mom had approved, about him giving us the money. He said she hadn’t, but that he’d told her he was gonna give it to us anyway. No matter what she said. He said she threatened to leave their house, made him sleep on the couch, all the old tricks she used to do to get him to go her way. But he stood his ground.”  

I press my lips to her hand again. “Katniss, that’s the first time my dad has ever stood up to her when it came to me. The first time ever! So while I think we still need to pray about this, that alone would make me feel better about accepting it.”

She stares at me, unblinking, her full lips pressed tightly together. “Alright,” she finally croaks. “We can pray about it.”

“That's all I'm asking,” I breathe as I draw her into a hug. “Thank you.”

“You're lucky I love you,” she mutters against my shoulder, causing me to burst out laughing.

“Yes I am.”

* * *

On paper, having four months to plan out a small, casual wedding ceremony and reception would seem like plenty of time, but apparently none of the usual vendors of wedding stuff agree with that assessment. Katniss and I get the florist and photographer booked first, brushing aside their concerns with the “short notice” and managing to save a lot of money by forgoing the use of roses in our floral arrangements. We set up our gift registry on Amazon and at Target, making sure to select plenty of kitchen supplies. I cannot wait to start cooking and baking again in a real kitchen.

We decide against having a sit down meal at the reception, choosing instead to have a buffet catered by a local restaurant. Hiring a baker for the wedding cake is unnecessary, as Katniss insists that I bake and decorate our cake myself, garnering permission from the coffee shop manager to use the big kitchen the week prior to the wedding.

Rue volunteers herself and several of her friends from her school’s orchestra to provide music for the ceremony and reception, so we end up not having to hire a band or deejay. And one of Katniss's coworkers at the Community Center also runs an Etsy shop that does calligraphy and other fancy lettering, so we hire her to print out our invitations. From what I remember my brother's invitations costing, ours come out to be only a third of the cost per invite.

We manage to sneak one premarital counseling session in with Finnick and Annie before their new baby boy Noah arrives the first week of June. Katniss and I drop by their apartment with dinner the day after they return from the hospital, staying for a few minutes to admire the cute pink bundle of bronze hair and bluish-green eyes, with dimples just like his daddy. I have to steel myself against a flood of emotions as I watch Katniss holding and cooing over the adorable baby. We haven't really discussed children yet, and while I know it's something the church will address during one of our counseling sessions, I can't help but feel a stab of anxiety about it, remembering when Katniss yelled at me that she wasn't sure if she even wanted children.

 _That was different,_ I try to remind myself. _She was different, I was different. We're still very young, we have awhile to think about it._ But I won't lie and say it doesn't keep me awake for a couple of nights prior to our first session with Pastor Dale.

As it turns out, the topic of children comes up pretty much right away. Dale has both of us fill out a questionnaire first, using the rest of the session to go over our various answers. Katniss shocks me when she dissolves into tears as we open the conversation about children, confessing that the family doctor she'd gone to see recently at Delly's urging had recommended she go on birth control pills for a while to help her body get back on track. Years of constant stress and malnourishment had almost completely stalled her cycles, but she’d been wary of starting the pills because she was afraid of how both I and Pastor Dale would react.

“My dear Katniss,” Dale says as he hands her a tissue, with me holding her hand and feeling bewildered. “There is no need to be so upset! Whatever plans you and Peeta have for children are between yourselves and God only. It's none of anyone else's business. I’m only looking to make sure the two of you are on the same page about this important issue.”

“Okay,” Katniss sputters, dabbing at her weepy eyes. “I understand.”

“I know I want children eventually,” I say to Dale. “But right now Katniss's health is more important.”

“As long as you both are in agreement,” Dale says, glancing between the two of us.

Katniss sniffs as she nods. “We are.”

“Alright,” Dale says. “Like I said, being in agreement is the most important thing. The when and the how is between you and God.”

Katniss leans into me as we move on to the next set of questions, covering topics such as how to argue fairly and encouraging us to attend the church's class on money management. I listen closely, answering questions when necessary, trying to hide my annoyance that Katniss felt she couldn't tell me about her doctor’s recommendation until she was essentially forced to do so.

I grab Katniss’s hand as soon as we're dismissed from Dale’s office, leading her down a rarely used hallway that exits to the back of the church.

“Katniss, you cannot be afraid to talk to me about stuff like that!” I tell her as soon as we’re outside. I’m trying hard to keep my frustration at bay because I know she already feels bad about it, but she absolutely needs to understand that it can't happen again.

She swallows hard, her eyes fixed on my shirt collar. “I know.”

“This is important stuff we're dealing with here, and I need to know that we can talk about it!”

Her gaze remains stubbornly trained on my chest as she nods. “I’m sorry, Peeta. It was just… assumptions on my part. Incorrect assumptions.”

“Yes, they were incorrect.” I kiss her forehead to take some sting out of my words. “Listen to me very carefully.” I cup her cheek, nudging her to look at me. “You being healthy is the most important thing to me. I'm not gonna be mad at you for taking care of yourself. So if being on those pills is what you need right now, then I’m fine with it. What Dale said back there was absolutely true. Our future plans for a family are no one’s business but ours and God’s. Okay?”

She tips her head forward as my arms wrap around her. “Okay.”

“Good. Don't ever forget that I love you.”

“Impossible,” she replies with a muffled voice.

“Well, that means I'm doing something right,” I say, earning a reassuring squeeze in return.

“Speaking of money management,” I continue once we’re in the car. “We still need to talk about a honeymoon.”

Katniss’s perfect cheeks flush as she grins shyly. “I don't really mind where we go. Do you have something in mind?”

I reach for her hand over the console, threading our fingers together. “Actually, yeah. I was thinking we could spend the weekend after the wedding at one of the nice resorts on the next mountain. And then, I'd like to take you on a trip the following Sunday. We'd be gone for the entire week.”

“So, two honeymoons?” Katniss asks as we pull into the parking lot of the coffee shop, her grin growing wider. “With a week off in between?”

“Well, yeah,” I chuckle. “I guess that's what it would be. I have plenty of vacation time to use, and you said you got two weeks once you started full time, so there's really nothing preventing it. Except… we'd have to use some of the money my dad gave us.”

Her face falls, but to my relief she doesn't try to pull away. “Are you positive?”

“Yes,” I say softly. “We can afford the weekend at the resort.” I reach for her other hand, holding both up to my lips. “Katniss, I really think you'll love where I want to take you. But unless we get a credit card, we can't afford to go. And you said no credit cards, and I agree with you on that. So that leaves my dad’s money.”

Katniss stares at our joined hands, not moving or saying anything, her eyebrows knitted together.  

“Katniss, one of the things my dad said when he gave me that money was to take you on a nice honeymoon, and I want to do just that. I've planned out an amazing trip for us that I think you'll absolutely love, but I won't do it unless you agree.” I press a kiss to the back of her hand, willing for her to understand. “I'm not trying to badger you. I’m truly not. But I really, really want to do this for you. For us.”

She looks up, her solemn grey eyes meeting mine. “He really said that?”

My lips quirk into a small smile. “His exact words were, ‘take that pretty little fiancée of yours on an incredible honeymoon’. So yes, he really did.”

I feel her fingers twitch slightly, then squeeze around my own. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” I rasp out in disbelief. “Are you sure?”

Nodding, she opens her mouth to reply but I quickly close the distance between us first, capturing her lips in a searing kiss. “Oh thank you!” I manage to get out before I kiss her again, clutching her hands to my chest, heaving with anticipation and desire.

_All this talk about honeymoons. That honeymoon can’t get here soon enough!_

“Thank you,” I repeat when we finally break apart and I can breathe again. “I promise you’re gonna love it!”

She laughs, pecking me on the lips before releasing my hands. “Go then! Go and book this once-in-a-lifetime trip!”

I wrap my hand around the back of her neck, pulling her to me for one last kiss, smiling so widely I almost ruin it. “You got it. And I love you.”

Racing out of the car and up the stairs to my apartment, I don’t even take the time to take off my shoes before I grab my laptop, opening it up as I plunk down onto the futon.

“Please don’t be sold out, please don’t be sold out, please don’t be sold out!” I chant as my computer loads the NFL ticket website. I’d noticed that the schedule for the upcoming football season was out when I saw Thresh tacking a copy onto one of his office walls earlier in the week. Looking it over, I was pleasantly surprised to see that the Vikings are playing the Ravens this season. Being from different conferences, the two teams don’t often play each other, so I first thought that perhaps Katniss and I could host a football party that evening in our new home. But then I had an even better idea.

“Yes!” I exclaim out loud as I peruse the available tickets for the Monday Night Football game during week two of the season. I quickly select two seats on the second level of the stadium, right along the twenty yard-line, adding them to the online shopping cart and checking out with the debit card linked to my father’s account.

 _She’s gonna love this!!_ I move on to expedia.com, now looking at flights and hotel rooms, finding a reasonable rate on plane tickets and a nice hotel for our stay. Once everything is booked and email confirmations have been received, I lean back, breathing out a heavy sigh of relief as I pick up my phone and dial the number I found the other day during my Google search. The football game will be a ton of fun, but the best part of the trip will be what comes afterwards. And I cannot wait to see the look on Katniss’s face when she sees it for the first time.

* * *

The remaining weeks pass so quickly it's almost scary. Katniss and I spend almost an entire weekend going through Haymitch's things in the storage locker, deciding what to keep and what to donate. Another weekend is spent adding Katniss to my cell phone plan and playing with our new phones, applying for our marriage license, and opening a bank account with the check my father gave us.

Finnick takes me shopping for my suit, under strict instructions from Katniss to make sure the jacket matches my eye color. Delly and Rue help Katniss shop for her dress, managing to find one that both fits our budget but still looks “smashing”, according to Delly. We sign the lease on our new apartment during the third week of August and move Katniss in right away on September first, when our new bedroom furniture and mattress is delivered.

It's Thursday evening, the night before the wedding. The post-rehearsal get together we had at the coffee shop has ended and I'm back in the kitchen, putting finishing touches on the katniss flowers covering most of the second tier of the vanilla cake with orange cream cheese filling.

Upstairs, my tiny attic apartment is nearly bare, having moved most of my stuff to our new home earlier in the week. My suit is hanging neatly in its garment bag, my bag is packed for our honeymoon weekend. Our ceremony starts at 6pm, with an expected turnout of around sixty-five people, one more if Rye ends up bringing a date, since apparently he and Madge had a fight and broke up a couple months ago.

Katniss is working tomorrow morning, but will spend the afternoon getting ready at the church with Delly and Rue. Finnick has offered to transport the wedding cake during the day, promising to treat it as carefully as his baby son.

It all seems surreal.

One year ago I was alone. I was a college student beginning my final year, working full-time to pay my tuition and bills and barely scraping by. One year ago I was an angry, bitter, and resentful man who was too blind and arrogant to see just how angry and bitter I was. Looking back on it now, there’s no way I would’ve been offered a job as a pastor. Even if I’d still met Katniss like I did, even if we hadn’t gone through our rough patch, even if she’d been ready and willing to move wherever I planned on going, any head pastor worth his title would’ve seen right through my arrogance, seen right through my facade. I was in no way ready to be a pastor. I wasn’t even ready to be a husband.  

And God knew it.

He gave me plenty of opportunities to get it right, tried to nudge me in the right direction, even had people flat-out tell me I was doing it wrong.

I refused to listen. And my refusal to listen almost cost me the only girl I’ve ever loved. The only girl I’ll ever love.

But our God is a merciful God. He gave me a second chance, gave us both a second chance to correct our mistakes and our prejudices and showed us how to help each other, and in doing so, helped us fall even more in love with each other.

_Thank you, Jesus._

I finish the final blossom on the cake, carefully packing it into its box and placing it in the refrigerator. There is a backup cake in there as well, prepared and frosted but not yet decorated, just in case Finnick meets with trouble of some sort bringing the completed cake up to the church. I take my time cleaning up the kitchen, knowing I’ll be back down here baking cookies and croissants early tomorrow morning before getting myself wedding-ready in the afternoon.

Finally clomping up the stairs, I get ready for bed, stretching out on the futon. Sleep eludes me, though. I toss and turn, fluff up my pillow a couple times trying to get comfortable, and nearly jump out of my skin when my text alert beeps.

**_[Katniss] Can’t sleep?_ **

**_[Peeta] No, of course not._ **

**_[Katniss] Me either. The cake done?_ **

**_[Peeta] Yep. You’re gonna love it._ **

**_[Katniss] I can’t wait. Dr. Aurelius said congratulations today when I saw him._ **

Dr. Aurelius officially discharged me from his care a couple weeks ago, but asked for Katniss to continue seeing him for awhile longer, to which we both readily agreed.

**_[Peeta] That was nice. Is it strange that I miss seeing him?_ **

**_[Katniss] No, not strange._ **

**_[Peeta] That’s good._ **

**_[Katniss] Delly made me get my fingernails and toenails painted tonight after we left. It felt weird._ **

I immediately burst out laughing. Of course Delly would insist on Katniss getting some sort of girly pampering done before the wedding. I’m just surprised she actually agreed to go along with it.

**_[Peeta] I’m sure they look beautiful._ **

**_[Katniss] If you say so._ **

**_[Peeta] I know so._ **

**_[Katniss] Okay. We should probably try to sleep. See you tomorrow?_ **

**_[Peeta] Absolutely_ **

**_[Katniss] Goodnight, Peeta_ **

**_[Peeta] I love you. Just think, after tonight we won’t have to text each other goodnight anymore._ **

**_[Katniss] I can’t wait. Sleep well._ **

I can’t wait either.

_“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.”_

My future starts tomorrow, at 6pm.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Biblical Reference:
> 
> Jeremiah 29:11
> 
> Next chapter will be the wedding! :). Please be sure to let me know what you think!


	19. The Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rated T-M, probably closer to M. After everything they've been through to get to this point, I wanted Peeta and Katniss to have a (hopefully) nice wedding night. :)
> 
> A huge thank you to my betas NotAnIslander and HPFanonezillion for their help! Be sure to check out their stories!

“Damn it!” I cry in frustration, yanking the tie from around my neck and tossing it blindly to the side. “I can never get these things on straight!”

“Whoa, calm down!” Finnick says as he tries to stifle his laughter, moving to retrieve the offensive neckwear. “My kid’s just one room over, and he repeats everything he hears lately.” He wraps the tie around my neck, tying it expertly in ten seconds flat. “At least it’s not a bowtie like I had. Now those things, they’re tough to figure out.”

Grunting, I study my reflection in the mirror lining the wall. I’m standing in the Groom’s Room, otherwise known as the Pre-K room of our Kid’s Church. It’s exactly 5:45pm, fifteen minutes prior to the start of the wedding.

“I checked out the auditorium on the way in here,” Finnick says, handing me the cornflower blue suit jacket off its hanger. “Looks like most everyone’s here already.”

“Thanks,” I whisper, sliding my arms into the sleeves and buttoning the buttons. “Annie with Katniss?”

“Yep. Delly must be in with her too, since I didn’t see her in the auditorium. Rue’s up on the stage, warming up with the other musicians.” He tugs on the jacket sleeves, smoothing down the fabric.

“Okay.” Satisfied with the fit of the jacket, I turn to Finnick. “How do I look?”

Finnick tilts his head, cocking an eyebrow. “Eh, you’ll do.”

“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence!”

“No problem,” he chortles, smiling his cheeky grin. “Hey. Did ya hear that Thresh got a record deal?”

“Really? That’s awesome!”

“Yep,” Finnick says. “Apparently TobyMac’s own producer was at that concert in Richmond, and after he heard Thresh sing he invited him to send in a tape of his original songs. And well, I guess the guy was impressed.”

“I’m so happy for him,” I say. “Thresh definitely deserves every success he gets.”

“I agree.” Finnick sits down on one of the low tables. “So. Ya nervous?”

I take a deep breath, turning and checking my reflection from all angles in the mirror. “Not too much. I think I was more nervous before the proposal.”

“I don’t mean about now,” he says, shaking his head. “I mean about tonight. Later tonight. After the wedding.”

My face flushes so hot my vision goes hazy. I reach down, retying the lace on my left shoe and praying that I don’t sweat through my clothes. “Ah… yeah. A bit. I, um, don’t want to hurt her.” I stand back up, now studying my fingernails. “She’s so small… “

“Nah, she’ll be fine,” Finnick assures me. “And you’ll be fine. Just make sure you give her plenty of warm-up, be extra gentle the first few times, and help her clean up afterwards. It’ll be okay.”

I gulp, scratching the back of my neck. “Okay. Thanks.”

“Is he ready yet?” a voice calls from the doorway. It’s Bannock, dressed in a navy blue suit with a tie the same color as my jacket. In his hand is my boutonniere made from a pale orange tulip.

“Just about,” Finnick replies. “I’ll let big brother handle the flowers with the sharp, pointy things, if you don’t mind. I need to drop by my office before I head back in.”

“Thanks Finnick,” I mumble as he leaves the room.

“Alright, Peeta, let’s get this thing on you,” Ban says, carefully pinning the flower to my lapel. He stands back, eyeing me up and down. “Looking good, little brother! Are you ready?”

“Think so,” I reply, running my finger carefully down the stem of the orange blossom. Having Bannock as my best man was the one concession I made for my mother. She just about blew a gasket when she discovered how much our wedding ceremony was veering from what she considered the norm.

“You absolutely need someone to hold onto the rings!” Mom had said. “You are at least having rings, aren’t you? It'll simply look ridiculous if you just pull them out of your own pocket!”

In the end it was Katniss who suggested we cave in on that one detail, especially when Mom threatened to not even attend the wedding if we didn’t give in. Since I never had much of an issue with Ban anyway, I relented, with Delly happily stepping into the matron of honor roll for Katniss.

Ban brushes some nonexistent lint off my shoulders before checking his watch. “It’s five minutes to six. Let's go get you married off.”

Taking one final look in the mirror, I run my hand through my hair, mussing it the way Katniss likes best before turning around. “Okay. Let's go.”

We make our way down the Kid’s hallway, painted with brightly colored sea creatures, hearing the sounds of children playing as we pass the childcare room. The staff of Mountainside Kid’s offers childcare for the pastors on two Friday evenings per month, and since our wedding happened to fall on one of those Fridays, the childcare coordinator graciously offered to allow us to use it for the wedding guests.

“Did you guys put Graham in the baby room?” I ask Ban as we step out into the atrium. “Or did Mom refuse to give him up?”

“No, he’s in there,” Ban replies, his brow furrowed. “I made sure of it. The baby’s three months old already and I’ve barely even gotten to hold him with how crazy Mom’s been. I finally insisted just a couple weeks ago that it wasn’t necessary for her to come to our house every single day anymore.”

My eyebrows shoot up. First my father insisting on giving me my college fund over my mother’s protests, and now Bannock. Ban was always the “good boy” in our house growing up. Never one to get in trouble, like Rye, or simply be in the wrong place at the wrong time, like me. He got decent grades in school, was on the track team, went to the right college and married the right girl. And until recently, I’d never seen or heard of him standing up to our mother.

_Must be a new trend. Who would have thought._

A chorus of excited murmurs erupts among the wedding guests as Ban and I make our way up the side of the auditorium to stand at the end of the aisle. I tug nervously on the tight collar of my shirt, unsure of what to do with my hands at first. I finally cross them in front of me and glance up at the stage, where Rue gives me a playful wink from behind her keyboards. Rye is smirking from his front-row seat next to my father and Casey, and I can see Thom, Thresh, and Cassandra sitting in the front row opposite the aisle, where Katniss’s family would be if they were alive. I don't bother looking around for Gale or his family. They’re here somewhere, but I don’t really want to see him glowering at me at the moment.

Katniss and I debated on who, if anyone, should escort her down the aisle. With her father deceased and no brother or other male relatives around, she could either choose someone else to escort her or walk down alone. This was one instance where Gale could’ve been useful, had he been a nice, normal friend to Katniss instead of an insensitive, possessive jerk. In the end, we decided that she would walk down alone.

Annie arrives in the auditorium, taking her seat in the front row next to Cassandra. Finnick escorts my mother to her seat, carrying his dog-eared Bible in his other hand. Delly steps in from the side to take her place opposite Ban. In the back, I see a door open and a series of flashes burst from the photographer’s camera right as the music begins.

My heart nearly stops when I see my bride appear at the end of the aisle, waiting for all the guests to stand before beginning her walk towards me. “Oh, dear God,” I whisper, praying with all my might that I’m able to keep myself upright long enough for her to get to me.

She looks absolutely ethereal in her simple white dress with a scoop neckline and cap sleeves. Her hair is elegantly braided with tiny white flowers woven throughout the mahogany strands. Her small hands are clutching the simple bouquet of yellow primroses, orange tulips, pink lilies, and white daisies tied with blue and orange ribbons. Her pearl hangs around her neck, catching flashes of the evening sun streaming in through the high windows of the church.

She’s simply exquisite.

“Pick up your jaw, Peeta!” I hear from somewhere behind me, but I’m too enthralled to even register it before Katniss arrives, handing her bouquet to Delly and reaching for my trembling hands.

“You look-, you’re so…” I don’t even have the words to describe how stunning she looks. They just don’t exist.

“Shh,” she whispers, winking as she squeezes my hands. “You look pretty good too.”

“Okay!” Finnick’s cheerful voice carries throughout the auditorium. “If these two are ready to stop gaping at each other, I think we can get started.”

Katniss laughs, and the sound is just enough to break me from my stupor. We both turn slightly to look at Finnick, maintaining our firm grip on each other’s hands.

Finnick clears his throat. “Alrighty then. Family and friends, we are gathered here today in the sight of God and in the presence of this company to witness the marriage of Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen. Peeta and Katniss have chosen to be married in this house of the Lord as a testimony of their faith, and as a witness to all present that they wish to honor their Lord Jesus Christ in their lives and in their home.”

He reads next from Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. _“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”_

Katniss and I chose this reading over the more commonly used _Love is patient, love is kind_ section in first Corinthians because we wanted to emphasize the fact that the two of us are a team, with God at the center of our relationship. Plus, I love how it mentions keeping each other warm.

“Well, I don’t have to tell you two now to join hands, because you haven’t let go of each other since we started,” Finnick jokes, earning another ripple of laughter from the guests. “It's time for the vows. Peeta, you'll go first.”

Turning to face her, I bring her hands up to my lips, kissing the back of one before clasping them even tighter.

“I, Peeta, take you, Katniss, to be my wife, before God and these witnesses. I promise to love you, keep you safe, keep you fed, and keep you warm, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others until death do us part.”

Tears pool in Katniss's eyes as she swallows thickly. “I, Katniss,” she starts, her voice shaky. “Take you, Peeta, to be my husband, before God and these witnesses. I promise to love you, to take care of you, and keep you safe, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others until death do us part.”

I have to fight the tears threatening to escape from my own eyes as Finnick asks for the rings, holding out his open Bible. Bannock makes a big show of digging around for them in his pocket, nearly giving me a heart attack and earning a frightening scowl from Katniss before he finally places them on the Bible.

Katniss’s silvery eyes are glistening as I slide the emerald and diamond band onto her ring finger, leaning over to kiss it once it’s set. My ring, a simple white gold band, barely fits over my thick knuckle but she manages. “At least you won’t lose it!” she whispers once it slides into place.

“Not a chance,” I reply.

Finnick closes his Bible, tucking it under his arm. “Peeta and Katniss, having witnessed your vows and the exchanging of rings that bind you together in the eyes of God, I now pronounce you husband and wife.” He pauses, turning to me as slowly as humanly possible. “Okay Peeta, you've been patient enough. Go ahead and kiss your bride.”

My right hand reaches for Katniss's face before Finnick's even finished his sentence, bringing her lips to mine in a kiss that's so full of fire despite its sweetness that my knees nearly buckle. We break apart after a few seconds, pecking each other a couple more times before turning to face the applauding guests. Threading her hand through my arm, Katniss retrieves her flowers from Delly as the recessional music begins, with the photographer snapping pictures every few steps as we make our way down the aisle to the back of the church.

My arms wrap around Katniss as soon as we reach the back wall, pulling her in for another kiss. “Katniss,” I whisper. “You're my wife!”

A smile like none I've ever seen before brightens her angelic face. “Yes I am!”

“Alright lovebirds, there’ll be time enough for that later!” Finnick says from behind me, startling us apart. “Right now it's time to eat!”

“I'll second that!” Katniss exclaims. She tugs on my neck for one more kiss, then winks and takes my arm. “I haven't eaten all day.”

“Well, you heard the lady,” I say to Finnick. “Lead the way.”

We exit out into the atrium, where buffet tables have been set up against one wall, with smaller, round tables set up in the middle for people to sit as they enjoy their food, with vases of tulips and primroses decorating the center of each table.

Rue and her friends get their instruments set up over in the corner while I sit Katniss down with Finnick and Annie so I can get her something to eat. The buffet is simple; fried chicken, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, green beans, and dinner rolls, but the simplicity of it doesn’t seem to be stopping anyone from enjoying it.

“Here you go,” I say, placing the plate laden with several of Katniss's favorites in front of her as I sit down next to her. “I don't want you swooning out of hunger at your own wedding.”

Katniss smiles, grabbing a chicken leg and biting into it before holding it up for me to do the same. “Promising to keep me fed?” she whispers.

I plant a quick kiss on her nose. “Yep.”

Once I've made sure Katniss has eaten her fill, I signal to Thresh to take his place with the musicians. I get to my feet, offering Katniss my hand. “Come and dance with me.”

We hadn't planned on having a lot of dancing at our reception for a few reasons. One, we didn't want to be too taxing on Rue and her friends, seeing as how they were volunteering their time and talent. Two, my prosthetic leg makes dancing difficult at best, and three because I just didn't want to have to dance with my mother.

Regardless of that decision, I had asked Thresh the weekend after I proposed to sing a song for us, as a surprise for Katniss. I first heard the song _Angel_ when I was still in the hospital after my accident. Finnick and Annie had brought the CD in for me to listen to, and this particular song had stuck with me for reasons I could never figure out. I never thought I had a chance of finding a girl who would even want to date me after I lost my leg, much less a girl exactly like the one described in the song.

“Dance?” Katniss asks as she grasps onto my hand. “But Peeta, your leg-”

“Just come with me,” I say as I lead her over to the small dance floor. My hands come to rest on the small of her back as her arms encircle my neck. “I can do this kind of dancing.”

The music begins, and almost instantly the tears well up as we begin to sway gently, being careful not to step on her toes.

_God knew she was meant for me. Even back then, when I was at my lowest. He always knew._

Thresh’s haunting voice starts to sing.

 _It was a day_  
_Just like any other day_  
_I was a boy_  
_Just like every other boy_

 _But when the girl_  
_Unlike any I had seen_  
_It's like she stepped out of a dream_  
 _And into my world_

_Could have been the summer wind_   
_Playing with her hair_   
_As the sun danced in her eyes_   
_We were standing there_

_She smiled I forgot my name_   
_'Cause all I was thinking_

_Maybe I'm crazy but I'm praying_   
_That an angel will love me_   
_An angel will love me_

_Maybe I'm a fool but I'm still falling_   
_Asking heaven above me_   
_For an angel to love me_   
_The rest of my life_

“Katniss,” I whisper. A few strands of her hair have escaped her braid, tickling my neck. “Are you happy?”

_You're the proof that the Father answers prayers_   
_'Cause somehow someway_   
_You and I are standing here_

_With the sacred promise_   
_And a ring that says it all_   
_I've just begun to fall_   
_From the deepest part of me I say I do_

“Mmmhmm,” she murmurs, her lips brushing against my throat. “And this is beautiful.”

She stands on her tiptoes to kiss me once the song is over, earning a chorus of cheers and wolf whistles from the guests. I take her hand, intending to lead her back to our table when the violinist strikes up a tune that can only be described as foot-tapping.

“What's this?” I ask as Katniss starts bouncing on the balls of her feet.

“This is the kind of music we play at weddings where I grew up,” Katniss replies, grinning widely. “I asked Rue if she and her friends knew anything like this and one of them did, so she was able to teach the others.”

She tugs on my hand as if to continue back to our table but I stop her, planting a quick kiss on her forehead. Several guests have already made their way onto the dance floor. “Go and dance. I want to watch you.”

“Peeta,” she protests. “I was only planning to watch and listen-”

Posy Hawthorne rushes up, grabbing for Katniss's other hand. “Katniss! Come dance with me!”

“Go!” I tell her. “Have fun!” She squeezes my hand one more time as Posy drags her away.

Katniss dances for a good half hour, returning to the table only when the musicians pause for a break. Once she's able to catch her breath it's time for the cake, which is a huge hit with nearly everyone.

Guests start to filter out once the cake and toasts are finished, stopping by to wish us well as they take their leave. Finnick manages to save two large slices of cake for Katniss and me to enjoy on our anniversary, and Thresh and Cassandra pack up the flowers and leftover food, planning to donate them to a battered women's shelter on their way home. By the time my family approaches us, there's only a few stragglers remaining.

“Congratulations, you two,” my father says, gathering us both into a hug. “This was such a lovely wedding. And that cake, Peeta, wow. Definitely the best you’ve ever made.” He pauses, shifting awkwardly on his feet. “You know, people still come into the bakery every now and then, asking for one of your cakes.”

“Thanks Dad,” I say. “I’m glad you guys enjoyed yourselves.”

“Well, it definitely was… interesting,” my mother says. She’s holding my squirming, sleepy nephew in her arms almost like a shield as she nods in Katniss’s direction. “You did well on such an obviously limited budget.”

Katniss flinches almost imperceptibly, and I squeeze her hand in reassurance.

“Thank you, Mrs. Mellark,” she says graciously.

“Great job, little brother,” Rye says as he, Ban, and Casey take turns hugging us. “You definitely married up.”

I smile widely, wrapping my arm around Katniss’s waist. “Yes I did.”

“Be sure to enjoy the honeymoon!” Rye adds as they walk away, chortling as my ears turn red.

I’ve barely managed to recover my countenance when Gale appears right in front of us. He’s apparently been blessed with the same silent tread as Katniss because I didn’t even hear him walk up. I automatically reach for Katniss’s hand, turning so she’s slightly behind me.

“Gale,” I say evenly. “I’m glad you and your family are enjoying yourselves.”

He stands there, staring, his piercing grey eyes narrowed and unblinking. “I’d like to speak to Catnip,” he finally says. “Alone.”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to protest when Katniss speaks up. “No. That would be disrespectful to my husband.” She steps forward, threading her hand through my arm. “Whatever you want to say to me, you can say in front of Peeta.”

At first he looks like he means to argue, but then his shoulders sag as he exhales. “Fine.” His eyes narrow further as he looks at me. “You’ll take care of her.”

It’s a command, not a question. Like he thinks I need to hear it.

“Of course I will,” I tell him. “No one needs to be concerned about that. Ever.”

“Good,” he retorts. “As long as we're clear.”

My brow furrows as I square my shoulders, drawing strength from Katniss’s fingers pressing into my arm. “I don't have anything to prove to you. The well-being of my wife is no one else’s business except mine and hers.”

He winces ever so slightly at the word ‘wife’, turning his attention to Katniss. “You always said you never wanted to get married. What happened to that?”

“I changed my mind,” Katniss replies. Her fingers tighten around my arm. “About a lot of things.”

Gale stares for a moment, his eyes flicking back and forth between the two of us. “I see,” he chokes out. “Well, I guess there isn’t anything else for me to say, is there.”

“No,” Katniss says, shaking her head. “There isn’t.”

If Gale actually had anything else to say, he’s interrupted by Hazelle and the younger Hawthornes as they make their way over to us, offering hugs and well-wishes before taking their leave.

“Gale,” I say once they’re a few steps away. “Thank you for coming.”

He raises his hand slightly, his lips quirking into the slightest of smiles, almost like it's painful. “Thanks.”

_That could’ve gone a lot worse. Thank you, Jesus._

Once everyone else has said their goodbyes and the last wedding gift is loaded into Thom and Delly’s car for them to take to our apartment, I retrieve Katniss’s bridal bouquet from our table, placing it in her hand.

“Are you ready to go?” I ask. I shrug out of my blue jacket, draping it across her shoulders.

She smiles shyly, her cheeks blushing a faint pink as she takes my arm. “Definitely.”

We get out to the car to find that someone wrote JUST MARRIED on the back windshield in huge block letters. “I'll bet this was Finnick’s doing,” I say as I unlock the doors.

“Well, at least he didn't tie a bunch of pop cans to the bumper,” Katniss says, laughing.

Katniss clings tightly to my hand for the length of the hour long drive, still uncomfortable with driving over the curvy mountain roads. She confessed to me only a few weeks ago that the day she drove me into town after my fall up the stairs had been the furthest she'd driven since the car accident that claimed her sister and father.

I honestly can’t remember if I mentioned it being our wedding night when I made the hotel reservation, but judging by the looks we get from the front desk staff when we check in, either our clothes give us away or I must've said something to someone. The girl who checks us in calls practically the entire staff over to ooh and ahh at us, which does absolutely nothing to alleviate the state of semi-arousal I've been in ever since our wedding dance.

Only one soft light is on when I finally unlock the door, throwing shadows across the small but elegant fourth-floor room. The king-sized bed is turned down, and there’s a bottle of champagne sitting in an ice bucket on the table next to a tray of scrumptious-looking strawberries dipped in chocolate.

I hold the door open as Katniss walks in, immediately kicking off her shoes. Looking around, she drapes my jacket over the chair in the corner and drops her bag to the floor next to the table. Feeling apprehensive, I sit down on the end of the bed to remove my own shoes, my hands clammy and shaking.

“Take off your socks too,” Katniss says suddenly, her voice soft and gravelly. I look up to see her standing a few feet away, smiling and holding out her hand. “Then come here.”

I gulp as I peel the socks from my feet, revealing both my real foot and the ugly, artificial flesh tone of my prosthetic one. The sight of it brings a lump to my throat that I immediately try to swallow down. Katniss has obviously seen my prosthesis before, and she's seen my stump before, but I've always been fully clothed otherwise. I can't help but worry about what she'll think when she sees me naked. Will she be disgusted? Will her grey eyes show pity for me instead of desire?

“Peeta,” she repeats in that same breathy voice, breaking me from my morbid thoughts. She curls her fingers into her palm, indicating for me to take her hand. “Come here.”

“O-okay.” I move my shoes out of the way and stand back up, reaching out with my left hand. She takes it, gently tugging me over to where she's standing.

She looks up at me, her grey eyes swirling in the dim light filling the room. Without a word she closes the distance between us, bringing her delicate fingers up to the knot of my tie, loosening and sliding it off before tossing it in the general direction of the chair. Her teeth catch on her lower lip as she works the buttons of my white shirt, slowly sliding each plastic circle through its corresponding buttonhole. My breath hitches as she reaches my waist, untucking both the shirttails and the undershirt from my pants, her fingers trembling as they brush across the sensitive skin of my stomach.

“Katniss,” I whisper, grasping her hands between my own. Even if she's trembling only out of nervousness and not fear, I need to make sure she knows she's not obligated to do anything she doesn't want to do. “We don’t have to do anything tonight that you’re not ready for.”

Shaking her head, she works one small hand loose, pressing her palm against my chest, directly over my pounding heart. “I know that. I’m ready, Peeta. I want you.”

 _I want you._ I have to close my eyes against the torrent of emotions flooding through my body.  She wants me. She wants me, like a woman wants a man, like a wife who desires her husband. _Place me like a seal over your heart… for love is as strong as death… it burns like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame._

Emboldened by her tender words, I cover her hand with my own, holding it gently against my heart. “Katniss, I’ll be careful-”

“Shh,” she says, her fingers moving to cover my lips briefly before releasing the buttons on the two cuffs at my wrists. Slowly, she brings her hands up to my shoulders, peeling the shirt down my arms and back until it drops into a heap on the floor. I suck in a sharp breath when her fingers slide under the hem of the undershirt, gliding it up my abdomen and chest, halting abruptly when she realizes she can't quite reach far enough to easily pull it over my head. I smile at the look of consternation on her face, the slight scowl that disappears when I reach behind me to tug it over my shoulders and head, tossing it towards the chair to join the discarded tie.

“Peeta,” she breathes. “You’re… beautiful…” My upper body starts to shake as her fingers trail up my arms, leaving a smattering of goosebumps in their wake. They continue, like the strokes of a paintbrush across canvas, across my collarbones, down my pectorals, over my abs that contract at her touch, meeting at my navel. She pauses there, tracing a fingertip through the fine hair on my stomach that disappears into the waistband of my pants.

Leaning forward, she presses her lips to the hollow of my throat as her hands start to work on my belt buckle, her wedding ring tinkling against the metal, fumbling for a moment until she's able to get it unbuckled. Her fingers curl into the waistband of my pants, sliding the button through its hole, lowering the zipper. I hiss as her hand brushes against me over my underwear, reaching for her hips to keep myself upright. As the pants slide down to my ankles and I kick them off somewhere behind me, she drops down, planting a soft kiss to my left leg below the knee, right where my flesh meets the prosthesis. The gesture; so simple, and so _her_ , leaves me as breathless as if I'd just had the wind knocked out of me.

_She doesn't see me as a cripple, or handicapped, or damaged, or any less of a man. She only sees me as her husband._

Her fingertips trail up, over my overheated skin as her arms encircle my waist, hugging me close for a moment before releasing me so she can turn around. Her left hand reaches behind her, sliding the dark tail of her braid over her shoulder, revealing the graceful slope of her neck, and the zipper for her dress.

But instead of going directly to the zipper, my shaking hand reaches first for her braid, sliding down the length of it until I reach the fancy tie at the end. Releasing the tie, I comb my fingers through her silky hair, gathering up the tiny flowers and unraveling the strands until they fall around her shoulders and down her back in shining waves.

_It's even more beautiful than I imagined._

With her hair now loose, I brush it aside, back over her shoulder. I lean down, trailing soft kisses along her neck, directly over the chain of her pearl. Her body shivers as my lips caress her skin, my arms sliding around her waist to press her back to my chest.

I hold her there for a bit, my eyes closed, breathing in her almost overwhelming scent.  Her head drops back against my shoulder as her hands cover my own, her slender fingers lacing through my thicker ones and squeezing gently. “Peeta,” she murmurs. “I love you.”

“Oh, Katniss,” I say huskily into her ear. “I love you so much.” I squeeze her to me once more before releasing her fingers, allowing mine to trail up her arms to her shoulders, turning her back around to face me. A flicker of confusion passes over her face before I reach under her hair between her shoulder blades, lighting on the zipper of her dress. Being careful to not tug too hard, I slowly lower the zipper down to her waist, then slide the cap sleeves down her arms until the dress drops to the floor in a fluffy puddle. I grasp onto her waist so she can step out of it, then slip my hands underneath her simple camisole and tug it off over her head. My tongue pokes out to wet my dry lips as my eyes focus on her almost bare body for the first time.

_She's so gorgeous! So unbelievably gorgeous!_

I allow myself to drink in the sight of my wife, my _wife,_ standing before me. As my eyes travel eagerly over her, she suddenly grows shy under my gaze, her arms crossing in front of her chest as if to shield herself from view.

“No, my love,” I murmur, clasping her wrists. Raising her hands to my lips, I kiss each small palm before guiding them behind my neck, one hand moving to cup her cheek while the other encircles her waist to hold her against me. “You are so beautiful. Don't ever think you need to hide from me.”

We're still for a moment, breathing each other's exhales as she searches my face, her grey eyes growing hungrier and hungrier as her fingers thread into my hair. “Peeta,” she whispers. “Will you-, will you kiss me?”

“Oh God, yes!” Her fingers tighten in my hair just before I lean down, claiming her perfect, full lips with my own. Her lips part against mine, allowing my tongue to sweep into her mouth. I try to remember to go slow, to savor every touch, every taste, every tiny sound that she makes, even as the unrelenting hunger for her courses through my body, screaming at me to go faster.

 _We have all the time that we need. There's no need to rush. I promised I would be as gentle as possible._   

I break my lips away from her mouth to trail kisses down her jaw to her neck, landing on the fluttering pulse point of her throat as my arm slides behind her knees, picking her up and walking over to the turned-down bed, laying her down on the lightly perfumed sheets. I crawl over her, propping myself up on my forearms, revelling in the sight of my wife, my _wife_ , lying beneath me, her smoky eyes begging for me to touch her as her blunt, polished fingernails rake gently up my back.

_“Peeta.”_

The simple sound of my name, said in her melodic, breathy voice is almost enough for me to come apart right there. “Oh,” I murmur, brushing a stray lock of hair from her forehead. “Say that again.”

She takes my face in her hands, drawing me down onto her, trailing her lips from my cheekbone over to my ear. _“Peeta.”_

Shuddering, I start planting kisses along her collarbone, up her neck and back to her lips as my hand trails down to her waist and below, tracing the band of her underwear. I break the kiss to look into her eyes, silently asking permission.

At her nod of assent, I slide the fabric down her beautifully toned legs, tossing the panties in the general direction of the chair.

_Oohh. I could just sit here and look at her for hours!_

The feel of her slender fingers slipping underneath the waistband of my own underwear breaks me out of my reverie. I quickly dispense with them, breathing a sigh of relief before lowering my body down onto hers, pressing her into the mattress.

We moan in unison at the touch of our overheated skin, and suddenly it's as if I lose all coherent thought, allowing pure instinct to take over. Without thinking I know exactly how to touch her, how to elicit those sounds from her that make us both shudder and gasp. I roll off to her side as my hands take on a life of their own, caressing and fondling every valley and curve of her glorious body while my lips and tongue touch and taste and explore… until she crashes, writhing in pleasure, chanting my name over and over.

I watch in awe as she comes down from her high, peppering her face and neck with kisses as her eyes open and a huge, contented grin stretches across her flushed, radiant face. She has never looked more dazzling to me than she does right now, in this moment. I almost wish I could freeze it.

_I get to spend the rest of my life making her look like that. How did I get so blessed?_

I move back over her, setting myself in the cradle of her legs. “Are you ready, Katniss?”

She nods, her breaths still coming in gasps. “I'm ready.”

Her leg hooks around my thigh as her hands splay across my back, encouraging me with feather-light caresses as I go as slowly as possible, watching her face for signs of discomfort.  I stop when I feel resistance, reaching down to capture her lips with my own, trying to minimize the pain of her first time. As our kiss deepens, she surprises me by jerking upwards, grunting as her hips become flush with my own in one swift movement.

I tear my lips away from hers with a sort of strangled moan as her fingernails dig into my shoulder blades, the sensation so overwhelming there’s no words to describe it. Nothing could’ve prepared me for this. Not any of the raunchy stories Rye used to tell about his high school conquests, not any of the advice Finnick gave me in the last couple days. Not even the fantasies I’ve had ever since I first met Katniss could possibly compare.

“Oh God, Katniss I love you!” I cry out. “I love you so much!”

My head drops onto her shoulder as I try desperately to hold on while she shifts, trying to adjust to me. After a few eternally long seconds her heel presses lightly against my leg. “I’m okay, Peeta,” she whispers. “You can move now.”

I’m too far gone to reply right away as I start to move, too lost in the feel of her all around me, the way we fit together as if we were truly made for each other. “Katniss,” I finally whisper against her temple. “You’re perfect.” Through the rushing of blood past my ears I can hear her whimpers transforming into moans, hear her whispering to me. I feel her soft hands caressing the electrified skin on my back and neck and tugging gently on my hair.

“Oh my love, you’re perfect!” And I so badly want this to be as perfect for her as she is to me.

But it’s only a few seconds later when I feel like there’s no way I can hold off for much longer.  My skin flushes even hotter as my teeth catch on my bottom lip. My focus narrows entirely to the gorgeous woman lying beneath me who I was blessed enough to be able to marry.

Somehow, the sound of her voice is able to break through. “It’s okay, Peeta. Let go.”

_Not yet, not yet, not yet!_

She feels so good, so impossibly good I don’t want this to end yet. But then she shifts slightly as she pushes against the mattress with her foot, her body arching up to meet mine, her arms tight around my back, the sound of her voice crying out my name… and I squeeze my eyes closed as I let go, lost in the waves of indescribable pleasure.

I drop down on top of her, our bodies shaking and slick with perspiration, feeling her lips warm against my shoulder and her hand brushing the sweat-soaked hair off my forehead. Tears drop from my eyes onto her neck before I carefully roll us to avoid crushing her, gathering her up into my arms as close as our skin and bones will allow. Her thumb reaches up, catching the tears on my cheeks as she tilts her head to kiss me.

“Katniss, I’m sorry if I-” I start, but again I’m silenced by her fingers brushing over my lips.

“Shh,” she whispers. She brings my left hand to her lips, kissing it over the ring on my finger. “You’re perfect too.”

_“For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Reference:  
> Angel by Casting Crowns  
> This has been added to the music playlist on YouTube (search Practice Run Playlist) so be sure to check it out! It's a beautiful song and I think it fits Everlark very well. :)
> 
> Biblical References:  
> Ecclesiastes 4:9-12  
> Song of Songs 8:6  
> Matthew 19:5
> 
> I'd love to hear what you thought of this chapter! Please don't forget to drop me a comment! :)


	20. Faces From the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you, as always, to my wonderful betas NotAnIslander and HPFanonezillion for their help with this story! Please be sure to check out their stuff!
> 
> This chapter contains a trigger warning for a panic attack. Unfortunately, just because Everlark are married now doesn't mean that all their fears and past traumas have disappeared. :(

It's after midnight when I open my eyes again. Katniss's head is lying on my chest, her dark hair spread out like a fan over her back, her fingertips tracing soft patterns along my ribcage.

Breathing deeply, I press my lips to the top of her head. “I think I dozed off for a bit there.”

I feel her smile against me. “I think we both did,” she whispers, now trailing her fingers along my jaw as her lips start kissing their way up my chest to my neck. “But only for a little while.”

She tilts her head up, bringing her mouth to mine as her leg slides across my waist. I glide my palm along the smooth skin of her back, up to her neck where my fingers tangle into her silky hair. I'm so lost in the feel of her, naked and pressed up against me, I don't realize what she's doing until she moves again, pushing down on my left shoulder as she straddles me. I instantly freeze, the bliss I was in only seconds ago completely replaced by panic.

"No!”

In the time it takes to take a breath, I flip us over so she's underneath me, her wide grey eyes looking up at me in shock and concern. Her hand reaches up tentatively to cup my face. “Peeta! I'm sorry! I didn’t-”

My mind is swirling, the horrible images in my head warring with the feel of reality. I squeeze my eyes closed as my hands fist into the sheets, my forehead dropping to rest against her collarbone. I breathe in a tremulous breath, trying to concentrate only on what my senses are telling me.  

_This is Katniss. Katniss is my wife. I’m safe with her._

“Peeta, it's okay,” I hear, her fingers painting their way up my back to my neck, her soft lips peppering my shoulder and jaw. “It's okay, I'm here! You're safe!”

I open my eyes, raising my head slightly. I can see the smooth olive skin of her neck and shoulder. I can smell the lavender in her luxurious dark hair. I can feel her calloused fingertips on my back and shoulders, tracing back and forth, trying to comfort me.

_No one else has ever touched me like this. Katniss is real. I’m safe with her._

“Peeta,” she whispers. “It’s me. It’s your Katniss.”

I lift my head to look into her eyes, those beautiful grey eyes that are so full of concern and tenderness that I shudder, my arms shaking violently with the effort of holding myself up.

“You love me,” I choke out. “Real or not real?”

Her thumb runs along my cheekbone. “Real.”

_She said real. She loves me._

I inhale a deep, shaky breath. “Real,” I repeat. “You're real, and you love me.”

“Real,” she says, nodding rapidly. “I love you. I'm so sor-”

I dip my head to kiss her, swallowing the rest of her unnecessary apology. “It's okay, love,” I whisper once we break apart. I tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear, willing my heart to stop pounding. “There’s no way you could’ve known. I didn’t even know. But we just… we just can't… like that. Not yet. Can you understand?”

She nods, brushing the hair off my forehead. “I understand.”

My arms are still shaking so I roll off onto my side, shifting so I’m sitting in the middle of the huge bed. I lift her up, placing her on my lap. “Here,” I murmur. “Is this okay?”

Smiling, she brushes her lips briefly against mine. “Not yet,” she whispers as she climbs off of me. She moves around to my left leg, pressing the release for the prosthesis and gently pulling it off, setting it down on the floor against the bedside table.

“There.” She climbs back into my lap with her hands resting on the back of my neck. “That's better. Now you’ll be more comfortable.”

“You're amazing,” I say softly. I touch her face, trace along her eyebrows, the curve of her cheek, and down the column of her throat as a soft moan escapes her perfect pink lips. “Are you sure you're not too sore?”

“I'm sure,” she says, smiling my special smile. “You took good care of me after, remember?” Reaching for my hand, she places it between us, directly over her breast. Her silvery eyes darken with desire. “Now kiss me.”

* * *

It's midday by the time we wake up. I open my eyes, reveling in the feel of my wife's bare back tight against my chest. I breathe in her comforting scent, my fluttering heart sending a bolt of warmth down my spine as I recall how we made love three times before finally succumbing to exhaustion. I remember feeling so relaxed and sleepy I barely had the strength to help her clean up after our third time, heeding Finnick’s advice to treat her delicately.

My arm tightens around her as she stirs, arching into me before rolling over.

“Good morning,” she murmurs, raising a small hand to caress my cheek. “How did you sleep?”

“Best sleep I've ever had,” I answer, growling as her arm slides over my waist, pressing her lithe body flush against my very aroused self. She grins mischievously before she rolls into me again, causing me to gasp.

“Katniss! You need to stop that, or we'll never get out of this b-” I’m cut off as her mouth fuses to mine.

“We can get up later,” she whispers, tugging on my shoulders and rolling us so she's on her back. “Right now I want you right here.” She raises her head to kiss me again. “If that's okay,” she adds sheepishly.

I lean down, claiming her lips, any self-consciousness about my morning breath lost as her fingers thread into my hair, holding me in place. “Oh yeah,” I say huskily. “It's more than okay.”

We finally make it out the door after managing to shower and dress without too much further delay, spurred on mainly by our growling stomachs. We head first to IHOP to eat and then take a long walk around the nearby golf course, hurrying back to the room for a while when our roaming hands get the better of us.

* * *

The rest of the weekend passes far too quickly, with a couple more long walks and a ski lift ride interspersed between restaurant visits and a lot of time spent exploring each other. By the time we’re ready to go home, I think I’ve managed to learn Katniss’s body even more than my own. I’ve learned where she’s ticklish and where her skin is extra sensitive. I’ve learned that she loves when I massage her scalp after we make love. I’ve learned just how to touch her to get my name to fall from her lips in that _way_ that makes me nearly come apart every time.

Returning home on Sunday afternoon, we have just enough time to make a trip from the coffee shop to our new apartment before heading to church. As I suspected, we’re inundated with questions from Delly and Thom almost as soon as we walk through the doors.

“How was it?” Delly asks, bouncing in excitement. “I’ve heard that resort is so beautiful!”

“It was beautiful,” I say, wrapping my arm around Katniss’s waist. “We had a wonderful weekend.”

“Oh, I bet you did!” she says, winking. “That place was on our shortlist for our honeymoon too. But anyway, I was wondering if you guys would like to go shopping next Saturday? I have a coupon at Kohl’s that’s going to expire soon, and I thought maybe Katniss would like to get some new things before you leave on your trip.”

“No thank you, that’s not really necessary-” Katniss starts to say.

“It sounds like a great idea to me,” I interrupt gently. I made Katniss a similar offer a couple weeks ago that she refused. Even now, she’s still reluctant to spend any money on herself that she doesn’t deem absolutely necessary.

“Oh Katniss, come on!” Delly exclaims. “It's gonna be fun! Besides, every girl deserves to have some new clothes for her honeymoon. And after we go shopping we can go and have lunch together.”

Unconvinced, Katniss looks up at me, silently pleading with her eyes.

But I only hug her closer to me. “I'm sorry love, but you know I agree with Delly on this one.”

She glowers at me for a moment, finally conceding with a nod. “Fine. But only if you and Thom come with us.”

Grinning, I nod over in Thom's direction. “It's a deal.”

* * *

I groan Friday morning when my alarm goes off at 4:30am. Since I can’t just walk downstairs to work anymore, I have to get up even earlier than I used to in order to make it on time. I reluctantly detangle myself from the warmth of Katniss’s body, tucking the blanket up over her shoulder and kissing her cheek before getting out of bed.

I’d asked for and received permission after we got engaged to change up my schedule at the coffee shop, working longer hours on the weekdays in order to free up my Saturdays. This way Katniss and I have the entire weekend to spend together, and I have an extra day where I can sleep in a little.

Making my way into the kitchen, I grab two cheese buns out of the freezer so they can defrost before Katniss wakes up. With her moving into our apartment the week prior to the wedding, she’d managed to get most of the unpacking and arranging done, so all we had to do when we got back after our weekend trip was unpack the last couple boxes we retrieved from my old attic apartment and open up our wedding gifts. And one of the first things I made in our new kitchen was a triple batch of cheese buns.

So far our new schedule has worked out well. I take the car to the coffee shop, work my shift, then spend an hour or two at the church working on various assignments. Katniss walks to the Community Center in the morning and I pick her up in the afternoon around 5pm, after her final lesson of the day. We make dinner together, eating on our new couch since we don’t yet have a kitchen table. After the dishes are washed and dried we settle in to watch TV or a movie. Haymitch had purchased a brand-new 50-inch television and HD Blu-ray player right before Katniss moved in with him, so those were two of the items we kept from his belongings. It’s amazing the difference watching Captain America: Civil War on an HD big screen versus my 12-inch computer screen.

Katniss has asked me several times over the course of the week where it is we’re heading on Sunday for our trip. I’ve been able to manage thus far to only give her hints, even when she went as far as to pout at me, using that vulnerable voice of hers that would normally have me figuring out a way to lasso the moon for her. I keep reassuring her it will be worth the wait, and it most certainly will. I’m so excited for it I’m practically vibrating.

“But Peeta, you’ve got to tell me something!” she exclaims once we walk in the door after our Friday night group. “I need to know what to pack!”

“Nice try,” I say, laughing as I sit down to take off my shoes. “I’ve already told you. The temps where we’re going will be pretty much the same as here. Just cooler at night.”

“Hmph,” she grumbles, stomping her way towards the bedroom. “Fine.”

“Face it, Katniss,” I say, arriving in the bedroom to find her half-undressed. “You’re not gonna get any more hints.” I wrap my arms around her, pulling her close. “But I promise, you’re gonna love it.”

Her tiny hands sneak under my t-shirt, her palms sliding up my stomach and around to my back. “Okay. I trust you.”

I lean in for a kiss. “Good.” Another kiss, slower and deeper this time. “Now. What do you want?”

“I want you to get undressed,” she murmurs, a soft smile gracing her radiant face. “And then take me to bed.”

I quickly tug my shirt over my head as she unbuckles my belt. “With pleasure!”

* * *

The parking lot at Kohl’s is only about half full when we arrive on Saturday around mid-morning, but it's enough for Katniss to assume her deer-in-the-headlights look. “Peeta,” she says as we start walking towards the door. “I hate trying on clothes. This is gonna take forever!”

Pulling on her elbow, I stop inside the first set of doors. “Hey. It should only take an hour or so, and then we can go have lunch. Okay?”

Her eyes soften a bit. “Will you please tell that to Delly? Otherwise we'll be stuck here until it's time for church!”

“Of course!” I assure her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. I reach for the door handle, stepping back to hold it for her. She takes one step through before halting, turning around to look at me.

“You should look for some shoes while we're here. I've noticed you seem to be slipping more often lately. How long's it been since you've replaced them?”

“Ah,” I say sheepishly. “I don't remember, actually, so it's probably been way too long.”

“You told me you were supposed to replace your shoes every six months because your soles wear out funny,” she chastises, pointing to my feet. “And you've had these for at least as long as I've known you.”

“Are you guys coming?” Delly calls, standing next to the accessories counter ten feet away.

“Yeah, just a sec,” I say to Delly. Turning back to Katniss, I pull out my wallet and hand her the debit card linked to my college fund. “Here. I'll go and look for shoes while you and Delly are shopping. Okay?”

Katniss stares at the card in her hand, scowling. “Peeta,” she says, presumably ready to argue with me. She had declined to get her own debit card for that account, saying that carrying around the card for our new joint account was enough for her.

“Stop,” I implore. “It's our money now, not just mine. Right? And this is technically honeymoon stuff anyway.”

Her scowl deepens. “Yeah I guess. But that’s stretching it a little, don’t you think?”

“Maybe,” I say, smiling as I plant a kiss on her forehead. “But I’m looking forward to this trip too much to care about technicalities.”

Katniss huffs out a breath, blowing a strand of hair out of her eyes. “Fine. But if I'm not back in one hour, you come and save me. Promise me!”

“I promise!” I say, laughing.

“C’mon, Katniss!” Delly says, practically bouncing up and down with excitement as she drags Katniss away. “We should start in the Kids section, you're tiny enough to fit into the stuff there I'm sure. They have some of the cutest tops out right now…”

“Hey, Peeta,” Thom says once the girls have left. He looks around awkwardly. “Um, I'm not really much of a shopper, so do ya mind if I just sit down here and read for a while?”

“Nah,” I reply, wishing I could do the same. “I'll be over in the shoe department if you need me.”

Thom sits down on a bench, raising his hand in acknowledgment. I slip slightly as I turn on the linoleum floor, validating Katniss's concerns about the state of my footwear. My shoes are definitely over a year old, and we will be doing a fair bit of walking in the next week, so…

_She's always trying to take care of me._

I browse up and down the rows for several minutes, looking for the particular dark brown leather high-tops that I prefer to wear. Finding a possible contender in my usual size ten, I sit down on one of the benches to try them on, wincing as I pull off my left shoe and see that the sole has completely worn smooth. My gait tends to be uneven due to my prosthesis, with my left foot sliding over surfaces more than my right foot, so the soles of my left shoes always wear out faster than my right.

Sliding my prosthetic foot into the new shoe, I notice a little boy, maybe five years old, sitting on another bench a few feet away, with who I assume to be his father helping him into a new pair of Iron Man sneakers.

“But Daddy,” the boy says, pleading. “I liked my ‘Pider-Man shoes. Why can't I keep dem?”

“Because,” the boy's father says patiently. “You keep insisting on growing up too fast, so your Spider-Man shoes are too small for you already.” He gets one shoe fastened and starts to work on the second. “And they don't have those in your new size, so we'll have to make due with Iron Man this time. Okay, buddy?”

The boy crosses his arms, pouting as his father finishes tying the laces. “Fine. But I still like ‘Pider-Man better dan Iron Man.”

I chuckle as I finish double-knotting my own shoe, standing up and walking a few paces to test them out.

“Walk around a little,” the father says to his son as he hops to his feet. “Make sure they're comfy.”

Satisfied with the fit and feel of the shoes I'm trying on, I sit back down to pack them back into the box.

“Yeah, they’s okay,” the boy replies. He plops back down onto the bench. “Just wish they were ‘Pider-Man instead.”

“We can look for those again next time, okay buddy?” The father reaches a hand up to ruffle the boy’s hair. “I only hope it takes you longer than a month to outgrow these.”

I've just finished tying my old shoes and stood up when the man picks up the boy’s Iron Man shoebox and turns around, giving me a good look at his face for the first time.

The sight of him nearly causes me to drop the shoebox I'm holding. In the five years since my accident, I've managed to avoid seeing any of the people who were there at the cabin with me that night of my Senior Prom. But I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later.

He looks similar to the last time I saw him. A little older, as I'm sure I look also. A bit worn too, like he doesn't sleep very well.

“Hey Marvel,” I say, my voice surprisingly strong and even for how shocked I am.

His head snaps up at the sound of his name. “Peeta!” he blurts out, obviously not expecting to see me either. “Ah… hi.  Um, how're ya doing?”

“I'm good,” I say, automatically. It's what I say almost every time someone asks me how I'm doing. It takes me a second to realize that yes, I actually am good. No, not just good. I'm pretty darn wonderful.

“I'm great, actually. I just got married. Last Friday in fact. My wife's in here shopping somewhere…” and I look off in the general direction of the women's clothing.

“Really?” Marvel says, raising his eyebrows. “That's great! Ah, congratulations.”

“Yeah. Thank y-” I start to say as I'm interrupted by the little boy.

“I'm Dylan,” he says proudly. “I'm four-and-a-half, and dis is my daddy.”

“Hello Dylan,” I say with a chuckle, crouching down to look him in the eye. “It's nice to meet you. Are you shopping for shoes today too?”

“Yeah,” he answers. “My daddy says I growed too fast, so I needed new shoes.”

“Well, my daddy used to tell me the same thing when I was your age.” I wink at him before moving to stand back up, startled when I feel Katniss's hand under my arm as she stabilizes me right before I slip again.

“What are you doing kneeling on the floor?” she demands, a shopping bag dangling from her other hand. She turns around, eyeing Marvel and his son warily.

I wrap my arm around her waist. “Katniss, this is Dylan,” I say, pointing to the boy. “And Marvel, his dad.”

Katniss tilts her head as her eyes narrow, trying to place where she knows Marvel’s name. I see the exact moment that it clicks for her as she moves herself in front of me, scowling.

_She's trying to protect me from him._

“Hello,” she says coolly. “I'm Katniss Mellark.”

For how dumb Marvel used to act while we were in high school, he's not an idiot. His face flushes red as he extends his hand, shaking Katniss's briefly as he shifts uncomfortably. “It's, ah, nice to meet you, Katniss. I, ah, went to school with Peeta here.”

“Yes, I’ve heard about you,” Katniss snaps, her voice as sharp as the tip of one of her arrows. Clearing my throat, I place my hand on her shoulder.

“Hey,” I say gently, handing her the shoebox I'm holding. “Would you please go pay for these for me?” I glance back over at Marvel. “I’ll just be a few minutes.”

A look of alarm flashes in her grey eyes, her hand reaching for my arm and squeezing. “Peeta, I don’t know-”

“Please?” I repeat, still gentle but with a bit of firmness. “I'll only be a few minutes.”

She stares at me for a moment, the alarm fading to a look of uncertainty. “If you're sure you're okay,” she whispers, glancing back at Marvel.

“I’m sure,” I tell her. “I promise.”

Her gaze flicks over to Marvel one more time as she presses her lips together. “Alright. We'll be waiting by the doors for you.”

“Sounds good,” I say, watching her walk towards the checkout counter.

“So,” Marvel says, breaking the awkward silence. “Your wife seems like… quite a lady.”

Smiling, I nod. “I've never met anyone else like her,” I say reverently. “She's simply amazing.”

“Yeah,” he replies, looking down at his son as he pulls out his smartphone. “Here buddy, why don't you go sit and watch Muppet Moments for a few minutes, while I talk to Mr. Peeta here. Okay?”

“Yippee!” Dylan exclaims, snatching the phone from his father's hand and plopping down onto the floor against a rack of shoelaces.

“He's a handsome boy,” I say to Marvel.

Chuckling, Marvel agrees. “Yeah, he knows it too. His grandparents spoil him pretty rotten, but he's a good kid.” He looks at me, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “It's tough for him, ya know? Growing up without a mother.”

“Oh? Where is his mother?”

“I don't even know,” Marvel admits, sounding defeated. “She bolted when Dylan was about three months old, and I haven't seen or heard from her since.” He lets out an emotionless laugh. “She left a note in his crib. Right next to where he was sleeping. She just snuck out one night and never came back. Said she wasn't the mothering type.”

My stomach gives a flip as the truth hits me. “It was Glimmer,” I say. “Glimmer’s his mother. Isn't she?”

“Yeah,” he says, sighing. “I ended up following her to college because she said she couldn't bear to be without me.” He rolls his eyes. “We got into the party scene pretty much right away, and she never remembered to take her birth control pills when she was drunk. And well, I'm sure you can figure out the rest.” He looks at me, his eyes looking even more tired and worn.

“Once she left I couldn't stay in school and take care of Dylan, so I dropped out and got a job as a welder’s apprentice instead. I work for one of the big construction companies now. It's decent pay and everything, but sometimes I'm sent to sites that are out of town and I don't get to see him for weeks at a time. It's hard. I mean, he has his grandparents, but still. I'm actually scheduled to ship out Monday to another site for three weeks.”

“Hmm,” I mumble. “That must be tough.”

“Yeah.”

We lapse into silence for a moment as Marvel peers in the direction of the checkout counters. “Your wife knows, then?”

“Of course she does,” I snap, a bit more harshly than I intended when Marvel winces. “She's only one of a handful of people that know the whole story, but yes. We don't keep secrets from each other.”

“Look, Peeta-”

“I hated you,” I confess, interrupting him. Marvel raises his eyebrows but doesn't protest. “I hated you, and Glimmer, for a long time afterwards. I hated you both so much for what you did to me. And you know what that got me?”

He looks afraid to ask, but shakes his head anyway. “No.”

“Nothing,” I say. “It got me absolutely nothing but more pain and anguish. I was so unhappy, for so long. Until I met her.”

“I see,” Marvel whispers, his eyes wide as he glances down at his son, happily watching his Muppets video.

“It was her,” I repeat. “I had accepted Christ. I was going to church every weekend and was in school at the Bible college. But God knew that wasn't enough. He knew I needed help, that I was still angry and bitter. So he sent me Katniss. And it was only with her help that I was finally able to let go of the hate and accept what happened to me. She loves _me_ , pure and simple. Fake leg and all.”

“That's good, Peeta,” Marvel begins, rapidly nodding. “I'm glad-”

“But you know what the most interesting part of this story is?” I ask, interrupting again.

He shakes his head. “No.”

“There's no way I would've met her if this hadn't happened to me,” and I point down at my prosthesis. “So you see, without this I wouldn't have met the love of my life. And once I realized that, I found I couldn't hate you anymore. I was able to forgive you. And Glimmer.”

He stares at me, as if searching for words. “I don't,” he finally mumbles. “I don't know what you want me to say, Peeta.”

“I don’t expect you to say anything,” I say honestly. “But I guess God wanted me to tell you this, since he put you right in front of me today.”

“Yeah,” he replies. “I’m glad you’re doing okay. I truly am.” He walks over to his son, tapping him on the shoulder. “It’s time to go, little buddy.”

“Aww, please can’t I watch one more video?” Dylan objects. “Tis one’s my fav-o-rit!”

“Maybe later,” Marvel replies as he pockets his phone. He nods in my direction. “Can you say goodbye to Mr. Peeta?”

“Bye,” Dylan says, waving in the exaggerated way that children tend to do.

“It was nice to meet you, Dylan,” I say cheerily as Marvel takes his hand, leading him in the direction of the checkout counters. I sit back down on the nearby bench, giving them time to check out and myself time to collect my thoughts before I face what’s sure to be a barrage of questions from Katniss.

_Dear Lord, thank you for your guiding hand on my shoulder all these years. Even before I knew it was there._

And then right on the tails of that prayer. _Oh wow, that could’ve been me. That could’ve so easily been me._

I take a deep, shaky breath as I get to my feet, praying that Marvel and his son have left the store by now as I approach the checkouts and my impatient wife.

Katniss is sitting on a bench near the doors, the two shopping bags down near her feet. “Are you alright?” she asks, jumping up as soon as she sees me. “Why’d you send me away?”

“I’m fine,” I say, enveloping her into a hug. “Just a bit rattled. I definitely was not planning on seeing him here today.”

Katniss glares at me as she picks up the shopping bags. “You shouldn't've sent me away. I wanted to help you.”

“You did,” I reassure her. “You always do. I just… needed to talk to him alone. Get some things off my chest.”

She doesn’t look convinced, but thankfully drops the subject as Delly and Thom join us, loaded down with shopping bags. “I just love these sales!” Delly exclaims. “We save so much money!” She looks between Katniss and me. “Everything okay?”

“Yep, we’re good,” I say, taking our bags from Katniss. “Time for lunch now?”

“I’m ready for lunch,” Katniss says. “And we’re not done talking about this,” she whispers to me as we walk to the car.

No, knowing Katniss, we’re probably not.

But she at least waits until we’re in bed that night to bring it up again. “Can you tell me what you said to Marvel now?”

I breathe in deeply, studying the patterns in the ceiling as my hand trails along her arm. “I told him that I forgave him.”

She’s quiet for a while, her fingers trailing through the sparse hair on my chest. “That was very brave of you,” she finally says.

“No,” I whisper as I hug her even closer. “Not so brave. Only the truth.” I turn my head, planting a kiss to her forehead. “I realized something a while ago.”

“What’s that?”

I shift us slightly so we’re facing each other. “That you’re the good that came from my tragedy.” I reach up to tuck a stray hair behind her ear. “I don’t know how I would’ve met you if I hadn’t lost my leg.”

Her face falls as her eyebrows knit together. “Peeta, I don’t know-”

“But I do,” I interrupt gently. “There’s no doubt in my mind.”

She sighs heavily, her lips quirking into that soft smile that only I ever see. “I hope I’m worth it.”

Cupping her face, I press my lips to hers, lingering long enough to hear her whimper before we break apart. “You’re definitely worth it.”

Her head tucks under my chin, her thumb caressing my cheekbone. “Peeta,” she says, her voice muffled. “I think you should call Dr. Aurelius when we get back.”

I stiffen slightly at her words, tears pooling in my eyes as a wave of embarrassment washes over me. “Yeah,” I concede. “I probably should.”

Propping herself up onto her elbow, Katniss leans in, kissing my forehead. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

It’s easy for her to say that. It’s mortifying enough that I had a freaking panic attack on our honeymoon, not to mention the fact that it was while we were being intimate. We’ve managed to work around it some this week, trying out a couple positions that are different without being triggering, but just last night it happened again. We were asleep, and Katniss must have shifted or something. All it took was her hand pushing against my shoulder in just the right, or wrong, way, and I woke up screaming, scaring us both half to death.

I loathe that I even have to worry about it.

 _If only I’d known somehow, I could’ve addressed this before it became an issue._ But there really was no way of knowing. I hardly remember anything from my encounter with Glimmer. I was either too drunk at the time or I’ve blocked it out somehow, as some sort of defense mechanism. I’ve only been able to recall the occasional fuzzy detail in my nightmares.

“Peeta,” she insists. “Please don’t feel embarrassed about it. Glimmer… wasn’t nice to you.”

The tears finally escape, slipping down my cheeks as my arms tighten around Katniss. “No, she wasn’t. She was pretty damn horrible.” I think of Marvel, raising their son alone after she abandoned them. “And not only to me.”

“Dr. Aurelius can help you,” Katniss whispers, brushing the tears off my cheeks. “You know he can. And I want to learn how to help you too. We can go see him together, if you want.”

Inhaling shakily, I nod into the darkness. “I’d like that.”

Her lips graze against my cheek as she brushes hair off my forehead. “We should sleep now,” she says, laying her head down on my chest. “We need to get up early.”

She’s right. Our flight leaves tomorrow morning at 8:30am, which means the alarm will be going off at 4am so we can make the two-hour drive down to the Richmond airport.

“Are you nervous about flying tomorrow?” Neither one of us has ever been on an airplane before.

“A little,” she admits. “Aren’t you?”

“Yeah, a little,” I reply. “But I’ll be fine as long as you’re with me.”

“I’d be less nervous if I knew where we were going,” she adds in a huffy voice, bringing a smile to my face.

“Well, you’ll just have to stay a little nervous then,” I say teasingly. “‘Cause I’m not gonna tell you until I have to.”

“Hmph,” is the only answer I get.

I tilt my head so my lips are just grazing her scalp. “I love you, Katniss. You saved me. God sent you to me to save me.”

Her arm tightens around my chest. “No. We saved each other.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry we didn't get to the surprise honeymoon in this chapter, but it at least gives you something to look forward to for next week. ;)
> 
> Peeta had some pretty big things to face here. But, as always, it's much easier for him with Katniss by his side, protecting and supporting him.
> 
> Please don't hesitate to leave me a comment! I'm really looking forward to hearing what you think!


	21. The Honeymoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's honeymoon time! A huge thanks to my betas NotAnIslander and HPFanonezillion for their help! :)
> 
> This chapter is rated T-M.

* * *

“Air America flight 2501 with nonstop service to Detroit is now boarding at gate 12,” I hear over the loudspeaker. Katniss’s head is lolling against my shoulder as she dozes. She’s definitely not used to waking up so early.

“Katniss, wake up!” I whisper. “It’s time to get on the plane!”

“Hmm?” She snaps her head up, squinting towards the open gate door. Her tired eyes narrow even further as she reads the flight information next to the door. “Peeta? Tell me again why we’re going to Detroit?”

Laughing, I get to my feet, offering a hand to help her stand up. “We’re not.” I swing my backpack over my shoulder and grab my suitcase handle. “We have to change planes there, that’s all.”

“Mmm, ‘kay,” she mumbles, still not quite awake.

She falls asleep again almost as soon as we’re in the air, only awakening as we start to land. “C’mon love,” I say, handing her her suitcase once we’ve landed. “We need to hustle. We only have thirty minutes and I think we have to change concourses.”

“Peeta, where are we going?” she asks as we exit into the terminal. I immediately walk over to the bank of television monitors, looking for the departure gate for the flight to Minneapolis.

“It’s this way,” I say, pointing down the crowded hall, barely able to contain my excitement. “C’mon!”

We make it to the gate with about ten minutes to spare. Joining the line of people waiting to board, Katniss peaks around, looking for the flight information.

“Flight 2687 to Minneapolis,” she says under her breath. There’s about a three second pause before she turns, looking at me with wide eyes. “We’re going to Minnesota?”

“Yep,” I say excitedly. “We’re going to Minnesota.”

Her brow furrows slightly as we’re called forward to board the plane. Once we’re buckled into our seats she turns to me. “What are we gonna be doing up there?”

“Well… “ I reach behind me, fumbling to retrieve my wallet from my back pocket. I dig inside, pulling out the the tickets to the football game and handing them to Katniss. “Are you ready for some football?”

A sputter of laughter bubbles from her throat as she stares at the tickets, her jaw slowly dropping. “We’re going to the football game? Like, at the stadium and everything?”

“Yep!” I say. “It’s tomorrow night. Monday Night Football, so we might even be on TV!”

“Oh!” she exclaims, her eyes still fixed on the tickets, her finger tracing over the Vikings logo. “Are you gonna be cheering for the Vikings, or your Ravens?” she asks, sounding suspicious.

“Oh, no,” I proclaim, holding up my hands. “I packed my Ravens shirt to wear to the game. Even though we’ll be in your stadium, I gotta cheer for my own team!”

“Well, then we’ll definitely be on TV,” Katniss retorts, handing me back the tickets. “The announcers will be able to pick you out in no time!”

“We’ll see,” I say, chuckling. “I’m sure I won’t be the lone Raven’s fan there.”

“Okay, so that’s Monday night,” she says, crossing her arms. “What about the rest of the week?”

“Well, I thought we could spend some time at the Mall of America tomorrow before the game,” I say. “I’d like to see if we can meet the lady who helped me find your blanket. And we also need to buy you a Vikings shirt or jersey to wear to the game.”

She nods as the plane’s engines start to roar. “Okay. Then what?”

I lean in, kissing her cheek. “The rest is still a surprise.” She grips my hand as the plane lifts off from the runway, still a bit wary of the whole flying experience. “But I think it’ll be even better than the football game.”

* * *

Landing in Minneapolis, we stop first at Caribou Coffee for a bagel and some hot chocolate before finding the shuttle bus for our hotel. Once we arrive, the very kind man who checks us in upgrades us to the top floor when Katniss mentions that we’re on our honeymoon. The spacious room, complete with a two-person jetted tub and separate sitting area, has a beautiful view of the brand-new Vikings practice facility from the large balcony.

“What would you like to do?” I ask Katniss once we’ve had a chance to freshen up a bit. “We could head over to the mall now, but since it’s the weekend it might be super busy, and I know you’re not a fan of big crowds.”

“I’d rather wait till tomorrow for the mall,” Katniss replies, digging around for something in her suitcase.

“Okay,” I reply. “Then… there’s football on that we could watch, or we can go eat lunch, or-”

“Here they are!” she exclaims, pulling out what looks to be a pair of orange men’s shorts. She hands them to me with a shy smile. “I thought we might go swimming. The man at the desk said there’s a nice pool here.”

“Ahh,” I stammer as my face flushes hot. I haven’t been swimming since the summer before my senior high school year, almost a year before my accident, and I haven’t owned a single pair of shorts since then. I’ve never felt comfortable with people seeing my prosthesis, which I always thought was incredibly ugly.

I look down at the shorts in my hand, which upon closer inspection are actually swimming trunks. She must’ve picked these up when we were shopping yesterday. “Katniss, I don’t know…”

“Please?” She moves closer to me, wrapping her slender arms around my waist. “I know you’re nervous, but you don’t have to be ashamed, Peeta.” She tilts her head, planting a sweet kiss on my jaw. “I’m certainly not ashamed to be seen with you.”

A lump forms in my throat. “I know you’re not.” I breathe in deeply through my nose, resting my chin on her head.

_I can’t really hide it forever. And it’s not like anyone knows me here._

“Okay.”

She squeezes me even closer. “Yeah?”

“Sure. Let’s go swimming.” I dip my head to kiss her. “After all, I’d be a fool to pass up seeing you in a swimsuit.”

She gives a little squeak of glee before rummaging through her suitcase for her own swimsuit, a pretty green one-piece that’s even more stunning once she’s wearing it. Her sheer beauty is almost enough to make me forget my anxiety about being seen by the rest of the world.

_She still has no idea, the effect she has on me._

She slips into one of my t-shirts as a coverup and drapes a towel around her neck. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah,” I croak, half out of apprehension and half out of a desire to get her right back out of that green swimsuit. “I’m ready.”

She takes my hand as I open the door, hesitating slightly before stepping into the hallway. The elevator, only a few doors down from our room, is empty, and goes directly down to the mezzanine level where the pool is located.

_I can do this. I’m not the only person in the world with an artificial leg._

But my heart starts to thud violently as we step off the elevator and directly into a crowd of people. Katniss squeezes my hand, leading me down the hall towards the pool. If anyone points or whispers, I don’t notice it.

There’s one other family enjoying the pool when we arrive, a dad with a little girl, probably about five or six years old. She’s simply adorable, with reddish-blonde hair and a bright blue swimsuit with matching arm floaties. Her squeals of delight as her father tosses her into the air make me smile, and I almost forget for a moment how exposed I am until she looks right at me and points.

“Daddy!” her small but very loud voices calls out, echoing throughout the large, humid room. “Look at that man! He has a robot leg! Can I have a robot leg too? Oh please, please, please? Look how cool it is!”

“Jessica!” the father chastises. “Remember, it’s not nice to point!” He looks towards me, climbing out of the water with his little girl in tow. “I’m sorry, sir,” he says, reaching to shake my hand without even a glance down at my prosthesis. “My daughter is still learning her manners.”

“It’s alright,” I say, forcing the words out and trying hard not to tear up. _Robot leg._ Even I have to admit that does sound kind of cool. “I’ve actually never heard anyone describe it that way.” I glance down at the little girl. “Thank you, young lady.”

“You’re welcome, mister,” she says, smiling and showing off a missing bottom front tooth.

“C’mon, pumpkin, let’s go see if Mommy and your baby sister are ready,” her father says, wrapping her into a towel and scooping her up into his arms. He turns around, looking at Katniss and me. “Have a nice afternoon!”

“Thank you,” I say as they exit, leaving us alone in the pool.

“Robot leg, hmm?” Katniss says as she pulls off her t-shirt. “I think your prosthesis just got a new name.”

I sit down on one of the deck chairs to take off my shoes and my robot leg. “Yeah, I think so!” I glance up at the ceiling, in awe at how the God of the universe can take time from his busy schedule to help calm my nerves about showing my prosthesis off to the public for the first time.

_Thank you, Jesus._

Katniss helps me hop to the edge of the pool, then gracefully jumps in, holding out her arms for me to follow. “C’mon in!” she calls, splashing. “It’s perfect!”

I slip myself in awkwardly, cringing at the cool temperature of the water. Even before my accident I was never the best at swimming, mainly sticking to splashing around in the shallow end. I can keep my head above water for the most part, but that’s pretty much it. “You go ahead,” I tell her. “I’ll stay close to the wall here and watch you.”

She smiles and nods before disappearing below the surface, re-emerging at the other end of the pool. She’s obviously been taught how to swim, and quite well from the looks of it. And I’m perfectly content to stay right here and watch her.

But after a few minutes Katniss insists on showing me how to float, so she spends the next half hour or so teaching me various techniques and tricks. And, to my surprise, I actually start to get the hang of it pretty well.

After my lesson is over I move back over to the middle of the oval-shaped pool, where I can just reach the bottom with my right foot. I lean the back of my head against the wall, watching Katniss as she swims over to me. As soon as she’s close enough I grab onto her, wrapping my arms around her waist.

“Are you okay?” she asks as her hands come to rest on my shoulders, rivulets of water rolling down her cheeks and neck from her wet hair.

“I’m better now,” I murmur, leaning in for a quick kiss, which does absolutely nothing to quell the straining erection I’ve had almost ever since she slipped into that swimsuit she’s wearing. Instinctively I press her closer to me, my hands moving to the curve of her lower back as her knees hitch up to my waist, a soft moan escaping her lips. “Just hungry.”

“Well, it’s after lunchtime,” she says breathlessly, glancing up at the clock on the wall. “We could get dressed and go-”

“Katniss!” I rasp. “It’s not that kind of hungry.” I lean over to whisper in her ear as I squeeze her to me again. “Don’t you feel that? I’m hungry for _you._ ”

“ _Peeta_ ,” she gasps on a breath, her hands burying themselves in my damp hair. Her legs wrap around me, holding me in place. “Ohhh…”

My lips find hers again, my tongue sweeping into her mouth before I remember that we’re in a very public place and should probably stop before we get too carried away. “Katniss, can we please go back to the room now?”

“Uh huh,” she stammers, brushing the hair off my forehead, her eyes dark and lidded. “Yes, let’s go now.”

Pulling ourselves out of the water, Katniss hands me my prosthesis, which I almost strap on backwards in my lust-fueled haste. Once I manage to get it on correctly I shove my shoelaces down inside my shoes and grab her hand, holding my towel strategically in front of me as I lead her back down the hall to the elevator, which takes an unseemingly long amount of time to reach the fourteenth floor.

The door to our room has barely closed behind us when I tug the damp t-shirt over Katniss’s head, reaching for the straps of her forest green swimsuit. My lips latch fervently onto hers as I peel the suit down her gorgeous, lithe body. Her tiny hands go directly to my waist, untying the drawstring of my trunks and shoving them down my legs so I can kick both them and my shoes off. Picking her up, I stumble over to the bed, laying her down as gently as I can before crawling up over her.

“Katniss, are you ready?” I gasp sharply as her hand wraps around me, guiding me towards her. We usually have a lot more warm up time, and I absolutely don’t want to hurt her, but if I wait too much longer I’m going to completely lose it.

“Yes,” she pants, hooking her leg around my thigh. “Please, I need you!”

I groan in relief as I slowly slide into her, taking advantage of the sunlight streaming in through the large sliding doors to watch her eyes flutter shut and her teeth catch on her bottom lip as I start to move.

I used to think that Katniss singing was the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard. The sound of her ethereal voice raised in song could turn even the most stoic of men into a pile of rubble, could save even the most lost soul from the depths of despair.

But even that’s nothing compared to the angelic chorus of sounds she makes when we make love. Her whimpers and moans, interspersed with my name and combined with her small hands trailing over my back and shoulders form the melody and rhythm to a secret song that she sings only for me. In the nine days that we’ve been married, I’ve already grown insatiable for it.

And then, that moment when she’s at her most vulnerable and open and her love for me is at its rawest; when we cry out from the pleasure we give and take from each other, I feel like I could float away on the notes of her song if we weren’t tethered together, reveling in our shared joy and ecstasy.

It’s truly spectacular to experience.

_And it’s only for us._

“Are you feeling better now?” she asks after, teasingly, tracing a fingertip through the hair on my chest.

“Mmm,” I growl sleepily, tilting her head up so I can kiss her lips. “For now. But ask me again in ten minutes or so and I might have a different answer.”

She smiles, propping herself up on her elbow. “Well, then we better go eat something in the meantime.”

“That is a wonderful idea,” I say, kissing her once more for good measure before sitting up. “I have definitely worked up an appetite.”

We find a mom-and-pop sandwich place around the corner from our hotel, returning with full bellies to watch football for awhile. We test out the huge bathtub later that evening, which eventually leads to us watching a glorious sunset from our balcony, clad only in the luxuriously fluffy hotel robes.

Exhausted from the traveling, among other things, we both sleep like rocks that night.

It’s an absolutely beautiful, late summer morning when we finally wake up, barely in time to make the fancy breakfast buffet that’s only for guests on the top floor. The food is so rich and decadent it reminds me of the meal we shared at Caesar Flickerman’s, the night I proposed to Katniss. Fluffy pancakes stacked five and six high, omelets made to order, steaming ground oats sprinkled with honey and brown sugar, and biscuits so buttery they practically melt in your mouth are only a few of the choices available. Katniss insists on us sharing a plate, wanting to try a little of everything but not wanting anything to go to waste.

An hour later, well-rested and with full stomachs, we head for the skyway that leads to the Mall of America.

“Here it is,” I say, pointing to the electronic directory located just outside the massive Lego Store. Katniss is holding tightly to my arm, her grey eyes struggling to take in the hordes of people walking up and down the wide, carpeted hallways, speaking any number of different languages. If it’s this busy on a late Monday morning during the school year, I can’t imagine how it would be on a weekend.

I point towards the nearby escalators. “It’s up one floor and down that hall about halfway.”

“Uh huh,” Katniss mumbles, increasing her grip on my arm. She turns her anxious gaze to me. “Do not let go of me in this place.”

I reach my hand up to cover hers, squeezing reassuringly. “I won’t. I promise.” I feel a twinge of guilt as we head over to the escalators. While I’d love to find a bench somewhere and people-watch for awhile, Katniss is not a fan of either shopping or crowds, and this place is the epitome of both of those.

To my relief, the second level isn’t nearly as crowded as the first. “Ah, here we are,” I say, arriving at the entrance to the cheery, cozy-looking store. Several throw pillows decorate displays in the front of the store, embroidered in the various colors of the Minnesota professional and collegiate sports teams. Racks of Minnesota Vikings and Gophers sweatshirts, t-shirts, and player jerseys line the entire left side, with the right side devoted to the local hockey and baseball teams.

“Well, hello there!” a woman says suddenly to my right. “How can I help ye today?”

I turn to see a very friendly-looking, grey-haired woman, probably in her mid to late fifties, dressed as if she’s heading out to the Vikings game in the next few minutes.

“Um, hello,” I say. “I’m not sure if you were the person who helped me or not, but I purchased a wool Vikings blanket from this store way back last December, and-”

I’m cut off by the woman gasping, so loudly that it startles both me and Katniss. “Are you Peter Mellark?” She turns, shouting towards the back of the store. “Albert! Come out here! Peter Mellark is here!” She grabs a hold of my hand, shaking it vigorously. “It’s so nice to meet ye in person!”

“Um, thank you,” I say as a man emerges from behind a rack of Twins jerseys, carrying a clipboard.

“What’s going on out here, Anita?” the man, presumably Albert, says. “What’s all this commotion?”

“This is that young man I told ye about!” the woman, Anita apparently, tells him. “The one who bought the woolly blanket I made the year last!”

“You made it?” Katniss blurts out, half hidden behind me. “It’s so beautiful, and snuggly!”

“Oh yah,” Anita says, blushing proudly. “I make several of the items we sell in here, don’t’cha know.” She jerks her head in the direction of the storefront. “All those pillows are hand-stitched, and I embroider most of the blankets and towels we sell also.” She looks back at me. “And I never forget any of my customers, even if I don’t meet them in person.”

“Um, this is my wife, Katniss,” I say, wrapping my arm around Katniss’s shoulders. “I bought the blanket for her.”

“Oh, it’s wonderful to meet you, Katniss,” Anita says, offering Katniss her hand. “Aren’t ye two just the cutest couple!”

“Yah, it’s nice to meet ye both,” Albert says. “I’m sorry if my wife here startled ye, she gets a bit excited from time to time.”

_I absolutely love their accents. Their speech is so lyrical!_

I smile, thinking of how this woman reminds me of an older version of Delly. “No, it’s okay. We actually have a friend who’s very similar.”

“So are ye lookin’ for anything in particular today, or did ye just drop by to say hello?” Anita asks. “And all the way from Virginia no less?”

“We’re actually here on our honeymoon,” I tell her, squeezing Katniss to me. “We’re going to the game tonight, so we came here to find Katniss a shirt or a jersey to wear to the game.”

“Ah,” she replies, eyeing me up and down. “And why does only Katniss need something to wear?”

“Because Peeta here is a Ravens fan,” Katniss says, elbowing me in the side. “And he’s too loyal to his own team to wear anything else.”

Anita stares at me for a moment, her mouth hanging open, apparently appalled that there are indeed humans out there who are fans of other teams. “Well,” she finally says. “Ye’re darn lucky ye’re in Minnesota then. At least we’re nice to foreigners here!” She lowers her voice, looking around conspiratorially. “As long as ye’re not a Packers fan, that is.”

Katniss starts to laugh. “No, you don’t have to worry about that! I wouldn’t allow it!”

Katniss ends up selecting an Adam Thielen jersey, giving us both a good laugh when the first one she tries on comes almost to her knees. Anita continues to gush over us as she rings up our purchase, saying over and over how grateful she is that we came in today. She even throws in an embroidered hand towel at no extra charge.

“Now, how’re ye planning on getting to the stadium later today?” she asks, handing Katniss the shopping bag. “I’d recommend ye get down there a bit early. Otherwise, ye’ll be stuck in rush hour traffic and stadium traffic at the same time. And the light rail would be the easiest way, don’t go paying a ton of money for a taxi. They even have express trains that’ll bring ye right back here once the game is over.”

As a matter of fact, I hadn’t even thought about taking the train out to the stadium. “That sounds great, thank you!” I’ve never been on any sort of train before, and I’m almost certain Katniss hasn’t either.

“Oh, ye’re so welcome, my dears!” she says. “Ye’ve made my day coming in here today! I’ll be watching for the two of ye on the television tonight!”

“Yeah,” Katniss says, smiling at the older lady. “You’ll be able to pick him out easily. He’ll be the one wearing the Ravens shirt!”

* * *

Heeding Anita’s advice, Katniss and I head down to the light rail station around 3pm for the forty-five minute ride to US Bank Stadium. After spending a couple of hours wandering around a nearby park, we grab something to eat from a bookshop cafe before joining the growing crowd of people headed for the stadium. My Ravens t-shirt earns a few pointed looks, but nothing more.

The stadium itself is an absolute work of art. Designed to resemble a Viking ship, it has a transparent roof that allows the natural light to filter in while still providing a controlled climate for events.

“Did you know they’re having the Super Bowl here this season?” I ask Katniss once we’ve found our seats on the second level.

Grimacing, she shakes her head. “No, and now that means that the Vikings won’t make it this year. No team has ever played in the Super Bowl when it’s been in their home field.”

“Ah,” I say. “Very true. But, you never know. Maybe this will be their year,” and I give her a wink, earning a squeeze of my arm in return. I glance around, watching as more and more people filter into our section. I specifically chose seats on the end of a row so Katniss could sit on the outside, knowing she doesn’t enjoy being in such close quarters with strangers. I also thought at the last minute to bring along some earplugs, in case the rambunctious crowd gets to be too much for her.

While she ends up not needing the earplugs, I can tell the noise is starting to get to Katniss towards the end of the nail-biting game, especially when the Vikings end up tying the score with a 45-yard field goal that bounces off the left upright immediately before the two-minute warning. The Ravens respond by driving down the field to the Vikings’ thirty yard line, nearing field goal range. But then, on the very next play, safety Anthony Harris steps right in front of Ravens receiver Mike Wallace, intercepting Joe Flacco’s pass and running it back all the way to the Ravens fifteen. The resulting field goal wins the game, with Katniss and most of the rest of the capacity crowd cheering as loudly as humanly possible.

It’s after midnight by the time we get back to the hotel, exhausted from the busy day and the dramatic end to the game. After taking a quick shower together we fall into bed, wrapping ourselves around each other and falling asleep almost immediately.

* * *

My ears are still ringing the next morning when I wake to the sound of my text alert. Opening one eye, I glance at the phone. It’s from my brother.

**_[Rye] Saw you and Katniss on TV last night! Dude, you wore your Ravens shirt to a Vikings game? You’re lucky you weren’t mugged!_ **

_So I guess we were on TV. If Finnick saw it I’ll never hear the end of it._

**_[Peeta] And you’re lucky you didn’t wake her up with your untimely text! Aren’t you supposed to be at work?_ **

His only reply is the sunglasses emoji.

_Yep. That’s Rye for you._

Oh well, it’s almost time to get up anyway.

“Katniss!” I whisper, brushing her cheek with gentle kisses. “Wake up! We need to get going!”

“Mmm,” she mumbles, her voice hoarse and thick with sleep. She burrows further into the blankets. “Tired…”

“I know you’re tired, love, but we need to get to breakfast before it’s over, and then we need to go pick up our car.”

She props herself up on one elbow, a bit more awake now. “What? What car?”

I brush some errant strands of hair out of her eyes. “We’re going somewhere else for the rest of the week,” I say, leaning in to kiss her cheek again. “You’re gonna love it, I promise! But you need to get up now!”

Grumbling, she raises her head off the fluffy pillow, squinting against the morning sunlight streaking into the room through the slightly parted curtains. “Hmm. Fine.”

We dress quickly, heading down the hall to enjoy the scrumptious breakfast buffet one more time before packing up and checking out. Taking the shuttle bus back to the airport, we head directly to the car-rental agency. About an hour later, tucked into a silver Honda Fit, we’re heading northwest on I-94, listening to one of our favorite music playlists.

It’s a glorious day, bright and sunny with just enough puffy white clouds to make it perfect. Katniss’s hair is blowing in the breeze from her open window and her hand is resting comfortably on my thigh while I drive, checking my phone from time to time to make sure we don’t get lost. I’ve never driven in such a flat area before; I bet you could see for fifty miles or more in any given direction around here.

My heart starts to thump in anticipation as we turn off the main freeway onto a smaller highway, taking it for about thirty minutes before exiting onto a two-lane country road. We’re almost there.

Katniss is dozing as we pull into the long, gravel driveway of the small, rustic-looking cabin. The rental ad had advertised it as a log-cabin look with modern amenities and they weren’t lying. It looks almost handmade from the outside.

I brush my hand gently against her cheek. “Katniss! We’re here!”

She awakens with a start, her eyes widening as she takes in our surroundings. “Peeta,” she breathes, staring intently at the cabin through the car windshield. “Where are we?”

Getting out of the car, I go around to her door, helping her out. I take her hand, leading her around the side of the cabin to the front.

It looks almost exactly like I’d pictured it, calm and glassy, dotted with fishing boats, very much like that painting hanging in Dr. Aurelius’ office. I breathe in deeply, smelling freshly mown grass, wet sand, pine trees, and a couple other scents I can’t quite place.

I hear Katniss inhale sharply next to me as she takes it all in, her silver eyes wide as she turns to me. “Peeta! Is this… are we…?”

I wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her back against my chest and leaning down to whisper into her ear. “Yes, it is. It’s Lake Minnewaska.”

Her head drops back against my shoulder. “Dad only mentioned it a couple of times,” she whispers, almost to herself. “I honestly didn’t even think it was real.”

“It’s real,” I murmur. I look around, taking in the gorgeous scenery, from the woods about a hundred yards to our right to the sloping lawn that leads right down to the lake in front of us. “Just think. Your great-grandfather used to live around here somewhere.”

She spins around in my arms, her hands finding their usual spot on my chest. A single fat tear rolls down her cheek. “You remembered? That was a year ago! You didn't even really know me!”

“Of course I remembered,” I murmur, carefully brushing the tear away. “I remember everything about you.” I lean down to kiss her cheek then take her hand, leading her back around to the door of the cabin. Finding the key hidden under a rock, I unlock the door, holding it open for Katniss to walk through.

The inside is just the way I imagined it would be, with a modern but weathered-looking kitchen, already fully stocked with groceries from the list I sent to Didi, the cabin’s owner. There’s an overstuffed sofa and two reclining chairs in the living room along with a gas fireplace, big-screen TV, DVD player, and three small bedrooms, complete with a four-poster bed in the master.

Katniss walks in, heading directly for the huge picture window in the living room that offers a full view of the lake, including the dock and fishing boat that’s available for our use.

She stares out the window for a moment, her lower lip quivering, taking in the gorgeous scenery. “Peeta,” she whispers, turning to me. “Thank you. It’s perfect.”

I take her into my arms and bring her lips to mine. “You’re welcome.” I lean down to kiss her again, deepening the kiss when her arms reach up to encircle my neck. “You have something you’d like to do?”

“Mmmhmm,” she whispers, standing on her tiptoes to reach my ear. “I’m hungry, Peeta. Can you help me with that?”

Her lips latch onto my neck as I pick her up, carrying her into the master bedroom. “Oh yeah. I can definitely think of a way to help you with that.”

* * *

Time has a horrible sense of humor. It always seems to do the exact opposite of what I wish it would do. When I’m impatient, when I want things to just hurry along already, time seems instead to drag its feet, laughing in my face all the while. And then on the flip side, when I would give almost anything to prolong a moment, or a day, or a week, time instead chooses to speed things up even more, burning through the minutes and hours until it’s only two days before we need to leave this idyllic place and go back to reality.

Growing up in a moderately-sized city, I never understood how people would want to live in a place where you had to drive thirty minutes just to get to a movie theater. That changed a little after I moved up onto the mountain and started college, where I quickly got used to the slightly slower pace of life, even as my own life became busier with school and full-time work.

But after only a few days up here, I’ve grown to appreciate and admire the quietness and beauty of the area. While our small cabin is a fully operational house, with central air and heat and everything else, that’s not the case for some of the other cabins along our road. Many of them are summer houses only, with most already closed down for the season, so we’ve only run into a few other people since we’ve been here.

That being said, Katniss and I have had no problem at all filling our time. We’ve taken the fishing boat out several times, catching a few sunfish and walleye which Katniss showed me how to prepare for meals. And the absence of her bow and arrows hasn’t stopped Katniss from venturing into the nearby woods, picking primrose flowers from the wild bushes growing there and setting up snares to catch rabbits. We’ve watched sunsets from the hanging patio swing, wrapped in a blanket and each other’s arms. I’ve also taught her how to play chess.

She even asked me one evening if we could try watching Doctor Strange again, and while she hid her face in my chest during the car crash scene, she did manage to get through the rest of the movie without incident. Her sessions with Dr. Aurelius have obviously helped her overcome some of her triggers and fears.

I wake suddenly, shivering in the absence of Katniss’s small body tucked up against me, my right foot sticking out of the blankets. I sit up slowly, reaching for and attaching my prosthesis before searching for the hooded sweatshirt I’ve been keeping right next to the bed. The mornings have grown increasingly chilly over the course of the week.

Failing to locate the sweatshirt, I pull on my lounge pants and grab a blanket off the bed, wrapping it around my shoulders as I call Katniss’s name. Reaching the living room, I notice that the curtains are already open, with the bright light of the rising sun reflecting off the surface of the lake. I have to blink a few times against the light before I’m able to make out the silhouette of my wife, sitting outside on the dewy grass, and wearing my sweatshirt.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I open the back door quietly, so as not to disturb her. Wincing as my bare foot hits the cold concrete of the patio, I’m contemplating on whether or not I should go back and grab my shoes when I hear the sound of Katniss singing.

It’s not a song I’ve ever heard her sing before, but somehow the lyrics are familiar to me. She looks so peaceful, her voice carrying through the cool air of the early morning. Even with her back to me, I can picture the serene expression illuminating her beautiful face.

 _Here it's safe and here it's warm_  
_Here the daisies guard you from every harm_  
_Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true_ _  
Here is the place where I love you._

I take a few steps towards her and then pause, shaking my head. She obviously came out here to be alone, so I shouldn't disturb her. I turn back around, intending to leave her to her singing and start on some breakfast when my artificial foot slips on the wet grass, causing me to grunt as I try to right myself.

“It’s okay,” she says. I turn back to see her holding out her hand. “Come here.”

My shoulders sag as shame washes over me. _I should've just left her alone._

Clomping my way over to her, I sit down behind her, settling her back against my chest and wrapping the blanket around us. I carefully brush her long hair away from her ear. “I’m sorry, love. I shouldn’t’ve bothered you.”

She leans back against me, tiling her head to the side and wrapping her arm around my neck, pulling me down for a kiss. “You didn’t. I just couldn’t sleep, and I didn’t want to wake you.”

I close my eyes, breathing in the glorious lavender scent of her skin and hair. “I got cold without you,” I whisper. “I’m not used to sleeping alone anymore.”

Her lips brush against mine again as she snuggles in, her head finding its familiar spot on my chest. We’re quiet for a moment, enjoying the closeness and the glorious sun rising up over the lake.

“I don’t want to leave here,” she says quietly, her voice muffled in the blanket. “Prim-, she would’ve loved this place. That song I was singing, it’s called the Meadow Song. I used to sing it to Prim all the time when she was little.”

It’s the first time she’s said her sister’s name out loud in a long time, and the realization brings tears to my eyes. “We’ll come back, Katniss. I promise we’ll come back sometime.” I shift a little, turning her so I can see her face better. “We can even come back next year. For our anniversary if you want. I’ll reserve the cabin for next year before we even leave here. How does that sound?”

She nods, leaning back against my chest. “I’d like that. Thank you.”

“Then it’s done,” I murmur, kissing her forehead.

“Peeta,” she whispers after a while, her voice tentative. She reaches for my left hand, threading our fingers together. “I want you to baptize me. Here, in the lake. Today. Would you do that for me?”

My arms instinctively tighten around her as I try desperately not to cry with joy. “I would be honored to baptize you here.” I press a soft kiss to her temple. “But do you think we could wait till this afternoon? When it’s a little warmer out?”

She smiles as she brings our hands to her lips, kissing mine over my wedding ring. “Yeah, it is a bit chilly out.” She rubs my hand between her own, trying to warm it. “You’re cold!”

“Well, someone swiped my sweatshirt this morning!” I say, nuzzling my cold nose into her neck and making her shiver.

We head back inside once the sun is completely up. Katniss hangs our damp clothes by the fireplace while I make us breakfast. After we eat she heads to the forest to check on her snares, finding two nice rabbits for us to have for dinner. Around 2pm, after we’ve had lunch and played another game of chess, we change into our swimsuits, layering on t-shirts in anticipation of the chilly water.

Katniss holds onto my hand as we walk down to the dock, pausing at the end for me to remove my prosthesis. I gasp as we slide into the freezing lake, immediately gathering Katniss close to help keep her warm.

“Are you ready, love?” I ask, rubbing her arms and trying to keep my teeth from chattering.

She nods, smiling shyly.

“Alright.” I dig my right heel into the sandy bottom of the lake and crouch down, cradling her in my arms. “Katniss. Do you understand that being baptized is a public declaration of your faith in our Lord Jesus Christ?”

She nods, taking a deep breath. “Yes.”

“Okay. Romans chapter six says that _all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death. We were therefore buried with him into death in order that just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may now live a new life._ ” I place a soft kiss on her forehead. “Katniss, is there anything you need to ask me before we do this?”

“No,” she replies, shaking her head. “I’m ready.”

Tightening my arms around her, I drape her legs over my knees under the water. “Alright my love, here we go.” I bring her right hand up to hold her nose, then grab onto her left forearm, cradling her head in the crook of my arm.

“Katniss, I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,” and I gently dunk her head under the water, just enough for her to be fully immersed before bringing her back up. I immediately hug her to me, as close as I possibly can, my body shaking from the icy water and the effort of trying to control my emotions as her head drops against my shoulder, tears mingling with the droplets of water rolling down her face.

“How do you feel?” I ask her, finally allowing my own tears to escape.

“Peaceful,” she says as her arms wrap around my neck. “So peaceful. And cold. Really, really cold.”

A sputter of laughter forces its way out of my frigid lungs. “Then let’s get you out of this freezing lake.” I lift her back up onto the dock, hoisting myself up after her and wrapping her into a towel. She drapes another towel over my shoulders as I reattach my prosthesis, then grabs onto my elbow to help me get to my feet. We hurry back into the cabin, stripping out of our soaking wet t-shirts and plunking ourselves down in front of the fireplace to help us warm back up.

After I’ve regained enough feeling in my limbs to be able to move I head to the kitchen, preparing two large mugs of hot chocolate. “Here, love,” I say, handing her the steaming cup. “Drink this. It’ll help you warm up faster.”

Her small hands curl around the mug as she takes a tentative sip. “Mmm. Yummy.”

I sit back down beside her on the carpet, taking a sip of my own cocoa. “After dinner, I’ll run us a bath.”

“That sounds perfect.”

We prepare the rabbits Katniss caught for our dinner, making a nice, thick stew with the last of our potatoes and carrots. Once the dishes are washed and dried we pile into the bathtub, filling it up to Katniss’s shoulders with the hottest water we can stand. I lean my head back, closing my eyes, trailing my fingers through Katniss’s hair and thanking the Lord again and again for the incredible gift of my wife.

“Peeta?” her quiet voice breaks me from my reverie.

“Hmm?”

“I don’t want to miss church this weekend. Can we find one up here to go to?”

A wide grin splits my face. “Sure! I’ll do a search on my phone after we get out. I’m sure there’s a church that’s similar to ours somewhere around here.”

As soon as I’m dressed I pull out my phone, searching for area churches, finding several within a twenty minute drive or so. One in particular, Central Minnesota Community Church, sounds intriguing, so I tap on the link to their website.

“Contemporary worship, casual setting,” boasts the homepage. Even the outside of the building looks similar to Mountainside. I scroll down, tapping the link to the pastor bios. My eyes widen as the pictures load on the little screen. The Head Pastor, who looks to be in his late thirties, has dark hair and a friendly chiseled face that seems eerily familiar. My eyebrows knit together as I look closer, trying to place where I’ve seen this face before.

Then it hits me. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say I was looking at an old picture of Katniss’s father. He has the same dark hair and grey eyes, a similar nose and cheekbones. As the page finally finishes loading the man’s name appears underneath the photo, nearly causing me to drop the phone.

His name is Joseph Everdeen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Biblical reference:
> 
> Romans 6: 3-4
> 
>  
> 
> Some funny trivia. The Vikings and Ravens haven't played against each other since 2012, but they actually play this coming Sunday, a fact that I was unaware of when I first started this story. I debated for far too long over who should win the game here, and I ultimately went with the Vikings because they won yesterday and the Ravens didn't. ;)
> 
> Also, Josh, Jennifer and several other members of the Hunger Games cast actually visited the Mall of America during their mall tour of the US, before the movie opened in winter 2012.
> 
> I'm on pins and needles waiting to see what you guys thought of this chapter! We're almost to the end, so be sure to drop me a comment! :)


	22. Forgotten But Not Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, a big thank you to my betas NotAnIslander and HPFanonezillion for their help! :)

My jaw drops open, my eyes staring in disbelief at the phone in my hand. No, it’s not Katniss’s father. This man is too young, and her father is dead. But he has to be some other relative of hers; maybe a distant cousin of some sort. His last name is Everdeen. And he looks too much like Katniss for it to just be a coincidence.

 _Of course! Her great-grandfather used to live around here!_ Most families in those days didn’t only have one child; her great-grandfather probably had brothers. And it’s not too far of a stretch to assume that at least one of those brothers would’ve stayed in the area, and had his own family.

_If this is true, then Katniss isn’t as alone as she thinks!_

“Katniss!” I call, not taking my eyes off the phone. “Come here! Quick!”

She appears almost immediately, shoving her arm through the sleeve of one of my t-shirts. “Are you okay?”

I pat the couch next to me. “C’mere and sit down. You need to see this.”

Droplets of water scatter from her wet hair as she plunks onto the couch. “What is it?”

I take her hand, handing her the phone. “Look. Look at the picture, and the name.”

As soon as her gaze lands on the picture she gasps, tears pooling in her eyes as she turns to look at me. “Who is this? Who’s Joseph Everdeen?”

Wrapping my arm around her waist, I tap the back button, showing her the church information. “He’s the lead pastor for this church, Katniss.”

“He looks like my father!” she cries, shoving the phone at me. “Why does he look like my father?”

“Sweetheart,” I say gently, watching her face to see how she reacts. I heard Haymitch call her that a few times when he was alive, and she wasn’t a huge fan of the endearment when he used it. “I think he’s a relative of yours. In fact, I’m almost certain of it.”

She shakes her head, scrubbing at her eyes. “But I don’t have any relatives, Peeta! They’re all dead! My family’s all dead!”

“No, Katniss, they’re not!” I tap on the link to the pastor bios, showing her the photo. “Katniss, look at him! There’s no doubt in my mind that he’s related to you. You told me yourself that your great-grandfather used to live around here, remember?”

“Yeah, so what?” she sniffs. “That was probably almost a hundred years ago!”

Dropping the phone onto the couch, I reach my hands up to cup her cheeks. “I highly doubt your great-grandfather was the only Everdeen to live here. He probably had brothers, and they would’ve had families, and so on.” I lean in, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. “There might be entire families of Everdeens up here! And, if you want, we can meet at least one of them tomorrow. The church service is at 10:30 tomorrow morning.”

She stares at me for a moment, her lower lip quivering as her hand slides up to cover mine. “Yes,” she whispers. “I want to go.”

“Then we’ll go,” I murmur. I brush my lips against hers before gathering her into my arms, stroking her damp hair. “We’ll go and see for ourselves.”

Neither of us sleep well that night. Katniss is restless, tossing and turning, finally falling asleep only to wake up screaming from nightmares of the car crash that killed her father and sister. I comfort her as best as I can, whispering prayers and soothing words into her hair as she clings to me, like she’s afraid I’ll be taken from her as well.

_Please Lord! Please don’t let this be just a coincidence! What a blessing it would be for Katniss to find some family!_

Finnick once told me that he didn’t believe in coincidences. Right now I’m praying with all my might that he’s right.

The mood is subdued in the morning as we eat our breakfast in near silence. She allows me to brush out her hair, something I’ve enjoyed doing since we’ve been married, and holds tightly to my hand for the fifteen minute drive to the church.

I turn to her once we’ve pulled into the parking lot, grasping her icy hands. “Hey. Here’s what I think we should do. We’ll wait until the service is over, then ask if we can speak to the pastor. If we can, we’ll tell him your name and go from there. Okay?”

Katniss’s eyes widen in fear. She’s always been uncomfortable speaking with strangers. “Peeta…”

“I can do the talking if you want.”

Her shoulders relax a bit as she nods. “Thank you.”

I press a kiss to the back of her hand, trying to be reassuring. “It’ll be okay. You’ll see.”

Dozens of people are walking up the sidewalks towards the entrance as we step out of the car. Men and women wearing bright red t-shirts offer wagon rides to children as others direct families to the computer check in stations located inside the doors. The inside of the church looks to have a very similar layout to Mountainside, with the children’s classrooms off to the left and the atrium straight ahead of us as we walk in.

One of the red t-shirt-wearing ladies approaches us almost as soon as we step over the threshold. “Hello, and welcome to CMCC!” she says, smiling widely. “Ye must be new here!”

I wrap my arm around Katniss’s shoulders. “Good morning. We’re visiting, actually. From the Virginia mountains.”

“Wow!” the lady exclaims. “All the way from Virginia? Well, we’re happy ye’re here!”

“Thank you!” I say as we make our way into the atrium. It too is very similar to Mountainside, with a small cafe tucked into one corner surrounded by a few round tables and chairs, something called the Connection Lounge off to the far left, and the main auditorium off to the right. After Katniss declines my offer of a hot chocolate, we make our way into the auditorium.

The church service is nearly identical to ours at Mountainside. After the excellent worship team leads us in three songs, Pastor Joseph appears on the stage, blessing the congregation before beginning his message on Paul’s letter to the Galatians. Joseph is a very engaging speaker, sprinkling his message with a kind sense of humor and just enough personal stories to connect with everyone. His preaching style actually reminds me a lot of Finnick.

After the service Katniss and I make our way to the Connection Lounge, where we’re greeted by a dark-haired man in a red t-shirt with a nametag that says Charlie.

“And how can I help ye?” he asks kindly.

“Hello,” I say. “My name is Peeta Mellark, and this is my wife, Katniss. We’re visiting here from western Virginia.”

Charlie’s eyebrows shoot up as he shakes my hand. “Wow! We don’t get too many visitors here from that far away, don't’cha know.” He looks down at Katniss. “But I do say, ye look like ye fit right in here with us!” Katniss blushes slightly at his words, tightening her fingers around my arm. “So, what can I do for ye lovely folks today?”

“Well, Katniss and I were hoping we could be introduced to Pastor Joseph,” I say tentatively. “If he’s not too busy, of course.”

“Oh no!” Charlie says excitedly. “He’s never too busy to meet with some kind visitors like yerselves!” He glances over to his left. “Just stay right here, I’ll go and grab him for ye.”

“Peeta,” Katniss pleads once Charlie walks away, looking around with trepidation. “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea. Maybe we should just go.”

My heart sinks. I absolutely think she’ll kick herself later if we leave without asking any questions, but I’m not about to make her stand here and go through with this if it’s too painful for her. “If that’s what you want, we can go. But are you sure that’s what you want?”

She shakes her head in frustration. “No! Peeta, I don’t think I know what I want!”

“And that’s okay, love,” I say gently. “This is a huge curveball that God’s thrown at us, and it’s understandable to want to duck around it.” I reach up, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. “But just think. You might be moments away from meeting one of your family members! Katniss, there’s no telling how many Everdeens are up here! Did you see the congregation today? I’d say at least half of them had hair the same color as yours!”

“Yes, I saw,” she murmurs, looking towards the atrium where church members are milling about, with some standing around and talking in small groups. “Okay. We can stay.”

I smile in relief. “Then we’ll stay.”

A couple minutes later we see Charlie walking back towards us, Pastor Joseph at his side speaking animatedly. Katniss inhales sharply, her fingers freezing on my arm as they get closer. “Peeta,” she whispers. “He looks so much like my dad!”

“Hello there!” Joseph says, his dark grey eyes flicking back and forth between Katniss and me as he offers his hand, gripping mine in a firm handshake. His brow furrows slightly as he looks more closely at Katniss. “Welcome to CMCC! Charlie here tells me that the two of you are visiting from Virginia?”

“Yes, sir,” I say. “Katniss and I spent the past week up here on Lake Minnewaska. We’re on our honeymoon.”

“Oh, how wonderful!” he exclaims. “Lake Minnewaska is such a lovely place. Especially this time of year.”

“Yes,” I agree. “We’ve had a wonderful time. We’re both sad that we have to leave tomorrow.”

“Ah yes, the harsh return to reality,” he says, chuckling. “Well, I think it’s wonderful you decided to come to church while on your honeymoon.” He glances again at Katniss as his eyes narrow. “I’m sorry, my dear,” he adds, now speaking directly to Katniss. “But you look so familiar. Do I know your parents?”

I shift awkwardly on my feet. “Well, that’s actually the main reason why we wanted to introduce ourselves. You see, Katniss’s maiden name was Everdeen.”

Pastor Joseph’s head snaps back as his eyes widen. “Well, was it now? That would perhaps explain why you look so familiar!” He leans forward, his eyebrows knitting together in curiosity. “Where exactly did you say you were from?”

“I grew up in Seam County, Virginia,” Katniss says in a small voice. “My father’s name was James Everdeen.”

“James Everdeen, James Everdeen,” Joseph murmurs to himself. He shakes his head. “I’m afraid that name doesn’t sound familiar, but I’m not really the best person to ask about these things. That would be my wife, Katherine. She has a knack for genealogy, and I’ll bet she’d be able to solve this puzzle for us. Would the two of you like to join us for lunch?”

I glance down at Katniss, raising my eyebrow in question. After a few seconds of contemplation, she nods. “That sounds nice, thank you.”

“Wonderful!” he says. “If you don’t mind waiting here for a few minutes while I locate my family, we can be off.”

A few minutes later he’s back with his wife and their two children, who look to be around twelve or thirteen. His wife, Katherine, is fair-haired and blue-eyed, with their daughter Brigitte sharing her mother’s coloring and her twin brother Michael an almost exact replica of his father.

“It’s so lovely to meet you!” Katherine gushes, pulling a wide-eyed Katniss into a brief hug. “It’s always wonderful to find long-lost family members!”

Directing us to a local cafe, Katherine proceeds to give us all a complete rundown on the history of the Everdeen family over the next two hours as we enjoy club sandwiches and milkshakes. I have to stifle my laughter when I notice Michael and Brigitte rolling their eyes about five minutes into the conversation before disappearing behind their respective screens. They both have obviously heard this story before.

From what Katherine tells us, Katniss’s great-grandfather was named William Everdeen. William was the sixth child of a family of ten, seven of whom were boys. Pastor Joseph is the great-grandson of William’s second-oldest brother.

Once William completed his mandatory schooling, he and a couple buddies decided they wanted to see the country a bit and joined the Army. His father, who worked in the iron mines that were once so prevalent in the area, was not happy about William’s decision. This was likely the main reason why William decided not to return to Minnesota once he was discharged from the Army, following World War II. Over time, the family lost touch with William, who married a local girl and eventually had a son, James Everdeen’s father.

“So,” Joseph says to Katniss, winking. “I guess that makes me a cousin of yours. I have all sorts of cousins that live around here, and many even attend our church. But who would’ve thought I’d have one living all the way down in Virginia?”

“I haven’t been able to track down too many of William’s friends,” Katherine adds, popping another french fry into her mouth. “But I do know that one of them was named Abernathy. Do you two know anyone by that name?”

“Haymitch!” Katniss breathes, turning to me with wide, pleading eyes.

“Yes, we did know an Abernathy. He was a good friend of Katniss’s father,” I tell Katherine. Finding Katniss’s hand under the table, I squeeze it reassuringly. “He was also in the Army, served in the Gulf War. He unfortunately passed away early this year. It, um, hit Katniss pretty hard when he died.”

“Oh, my dear,” Katherine laments. “I’m so sorry.”

“So, Peeta,” Joseph says, changing the subject. “We’ve been talking all this time and we still hardly know a thing about you. How did the two of you meet?”

Smiling widely, I wrap my arm around Katniss’s shoulders. Talking about how we met is one of my favorite things. “We met at church, actually. Katniss and I have a mutual friend who brought her as a visitor one weekend.” I look over at Katniss. “And I’ll admit, I was pretty smitten from day one.”

“Aww, I love stories like that!” Katherine gushes. “I’m always telling people that church is a great place to meet new people.” She takes a sip of her now-melted milkshake. “And what do you two do for work?”

“Um, I actually work for our church as an artist and designer” I say. “I graduated this year from Panem Bible College with a degree in Discipleship.”

“Peeta’s a baker as well,” Katniss pipes up. “His cheese buns are the best thing I’ve ever eaten.”

“Cheese buns?” Brigitte blurts out suddenly, lowering her tablet and squinting at me curiously. “I don’t know what a cheese bun is, but it sounds like something I’d wanna eat!”

“Well, that means I’ll have to get the recipe from you,” Katherine says, laughing. “If it takes these cheese buns for my daughter to poke her head out from that tablet of hers on occasion, then I’m all for it!”

“And Katniss does the books and teaches archery at our local Community Center,” I say proudly. “She’s wonderful with numbers.”

Katherine raises her eyebrows. “Archery? As in, a bow and arrows? How cool is that?” She turns to her husband. “Don’t you think so, Joseph? I mean, you just don’t hear about people shooting with a bow and arrows that much anymore.”

Joseph’s head snaps up at the sound of his name, apparently caught deep in thought. “What? Oh yes! I know some members of the church still hunt with bows and arrows, but it’s certainly becoming more rare as the years pass.”

“My father taught me,” Katniss says, fiddling with a napkin. “I still use the bow that he made.”

We continue chatting for another twenty minutes, by which time I can tell Katniss is starting to get restless. I pull out my wallet, intending to pay for the lunch bill but Joseph stops me, insisting that since Katniss and I are their guests he would be happy to cover our lunch.

We exchange phone numbers and email addresses, with Katherine telling Katniss that she’ll do some more research on William’s family and send along anything she can find. Brigitte also makes me promise to send the cheese bun recipe, saying she can’t wait to try them.

We drive back to the cabin in near silence, Katniss holding onto my hand with a pensive look on her face. “Are you okay, love?”

“Yes,” she replies in a shaky voice. “It was just a very strange afternoon. I had to keep reminding myself the whole time that Joseph wasn’t my father.” She turns to me, her lower lip shaking. “And I really wish we didn’t have to leave here tomorrow.”

I can’t imagine what she’s feeling right now, having just learned about an entire extended family living in a place that she’d only heard about in childhood stories. “Me either,” I say, even though it sounds woefully inadequate.

Arriving back at the cabin, we spend the afternoon playing chess and doing laundry, washing our clothes and the linens we’ve used so that we can leave the place as tidy as possible in the morning. Later that evening, we pile pillows and blankets next to the fireplace and make love as the sun sets down over the lake. We’re so relaxed and content afterwards that we end up sleeping the entire night right there on the floor, blanketed by the warmth from the fireplace and each other.

* * *

It’s a harsh snap back to reality indeed when we return home on Monday evening, exhausted and frustrated from a delayed connecting flight and bad traffic coming out of Richmond. My shift at the coffee shop Tuesday is agonizing, having grown used to not getting up before the crack of dawn while on vacation. Katniss is also grumpy when we get home, saying that in her absence someone else had tried keeping up with the accounting books and “completely messed them up”, requiring her to spend the entire day trying to remedy the various problems.

True to my word, I telephone Dr. Aurelius from the church on Wednesday, scheduling an appointment with him directly after Katniss’s standing appointment for Thursday afternoon. As it was when I saw him the first time around, this initial visit is mainly answering a lot of questions, with Katniss holding my hand and answering for me when she deems it necessary.

The weeks and months pass at an alarming rate. We hear from Joseph and Katherine at least once a week, exchanging various stories and tidbits of information. I even begin an ongoing conversation with their son Michael, who starts to experience some difficulties with his peer group at school as he enters his teen years.

My brother Bannock calls one night to tell us that Rye finally left home, moving in with some woman named Cashmere, a lingerie designer who’s ten years his senior. Ban tells us that Mother is so embarrassed about what she calls “her son’s ultimate betrayal” that she swears she’ll never leave her house again, convinced she’ll be the laughingstock of the entire county if she even sets foot outside. As eye-rolling as her attention-seeking is, it would be even more funny if she hadn’t said the exact same thing right after my accident.

As it turns out, Mom gets invited to join another Bridge club about a week later, and promptly forgets her pact.

Things start to shake up a bit at Mountainside as well. Rue graduates from high school and gets accepted to the Curtis Institute of Music in Philadelphia on a full scholarship, nearly breaking Katniss’s heart at her goodbye party in mid-August when she performs The Meadow Song for her assembled guests.

Thresh’s debut album does so well following its release that he’s invited to tour with Skillet and the David Crowder Band for several months, leaving Darius to fill in as interim Music Leader. Following the successful tour, and the passing of Thresh’s grandmother after a short illness, he and Cassandra decide to move to Philadelphia, both to be closer to Rue and to open up a Christian recording studio.

Little Noah Odair starts walking a couple of days prior to his first birthday, running about two days later, and climbing about a week after that. Finnick spends the next several days bragging about his son’s climbing prowess, until one afternoon when I walk into Finnick’s office to find Noah grinning at me from on top of his daddy’s cluttered desk, with Finnick calling for him frantically from down the hall.

And, speaking of babies, Delly and Thom become the parents to an adorable baby boy in late August. Katniss jumps right into her caregiver mode after he’s born to help care for Delly, who takes a while to recover from a difficult birth.

My progress with Dr. Aurelius, while at least progress, proceeds at a snail’s pace. He has to remind me multiple times at each session that these types of triggers have to be handled carefully, but it’s hard to not be impatient after yet another night of sleep is interrupted by me waking up shuddering in a cold sweat.

It’s especially difficult when it’s all these months later and we still haven’t been able to make love with Katniss on top. We try every few weeks or so, and while it usually starts out okay, it always ends up the same. I start to panic and flip us over, and poor Katniss has to spend the next several minutes reassuring me that what I’m seeing in my head isn’t real.

Finally, blessedly, the time comes for our anniversary trip to Minnesota. Katniss and I are both so excited that we barely sleep the night before, nervous that we’ll sleep through the alarm. I’m nearly giddy with relief when we finally land in Minneapolis, and after a brief stop at the Mall of America to visit with Anita and Albert, we hop onto the freeway towards Lake Minnewaska.

The cabin is there, waiting for us as I turn onto the long, gravel driveway. Stepping out of the car, I take a deep, cleansing breath in the crisp air, breathing in all the scents of the woods and the lake that I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed until this moment.

Looking over at Katniss, I see her standing next to the car, her eyes closed as she breathes in, the late-afternoon sunlight streaming through the trees and highlighting the auburn strands in her dark hair.

We’ve both missed this place.

And all of a sudden, I’m ravenously hungry.

As if on cue, we both start towards the house at the same time. The housekey is there, under the same rock where I left it a year ago. Unlocking the door, we walk about three steps into the hallway before Katniss drops her bag on the floor and turns to me, her grey eyes the color of slate as they lock with mine.

_“Peeta.”_

In an instant my mouth is on hers, my body pressing her up against the wall, my hands unbuttoning her jeans that hug every curve of her just right as she fumbles with my belt buckle. Once I’m able to tug her jeans off, I hitch her up higher so her legs can wrap around my waist, her ankles locking behind me as my lips find the pulse point of her neck and I bury myself inside her.

It’s so powerful I don’t stop trembling afterwards for several minutes. We stand there, chests heaving, our foreheads pressed together as her fingers run through my hair, damp with sweat.

“Happy Anniversary,” Katniss pants, giving my hair a gentle tug.

“Mmm,” I growl as my lips brush along her jaw. “Happy Anniversary indeed.”

* * *

As it did last year, the week passes far too quickly. Katniss sets up her snares in the woods to catch rabbits. We spend time fishing and playing chess and watching the sunsets. We get together several times with Joseph, Katherine and the twins, even meeting Joseph’s five older siblings and their families on Friday night for a high school football game.

“So, Peeta,” Joseph says as he returns from the concessions stand, handing me a cup of hot apple cider. To my left, Katniss is talking with one of Joseph’s sisters who runs a small business creating homemade skin care products. “How is it that you graduated with a degree in Discipleship, but you’re working as an artist?”

I take a sip of the cider, appreciating the tart apple flavor. “Well, it’s kind of a long story,” I begin, swirling the amber liquid inside the paper cup. “I had planned to look for a job as a Teen Pastor after graduation. But once that time came around… Katniss and I decided that I wasn’t ready to tackle a pastor’s job quite yet. I’d always enjoyed drawing and painting, and had been doing the work for our church on a volunteer basis for a couple years, so when our pastor asked me if I wanted the job officially, I took it. It’s not full-time, but I enjoy it. My full-time job is at the coffee shop.”

“I see,” Joseph replies, looking thoughtful. “So you haven’t permanently closed the door on becoming a pastor someday?”

“No,” I say, shrugging my shoulders. “Not permanently. But I’ve told Katniss that we’d have to pray long and hard about it, should an opportunity arise in the future.”

“As you should,” Joseph says emphatically. “Being a pastor is definitely a life-changing experience.” He’s quiet for a moment as we both sip our cider. “But I do know that Michael has been very happy to have you to talk to these past months. There’s some things that are so much easier to say to a friend than a father. Especially when you’re a pastor’s kid.”

I smile, thinking of some of the topics that Michael and I have discussed, everything from Minecraft to girls to the fundamentals of hockey. “He’s a good kid, both he and Brigitte. Being a teen is just hard sometimes.”

“Well, I’ve noticed a big difference in his demeanor since he started talking with you. So, thank you for that.”

Katniss, having heard Joseph’s last statement, threads her hand through my arm. “You’re welcome,” I say as my ears turn red. “It’s my pleasure. I once had someone come into my life when I really needed a friend, so I’m glad I can be that for Michael.”

“It’s too bad you have to leave so soon,” Joseph adds. “Next time you guys come up here, you’ll have to stay longer.”

Nodding, I wrap my arm around Katniss’s waist. “I think we could handle that. That way, Katniss can work on her accent.”

I cringe as Katniss elbows me in the ribs in protest. “I do not have an accent!”

“Actually, you kinda do,” Joseph agrees, laughing. “You’re becoming a true Minnesota Everdeen, I’m sorry to say.”

* * *

Saturday begins like most of our days at the lake. A leisurely breakfast, followed by some fishing and a few games of chess. We take a walk in the afternoon, then watch a movie before Katniss cooks an amazing dinner with the fish we caught, seasoning them with some herbs she gleaned from the woods.

I’m in the kitchen afterwards, finishing up with the dishes when Katniss appears in the doorway. I nearly drop the plate in my hand when I see her, dressed in a pale orange sheer nightgown and matching panties, her gorgeous dark hair loose around her shoulders and her pearl glinting from around her neck. In the soft light emanating throughout the house from the setting sun, she looks to be almost glowing, like an ember.

My body instantly comes alive with heat as she holds out her hand towards me, grasping mine and tugging me to follow her into the bedroom. She crawls up onto the bed, kneeling in the middle as I sit down on the edge, not taking my eyes off her.

She leans over to whisper in my ear. “Lay down for me?”

It’s a request, not a command, spoken to try and soothe away any possible anxiety. I look into her eyes, smoldering grey in the dim light of the room, and see nothing but adoration and tenderness.

_Katniss loves me. I’m safe with her._

“Okay,” I croak through my parched throat. Slowly, I lay back against the pillow, watching her intently as she slides my t-shirt up my chest and over my head, dropping her head to plant soft kisses along my collarbones. My hands slip under her nightgown to trail across her back as she kisses nearly every inch of my neck and chest and jaw, ending with her lips pressing against mine.

“I’m your wife, Peeta,” she breathes against my lips. “I’m your wife, and I love you.”

She pecks me one final time before sliding down my body, curling her slender fingers into the elastic waistband of my pants, gliding them down my legs and tossing them onto the floor. Her lips press against my left knee as she finds the release for my prosthesis, pulling it off and placing it against the bedside table. She reaches for the jar of skin cream, which she has faithfully applied for me every single night since we’ve been married. Scooping some cream into her hand, she warms it between her palms before massaging it into my leg, her fingers like heaven as they glide over my sore skin.

Finished with the cream, she wipes her hands on a towel and crawls back up to kiss me, her tongue stroking mine as her thumbs brush along my cheekbones.

“ _Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine,_ ” she murmurs between kisses. “I’m your wife, and I love you.”

My hand knots into her hair as her lips caress along my jaw and neck, down my sternum to my stomach. “Katniss,” I whisper, my breath hitching as she peels my underwear down my legs. “Katniss, I love you!”

Tossing the underwear onto the floor, she sits back up, her gaze trailing up and down my naked body, her eyes heavily lidded and nearly black with lust. _“You are so handsome, my love, pleasing beyond words! The soft grass is our bed; fragrant cedar branches are the beams of our house, and pleasant smelling firs are the rafters.”_

Through the cloud of lust addling my brain I finally realize what she’s doing. She’s quoting verses from Song of Songs, often called the love poem of the Bible.

She reaches for my left hand, kissing my finger over my wedding ring. “I’m your wife, Peeta. And I’m going to make love to you.”

Clasping my hand, she pulls me into a sitting position, removing her panties and crawling into my lap, pressing herself against me. _“My lover is mine, and I am his. He browses among the lilies.”_

The coolness of her wedding ring against my overheated skin makes me shudder as her palms trail up my arms, coming to rest on my shoulders. I lean down to kiss her, sucking gently on her full bottom lip before releasing it with a soft pop. _“You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way.”_

She smiles, a gorgeous, radiant smile as my words wash over her, leaning back just enough to tug the orange nightgown over her head, finally allowing my mouth and hands to lavish her neck and shoulders and her perfect breasts. _“Your lips are like scarlet ribbon; your mouth is inviting. Your cheeks are like rosy pomegranates-”_

She sits back up to kiss me, cupping my face in her small hands as she whispers in my ear. “I’m your wife, and I love you.” Then she ducks her head, her lips finding that sweet spot on my neck as she raises herself up and sinks down over me.

I moan loudly into the growing darkness of the room, the sensation of being inside her still overwhelming after a year of marriage. My hands move down to rest on the curve of her hips. _“I have entered my garden, my treasure, my bride!”_

“Peeta! _I am my lover’s, and he claims me as his own.”_ She pauses, looking deeply into my eyes. “Will you lay back for me?”

My body instinctively freezes, my fingertips digging into the skin of her hips as I wait for the wave of panic to hit.

But this time, it doesn’t.

Katniss leans in, brushing her lips against my own, rolling her hips against mine, sighing the words into my skin. “I’m your wife, and I love you!”

“You’re my wife, and you love me,” I murmur. I trace my fingertip along her face, from her cheekbone down to her throat, dipping my head to press our mouths together one more time.

_Katniss is my wife, and she loves me._

And then I lay back onto the mattress, watching as her hands brace against my chest, listening to her beautiful chorus of sounds as she moves, bringing us closer and closer to our peak. My hand slides along her cheek as her eyes flutter closed, her teeth catching on her bottom lip as she shatters above me.

“Katniss!” I cry as my eyes squeeze shut. “My love, you’re too perfect to be real!”

My climax hits me with such intensity that for a moment I don’t know where I end and she begins. I gasp for breath, crying out Katniss’s name as she collapses on top of me, completely spent.

I’m not sure how much time passes before I return to my senses, feeling my wife’s fingers combing through my hair while my hands trail lightly up and down her back.

Her head tilts, her lips tickling my ear as she whispers. _“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame. Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it-”_

Then she props herself up on her elbow, brushing the hair off my forehead before leaning down to kiss my swollen lips. “I’m your wife, Peeta, and I love you.”

* * *

 The return to reality is even harsher this time around.

Once home, we fall back into our normal routine of work, group, and church. But as the months pass I can tell we’re both starting to get restless. We start talking about buying a house, and even look at a couple in our area, but nothing jumps out at us. We talk about Katniss perhaps going back to school, but she can’t seem to decide what she’d like to study or where she’d like to go.

In the meantime, we’ve grown even closer to Joseph and Katherine. We email on a daily basis now, chatting like we’re the best of friends, counting down the days until our next trip to Minnesota when we can see everyone again.

Michael Everdeen and I speak via email or text at least once a day, asking for my advice on everything from what electives to take at school to the best brand of sketching pencils. We grow so close that he passes my email address on to several of his cousins and friends, who then start contacting me with their own questions.

The Wednesday after Labor Day starts out like any other day. I grudgingly pull myself from the bed and hop into the shower, thanking the Lord that we leave for our trip on Monday. My shift at the coffee shop proceeds without incident, and I arrive at the church around my usual time, spending a few minutes chatting with Finnick and Darius about football before beginning work on my latest design assignments. I recently renegotiated my contract with the church to better reflect the amount of time I actually spend on all the things they ask of me, so I’m now getting paid for fifteen hours of work per week instead of my former ten.

I sit down at Finnick’s desk, opening up my brand-new MacBook that Katniss bought me as an early anniversary gift. For the next two hours I’m occupied with the new complicated newsletter design that Mrs. Hammond is testing out for her Women’s Ministry.

Finally able to get the newsletter layout looking presentable, I open my email, smiling when I see a new message from Pastor Joseph.

_Hello Peeta,_

_I hope this letter finds you and Katniss well. Katherine and I and the twins are very much looking forward to your upcoming visit._

_As you may recall, I mentioned in one of my previous letters that we recently hired a new Music Director here at CMCC. Due to Pastor Cinna’s rather extensive fame as a former recording artist, we were at least somewhat prepared for a sudden influx of people attending our weekend services. What we were not prepared for, however, was for over 80% of those people to actually join the church. We now have families traveling from as far as Willmar and Morris for our services, and, as you perhaps can imagine, our population of teenagers has grown almost exponentially. If I may be honest with you, we are simply not equipped to handle the needs of this increased number of teens in our church._

_In order to remedy this wonderful problem, last week the elders decided to develop a position for a Teen Pastor. This position would be a full-time post at the church and would begin approximately a month prior to the formal launch of our new Teen Ministry, which right now is scheduled for the first week in January._

_The elders here at CMCC would like to formally invite you and Katniss to interview for this position. I realize that you likely have already made your travel plans for your upcoming trip, so we are prepared to reimburse you for your plane tickets and three day’s worth of lodging, as part of the interview process._

_We of course understand that this would be a big move for the two of you. It is our opinion that you and Katniss would fit in well with our goals for this new ministry. To be frank, we cannot think of any possible candidates who would fit in with us better than yourselves._

_Please let me know at your earliest convenience if you would like to schedule this interview. I am eagerly awaiting your response._

_Yours in Christ,  
_

_Pastor Joseph_

 

I reread the letter again, just to make sure I’m not imagining it. Then I read it again. And again, thinking the whole time that I must be seeing things.

Nope. By the fifth reread it still says the exact same thing. Pastor Joseph wants me to work for him. He wants us to move to Minnesota. He’s asking us to consider leaving our home, our jobs, our church and our church family, and move hundreds of miles away. He’s asking me to interview for the job I actually went to school for.

_No. He’s not asking. The Lord is asking. Pastor Joseph is only the vessel for the question._

Suddenly the air in the room feels stiflingly thick. My heart starts to thud against my ribcage as a cold sweat breaks out on my neck, and two voices start a verbal duel inside my head.

_Oh wow. Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow._

_I’m not ready. We’re happy here. We’re comfortable here._

_But this is Katniss’s family. She deserves to be close to her family. They love us._

_But we’re comfortable here. And I can’t imagine being away from Finnick again._

I run my sweaty palm through my hair. I need to get home. Preferably before I pass out.

I’ve just hit the reply button to respond when my text alert beeps.

**_[Katniss] I’m getting a ride home from Delly, so no need to pick me up._ **

**_[Peeta] Are you okay?_ **

**_[Katniss] Just tired._ **

**_[Peeta] Okay. Be home soon. Don’t worry about dinner, I’ll make something._ **

**_[Katniss] ‘Kay_ **

I dash off a quick reply to Pastor Joseph, telling him that I’ll discuss the job interview with Katniss by the end of the week. I print off a copy of the email, packing it along with the rest of my stuff into my backpack as I head out the door, wanting to get home to my wife as quickly as possible.

Arriving at our apartment, I unlock and open the door carefully, not wanting to disturb Katniss if she’s trying to rest. She started complaining of feeling tired about a month ago, which we at first brushed off to her recent busier schedule at the Community Center. But even with us trying to get to bed earlier during the week and her taking naps on the weekends, the fatigue hasn’t lessened. If anything, it’s gotten even worse.

I find her stretched out on the couch, snuggled under the Vikings blanket. At first glance she looks to be asleep, but as I sit down to take off my shoes she stirs, opening her eyes.

“Hey,” she says in a breathy voice, propping herself up on her elbow. “How was your day?”

“Interesting,” I whisper back. I crouch down next to her, kissing her cheek. “There’s, um, something I need to talk to you about. Something important. Do you think you’re feeling up to it?”

“Yeah,” she replies. Her lips quirk into that soft smile that I adore. “I actually have something to talk to you about too.”

“Oh?” I ask, smiling. “Would you like to go first?”

“No.” She yawns as she sits up and stretches. “You go first.”

 _Ugh, I should’ve waited until after dinner._ I reach into my backpack, pulling out Joseph’s letter. “So… I got an email today. From Pastor Joseph.”

Katniss stares at me, her head jerking forward a little when I don’t continue. “Yeah? That’s not really anything new, Peeta-”

“He wants me to interview for a job,” I choke out past my dry throat. “Up there. In Minnesota. At CMCC. They’re developing a new ministry for teens, and they want me…” I break off as a stab of fear pierces my chest. “They want me to interview for the pastor position.”

Katniss’s jaw drops open as her back straightens, her eyes widening as they flit between my own and the piece of paper in my hand. A few seconds later a huge grin breaks out over her face.

“Peeta!” she exclaims. “This is wonderful!” She slumps back against the couch cushions, looking up at the ceiling. “Oh, it’s so perfect! God’s timing is perfect!”

“Huh?” I stutter, completely confused by her reaction. “Katniss? What do you mean?”

It’s only then that I notice her hands, those small, delicate hands, have come to rest protectively over her lower abdomen.

“Peeta,” she whispers. “I’m pregnant!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Biblical references:  
> Song of Songs 1:2, 16-17  
> Song of Songs 2:16  
> Song of Songs 4:3, 7  
> Song of Songs 7:10  
> Song of Songs 8:6-7
> 
> Oh, and if anyone is interested, the Vikings did end up beating the Ravens yesterday, so it looks like I called the game correctly. ;)
> 
> There's only one chapter left! Please let me know that you think! :)


	23. The Best Laid Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The final chapter! I couldn't have done this without the support from my wonderful betas NotAnIslander and HPFanonezillion. They are both wonderful authors, so be sure to check out their stories!
> 
> Please don't forget to drop me a comment! I'd really love to hear what everyone thought of this story, both good and bad! This was my first completely original story, and leaving me feedback really helps me grow as a writer. :)

I stare at her with wide eyes, certain that I’ve heard her wrong. She stopped taking her birth control pills a few months ago with her doctor’s blessing, fed up with the frequent nausea they caused and with having to take a pill every day. But even though her nutrition is now up to par and her stress levels decreased, her cycles still remained irregular.

I guess that’s a moot point now.

“You are?” My brow furrows in confusion. “How do you know?”

Katniss leans forward, smoothing out the lines in my forehead. “I got sick at work today,” she says. “Someone made something in the microwave in the break room, and the smell was so overwhelming that I just threw up right there into the trash can.” She shakes her head. “I called Delly, and she came and brought me to urgent care. They did a test there.”

_What? Why on earth would she call Delly if she was sick?_

“Wait a minute,” I say testily. “You called Delly? Why didn’t you call me?”

“Because Delly was at home and you were working,” she replies, her eyebrows knitting together. “And I didn’t think it was anything worth bothering you about.”

“Well, obviously you were wrong!” I snap, raking my hand through my hair. “Good grief, Katniss. You don’t think I’d want to know when my own wife is sick? Or be the first to know that you’re… that you’re pregnant? How could you let Delly find out before me?”

“I didn’t tell Delly!” she snaps right back, her lips twisting into a scowl, the hurt in her eyes piercing my heart like a spear. “I just told her I still felt queasy and she brought me right home. So you don’t have to worry about that!”

Then she pushes herself up off the couch and stomps past me into the kitchen.

_Well, that definitely could’ve gone better._

I sigh heavily as I get to my feet. “Where are you going?”

Instead of answering, she grabs the cutting board from its hook and opens the refrigerator, pulling out carrots and celery which she begins to chop at an alarming rate.

“Katniss?” I say in a much quieter voice. “What’re you doing?”

Her eyes don’t leave the cutting board. “What’s it look like I’m doing? I’m chopping vegetables.”

_Tread lightly here, Mellark._

“I thought I told you that I’d make dinner tonight.”

She shakes her head, her gaze stubbornly trained on the cutting board. “Well, it seems like all you want to do is yell at me, so I guess I’m gonna do it.”

I reach around, managing to still her hand holding the knife before she can chop off her own fingertips. “Katniss. Please, just stop. Before you hurt yourself.”

Her hand stops, but her eyes stay fixed on the counter. “I know what I’m doing with knives, Peeta. My father taught me how to skin animals before I even knew how to write my name.”

“That may be,” I say. “But right now I’d like to give you a hug, and I’d prefer if you’d put the knife down first.”

Her lower lip starts to shake as she releases the knife, finally turning towards me. I immediately engulf her into my arms, inhaling the lavender scent of her hair. _This is much better._

Then it hits me, like a rolling pin to the chest. Katniss is pregnant.

I’m going to be a father.

_Oh God, I’m gonna be a father!_

My arms instinctively tighten around her, a little too much when she squeaks in protest. “Are you really having my baby?”

“Mmmhmm,” she replies, her voice muffled against my chest. She leans back, just far enough to see my face. “The doctor said I’m already eight weeks along.”

“Eight weeks…” my voice trails off as I stroke her silky hair, doing the math in my head. “So that means-”

“Baby’s due around Easter next year,” Katniss finishes.

_Oh, how perfect is that!_

“Are you okay?” I ask, cupping her face. “I mean, this is probably a lot sooner than you were thinking.”

“I wasn’t at first,” she confesses. She looks away, staring off into the distance. “When the doctor came back and told me the test was positive all I could feel was fear. I was shaking so badly when Delly brought me home I could barely climb up the steps.”

“And now?” I ask tentatively.

“I’m still scared,” she whispers. A single tear slides down her left cheek that I brush away. “Peeta, what if I’m a horrible mother?”

“That’s impossible,” I murmur. “With the way you take care of me, and how you took care of Delly after Teddy was born, how can you think you’ll be anything less than an incredible mother?”

She shakes her head, burying her face into my chest. “But… what if something happens to you? Or to the baby? I’ll shut down, just like my mom.”

My heart breaks a little at the despair in her voice. “You. Will. Not.” I slip my fingers into her braid, massaging her scalp the way she likes. “I know I didn’t know your mom personally, but from what you’ve told me, you're so much stronger than she was, Katniss. You're a survivor.”

“Maybe,” she mumbles, sniffing. “I know being in Minnesota will help. It’s so peaceful there, and we’ll be surrounded by family who love us. Not like your mother.  She’ll either keep pretending that we don’t exist, or try to move in with us and never let you touch your own child. Like she did with your brother and Casey.”

I freeze at her words, my stomach dropping to my knees. She has an excellent point regarding my mother, but… “Uh, Katniss. Do you really think it’s a good idea for us to consider moving so far away right now? I mean, I haven’t even told Joseph that I’ll interview for the job-”

“Of course you’re gonna interview!” Katniss retorts, leaning back and scowling. “Why wouldn’t you? It’s the exact job you’ve always wanted! And then we can buy our cabin; you told me yourself that Didi said she’d sell it to us!”

Fear bubbles up into my chest and steals my breath. This is all happening way too fast for my comfort. “Katniss, just hold on a minute, okay? We need to pray about this. I don’t think you understand just how life-changing becoming a pastor can be! And moving over a thousand miles away when you’re pregnant is maybe not the smartest thing to do either.”

“You know Joseph and Katherine will help us!” Katniss sputters, spinning out of my arms to glare at me. “Katherine even told me one of her cousins is a homebirth midwife.”

 _Homebirth? What’s a homebirth?_ I take a step backwards to lean against the counter, holding up my hands. “Wait. Just, wait a minute. My head is spinning so fast I feel dizzy.”

Katniss turns back to the cutting board, picking up the knife to resume her chopping. “I don’t understand how you can’t see that this is God’s plan for us,” she mutters under her breath. “I mean, the timing couldn't be more perfect!”

I take a deep breath, scrubbing my hands over my face. “Yeah, well, I never thought God’s plan would involve me moving to one of the coldest states in the country!” Katniss huffs, not looking up from her chopping, so I reach over to still her hand once more. “I guess… I’m just scared.”

Her shoulders sag as she sighs, setting down the knife and turning towards me. I gather her back into my arms, trying to draw strength from the reserves I know she has. “I am too,” she admits. “But something about this feels right to me, Peeta. I am scared, but in some ways I’m not. Like I know deep down that this is where God wants us. Does that make any sense?”

“Yeah,” I whisper. “But I think I’m stuck on the scared part.” I press a soft kiss to the top of her head. “I want to talk to Finnick before I tell Joseph yes or no. He’ll at least be more objective about it than we are right now. Okay?”

She nods against my chest, and I feel some of the tension leave my body almost immediately.

“Thank you.” I look over at the cutting board, where Katniss’s fervent chopping has reduced the poor vegetables to nothing but mush. I nudge her head with my shoulder. “Um, maybe we should order a pizza for dinner?”

Her head turns, snorting with laughter at the mess on the cutting board. Sweeping it into the sink, she cleans off the board and the knife, replacing them in their respective homes. “Pizza sounds excellent.”

We end up going out since it's quicker than delivery, with Katniss devouring over half of the large pizza herself. Returning home, we pop in Spider-Man Homecoming, snuggling on the couch until bedtime. As soon as the credits roll Katniss swipes the remote, turning off the TV and grabbing my hand.

“Hey!” I protest as she pulls me towards the bedroom. “You forgot about the end-credit scenes!”

“You’ve seen them before,” she murmurs, turning to kiss along my throat. I hiss as her cold hands slide under my shirt. “Right now I’m hungry.”

I growl as I pick her up, placing her gently on the bed. “You’re sure I won’t hurt you? Or the baby?”

She smiles her glorious smile, holding open her arms. “I’m sure. Now, c’mere and kiss me.”

* * *

I pause outside Finnick’s office door the following afternoon, gulping as my heart flutters with apprehension. “Hey,” I say, poking my head around the frame. “You got a minute?”

Finnick’s eyes peak over the book in his hand, narrowing as they focus on me. “Yeah…” he says slowly. “What’s wrong?”

I shrug as I walk into the office, sitting down on his new loveseat. “Why do you think something’s wrong?”

His green eyes narrow even further, his nose wrinkling as he tilts his head. “Because I’ve known you for over seven years, and the only time you use that tone of voice is when you’re either nervous about something, or something’s wrong.” He closes the book, leaning in with his elbows on the desk. “So, which is it?”

“Um…” I stutter, shaking my head, my mouth suddenly dry. How can I possibly ask this? How am I supposed to ask the person who brought me through the worst time in my life, who introduced and led me to the Lord… if it’s okay for me to leave him?

“Peeta?” he asks, his face now showing concern rather than mirth. “What is it?”

“I got asked to interview for a job,” I blurt out. I pinch the bridge of my nose. “At CMCC. Up in Minnesota.”

Leaning back in his chair, Finnick crosses his arms, his lips twisting into a smirk. “Uh huh. And?”

“And?” I repeat, perplexed. “What do you mean, and?”

“C’mon Peeta, I’m not a dummy. I figured it was only a matter of time before that church tried to snatch you up. I mean, you’ve been unofficially pastoring the guy’s son for almost two years now.”

I shake my head in bewilderment. “That’s just one kid, that doesn’t mean-”

“And about twenty or so of his friends,” Finnick interrupts. “And who knows how many of their friends.”

“That’s different!” I insist as I run my hand through my hair. This conversation is not going at all how I expected. “That’s more of a mentoring-type thing, not really a-”

“And what do you think most of what pastoring is?” he asks, grinning. He gestures between the two of us. “Most of my time is certainly spent doing things like this. Not all of it is the glamorous stuff, standing up there on the stage while hundreds of eyes gaze lovingly at you.”

A sputter of laughter bubbles up from my chest. “Good grief, Finnick! That’s not why I wanted to be a pastor!”

Finnick winks at me. “Well, it’s still a perk,” he says, chuckling. “There’s nothing like a bunch of hormonal teenagers hanging on your every word to give your ego a little boost from time to time.”

I scratch the back of my neck, unsure exactly how this conversation managed to derail in such spectacular fashion. “Um… so-”

“So, you’re gonna interview, right?” he asks. “Right?” he repeats when I don’t answer.

“I don’t know!” I yelp. “Katniss-, um, we just found out. She’s pregnant. So I’m not sure if now’s the best time to be trying to move, and-”

“Whoa!” Finnick exclaims, holding up his hands. “Wait a minute. Katniss is pregnant?”

I swallow hard. “Yeah. We just found out yesterday.”

He tilts his head, cocking an eyebrow. “Well, well, well. That is excellent.” He leans forward suddenly, looking skeptical. “You’re not gonna use that as an excuse not to go for this job, are ya?”

“Um, well-”

“Peeta! This is the exact job you went to school for! This is what you’ve always wanted to do! I can’t understand why you’re so tentative about it!”

“I’m scared!” I confess, slumping back against the loveseat cushions. “What-, what if I’m not ready? What if I’m terrible at it? What if I move my wife across half the country and it doesn’t work out? Then what?”

“Then you come back,” Finnick says firmly, glaring at me. “Like Annie and I did. And you try again later.”

“But Katniss is pregnant!”

“So was Annie! And we already had one kid!”

_Oops. I’d forgotten that little detail._

I huff out a deep breath. “So you think I should go for it?”

He looks at me like I’ve just grown a second head. “Yeah! Of course you should!”

“I didn’t realize you were so eager to get rid of me.” I try to make it sound like a joke, but there’s a little too much pain lacing my voice for it to be completely humorous.

“Peeta,” he replies, assuming his pastor voice. “You know that’s not it at all. You’re ready for this. You’re ready to work without a safety net. God knows it. I know it. Katniss probably knows it. This Pastor Joseph knows it. What’s holding you back?”

_Absolutely nothing. Except myself._

I look down, fiddling with the strap of my backpack. “Me. Only me.”

“Well,” Finnick says. “Quit it. Quit holding yourself back. Go on the interview and see what happens. No matter what, God’s got this. He won’t let you down.”

Tears well in my eyes. Those are the same exact words he used to convince me to apply to Bible college, back when I had no means to cover the tuition. “I know,” I say quietly. I breathe in deeply through my nose. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

“That’s the way!” Finnick exclaims, slamming his palm onto the desk loud enough to make me jump. “Now, tell Katniss not to buy any maternity clothes until Annie goes through her stuff. She might have some things that Katniss can use.”

I wince at the verbal whiplash. “Uh, okay. I’ll let her know. Thanks.”

Pulling my computer from my backpack, I open up my email, composing a quick reply to Pastor Joseph accepting the interview invitation. He responds about five minutes later with an itinerary already prepared. There’s even time set aside for Katniss to tour around the area with Katherine after we meet with the church elders.

_It sure seems like they want us up there. Dear Lord, please help me to stay focused and humble!_

I arrive at the Community Center later that afternoon to find Katniss waiting for me outside, looking a little peaked. “I threw up again at work today,” she grumbles as she slides into the car. “Stupid people and their microwave.”

“Is there anything you can take for the nausea?” I ask. With Katniss finally at a healthy, stable weight, I’d rather she not have trouble keeping her meals down while she’s trying to grow our baby.

“I know of some things I can try,” she replies, leaning her head against the window. “There’s only tomorrow left before we leave anyway.”

“That’s good.”

“Did you talk to Finnick today?” she asks, tentatively.

“I did,” I respond as I pull into our designated parking space. “He told me to go for it.”

Smiling a huge, toothy grin, Katniss grabs my hand, bringing it to her cheek. “I knew he would. See? He knows you’re ready, just like me.”

* * *

We arrive at the cabin late on Monday afternoon, and as we’ve done for the past two years, we practically pounce on each other almost as soon as we walk in the door. Katniss is right; there’s _something_ about this place that’s peaceful, allowing us to live and love free of our normal fears and inhibitions. I could sense it the first time we came here, and it’s only grown stronger with each subsequent trip.

My interview begins on Wednesday morning in Pastor Joseph’s office, with Katniss and me sitting down with Joseph and Katherine to discuss their plans for the new Teen Ministry, which they’ve decided to name Alive. An hour later, Joseph escorts us into the conference room to meet with the rest of the church elders.

Following a break for lunch, Katherine takes Katniss to tour the area surrounding the church while Joseph and I meet back in his office. He officially offers me the job about five minutes later, saying the elders had already given their blessing after hearing testimony from Michael Everdeen and several of his friends that I’d been mentoring. After hammering out details of salary, housing allowance, and insurance, Joseph hands me an offer letter, telling me to contact him as soon as Katniss and I have made our decision.

We spend the next two days in fervent prayer, going over every tiny detail I can think of, reminding Katniss over and over that our lives will never be the same. Her steadfast opinion that this is the Lord’s plan for us never wavers for one second, and eventually, that steadfastness is what breaks down my final barrier of fear.

Returning to the church with the signed offer letter, Joseph and Katherine invite us out to dinner to celebrate, talking late into the evening about everything from ministry plans to high school hockey to the best method of preparing your yard for winter.

It’s now after midnight, and I can’t sleep. Katniss is lying next to me, her back snuggled up right against my chest as usual, her head resting on my outstretched arm. I’ve taken to resting my left palm over her belly lately, like I’m subconsciously trying to protect the sweet life inside.

She insisted that I call Didi as soon as we got back after our celebratory dinner earlier tonight, shooting down even the thought of looking at other homes in the area. Didi was ecstatic to hear of our desire to purchase what we’ve come to call ‘our cabin’, and arranged for us to take permanent residency on November first, which would get us here hopefully before the major snows hit. It was decided that we’d rent at first, then set a closing date for the purchase once all the proper arrangements could be made.

I slowly slide my arm out from under Katniss and roll onto my back, looking over at her peacefully sleeping form. She stirs slightly a minute later, breathing in as she rolls over, seeking me out in the darkness, sleepily opening one eye when she notices me out of position.

“Are you okay?” she whispers, lying her head on my chest.

I tilt her head up so I can kiss her lips. “Yeah. I’m sorry I woke you. I can’t seem to shut my mind off tonight.”

Her fingers trail along my jaw, a touch she knows is soothing. “We had a busy day today.”

“Yeah.” I slip my hand under the t-shirt she’s wearing, the feel of her bare skin beneath my palm awakening me even further. “I guess you could say that.”

Propping herself up on her elbow, she looks down over me, smiling shyly as her hand trails across my chest. “Well… since we’re awake… ”

I wrap my hand around the back of her neck, pulling her down for a kiss. “Excellent idea.”

* * *

Upon our return to Virginia, Katniss immediately gives her notice at the Community Center, staying just long enough to train a replacement bookkeeper before her nausea becomes unbearable. Even struggling against the symptoms of early pregnancy, she still manages to start packing and planning our move, ordering a moving truck and coordinating with Didi over what furniture to leave in the cabin and what to move out. She also makes arrangements for us to stop over in Bloomington for two days, so we can visit with Anita and Albert and go shopping for baby stuff at Ikea.

Katherine, after hearing of our planned stop at Ikea, volunteers herself and Michael to fly out to Virginia and help us move, much to my relief. I was not looking forward to Katniss driving all that way by herself in the car after she had adamantly refused to get a trailer. With Katherine along, she’ll be able to share the driving responsibilities with Katniss, and I’ll have Michael to talk to up in the moving van.

Breaking the news to my parents goes about as well as I expected. After Rye moved in with his older girlfriend, my mother apparently decided that Katniss wasn’t that bad after all. So, now that we’re leaving, she takes it as a personal insult. After suffering through a very uncomfortable family dinner, where Mom pesters us with silly questions and badgers Katniss about her wish to give birth in our home instead of a hospital, we both agree that moving as far away from her as possible is the best thing we can do for our child.

At least my father and Bannock seem happy for us. Ban even promises to come and visit sometime, saying he’d always wanted to try ice fishing.

The week prior to our departure seems to fly by. Katniss gets in touch with Rachel, Katherine’s midwife cousin, scheduling a prenatal appointment for the week after we move in. Katherine and Michael fly in on Thursday and immediately jump in to help with the rest of the packing. Our church group throws us a going-away party at the coffee shop on Friday, inviting Finnick and Annie and many of the coffee shop staff, and presenting us with a generous gift card for Home Depot.

Delly and Thom and Finnick and Annie are all there at 6am Saturday morning to help us load up the moving truck, all three of their boys in tow. Delly starts sobbing before the the truck is even loaded, saying over and over how much she’s going to miss “her babies” and to make sure we come back and visit at some point.

Once the truck is packed and the empty apartment scrubbed from top to bottom, Delly and Thom give us one final hug, promising to keep in touch before taking a tired and cranky Teddy and heading home.

“Hey guys,” Finnick says as Thom’s car pulls away. “Let’s all pray together one more time, yeah?”

We join hands in a circle, with both Odair boys clinging to my legs as Finnick clears his throat. “Dear Heavenly Father. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I walked into that hospital room, way back in May seven years ago. I didn’t know the boy lying in that bed, who at first refused to even look at me, would become one of my closest friends. I didn’t know that he would fall in love with and marry the girl who was perfect for him. And I didn’t know that one day you would call the two of them to do your work way the heck up in Minnesota, of all places. But you did. You knew that’s where you wanted him, where you wanted both Peeta and Katniss, so you brought ‘em together, fixed ‘em up, and now you’re shipping ‘em out.”

He looks over at me, his green eyes as misty as I’m sure mine are. “And I couldn’t be prouder to have been a part of it. Lord, I ask for traveling mercies. I ask for your blessing on them as they begin their new ministry, and I ask that you please keep them from freezing to death.” He pauses to wink at me. “At least for the first couple years. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

Then Finnick envelopes me in a bear hug and I immediately start to cry, so hard that he starts laughing at me. “What is wrong with you?” he asks, shaking his head. “This isn’t goodbye, right? Not really.”

“I never said I was sorry!” I choke out between sobs. “For what I said, that first time… in the hospital. I was so mean to you… I can’t believe you even came back to see me the next day.”

“Peeta,” he replies, trying to stifle his laughter. “I forgave you for that a long time ago. You know that! I knew that angry boy wasn’t the real you.”

“I know.” I breathe in, shuddering and scrubbing at my eyes. “I know you did. But I needed to tell you anyway.”

“And now you have,” he says, thumping me on the back. “You go and do wonderful things up there now, ya hear? Those people are blessed to have you.”

“Yeah, we will,” I say through the marble-sized lump in my throat. “And you’ll have to come and visit us. I think you guys would like it.”

“Maybe in the summer sometime,” he laughs, releasing me and clapping my shoulder. “It’ll be too cold up there in the winter for my thin blood. You just make sure you get some heavy coats when you go shopping, ‘cause I think you’re in for a shock at how cold it’s gonna be.”

“Yeah. Katniss has our shopping list all planned out. Coats, boots, hats, gloves, and lots of baby stuff.”

“Well, if she’s on top of things, you’ll be fine.” He hugs Katniss next, whispering something into her ear that makes her blush while Annie pries Noah and Finn away from my legs.

“Godspeed, Peeta,” she says in her soft, Louisiana accent as she gives me a hug. “You two will be just fine.”

“Thank you,” I murmur. “I know we will.”

Then, after syncing up the maps on our phones, I get Katniss and Katherine situated in the car and climb into the moving van, with Michael searching for a decent radio station as we drive away, the Odair family waving in the distance.

* * *

“Yellow primrose, yellow primrose, yellow primrose” I mumble under my breath, searching through Google images to find a halfway decent picture so I can be sure to dig up the correct bushes. It’s still dark outside, and the entire world seems to still be asleep, including my wife.

Finding an acceptable photo, I shine the flashlight down at the ground in front of me and pick up the wheelbarrow, clomping into the woods in search of the primrose bushes Katniss found the first time we came here. Above-freezing temps only arrived about two weeks ago, and with Katniss’s due date rapidly approaching, I want to get this last detail for the house taken care of before baby decides to make her appearance.

It’s been incredible how quickly Katniss and I adjusted to our new lives here. When we finally pulled into the cabin’s gravel driveway, loaded down with furniture and our haul from Ikea, over twenty people were here waiting for us, ready to help with unpacking and assembling and otherwise getting us settled in. Katniss and I didn’t even have to cook for almost two weeks with various people bringing us food and taking us out for meals.

We officially closed on the house mid-December, finding a realtor and lawyer through the church to walk us through the complicated process. We also purchased another car, a Toyota Highlander, after we realized pretty fast that our little car was not the best on the roads once the snow started to fall.

The congregation at CMCC gave us a standing ovation when Pastor Joseph introduced us during the weekend services the first week in December, with several parents finding us after service to introduce us to their sons and daughters. We also met Cinna, the new music leader. Katniss especially was drawn to him; his soft-spokenness and laid-back nature in sharp contrast to his popular rock-star persona.

The Alive Teen Ministry officially launched the first weekend of the new year. Katniss was there, backstage with me before the start of the Sunday evening service, keeping me from hyperventilating and praying over me with Pastor Joseph. She was there, in the front row of the auditorium, sitting with almost a hundred teenagers as I preached my first message, smiling my smile and calming my nerves.

The ministry has taken off fast, surpassing even Joseph’s wildest dreams. We’ve already nearly outgrown the smaller auditorium, and plans are in place to add a second teen service during the normal Sunday morning service times once next fall rolls around. This will help the families that drive in from the more outlying areas, so the parents can attend church at the same time as their children.

I’m about twenty-five yards or so into the woods when I stumble upon a cluster of bushes, about two feet tall with narrow, pointy-shaped leaves. I consult with the picture on my phone one more time before carefully digging up three of them, placing them into the wheelbarrow to bring back to the house.

“Maybe I should’ve waited a couple more days,” I grumble a few minutes later, sweating under my heavy sweatshirt and coat as I pound the spade into the barely-thawed soil beneath the kitchen window. The sun has now risen completely over the lake, bathing the still water in a glowing orange light.

The three holes finally dug, I heft the first bush into its new home, being as careful as possible to treat the roots gently. I want to make sure these precious bushes grow and flourish here in their new home, like we have.

I’m so engrossed in my labor that I nearly jump out of my skin at the sound of Katniss yelling my name. In my haste to get into the forest this morning before she woke up, it completely slipped my mind to leave her a note, telling her where I’d be.

“Peeta!” she screams, her voice carrying in the crisp morning air. “Peeta! Where are you?”

“I’m here!” I respond, getting heavily to my feet and moving around to the front of the house. “I was-”

“What were you doing?” she yells, smacking me in the chest before launching herself into my arms, the blanket she’d wrapped around her shoulders sliding to the ground. “I woke up and you were gone!”

“I’m sorry, love,” I say timidly into her hair. “I should've left you a note.” I crouch down to pick up the blanket, tucking it around her and leading her over to the newly planted bushes. “I went into the woods this morning and dug these up. I thought… I thought you’d like them here, right next to the house.”

She stares at the bushes, not recognizing them at first in the absence of their signature blossoms. Her lower lip starts to shake as realization dawns. “The primroses,” she whispers. She looks up at me in confusion. “You went into the woods? By yourself? And you weren’t scared?”

“Um, yeah,” I stammer. “I guess I did.” It hadn’t even occurred to me that I’d voluntarily chosen to set foot in a woods by myself this morning. All I’d been concerned with was finding the correct bushes. “Yeah, I did,” I repeat, this time with confidence. “I wanted to find these for you. How’d I do?”

She wraps her arms around my waist, as best as she can with her round belly and my thick, puffy coat. “They’re perfect. And I’m proud of you.”

* * *

Easter Sunday dawns sunny and crisp, perfect for the Resurrection Service. I’ve been awake already for over an hour, doing my morning devotions and baking some more cheese buns, which never seem to last long around here.

At her checkup on Friday afternoon, Rachel the midwife pronounced Katniss “ready whenever baby decides she’s ready”, so yesterday we spent most of the afternoon setting up the birthing pool in the living room, washing diapers and baby clothes, and getting the rest of the supplies prepped. I’m still a bit nervous about this whole birthing at home thing, but Katniss, Rachel, and Katherine have all assured me that it’s perfectly safe. I guess I’ll have to trust their judgement.

Through the picture window I see Katniss returning from her snare line check, bearing two nice rabbits already cleaned and prepped for cooking. I watch as she sits down on the patio swing, struggling to remove her boots. I’m just about ready to go out and help her when she finally pops them off her feet and pads her way inside, holding her belly up with one hand.

“Here, let me have those,” I say, taking the rabbits from her. “Go wash your hands and then sit down. I’ll bring you some tea.”

“I should take a shower,” she says, still panting for breath as she heads for the sink. “But I think I will sit down for a bit first.”

She collapses heavily onto the couch, still cupping her belly with one hand while she feels around with the other.

“Are you feeling okay, love?” I ask as I hand her a large mug of lemon tea and a fresh cheese bun. “Maybe you should stop with the snares until after the baby arrives-”

“Peeta,” she says breathlessly. “It’s gonna be today.”

“What?!” I yelp, my eyes widening in shock. I rake my hand though my hair. “How do you know?”

Closing her eyes, she leans her head back against the cushions, smiling. “I saw a dandelion this morning. In the woods, right next to the first snare.”

_Oh dear God, I don't think I’m ready yet!_

“You saw a dandelion… Well, then we should stay home from church!” I stammer, looking around the house frantically. “I’ll text Joseph and tell-”

“No!” Katniss exclaims, sitting up and nearly spilling her tea. “I want to go to church today! It’s Easter!”

“Katniss, please! It’s a family service today, they don’t really need me there-”

“I want to go!” she states, scowling. “I didn’t say it would be now. Just sometime today. And I want to go to church first!”

I raise my hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay, we’ll go. But you’re gonna tell me the instant you don’t feel right. Got it?”

She takes a sip of her tea as her shoulders relax. “Got it.”

* * *

 The Easter service is as beautiful as ever, with the atrium decorated in the colors of spring and Pastor Joseph preaching an incredible message on how the resurrection of Christ was foretold throughout the Old Testament. Only a few minutes into the message, I have to admit Katniss was right to insist that we attend church this morning. Joseph’s soothing voice and words, combined with Katniss’s thumb rubbing circles over my knuckles, draws nearly all the tension from my body, leaving me feeling more at ease than I have in days. Remembering what Rachel said at Katniss’s first prenatal appointment, that the best thing I can do for Katniss while she’s in labor is be a relaxed and supportive birthing partner, coming to church this morning was the perfect way to get me into the mindset to do just that.

Once the service is over we head out to the atrium, where a couple of my teens introduce me to their parents, coming to church for the first time at the behest of their son or daughter. This, so far, has been the best part of my ministry. Teenagers who come to church at the invitation of a friend, then go home and talk about how much fun it was to their parents, who then decide to check it out for themselves, and soon enough the entire family is attending weekend services.

God is truly doing good work up here in Minnesota. And I’m honored to be a part of it.

I’m engrossed in conversation with one father about hockey when Katniss tugs on my sleeve, her grey eyes a mix of pain and determination. “It’s time to go home now,” she says firmly. “I’ve already texted Rachel to meet us there.”

* * *

Our baby girl, Willow Grace, arrives only five hours later, born peacefully in the water as I support Katniss from outside the birthing pool. Brushing my wife’s matted hair off her forehead, I stare in awe at the perfect baby cradled in her arms, her screeches of protest at joining the outside world fading into whimpers as Katniss latches her onto her breast. While Willow enjoys her first meal, Rachel hands me a pair of medical scissors, showing me where to cut the umbilical cord. Then I count her fingers and toes and run my fingers carefully through her full head of hair, dark like her mother’s.

_This is truly love at first sight._

“She’s gorgeous,” I whisper in Katniss’s ear. “Almost as beautiful as you.”

Katniss looks up at me, her tired grey eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “Oh Peeta,” she whispers. “Look at this gift God gave us!”

“Alright, let’s see what she weighs now,” Rachel says once Willow’s finished nursing, expertly taking the baby and placing her in the hanging scale. After announcing her weight of seven pounds, one ounce, Rachel wraps the baby in a brand new blanket, handing her to me so she can examine Katniss and get her cleaned up.

“You are a gift from God,” I murmur to my daughter as her eyelids flutter open, revealing the cornflower blue irises that run so prevalently in the Mellark family. “You're the most perfect kind of gift.” As her tiny hand wraps around my thick index finger, the tears I’ve managed to hold back thus far finally begin to flow.

I’m a daddy.

I’m a husband, a pastor, and now, a daddy.

Willow turns her head, burrowing further into my chest. As her little hand holds fast to my finger, I think back to where I was seven years ago. How God took me, broken and bitter, and decided to use me to further his kingdom. Guiding me along the oftentimes bumpy road, never abandoning me when I thought I knew better, giving me the best wife I could ask for in the process and now, this incredible gift of my daughter, born in a place I’d never dreamed of living, but where God knew we belonged the whole time.

_“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.”_

I am now, in this moment, truly prospered.

_Thank you, Jesus._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Biblical reference:  
> Jeremiah 29:11
> 
> Whew! I want to thank everyone who has followed this story. This has been a labor of love for me for over six months, and I've been humbled with how well it was received. Your kind words and thoughtful comments meant more to me than you can know.
> 
> If anyone is interested in reading more from me, I am submitting a one-shot set in my What If universe for the charity anthology A Candle for the Caribbean, being sponsored by Love In Panem on tumblr. Please message me if you're interested in hearing more about this anthology, which will benefit the islands devastated by Hurricane Maria.
> 
> I also have a new story in the works. This will be an in-Panem AU (no Games) and I'm pretty excited about it. I most likely won't get to posting until I have at least half of it finished, but I am actively working on it, so hopefully not too long. :)
> 
> Once again, thank you! And don't hesitate to say hi to me over on tumblr, I'm geekymoviemom there too! :)


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